THE DING BAR Forum

[jacketman03]

Dear SMU,
I admit, at first, I thought we were meant to be. After all, we both loved George Bush. We both loved warm weather. We both drove BMW's and spray tanned, and wore lots of Ralph Lauren...well, actually you were a school, so you couldn't drive, shop, or spray tan, but deep down, I knew that if you were a person, you would have. When I applied to you, I knew that you were everything I ever dreamed of, and I hoped that you would realize that really, I was everything you dreamed of, too...even if my numbers did imply that some of that spray tan goop had gone to my brain.
Apparently, though, you're into "smart" people now.
First of all, smart people don't buy BMW's when they've never had a job, so really, be careful what you wish for, you Harvard of Dallas! Secondly, my cousin went to you for UG. He came back gay. Initially, I chalked that up to coincidence, but really, as a good republican, that's not a risk I want to take. Thirdly, as much as I love my heated leather seats, spending two hours a day trying to drive 10 miles really is not my idea of a good time...even if I do get to play a game of vehicular Frogger with a few hobos along the way when I try to make it into other parts of the city.
Really, I'm cool with staying in the SEC. After all, we get to cheer for real football teams. Besides, if I'm going to be unemployable, I might as well be unemployable without 200k in debt.
Much love,
Princess
P.S. When I say “much love”, I mean it literally! If you’ll please move me from the “deferred for further review” pile into the super awesome “accepted” one, I promise, I will learn to drive in Dallas traffic for you!

This is excellent. The sarcasm is a little on the subtle side, because there are actually people out there who think this way, but none of them are on TLS.

The difference between this and Colbert is that you can see his facial expressions. That, and he usually says something *completely* off the wall as a tell.

+1 When I first read it, I thought it was a no-brainer for Ding Bar Post of the Day.

[Rooney]

Dear SMU,
I admit, at first, I thought we were meant to be. After all, we both loved George Bush. We both loved warm weather. We both drove BMW's and spray tanned, and wore lots of Ralph Lauren...well, actually you were a school, so you couldn't drive, shop, or spray tan, but deep down, I knew that if you were a person, you would have. When I applied to you, I knew that you were everything I ever dreamed of, and I hoped that you would realize that really, I was everything you dreamed of, too...even if my numbers did imply that some of that spray tan goop had gone to my brain.
Apparently, though, you're into "smart" people now.
First of all, smart people don't buy BMW's when they've never had a job, so really, be careful what you wish for, you Harvard of Dallas! Secondly, my cousin went to you for UG. He came back gay. Initially, I chalked that up to coincidence, but really, as a good republican, that's not a risk I want to take. Thirdly, as much as I love my heated leather seats, spending two hours a day trying to drive 10 miles really is not my idea of a good time...even if I do get to play a game of vehicular Frogger with a few hobos along the way when I try to make it into other parts of the city.
Really, I'm cool with staying in the SEC. After all, we get to cheer for real football teams. Besides, if I'm going to be unemployable, I might as well be unemployable without 200k in debt.
Much love,
Princess
P.S. When I say “much love”, I mean it literally! If you’ll please move me from the “deferred for further review” pile into the super awesome “accepted” one, I promise, I will learn to drive in Dallas traffic for you!

Hahaha

[deathviaboredom]

//

[f*** UVa]

Dear SMU...

Kinda offensive (and not just towards Dallas or SMU. Was that intentional?

+1

Great post and perfectly in the spirit of this thread. If you do not understand the Ding Bar, GTFO. If you do not have a sense of humor or comprehend sarcastic wit mixed with a little bitterness, GTFO. And if you were accepted everywhere you applied, GTFO!

[lolschool2011]

Dear SMU...

Kinda offensive (and not just towards Dallas or SMU. Was that intentional?

+1

Great post and perfectly in the spirit of this thread. If you do not understand the Ding Bar, GTFO. If you do not have a sense of humor or comprehend sarcastic wit mixed with a little bitterness, GTFO. And if you were accepted everywhere you applied, GTFO!

And if you applied to GULC just to come back and discuss how much of a TTTT diploma sweatshop it is, GTFI.

[Bildungsroman]

I'm going to criticize other people's dings because I ran out of room in my Powerpuff Girls diary and need a new outlet for my weepy emotions.

[Dany]

I'm going to criticize other people's dings because I ran out of room in my Powerpuff Girls diary and need a new outlet for my weepy emotions.

[SemperLegal]

Dear Duke:

Thank you for notifying me that I am on your list of people who are waiting. A quick question though, what exactly do you think I have been doing for the last 3 months I have been "Under Review," if not waiting?

As a man who has made it SOP to stay on good terms with all former girlfriends in the case I need a last-minute date or hook-up, I appreciate what you are trying to do with your waitlist. I know I am a bit of a butter-face with this 169 lsat, but my great soft assets and nearly flawless GPA have already caught the eye of a few more suitors.

I was blinded by for your regional charm, beautiful campus, and athleticism. However, like all Southerners, models, and basketball players, you are a total dick and have jerked me around for the last time. It gives me great pleasure to tell you I am already spending nights with your sophisticated, yet slutty, cousin George and am flying out to be courted by your more mature and worldly brother Northwestern.

You may be ranked 11(ish) by USNWR for best law schools, but in the list of "Dukes" you come fourth from the bottom, slightly better than a pro-Nazi who was fired from a hereditary job previously filled by murders, sociopaths, and man who spoke to a tree.

Respectfully,
Semper


EDIT: New Duke List for 2011` just came out

[jacketman03]

Dear Minnesota,

Okay, so you can't find a way to admit me into your law school. I'm okay with that, what with my subpar GPA and not-quite-high-enough LSAT. But the way you "notified" me of your decision is the prefect example of why you're a laughable example of a school that is just barely avoiding TTT-dom. Really, a "Congratulations" and a phone call for admits, a "Waitlist" and email for those on the waitlist and "Decision Sent" and nothing for a rejection? If it hadn't been for the constant spam you sent me in regards to a fee waiver, I wouldn't even have thought of applying to your school, but I wanted the TTT-like spamming to stop. The only way that I would ever have attended your school is if my only other option was injecting battery acid in my eyes, and even then it would be a close decision. The weather in Minnesota sucks, and the people of your state have somehow managed to produce a wrestler for a governor, and SNL alum for a senator and Prince. And I haven't even started on the weather up there. You're a joke of a school located in a joke of a state.

In short, f*** you and your s*****y way of notifying rejects.

Jacketman03

[lolschool2011]

Dear Duke:

Thank you for notifying me that I am on your list of people who are waiting. A quick question though, what exactly do you think I have been doing for the last 3 months I have been "Under Review," if not waiting?

As a man who has made it SOP to stay on good terms with all former girlfriends in the case I need a last-minute date or hook-up, I appreciate what you are trying to do with your waitlist. I know I am a bit of a butter-face with this 169 lsat, but my great soft assets and nearly flawless GPA have already caught the eye of a few more suitors.

I was blinded by for your regional charm, beautiful campus, and athleticism. However, like all Southerners, models, and basketball players, you are a total dick and have jerked me around for the last time. It gives me great pleasure to tell you I am already spending nights with your sophisticated, yet slutty, cousin George and am flying out to be courted by your more mature and worldly brother Northwestern.

You may be ranked 11(ish) by USNWR for best law schools, but in the list of "Dukes" you come second from the gutter (right above disgraced CA congressman Randy "Duke" Cunningham.

Respectfully,
Semper

Also, your business school is named "Fuqua" which reminds everyone of "Fupa." That's not good.

[kkklick]

If it hadn't been for the constant spam you sent me in regards to a fee waiver, I wouldn't even have thought of applying to your school, but I wanted the TTT-like spamming to stop.

Very true.

[SemperLegal]

You may be ranked 11(ish) by USNWR for best law schools, but in the list of "Dukes" you come second from the gutter (right above disgraced CA congressman Randy "Duke" Cunningham.

QF: The Coveted T6 Dukes

1. Duke Ellington
2. The Dukes of Hazard
3. Former Yankee Pitcher Orlando Hernadez
4. The Queen of England when she is in the Channel Islands
5. "Duke" Nukem
6. Marmaduke

The Bottom Six:

1. Benito Mussolini
2. David Duke
3. Randy Cunningham
4. Duke University
5. Edward, Duke of Windsor
6. John Wayne

[crit_racer]

Dear UT:

I was disappointed by this expected waitlist, but I think it might be a blessing in disguise. After all, the last person I know who graduated from your school is now serving a 3 year sentence in Florida for nearly killing a baby during a drunk driving accident. Clearly you know how to pick 'em.

Racer

P.S.--my waitlist strategy: cut both wrists and wait for notification that I've been accepted off UT's waitlist OR death, whichever comes first. Either way, I win!!

[amers73]

Dear UCLA,
Thanks for rejecting me. I hate LA, and I've always hated living in a desert. You are headed down the TTT because California cannot afford to support you. Your ultimate downfall will happen as Lake Mead dries and the Sierra Snowpack decreases. You will become a desert wasteland and be even more vulnerable to wildfires. You're rejecting me has finally forced me to leave Southern California. I have already had to evacuate twice, but I will not have to flee my house anymore because of the threat of a raging mesquite fueled firestorm. As I am far, far away in some cold and rainy place I will be happy.
The apocalypse is upon you.


But seriously if you want me back, call me. Don't leave me out in the cold... I love you...

[zonto]

[kkklick]

You must be new to the ding bar.

[msridiculous447]

Duke,

I'd made some crass joke about rape or bros, but really, you broke my heart. You made me cry.

-Ms. Rid.

[akili]

Duke,

I'd made some crass joke about rape or bros, but really, you broke my heart. You made me cry.

-Ms. Rid.

Hug.

[LttleBlakDress]

Duke,

I'd made some crass joke about rape or bros, but really, you broke my heart. You made me cry.

-Ms. Rid.

Like a month ago, I emailed my friend the above the law Duke is the douchiest law school thing, and told her to send it to me when I got rejected. Made me feel much better.

[kkklick]

Duke,

I'd made some crass joke about rape or bros, but really, you broke my heart. You made me cry.

-Ms. Rid.

Hug.

I couldn't imagine crying over a rejection, perhaps if I didn't get in anywhere I would cry like a baby. But I understand once a dream is crushed it can be a sad, sad day. Cheer up, life goes on.

[msridiculous447]

Duke,

I'd made some crass joke about rape or bros, but really, you broke my heart. You made me cry.

-Ms. Rid.

Hug.

I couldn't imagine crying over a rejection, perhaps if I didn't get in anywhere I would cry like a baby. But I understand once a dream is crushed it can be a sad, sad day. Cheer up, life goes on.

It was a WL but I'm over it. I guess I'll just have the settle for going to law school in the nation's capitol.

[kkklick]

Took about an hour or so to move on, impressive. I talk a big game but I'm sure if Western dings me I'll be in a coma.

[msridiculous447]

Took about an hour or so to move on, impressive. I talk a big game but I'm sure if Western dings me I'll be in a coma.

I'm a woman, my emotions are in constant flux.

[jamiLAW]

So I've had a few angry posts stored up, I'm just gonna shit-talk them all at once:

1. Georgetown - I thought it would be cool to attend Georgetown because they have a good basketball team and I went to an undergrad school with a mediocre sports program. I guess now I don't have to go to a school with a mediocre law program.

2. University of Virginia - I applied because it was free, I was just using you to leverage scholarship offers. I know you only accepted Virginia residents, but it's cool because...well, they have to live in Virginia. So we'll call it even.

3. Berkeley - I'm from southern California (the part people think of when they think of California). I guess I'll either stay in Los Angeles or move to a cool part of the east coast, which would be better than a shitty part of the west coast.

4. Duke - You're in Durham, North Carolina. You do a pretty good job of shit-talking yourself.

[legalprincess]

Took about an hour or so to move on, impressive. I talk a big game but I'm sure if Western dings me I'll be in a coma.

I'm a woman, my emotions are in constant flux.

My suggestion is milking for all its worth! Sure, you could move on in an hour...or you could skip class for a day or two and use it as a socially acceptable excuse for 24 straight hours of lying in bed, drinking beer, and drunk dialing acquaintances about how difficult your (actually pretty easy) life is.
Take the latter approach, and people will totally send flowers.