Colonel_funkadunk wrote:unodostres wrote:
It's shit

I mean your thread title pretty much says it all
eta: finished P1... why is it supposed to be obvious you're talking about Shanghai... I don't get it
eta: will continue to blurt out what pops in my mind as I read it in edits
eta: p3 referring to pre-bolded input... using ur own comment from p1 "little middle-schooly" (may not be the case but its a piece of writing coming from an adult, though I suppose it may be inappropriate to include depending on subject matter, the way that is written just sounds weird to me)
eta: p4 i liked it except for "was not even in my job description" idk just sounds off to me (could just be me) but that sentence just didn't read like it belonged or something (ik not very helpful comments here)
p5 idt i like the intro... "After entering the work force," sounded familiar to me and think it is bc of the beginning of p4 which is diff but idk, not saying its bad, just thought in my head I read that earlier even though i didn't really
and those are my initial thoughts while reading