Long-Distance Relationships and Law School Forum

[IAFG]

LS is a notorious marriage-killer anyway, i would not put a marriage i was fond of in jeopardy like this.

[foxyeconomist]

LS is a notorious marriage-killer anyway, i would not put a marriage i was fond of in jeopardy like this.

And others of us would not enter into a marriage that would hold us back.

[SaintClarence27]

.

[mazzini]

And others of us would not enter into a marriage that would hold us back.

That's not the issue... she's already inthe marriage and ostensibly will have to choose what's more important: the marriage or her education. Don't be so dramatic about it, like she would be a martyr or something if she decided to go to her preferable choice of law school...

[dp73816]

nvm

[09042014]

LS is a notorious marriage-killer anyway, i would not put a marriage i was fond of in jeopardy like this.

And others of us would not enter into a marriage that would hold us back.

IAFG wouldn't enter into one that didn't hold her back.

[CardinalRules]

My only concern with OP staying put (which otherwise is the obvious move) is that she can't be certain of her admittance to the local school. If the "likely" doesn't turn into a "definitely," she'll regret not taking the acceptance and the money at the school that she prefers anyway, and she may hold her SO accountable for that unfortunate situation.

[DoubleChecks]

life's tough enough as it is, let's not make it harder when there isnt even that much to gain from doing so haha

That I definitely agree with. To provide a better context, both my parents and my SO's parents were separated for a few years near the beginning of their marriages because of job opportunities, academic opportunities, etc. - but their bonds were strong, so I have those examples to go by. I think it's necessary to have a balance between doing what's good for the individual and doing what's good for the marriage. If you're not happy with yourself, and you know you gave up something you wanted for something you share with your SO, then the resentment can really build up. (You pointed that out too.) But again, that's just my perspective and it could be totally different for the OP and others.

i understand your point of view -- sry, my post wasnt meant to be a direct attack on your perspective or choices, i've just been seeing that argument tossed around a lot and had to comment haha

i realize that at times LDR is the only option left for a couple...and though i strongly believe LDR is extremely difficult and stressing on the relationship, if it is all two ppl can do besides calling it quits, maybe they should give it a shot

but of course this isnt the OP's case lol

[Kiersten1985]

I'm considering turning down a T10 for a T20 (unless I get off a particular waitlist) to avoid being a plane ride away from my SO. I'm glad to see there are people out there who value relationships and would agree with my line of reasoning. There is hopefully the possibility of some $ with the T20, which would also be great.

[existenz]

My only concern with OP staying put (which otherwise is the obvious move) is that she can't be certain of her admittance to the local school. If the "likely" doesn't turn into a "definitely," she'll regret not taking the acceptance and the money at the school that she prefers anyway, and she may hold her SO accountable for that unfortunate situation.

Hopefully she's not dumb enough to put herself in that situation. She needs to put down her seat deposit on the far-away school, then see if she gets off the WL at the near school, then talk to hubby (and not TLS) about what to do next.

By the way, if her husband is all in favor of her moving 1500 miles away for a school that isn't appreciably better, that's a bad sign. Either he's secretly looking forward to the peace and quiet of her being gone, or he is dreaming of how easy it will be to cheat while she's away.

[CardinalRules]

My only concern with OP staying put (which otherwise is the obvious move) is that she can't be certain of her admittance to the local school. If the "likely" doesn't turn into a "definitely," she'll regret not taking the acceptance and the money at the school that she prefers anyway, and she may hold her SO accountable for that unfortunate situation.

Hopefully she's not dumb enough to put herself in that situation. She needs to put down her seat deposit on the far-away school, then see if she gets off the WL at the near school, then talk to hubby (and not TLS) about what to do next.

By the way, if her husband is all in favor of her moving 1500 miles away for a school that isn't appreciably better, that's a bad sign. Either he's secretly looking forward to the peace and quiet of her being gone, or he is dreaming of how easy it will be to cheat while she's away.

A little breathing room isn't terrible. My happily married parents like getting away from each other once in a while just to get some fresh air.

OP will be in luck if she doesn't get off the WL; it'll let her do what she wants without letting the husband complain.

[dibs]

My only concern with OP staying put (which otherwise is the obvious move) is that she can't be certain of her admittance to the local school. If the "likely" doesn't turn into a "definitely," she'll regret not taking the acceptance and the money at the school that she prefers anyway, and she may hold her SO accountable for that unfortunate situation.

Hopefully she's not dumb enough to put herself in that situation. She needs to put down her seat deposit on the far-away school, then see if she gets off the WL at the near school, then talk to hubby (and not TLS) about what to do next.

By the way, if her husband is all in favor of her moving 1500 miles away for a school that isn't appreciably better, that's a bad sign. Either he's secretly looking forward to the peace and quiet of her being gone, or he is dreaming of how easy it will be to cheat while she's away.

False Dichotomy ftw.

[keiko]

i understand your point of view -- sry, my post wasnt meant to be a direct attack on your perspective or choices, i've just been seeing that argument tossed around a lot and had to comment haha

i realize that at times LDR is the only option left for a couple...and though i strongly believe LDR is extremely difficult and stressing on the relationship, if it is all two ppl can do besides calling it quits, maybe they should give it a shot

but of course this isnt the OP's case lol

My goodness, I have to get used to writing in these forums...

No problem, sorry I wasn't clear. I made the mistake of adding that part about the "strong bond" which drew some focused attention, but that was actually just a corollary thing. (FWIW I agree with you - just because marriages have strong bonds doesn't mean people can rely on that alone when trying to make LDRs work.) Perhaps I also wrongly advised the OP in my original statement because I may have been focusing on her scenario using the lens of my personal situation. So when I said, "it's only three years," I guess that bit was more for me than for her! Apologies, OP.

I still stand my original point though, which is that I believe it is important to maintain a good balance between individual good and shared good in a marriage. I think the obvious choice for the OP is to stay with her spouse, for the many good reasons you all state above. I just hope everything works out at the local school. I would say to the OP to do everything she can to get off the waitlist, but also to prepare in case that doesn't end up happening.

[existenz]

A little breathing room isn't terrible. My happily married parents like getting away from each other once in a while just to get some fresh air.

OP will be in luck if she doesn't get off the WL; it'll let her do what she wants without letting the husband complain.

Breathing room is one thing. 3 years apart aside from vacation breaks is a whole other matter. I'd personally be worried if my SO was enthusiastic about such a separation.

[daesonesb]

f

[mama]

It seems to me that when someone asks this question, they know the answer already.

Just as it is only you and your SO in the relationship, it is only you two who know what is right for your particular relationship.

Also, change is inevitable. Move forward together, whether that means physical proximity or not. Be honest, communicate, and most of all be the kind of person that your SO will be proud to be with, or proud to have been with because you approach life with integrity and you have respect for yourself.

[sunshinefairy]

I'm going through a similar decision...I appreciate everyone's comments. Honestly, if he is miserable, then I will be miserable and ultimately it will impact my performance as a student.

[Shot007]

My only concern with OP staying put (which otherwise is the obvious move) is that she can't be certain of her admittance to the local school. If the "likely" doesn't turn into a "definitely," she'll regret not taking the acceptance and the money at the school that she prefers anyway, and she may hold her SO accountable for that unfortunate situation.

Hopefully she's not dumb enough to put herself in that situation. She needs to put down her seat deposit on the far-away school, then see if she gets off the WL at the near school, then talk to hubby (and not TLS) about what to do next.

By the way, if her husband is all in favor of her moving 1500 miles away for a school that isn't appreciably better, that's a bad sign. Either he's secretly looking forward to the peace and quiet of her being gone, or he is dreaming of how easy it will be to cheat while she's away.

False Dichotomy ftw.

+1
Lol Haha, False Dichotomy indeed

[foxyeconomist]

And others of us would not enter into a marriage that would hold us back.

That's not the issue... she's already inthe marriage and ostensibly will have to choose what's more important: the marriage or her education. Don't be so dramatic about it, like she would be a martyr or something if she decided to go to her preferable choice of law school...

I'm not saying she did. Clearly if he is okay with (maybe not elated but okay with) her going to a school that's further away for a time, then he is not holding her back. But I believe that marriage is partnership and that both partners need to be fulfilled. If it's really true that 50% of marriages end in divorce, then she will be making a big sacrifice to stay with her husband. Also, if he loses his job, he won't need to stay where they currently live. Then it will clearly have been a mistake.

I'm in the same boat and it's way more helpful to hear from people who've been here and made it work, than hearing from people who subscribe to the generalization that LDR's never work. There are a number of books on Amazon about making LDR's work.

It's sort of a moot point for you, OP (since apparently you've not gotten into the local school), but maybe you can share with us which school's you are choosing between.

[DoubleChecks]

My goodness, I have to get used to writing in these forums...

heehee, im tickled, what did you mean by this? haha

[thecubiclelife]

I'm surprised...there are many more people having a go at LDRs during law school than I originally thought. Add my name to the mix!

Also, +1 to the person that said that the OP probably already knows the answer. Put the seat deposit down first and see what happens with the closer school.

[Mattalones]

I just made it through three years of bring the SO left behind for her to do LS. It was HARD ... Good luck if you decide to do it.

[blue5385]

I've seen a lot of people on TLS say you shouldn't count on transferring, but if these schools are similarly ranked like OP says, would it be difficult for her to transfer from the faraway school to the one near her SO? In the event she doesn't get into the school near her SO where she's waitlisted, or she chooses to go to the faraway school & decides she really dislikes being away from him, maybe it would be a viable option for her to transfer to the school closer to him after a year.

[foxyeconomist]

I just made it through three years of bring the SO left behind for her to do LS. It was HARD ... Good luck if you decide to do it.

Tell us what we as the law students need to do help our SO get through it.

[keiko]

My goodness, I have to get used to writing in these forums...

heehee, im tickled, what did you mean by this? haha

i dunno, it's kinda a different world here..