Should I hold my future for my BF?? Forum

[pancakes3]

Stego, are you a 0L, in school, or fully esquired out?

[Troianii]

Hi all!

I am 25yrs and currently working on my undergraduate degree (business major, and will graduate in 2017). I plan to go law school after graduate in 2017. However, I have been with my bf who is 28 and graduated from law school. He has been a lawyer for 2yrs. Every time when we talk about law school, he doesn't want me to go because he said it's not worth for me to do it. If I go to law school, there are 8 yrs at least for both of us to think about getting marriage, because he thinks it's not possible to get ready for marriage during my law school years(stressful school life). After I graduate from law school, there will be three more years for working, because he said it's important to find a job and gain experience after graduate from law school . So 2yrs undergraduate, 3 yrs law school, 3yrs working...looks like there is no time for us to consider getting marriage, not to mention having a family. He would rather suggest me to work after undergraduate then go to MBA instead of going law school, which is a big commitment. I know he's 28 and he wants to get marriage, but if law school can break up our relationship, it would not last to the end eventually. I feel frustrate because I don't want to miss the chance going to law school, especially I am 25 and I want to finish it before 30. I feel like it's a hard decision for me since I cherish this relationship, but I also have my career goal.

what should I do? should I hold my future for him? Is there anyone who has similar experience?

Yes and no? ^_-

Obviously you have to weigh this for yourself, but the first thing to be said is that if you really want to go to law school (and be a lawyer), then eff all, go to law school and become a lawyer.

But on the other hand... If you have 2yrs of undergrad left and 3yrs of law school, and I assume you don't want to start having kids straight out of law school (hard fact - having kids can set your career back, ESPECIALLY if you're a woman, for the time you'd need off in a time demanding field), then its going to be difficult for you to start a family. I wouldn't say to worry about the time to *get married* part - he's full of crap, even as a law school student you can find a ten day period off somewhere in the year to have a wedding and a honeymoon, even if it isn't a very long honeymoon. But you've got to consider what you want. What is more important to you, career or family (as in marriage & kids)?

That part is obviously up to you entirely, but he is correct that if you want to get married and have kids, law school would be a significant hindrance. I don't know why going for your MBA would be so much easier, but these are ultimately concerns that you need to weigh. But to be clear, I wouldn't change your plans for a boyfriend - from what you've said he isn't even your fiancee. :/ In my humble opinion, never change your career plans for a boyfriend, only make a change for a fiancee if you're on the fence about something. I can't imagine anything worse than you holding off or even changing your career plans for a boyfriend and then something happening to that relationship.

So again, I've said a lot, but I'd only weigh up your desire for a career and for a family - pursuing your current career goals would impede familial goals and vice versa, so that's something to consider. Doing both is possible, but you're BF is right that they aren't both very practical.

[ihenry]

Just my personal biased opinion, but I think a girl in her 20's should be brave enough to follow her dreams (assuming, of course, it is really your dream and not under other compulsions). It's not in your 40's when you should probably settle for family or children. If you SO loves you he will respect your aspirations and find ways to sustain and even cement your relationship, and you surely can get married in or right after law school. On the other hand, waiting until 33 is honestly not a great idea for a woman because, unless you are for celibacy, you have much to lose.

[Desert Fox]

[CanadianWolf]

@troianii: Getting an MBA is much easier than getting a law degree because the MBA only requires one year of school for one holding a business degree versus three years for a law degree. Moreover, it is quite common for MBA students to attend part-time (over 2 to 3 years) while working fulltime. So no lost income and many employers reimburse tuition, fees & books.

[A. Nony Mouse]

Wedding needs to be planned....he doesn't think we would have time to do it during law school.

Because there's absolutely no reason why you can't get married in law school or in your first few years of working.

People do not take off from work/the rest of their lives to plan a wedding; it's not a second job. Plenty of people plan weddings while working, or in school. I know some people get wayyyyyy into wedding planning, and others get wayyyyyy into the idea of studying 60 hours a week in law school, but neither of those things are necessary. Sure, don't plan a wedding during 1L. After that (or before) you're good.

[A. Nony Mouse]

Also, excuse double post, but:

That part is obviously up to you entirely, but he is correct that if you want to get married and have kids, law school would be a significant hindrance.

So again, I've said a lot, but I'd only weigh up your desire for a career and for a family - pursuing your current career goals would impede familial goals and vice versa, so that's something to consider. Doing both is possible, but you're BF is right that they aren't both very practical.

What???????????

[legit]

There are these people you can hire called wedding planners...

[ihenry]

Yeah, getting an MBA is super easy -- there are even many half-decent MBA programs online which offer the same degrees as their campus version. While law school is probably a life-changing decision, MBA's are usually for "working professionals" who will continue to stay on their track but hope for a promotion with the degree. Not sure things will change significantly given that you have a undergrad business degree.

OP, I don't think you are seriously weighing the MBA option but if you are, it may signal that you just want a graduate degree which you will easily attain through MBA. Go to law school if and only if you really want to do law.

[eaternation]

How badly do you want to go to law school? It wasn't clear to me that you are dead set on going. Also, English as a second language makes being a lawyer and law school more difficult. Just something to consider.

I tell my friends and I've told my gf not to go to law school Unless they are sure it's what they want to do. If you are interested in another field pursue that. Law school will always be here.

Is your bf discouraging you solely because of the time component or because he said that law school and being a lawyer aren't as glamorous as "suits" and "legally blond" make them seem?

Law school isn't that great. At the same time, I knew it's what I wanted to do. Just make sure it's what you really want to do!

[worldtraveler]

waiting until 33 is honestly not a great idea for a woman because, unless you are for celibacy, you have much to lose.

I've tried to read this 3 times and I still don't understand it.

[ihenry]

waiting until 33 is honestly not a great idea for a woman because, unless you are for celibacy, you have much to lose.

I've tried to read this 3 times and I still don't understand it.

I have anticipated someone will take issue with this.

What I mean is simply that for a girl being in 20's will have much better "dating/marriage prospect" than being in 30's.

[TheSpanishMain]

Wedding needs to be planned....he doesn't think we would have time to do it during law school.

Because there's absolutely no reason why you can't get married in law school or in your first few years of working.

People do not take off from work/the rest of their lives to plan a wedding; it's not a second job. Plenty of people plan weddings while working, or in school. I know some people get wayyyyyy into wedding planning, and others get wayyyyyy into the idea of studying 60 hours a week in law school, but neither of those things are necessary. Sure, don't plan a wedding during 1L. After that (or before) you're good.

I'm starting to think OP's boyfriend just doesn't want to get married.

[pancakes3]

some people/cultures have different prerequisites/expectations from marriage.

[OLitch]

Would you regret not going to law school? If things don't work out with your boyfriend would you be able to live with your decision not to attend?

[pleadthafif]

Post removed...

[BizBro]

Get engaged, and don't go to law school unless you go for free, preferably to the t14. I would be pissed if my fiance wanted to blow 100k to go to some regional school.

[AReasonableMan]

Your third year of law school is the closest to not working you'll ever be outside of retirement so there's plenty of time to handle a wedding. I have a friend who planned her wedding while working f/t while studying for the bar, and while not everyone has their sh*t together to that extent, doing 2 of 3 is not outside the realm of possibility. However, if your English isn't that strong, it is probably important for you to realize that your success on the LSAT, law school exams, the bar and practice will be largely contingent on your mastery of the English language. While your bf sounds controlling based on his stated reasons for not wanting you to go to law school, it's possible he doesn't have the heart to tell you he's not comfortable with you taking out 210k in debt. Once you are married, your debt will become his debt. After all, marriage is a union, and part of this union is considering the repercussions that your actions have on your partner.

[emkay625]

Wedding needs to be planned....he doesn't think we would have time to do it during law school.

Because there's absolutely no reason why you can't get married in law school or in your first few years of working.

I had several classmates (like 10) get married during law school. 1L year would be a bad idea, but 2L or 3L? You'd be fine. Planning a wedding as a 2L or 3L would be much less stressful than planning it as first-fourth year associate.

[emkay625]

OP, let me be clear: your boyfriend seems like a controlling jerk.

If you want to go to law school and can get an LSAT score to make it worth it, you should go to law school.

It is complete bullshit that you can't get married during law school or in the three years after law school. Lots and lots and lots of people get married then. So he's either trying to manipulate you into not going to law school, or he doesn't want to get married period and he's planning on using this as an excuse.

Either way, let me ask you this: would he completely change his career goals for you based on your preferences? If the answer is no, but he expects you to do the same for him, you should reevaluate whether or not this is a supportive relationship for you.

[Troianii]

Also, excuse double post, but:

That part is obviously up to you entirely, but he is correct that if you want to get married and have kids, law school would be a significant hindrance.

So again, I've said a lot, but I'd only weigh up your desire for a career and for a family - pursuing your current career goals would impede familial goals and vice versa, so that's something to consider. Doing both is possible, but you're BF is right that they aren't both very practical.

What???????????

The OP mentioned having kids. The OP is 25, and plans on two years of undergrad and three of law school, making the OP at least in her 30s when she starts law school. Can you imagine a junior associate taking large amounts of time off every couple years for maternity and still being very successful? It's hard enough as it is to be successful without the issues of pregnancy, childbirth, and maternity leave in the mix. It's also medically not advisable (though still possible) to start having kids after 35. The older a woman is, the greater the likelihood for complications.

Below is a link for just one example, but there are many other kinds of birth complications that become increasingly more likely as a woman becomes older.

http://www.ds-health.com/risk.htm

As I said, this is a concern for the OP to weigh. She could still quite reasonably decide f-all and still go ahead with her plans of law school and becoming a mother, but it should not presented as if it is of little difference. Like I said, there's no reason her career plans should complicate plans for marriage - but I can easily see how her career plans would make her plans for raising a family more difficult.

[Troianii]

Wedding needs to be planned....he doesn't think we would have time to do it during law school.

Because there's absolutely no reason why you can't get married in law school or in your first few years of working.

People do not take off from work/the rest of their lives to plan a wedding; it's not a second job. Plenty of people plan weddings while working, or in school. I know some people get wayyyyyy into wedding planning, and others get wayyyyyy into the idea of studying 60 hours a week in law school, but neither of those things are necessary. Sure, don't plan a wedding during 1L. After that (or before) you're good.

I'm starting to think OP's boyfriend just doesn't want to get married.

This makes more sense. I mean, if I was in a good relationship and loved someone, I wouldn't make the impositions the OP's bf is.

I'd also add that I agree with what A. Nony Mouse said from beginning to end in that quoted post.

[Troianii]

Things you should put off your future for:
Fiancé - Yes
Husband - Yes
Boyfriend - No

It's not rocket surgery.

+1

I don't want to quote a pop song, but there's something about him putting a ring on it.

[emkay625]

Also, excuse double post, but:

That part is obviously up to you entirely, but he is correct that if you want to get married and have kids, law school would be a significant hindrance.

So again, I've said a lot, but I'd only weigh up your desire for a career and for a family - pursuing your current career goals would impede familial goals and vice versa, so that's something to consider. Doing both is possible, but you're BF is right that they aren't both very practical.

What???????????

The OP mentioned having kids. The OP is 25, and plans on two years of undergrad and three of law school, making the OP at least in her 30s when she starts law school. Can you imagine a junior associate taking large amounts of time off every couple years for maternity and still being very successful? It's hard enough as it is to be successful without the issues of pregnancy, childbirth, and maternity leave in the mix. It's also medically not advisable (though still possible) to start having kids after 35. The older a woman is, the greater the likelihood for complications.

Below is a link for just one example, but there are many other kinds of birth complications that become increasingly more likely as a woman becomes older.

http://www.ds-health.com/risk.htm

As I said, this is a concern for the OP to weigh. She could still quite reasonably decide f-all and still go ahead with her plans of law school and becoming a mother, but it should not presented as if it is of little difference. Like I said, there's no reason her career plans should complicate plans for marriage - but I can easily see how her career plans would make her plans for raising a family more difficult.

Your math doesn't add up....if she's 25 now and has 2 years of undergrad left, wouldn't she start law school at 27?

Also female associates have children all the time......this isn't the 1980s.

It should be added that I have multiple friends who had children during law school as 2Ls and 3Ls, and even more who had children as young associates. They all seem to be doing just fine.

[A. Nony Mouse]

Also, excuse double post, but:

That part is obviously up to you entirely, but he is correct that if you want to get married and have kids, law school would be a significant hindrance.

So again, I've said a lot, but I'd only weigh up your desire for a career and for a family - pursuing your current career goals would impede familial goals and vice versa, so that's something to consider. Doing both is possible, but you're BF is right that they aren't both very practical.

What???????????

The OP mentioned having kids. The OP is 25, and plans on two years of undergrad and three of law school, making the OP at least in her 30s when she starts law school. Can you imagine a junior associate taking large amounts of time off every couple years for maternity and still being very successful? It's hard enough as it is to be successful without the issues of pregnancy, childbirth, and maternity leave in the mix. It's also medically not advisable (though still possible) to start having kids after 35. The older a woman is, the greater the likelihood for complications.

Below is a link for just one example, but there are many other kinds of birth complications that become increasingly more likely as a woman becomes older.

http://www.ds-health.com/risk.htm

As I said, this is a concern for the OP to weigh. She could still quite reasonably decide f-all and still go ahead with her plans of law school and becoming a mother, but it should not presented as if it is of little difference. Like I said, there's no reason her career plans should complicate plans for marriage - but I can easily see how her career plans would make her plans for raising a family more difficult.

Your math doesn't add up....if she's 25 now and has 2 years of undergrad left, wouldn't she start law school at 27?

Also female associates have children all the time......this isn't the 1980s.

It should be added that I have multiple friends who had children during law school as 2Ls and 3Ls, and even more who had children as young associates. They all seem to be doing just fine.

Yeah, I think the post I quoted is exaggerating the risks here. Professional women like biglaw associates have kids all the time. There's a reason firms offer maternity leave. And people have kids while in law school (and even after age 35). To the extent that mommy-tracking and schedule conflicts with child care and so on is a concern, that's not limited to law - any woman who works has to deal with these things, but they're not good reasons not to have kids if you want kids. They're reasons to make sure your partner is on your side and fully invested in child care/parenting. There's no need to choose between going to law school and having children.