Post
by EnfieldTennisChamp » Tue Jun 28, 2016 2:08 pm
You, dear reader, probably haven't noticed, since you're a law-abiding citizen who relies on TLS to keep you abreast of the dark and sin-sational side of life. This publication has been accused of being sin-ical, but we're also sin-cere in our desire to inform you of the perils of LSAT scores, released and otherwise, which is why this periodical periodically offers a "Scorewatch" feature. This month we offer a palpably percolating potpourri centering on
malicious LSAC mob activity or the lack of it, our focus the currently incarcerated Meyer Harris Cohen, 43, also known as the misanthropic Mickster, the inimitable Mickey C.
The Mick has been reposing at McNeil Island Federal pen since November of 2015, and he should be paroled sometime next year, certainly by the end of 2017. You all know Mickey by reputation: he's the dapper little gent who ruled the LSAC rackets circa ‘95 to '14, until Uncle Sammy popped him for score-releasing evasion. He's a headline grabber, he's a big mocher, face it: he's a mensch. And he's up at McNeil, freezing his toches in the admittedly plush cell, his pet bulldog Mickey Cohen, Jr., keeping his tootsies warm, his money man Davey Goldman, also convicted of score-related crimes, warming a cell down the hall. LSAC gangland activity has been—enjoying? _enduring?_--a strange lull since Mickey packed his PJs for Puget Sound, and we at TLS, privy to many unnamable insider sources, have a theory as to what's been shaking.
Listen close, dear reader: this is off the record, on the QT and very Shitposty.
November '15: adios Mickey, pack a toothbrush and don't forget to write. Before catching
the McNeil Island Express, the Mickster informs his number two man, Morris Jahelka, that he (Mo) will remain titular boss of Kingdom Council, which Mickey has "long-term loan" divested to various legit, non-criminal businessmen that he trusts, to be quietly run by out-of-town muscle on a drastically scaled-down basis. Mickey may come off like a viscous buffoon, but Mrs. Cohen's little boy has a head on his simian shoulders.
Are you on our wavelength so far, dear reader? Yes? Good, now listen even more closely. Mickey languishes in his cell, living the prison life of Riley, and time goes by. The Mick gets percentage fees from his "franchise holders," funneled straight to Swiss bank accounts, and when he's paroled he'll get "giveback fees" and have Kingdom Council returned to him on a platter. He'll rebuild his evil empire and happy days will be here again…
aquatic peeps are the best kind of peeps
SC 
