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[First Offense]

First - wait for all the offers and information to come in before you make the decision. When I sent off applications me and my girlfriend played the "what if" game a lot, and much of it ended up being moot by the time the offers came through. So my first advice is to wait before playing the what if game too much, but at the same time don't pretend it doesn't exist.

Also - it looks like your guy is pretty well settled in with a good job with good stability. If the relationship is that important, compromise. That is, if you're between H and Columbia, it may be worth it to take Columbia instead of thinking just about your career. Relationships are a partnership - you have to do what's best for the relationship, not just what's best for you as an individual.

[TooOld4This]

First, your BF is right. It would be completely stupid for him to move. He has a job he seems to like, and is unlikely to find comparable employment elsewhere unless he wants to invest in a degree (and doing so doesn't have a ton of upside if he isn't is vested in wanting mobility).

You, on the other hand, have almost no professional need to be anywhere other than NYC, at least in comparison to your BF. NYC is the biggest legal market in the US. It has law schools at every tier. You may want to go somewhere else, but professionally, NYC May be the best place for you to be, and it almost certainly won't be a detriment.

This brings me to the second point. Your post reads like you your long term hopes for your relationship are based on either your BF fundamentally changing (you see a future with the person you want him to become) or a general fear of being alone. As an old married person, I will say neither of these lay a foundation for a good marriage. Take sometime to really figure out if you will be happy long term with someone who has a completely different outlook on life, the role of family, and willingness to take risk. You can't convince someone to change these parts of themselves. You may be able to wear them down to agree to do something that goes against their instincts and desires, but that usually plants the seed of resentment. Compromise is critical in all relationships, but compromise requires having a shared sense of the big picture and compatible visions of what a good life looks like. Compromise is about short-term sacrifices, not giving up on your own world view.

If you don't really believe that you and your BF truly want the same things 5, 10, 20 years from now, it may be time to end things. If so, take some time off before law school. Go do things that maybe you haven't done because you have been in this relationship. Once you see you can stand on your own two feet, apply and go to whatever corner of the world suits your fancy.

Good luck.

[iamgeorgebush]

what are the schools and financial aid offers? all else being equal, it seems like you should chose NYC, but all else is probably not equal.

[spleenworship]

what are the schools and financial aid offers? all else being equal, it seems like you should chose NYC, but all else is probably not equal.

[Big Dog]

your BF is correct. Without higher education, he will have a very difficult time finding a job in Boston or the Bay Area, particularly in HR. If he makes a jump and in unemployed, he will be miserable. Then you will be miserable. (The strain will probably take out the relationship.)

Boston is not that far from NY. But if you can get into BC/BU, you can also get into Fordham. That should be your focus.

That being said, are you sure that YOU will be happy marrying down? (Professional school and professional work will change you.)

[J-e-L-L-o]

(he's never lived more than 10 miles from his parents and his mom still handles all of his bills for him out of his checking account) and he's not really a risk-taker (as compared to me - I live the width of the country from my family). Any opinions? Anyone have a similar experience trying to convince the SO to take a leap of faith and a jump across the country with you?

This would make me reconsider my personal and professional goals..I'm just saying. For someone that makes over 60k and doesn't know how to set up bill pay accounts shows a serious lack of maturity I know I wouldn't be able to deal with.

My experience has told me that. Sure its nice to have someone that is supportive of you and all that, love is love. But if they aren't on the same page as you education wise or career goal it can be a drag and you will miss out on opportunities later on in life because of it. I've been through it and I wouldn't advise it. I guess I am different from the other posters, but it's just my opinion.

*edit I like TooOld's reply as well.

[Jaqen]

Assuming your profile information is accurate: your numbers give you a shot at a Hamilton or a Butler at Columbia and NYU's equivalents. How late did you apply? It may be worth it to sit out a cycle and reapply early.

[iamgeorgebush]

Assuming your profile information is accurate: your numbers give you a shot at a Hamilton or a Butler at Columbia and NYU's equivalents. How late did you apply? It may be worth it to sit out a cycle and reapply early.

one thing to note: OP went to adelphi for undergrad. i don't know much about adelphi, but i get ads for it on spotify, so i imagine it's a TTT undergrad. which is to say it might have hurt OP's chances at HYS/CCN. that goes against TLS conventional wisdom that undergrad doesn't matter, but TLS conventional wisdom is prob wrong anyway.

[Jchance]

Your post reads like you your long term hopes for your relationship are based on either your BF fundamentally changing (you see a future with the person you want him to become) or a general fear of being alone. As an old married person, I will say neither of these lay a foundation for a good marriage. Take sometime to really figure out if you will be happy long term with someone who has a completely different outlook on life, the role of family, and willingness to take risk. You can't convince someone to change these parts of themselves. You may be able to wear them down to agree to do something that goes against their instincts and desires, but that usually plants the seed of resentment. Compromise is critical in all relationships, but compromise requires having a shared sense of the big picture and compatible visions of what a good life looks like. Compromise is about short-term sacrifices, not giving up on your own world view.

+1. Word of wisdom.

[Lwoods]

TooOld4This gave really good advice.

I'm going to add this: You should examine yourself and your attitude toward the relationship and what you're willing to sacrifice for it before getting your heart set on the idea that your bf is the one who has to make the sacrifice. You only really get to do law school once. If you'd rather be at Harvard than NYU (or whatever the choice is), then you should balance that against what you've invested in your relationship.
Also, consider long distance, particularly if it's Boston/NY and you'd be interested in working in NY after.

[El Principe]

Assuming your profile information is accurate: your numbers give you a shot at a Hamilton or a Butler at Columbia and NYU's equivalents. How late did you apply? It may be worth it to sit out a cycle and reapply early.

one thing to note: OP went to adelphi for undergrad. i don't know much about adelphi, but i get ads for it on spotify, so i imagine it's a TTT undergrad. which is to say it might have hurt OP's chances at HYS/CCN. that goes against TLS conventional wisdom that undergrad doesn't matter, but TLS conventional wisdom is prob wrong anyway.

I'll have to admit, I had to google who they were, but it's not like Adelphi is Devry. They're not bottom of the barrel in terms of rankings; they're #153 or something like that, and people have gotten accepted from similarly low ranked schools before.

Unless they have a notoriously bad rep, which I would be oblivious to seeing as I'm not from the region, then I think your point about rankings is off.

[bhs12]

First, your BF is right. It would be completely stupid for him to move. He has a job he seems to like, and is unlikely to find comparable employment elsewhere unless he wants to invest in a degree (and doing so doesn't have a ton of upside if he isn't is vested in wanting mobility).

You, on the other hand, have almost no professional need to be anywhere other than NYC, at least in comparison to your BF. NYC is the biggest legal market in the US. It has law schools at every tier. You may want to go somewhere else, but professionally, NYC May be the best place for you to be, and it almost certainly won't be a detriment.

This brings me to the second point. Your post reads like you your long term hopes for your relationship are based on either your BF fundamentally changing (you see a future with the person you want him to become) or a general fear of being alone. As an old married person, I will say neither of these lay a foundation for a good marriage. Take sometime to really figure out if you will be happy long term with someone who has a completely different outlook on life, the role of family, and willingness to take risk. You can't convince someone to change these parts of themselves. You may be able to wear them down to agree to do something that goes against their instincts and desires, but that usually plants the seed of resentment. Compromise is critical in all relationships, but compromise requires having a shared sense of the big picture and compatible visions of what a good life looks like. Compromise is about short-term sacrifices, not giving up on your own world view.



Good luck.

I think this is really good advice. I'm juggling similar SO considerations (and as such NYU may well be the most viable option-- PM if you want to chat). The question, for me, anyways, is how to distinguish between short term sacrifices and compromises to one's world view. It can be difficult to achieve that perspective; into which category does forgoing an HLS education fall? There's no definitive answer to this question.

[A. Nony Mouse]

one thing to note: OP went to adelphi for undergrad. i don't know much about adelphi, but i get ads for it on spotify, so i imagine it's a TTT undergrad. which is to say it might have hurt OP's chances at HYS/CCN. that goes against TLS conventional wisdom that undergrad doesn't matter, but TLS conventional wisdom is prob wrong anyway.

I'll have to admit, I had to google who they were, but it's not like Adelphi is Devry. They're not bottom of the barrel in terms of rankings; they're #153 or something like that, and people have gotten accepted from similarly low ranked schools before.

Unless they have a notoriously bad rep, which I would be oblivious to seeing as I'm not from the region, then I think your point about rankings is off.

Yeah, I don't think Adelphi is going to give OP a boost (but nothing does outside of a very small tier of very elite schools), but I don't think they're illegitimate enough to hurt the OP.

[jbagelboy]

one thing to note: OP went to adelphi for undergrad. i don't know much about adelphi, but i get ads for it on spotify, so i imagine it's a TTT undergrad. which is to say it might have hurt OP's chances at HYS/CCN. that goes against TLS conventional wisdom that undergrad doesn't matter, but TLS conventional wisdom is prob wrong anyway.

I'll have to admit, I had to google who they were, but it's not like Adelphi is Devry. They're not bottom of the barrel in terms of rankings; they're #153 or something like that, and people have gotten accepted from similarly low ranked schools before.

Unless they have a notoriously bad rep, which I would be oblivious to seeing as I'm not from the region, then I think your point about rankings is off.

Yeah, I don't think Adelphi is going to give OP a boost (but nothing does outside of a very small tier of very elite schools), but I don't think they're illegitimate enough to hurt the OP.

oops~

[A. Nony Mouse]

one thing to note: OP went to adelphi for undergrad. i don't know much about adelphi, but i get ads for it on spotify, so i imagine it's a TTT undergrad. which is to say it might have hurt OP's chances at HYS/CCN. that goes against TLS conventional wisdom that undergrad doesn't matter, but TLS conventional wisdom is prob wrong anyway.

I'll have to admit, I had to google who they were, but it's not like Adelphi is Devry. They're not bottom of the barrel in terms of rankings; they're #153 or something like that, and people have gotten accepted from similarly low ranked schools before.

Unless they have a notoriously bad rep, which I would be oblivious to seeing as I'm not from the region, then I think your point about rankings is off.

Yeah, I don't think Adelphi is going to give OP a boost (but nothing does outside of a very small tier of very elite schools), but I don't think they're illegitimate enough to hurt the OP.

I think y'all and OP are speaking past each other. She (or he? not trying to be overly normative here) already applied, and already has a set of possibilities. This isn't a chances issue. On that note, I'm thinking we are not talking about Columbia and Harvard. We are more likely talking about 'Dozo/Fordham/BU/Northeastern. In which case we really need to know COA's and whether moving or law school really makes sense at all.

FWIW, it's not that going to Adelphi or wherever precludes someone from attending HLS or CLS, but it's definitely less likely, culturally & pedagogically, and given the general narrative here we're not looking at those types of choices. No offense intended, OP, and feel free to correct us.

Well, according to their profile, the OP has a 174/3.9, they're held at CLS and JS1 at Harvard, in at Berkeley, waiting to hear from NYU, rejected at Yale, waitlisted at UCLA (probably YP?). Obviously profile boxes aren't infallible, but I'm a little confused by your comment.

[jbagelboy]

Well, according to their profile, the OP has a 174/3.9, they're held at CLS and JS1 at Harvard, in at Berkeley, waiting to hear from NYU, rejected at Yale, waitlisted at UCLA (probably YP?). Obviously profile boxes aren't infallible, but I'm a little confused by your comment.

That makes more sense. My bad.

I'm still confused as to how that constitutes a decision between NYC and Boston, for example.

[A. Nony Mouse]

Well, according to their profile, the OP has a 174/3.9, they're held at CLS and JS1 at Harvard, in at Berkeley, waiting to hear from NYU, rejected at Yale, waitlisted at UCLA (probably YP?). Obviously profile boxes aren't infallible, but I'm a little confused by your comment.

That makes more sense. My bad.

I'm still confused as to how that constitutes a decision between NYC and Boston, for example.

Hoping for further acceptances? They did say NYC/Boston/bay area in their original post. The NYC/Boston may be optimism. Or they may also be looking at some of the schools you mentioned, of course.

[FKASunny]

Well, according to their profile, the OP has a 174/3.9, they're held at CLS and JS1 at Harvard, in at Berkeley, waiting to hear from NYU, rejected at Yale, waitlisted at UCLA (probably YP?). Obviously profile boxes aren't infallible, but I'm a little confused by your comment.

That makes more sense. My bad.

I'm still confused as to how that constitutes a decision between NYC and Boston, for example.

… You do know where Harvard is, right?

[cinephile]

It's only 3 years (and you can work in New York in the summers). And this way you spare him the trouble of having to hang out with law school people all the time and talking about things that will not interest him at all.

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[ChardPennington]

A few glasses of wine and a lot of lube. She might like it.

[Jaqen]

If it's sent multiple grads to the T14 then it's leaps and bounds better than my UG.
I believe that UG plays more of a part than TLS conventional wisdom says, but it's not insurmountable or anything.

January isn't super late. Definitely wait the holds/waitlists out.

Why no UChi app? Blanketing is good for general reasons but they're also the most GPA-heavy of CCN.

[NYC-WVU]

your BF is correct. Without higher education, he will have a very difficult time finding a job in Boston or the Bay Area, particularly in HR. If he makes a jump and in unemployed, he will be miserable. Then you will be miserable. (The strain will probably take out the relationship.)

Boston is not that far from NY. But if you can get into BC/BU, you can also get into Fordham. That should be your focus.

That being said, are you sure that YOU will be happy marrying down? (Professional school and professional work will change you.)

This is a great point. Think of how embarassing it will be to tell people that your husband is in HR.
But seriously. If you decide to move together, I think you need to acknowledge, to yourself, how much he will be sacrificing to move with you. And you'll owe him pretty big for making the move. But you should also agree to what would be acceptable for him to do after you move. Can he just get a J.O.B. for a while to help pay rent without any specific career path (e.g., bartender)? How long can he keep doing that? If he can't find a new career, how long can he spin his wheels before he tries to go to school? I think you just need to be open and honest with what your expectations are. The fact that he's going to ASW in Berkeley with you is a very good sign. He might just need some acknowledgement from you that you are going to be the breadwinner for a while and that you won't pressure him to make big advances right away.
On a side note, it actually sounds like he could use being a house-husband for a while. Maybe learn how to balance a checkbook.