Boyfriend moving with me to law school...bad idea? Forum

[howcani111]

mom's always know best.

Get married and live together or don't marry at all and live apart.

[gdane]

Dont do it. Explore the world. 4 years with someone? Too long. Being in a long relationship from such a young age sucks. One person for that long? No way.

[jeremydc]

Heck no, relation problems will occur which will hinder your gpa.

[devilishangelrjp]

At some point, you're going to have to do what YOU want and elarn from your own mistakes. If you don't move in with eachother what's the point of even being engaged or in a relationship. Relationships need to move and grow. You would end up serioulsy hurting your relationship if you didnt move in. How does the fiance feel about your indecision and your paretns concern.

also, you havent stated hwy it is your parents dont want the two of you to move in with eachother.

My fiance feels like they are judging him.

My parents don't want us to move in because they think he won't be able to pay half-rent (although he is working a transfer with the company he currently works for) and they think law school is so demanding that I won't have time for a relationship. I think the phobia in the back of their minds is that I will get pregnant. Also, my brother has managed to make a shambles of his life while living with his girlfriend,

Has anyone else had this problem? Or is it just me with the rather strict, overpowering parents?

[let/them/eat/cake]

At some point, you're going to have to do what YOU want and elarn from your own mistakes. If you don't move in with eachother what's the point of even being engaged or in a relationship. Relationships need to move and grow. You would end up serioulsy hurting your relationship if you didnt move in. How does the fiance feel about your indecision and your paretns concern.

also, you havent stated hwy it is your parents dont want the two of you to move in with eachother.

My fiance feels like they are judging him.

My parents don't want us to move in because they think he won't be able to pay half-rent (although he is working a transfer with the company he currently works for) and they think law school is so demanding that I won't have time for a relationship. I think the phobia in the back of their minds is that I will get pregnant. Also, my brother has managed to make a shambles of his life while living with his girlfriend,

Has anyone else had this problem? Or is it just me with the rather strict, overpowering parents?

this whole thing is almost nauseating. they are judging him. and u. and the choices u are making. and they will continue to do so. and it will only get harder and harder to eventually stop giving a fuck about what they think, the longer you go giving a fuck about what they think.

[BriaTharen]

At some point, you're going to have to do what YOU want and elarn from your own mistakes. If you don't move in with eachother what's the point of even being engaged or in a relationship. Relationships need to move and grow. You would end up serioulsy hurting your relationship if you didnt move in. How does the fiance feel about your indecision and your paretns concern.

also, you havent stated hwy it is your parents dont want the two of you to move in with eachother.

My fiance feels like they are judging him.

My parents don't want us to move in because they think he won't be able to pay half-rent (although he is working a transfer with the company he currently works for) and they think law school is so demanding that I won't have time for a relationship. I think the phobia in the back of their minds is that I will get pregnant. Also, my brother has managed to make a shambles of his life while living with his girlfriend,

Has anyone else had this problem? Or is it just me with the rather strict, overpowering parents?

With these new pieces of information, in particular your brother's bad example, I'm not surprised at all that your parent's are not happy about you moving in together. I would be shocked if they were overjoyed and supportive. I think that means that you need to have a conversation with your mom, explain to her about your level of maturity, as well as steps you are taking to ensure you and your fiancée don't turn into your brother and his girlfriend.

Coming from someone who also has very strict parents, the getting pregnant/morality argument is certainly a concern. A baby would serious screw up your law school plans, but you should be smart enough to make sure that won't happen.

One thing that you need to be aware of (which I think another poster has mentioned) is whether or not you are really going to be able to devote time to studying and living with another person. Relationships take work, and law school takes a lot of understanding from your SO. So if your SO is going to expect to come home from work and have dinner ready and things like that, he's in for a surprise. Living together can be helpful for you to get the face time that a relationship needs, but sometimes the "honeymoon period" that can reappear after people move in together can be disruptive.

[devilishangelrjp]

I sometimes find it funny that people get "engaged" and have been together so long but marriage is like a far off distant thing. Engaged to me means engaged, with a wedding date set, etc. This kind of engaged sounds like two junior high school kids planning on getting married when they grow up and giving the girl a promise ring that she wears around her neck.

Irrelevant sidebar, but why do we have to be two junior high school kids? I mean, I get it, you don't believe in long engagements, but that doesn't make it immature to have one. My maturity problems have nothing to do with my engagement (or whatever you want to call it). My maturity problems have to do with not wanting to disappoint my parents, no matter how old I am...

[devilishangelrjp]

At some point, you're going to have to do what YOU want and elarn from your own mistakes. If you don't move in with eachother what's the point of even being engaged or in a relationship. Relationships need to move and grow. You would end up serioulsy hurting your relationship if you didnt move in. How does the fiance feel about your indecision and your paretns concern.

also, you havent stated hwy it is your parents dont want the two of you to move in with eachother.

My fiance feels like they are judging him.

My parents don't want us to move in because they think he won't be able to pay half-rent (although he is working a transfer with the company he currently works for) and they think law school is so demanding that I won't have time for a relationship. I think the phobia in the back of their minds is that I will get pregnant. Also, my brother has managed to make a shambles of his life while living with his girlfriend,

Has anyone else had this problem? Or is it just me with the rather strict, overpowering parents?

With these new pieces of information, in particular your brother's bad example, I'm not surprised at all that your parent's are not happy about you moving in together. I would be shocked if they were overjoyed and supportive. I think that means that you need to have a conversation with your mom, explain to her about your level of maturity, as well as steps you are taking to ensure you and your fiancée don't turn into your brother and his girlfriend.

Coming from someone who also has very strict parents, the getting pregnant/morality argument is certainly a concern. A baby would serious screw up your law school plans, but you should be smart enough to make sure that won't happen.

One thing that you need to be aware of (which I think another poster has mentioned) is whether or not you are really going to be able to devote time to studying and living with another person. Relationships take work, and law school takes a lot of understanding from your SO. So if your SO is going to expect to come home from work and have dinner ready and things like that, he's in for a surprise. Living together can be helpful for you to get the face time that a relationship needs, but sometimes the "honeymoon period" that can reappear after people move in together can be disruptive.

Yeah, I did think about that, and we've discussed it. He knows I'm gonna be hell to live with for the next three years. I told him to expect me to be aloof, distracted, moody, and constantly studying and talking about law stuff. I told him to expect me to be lax in household chores (cooking, cleaning, etc.).

[Lucidity]

Some of the people who are warning you of future relationship problems hindering your gpa are kind of missing the point. You are already in a relationship, one that has lasted for 4 years. If you end your relationship, this too can hinder your GPA as you will most likely be an emotional mess for months and wont likely fully recover for at least a year. This isn't a good alternative either.

I will say that in my opinion your parents are wrong. Law school IS challenging, but many people complete and do well in law school with a much harder burden to shoulder, like a spouse and kids. You can make the argument that relationship problems can hinder your studies, but a strong relationship with a significant other can also help you handle the stress and hardships you encounter. Don't underestimate the power of a loving shoulder to lean on.

Your parents having such a strong opinion on this issue and the fact that you are so filial to them is quite strange to me. It almost sounds like yours is an asian family or something. Most American families the child departs and live on their own once they turn 18, and this is expected. To me, the problem almost sounds like if your mom has to confront the idea of you living with your fiance, then she has to accept that you guys are having sex. She may already suspect that you are, but if you guys live together, then she would have confirmation that she can't deny and this might be whats making her uncomfortable. Whatever the real reason may be, the whole "law school is too hard to juggle a relationship so you have to end your relationship with your fiance" thing seems like a smokescreen to cover up the real reason, one she is not proud of admitting to.

[06132010]

if you decide not to move in with your fiance because of your parents... don't you think that's going to severely fuck up your relationship?

[James Bond]

For the love of god yes. Take the advice of everyone minus your parents, follow what you think is right, and just do it for christsakes. You don't have to ask us.

[James Bond]

if you decide not to move in with your fiance because of your parents... don't you think that's going to severely fuck up your relationship?

This is beyond fucking credited

[KatieKat]

Just do it. Your parents may get upset for a few months, but once they see that he can pay half the rent and you can do well in school while living with him, they will get over it.

[devilishangelrjp]

if you decide not to move in with your fiance because of your parents... don't you think that's going to severely fuck up your relationship?

This is exactly what I was thinking, actually.

Some of the people who are warning you of future relationship problems hindering your gpa are kind of missing the point. You are already in a relationship, one that has lasted for 4 years. If you end your relationship, this too can hinder your GPA as you will most likely be an emotional mess for months and wont likely fully recover for at least a year. This isn't a good alternative either.

I will say that in my opinion your parents are wrong. Law school IS challenging, but many people complete and do well in law school with a much harder burden to shoulder, like a spouse and kids. You can make the argument that relationship problems can hinder your studies, but a strong relationship with a significant other can also help you handle the stress and hardships you encounter. Don't underestimate the power of a loving shoulder to lean on.

Your parents having such a strong opinion on this issue and the fact that you are so filial to them is quite strange to me. It almost sounds like yours is an asian family or something. Most American families the child departs and live on their own once they turn 18, and this is expected. To me, the problem almost sounds like if your mom has to confront the idea of you living with your fiance, then she has to accept that you guys are having sex. She may already suspect that you are, but if you guys live together, then she would have confirmation that she can't deny and this might be whats making her uncomfortable. Whatever the real reason may be, the whole "law school is too hard to juggle a relationship so you have to end your relationship with your fiance" thing seems like a smokescreen to cover up the real reason, one she is not proud of admitting to.

I feel you. My problem is that I want to please everyone...perhaps not the best quality for a lawyer to have, huh?

Thanks for the advice, everyone. I guess I knew what I wanted to do. It's just that I need to get some balls and do it.

[James Bond]

I feel you. My problem is that I want to please everyone...perhaps not the best quality for a lawyer to have, huh?

Thanks for the advice, everyone. I guess I knew what I wanted to do. It's just that I need to get some balls and do it.

It seems like it's everyone minus your parents versus your parents. If you're looking to please people you really only have one option.

Granted you should also be looking to please your future husband, who should really matter more than your parents if you're going to be married. Mommy and Daddy have to get over themselves eventually, and sex =/= pregnancy automatically.

[haole_20]

i hope your boyfriend hasn't seen this thread

[06132010]

if you decide not to move in with your fiance because of your parents... don't you think that's going to severely fuck up your relationship?

This is exactly what I was thinking, actually.

I really think this could be a relationship ender. If you want to marry this guy, it's time to stand up to your parents.

[James Bond]

i hope your boyfriend hasn't seen this thread

hilarious

[lawgunner75]

22 is way too young to be engaged or married.

[James Bond]

22 is way too young to be engaged or married.

Over-generalizations FTW?

[keg411]

Is there any part of you that thinks your parents might be correct about your fiance/relationship? If there is, maybe you should take a step back. If there isn't, maybe there is something you can do to help show that you and your fiance are trustworthy in the situation.

Seriously, law school has screwed up a lot of relationships going back years and years and years (including breaking up marriages, etc.). So I can see where your parents are coming from -- they probably think that the two of you will break up and it will hurt your grades. You are both very young and most of your relationship has been long distance. They don't trust your fiance to have gainful employment (red flag!). I think this is less of a "cut the cord" situation and more of "your family might be right".

It's just something to consider. Law school has a major reputation for changing people.

[06072010]

I think law school has a reputation for changing people because people use it as an excuse to be an asshole or to fluff it up. There is no doubt that it is an experience but many people like to be martyrs over it. Law school presents you with new angles on things and some neat latin words to chuck around but it really shouldn't change the core of who you are.

[James Bond]

Is there any part of you that thinks your parents might be correct about your fiance/relationship? If there is, maybe you should take a step back. If there isn't, maybe there is something you can do to help show that you and your fiance are trustworthy in the situation.

Seriously, law school has screwed up a lot of weak relationships going back years and years and years (including breaking up marriages, etc.). So I can see where your parents are coming from -- they probably think that the two of you will break up and it will hurt your grades. You are both very young and most of your relationship has been long distance. They don't trust your fiance to have gainful employment (red flag!). I think this is less of a "cut the cord" situation and more of "your family might be right".

It's just something to consider. Law school has a major reputation for changing weak people.

While I'm not sure I trust the anecdotal evidence of "law school has screwed up a lot of relationships going back blah blah blah" I can almost guarantee you that if it really was law school's fault the relationship itself wasn't much in the first place. Life is full of challenges, stressors, and big changes. Sure law school counts as one. But so would any post-secondary school. So would a major family death. So would a big move, a new job, a new career, etc. If a relationship can't overcome the challenges, withstand the stressors, and adapt to changes, it's not really worth it to begin with, regardless of what the challenges, stressors, and changes are.

[Aeroplane]

^ yeah, pretty much. I just finished 1L (long-distance from my BF of a couple years), and I don't think law school is any worse for relationships than any other situation where one member of a couple moves to a new place where he/she meets lots of new people and spends lots of time with them and much less time with the SO. But having major emotional issues can be very bad for law school during the last couple weeks of class and exam time, whether the issues are with your family or fiance or both.

[keg411]

I think law school has a reputation for changing people because people use it as an excuse to be an asshole or to fluff it up. There is no doubt that it is an experience but many people like to be martyrs over it. Law school presents you with new angles on things and some neat latin words to chuck around but it really shouldn't change the core of who you are.

Oh don't get me wrong... I don't think it actually changes who you fundamentally are (nor do I think people should be martyrs over it); my sister just graduated and she hasn't changed at all . I do think a lot of people who go to law school, however, are very young and don't really know who they are yet. And I don't think that it's necessarily a bad thing to be changed/challenged in your life either.

And James Bond, as for weak relationships, I'm sure that's the majority that are ruined. There are plenty of people who go to school married/engaged/in relationships and stay in them. But OP should examine her relationship to see if it's really one of those relationships -- and should consider that it may not be.