dilemma--I've got local career, wife got a 177 LSAT Forum

[daesonesb]

He's yet to reply to any of this. I doubt he's still listening to us, after having realized that we are all a bunch of N00bz that are unskilled in the arts of love, relationships, and moneymaking.

[Miltiades]

This is officially one of the best trolls I've ever seen. With one post he's gotten to four pages. You'll see Hallye's Comet again before you see such a troll.

[Scallywaggums]

^ ::sniffle::

[Quine]

OP: Sorry to be blunt, but if your marriage can't survive 3 years apart, you don't belong together.

It has nothing to do with whether or not it can survive. I'd be miserable without my wife around for 3 years, and extra stress / misery is not something one needs in law school.

These people doling out this kind of "bluntness" are either completely inexperienced in this arena, or really really naive. Probably both.

[Quine]

This may be a troll - but I don't see the point of such trolling. It is very possible he'll never check back, though. In any case, I think it's a good conversation for posterity's sake, and perhaps for some of the people who posted in this thread already.

[20160810]

Personally I think that part of exchanging vows means maybe passing up options like Harvard Law. She should go somewhere close enough that you can at least see each other on weekends. She knew about your livelihood and its lack of portability before she took the LSAT and besides, this just means she can probably get a full ride at your local school. If you're afraid she's going to resent you for it, be very open and honest with her but lay down what you are and aren't willing to live with. You've worked damn hard to get where you are, though, and her intelligence shouldn't minimize the importance of your own achievements.

Everything you said could be flipped around. Why does marriage mean his goals trump hers? Sounds like they both knew going in that their goals might conflict at some point. Relatively speaking, going to HYS presents opportunities that are more difficult to replicate than the ones he has. If he is doing well in his business there are two possible reasons for it: he could still be riding the coat tails of the rep his family built, or he could be a phenomenal sales person. If it is the former category, then her giving up a possible opportunities of HYS would be very short sighted. If it's the latter, then he should be able to relocate.

Now this doesn't mean that she must go to a top school. She has to figure out what she really wants out of her career. If those goals can be met by going to the local school, then there is no reason to go elsewhere. But HYS and a local school for free are not interchangeable in the opportunities they afford. By no means should she go chasing prestige for the sake of it, but these guys need to figure out what is really on the line.

As for the marriage advice -- there are no universal right answers. Every couple is different and should make decisions for themselves. Being married to someone who has an incredible intellect and career ambitions, I can say that what has "given" in our relationship is money. We have always taken the approach that our career moves revolve around personal fulfillment. We've each taken major hits in our careers to allow the other one to pursue opportunities as they have come along. We have been careful to communicate with each other about what is important to us in the abstract. This has made navigating day to day decisions easier. When faced with a concrete decision, it can be tough to step back and think of how it fits in the big picture. Knowing what your general goals are makes it a lot easier to make tough decisions.

For example, in the OP's case, I would step back from talking about law school and the dealership and talk about what each of them finds fulfilling, and where they see themselves in 10 years. Is the attraction to staying with the dealership purely financial? What would the obstacles be to starting over? What does the OP find fulfilling in his work? Are there ways of replicated those pieces in other jobs/parts of the country? What does OP's wife want out of a legal career? What kind of environment does she want to live in? Where does she want to see her career in 10 years? Breaking down the issue into the "why" can help solve it. It can also help them think outside the box. I've given up a lot of opportunities in my career. So has my wife. We've staggered them though, and done things in such a way as to not close doors on each other. Along these lines, OP might be able to reach a compromise -- if it turns out that his wife really does want access to what HYS has to offer, then the answer may be to delay her applications for a few years and let OP work on a business plan that will allow them to move and for him to find something fulfilling for himself. Or they might be able to work out a commuting relationship where OP turns more work over to someone else during certain periods. There are many ways to make things work.

Or it might turn out that the path his wife wants to follow can be accomplished by attending the local school. But this is a decision that they can only get to by hashing out all the angles. "Laying down" what OP is willing to deal with is a recipe for a broken relationship. Ultimately, each of them does need to decide what they can live with -- and it is possible that each is so tied to their own goals that there is no way to combine them. But this should come at the end of a process, not as a starting point.

My wife and I have always worked from the initial assumption that "if it's important to you, we can find a way to make it work." I'm happy to say, with this attitude, we always have.

What I'm getting here is that she wears the pants in your marriage.

[notalawyer]

Thank you for all your thoughtful replies.

I don't want to publicly post my location because it would make me pretty easy to identify to any of the locals who happened by this board.

I'll say this much though: going by the rankings that you've got on this website (not sure how authoritative they are), we've got schools within the following proximity: within 1 hour drive, there's a top 35 school--this is the "local university" she'd been planning to attend. within a 3 hours drive, there's a top 25 school; within 3.5 hours there's a top 20 school; and within 8 hours there's a top 15 school. We've pretty much decided between ourselves that the best thing for her to do would be to go to the op 25 or top 20 school. I think she can get pretty good scholarships there, and I can pay what's left of her tuition.

I agree with the poster who said marriage is all about growing together--we did get married young, but we're very committed to each other.

Thanks again for all your advice!

[TheBigMediocre]

Thank you for all your thoughtful replies.

I don't want to publicly post my location because it would make me pretty easy to identify to any of the locals who happened by this board.

I'll say this much though: going by the rankings that you've got on this website (not sure how authoritative they are), we've got schools within the following proximity: within 1 hour drive, there's a top 35 school--this is the "local university" she'd been planning to attend. within a 3 hours drive, there's a top 25 school; within 3.5 hours there's a top 20 school; and within 8 hours there's a top 15 school. We've pretty much decided between ourselves that the best thing for her to do would be to go to the op 25 or top 20 school. I think she can get pretty good scholarships there, and I can pay what's left of her tuition.

I agree with the poster who said marriage is all about growing together--we did get married young, but we're very committed to each other.

Thanks again for all your advice!

There will be nothing left of her tuition. With her #s, she will get a full ride to one of those schools. Instead, buy her something nice.

[romothesavior]

Thank you for all your thoughtful replies.

I don't want to publicly post my location because it would make me pretty easy to identify to any of the locals who happened by this board.

I'll say this much though: going by the rankings that you've got on this website (not sure how authoritative they are), we've got schools within the following proximity: within 1 hour drive, there's a top 35 school--this is the "local university" she'd been planning to attend. within a 3 hours drive, there's a top 25 school; within 3.5 hours there's a top 20 school; and within 8 hours there's a top 15 school. We've pretty much decided between ourselves that the best thing for her to do would be to go to the op 25 or top 20 school. I think she can get pretty good scholarships there, and I can pay what's left of her tuition.

I agree with the poster who said marriage is all about growing together--we did get married young, but we're very committed to each other.

Thanks again for all your advice!

Hmm. I have a feeling I know where you are.

This sounds like a decent plan, but make sure she is okay with it. Passing up Harvard or Yale would be a difficult thing to do. It sounds like you have already realize this and are doing a good job of taking her interests into account. But financially, it sounds like a full ride at a respectable tier 1 is a better investment for the both of you in the long run.

[SaintClarence27]

Thank you for all your thoughtful replies.

I don't want to publicly post my location because it would make me pretty easy to identify to any of the locals who happened by this board.

I'll say this much though: going by the rankings that you've got on this website (not sure how authoritative they are), we've got schools within the following proximity: within 1 hour drive, there's a top 35 school--this is the "local university" she'd been planning to attend. within a 3 hours drive, there's a top 25 school; within 3.5 hours there's a top 20 school; and within 8 hours there's a top 15 school. We've pretty much decided between ourselves that the best thing for her to do would be to go to the op 25 or top 20 school. I think she can get pretty good scholarships there, and I can pay what's left of her tuition.

I agree with the poster who said marriage is all about growing together--we did get married young, but we're very committed to each other.

Thanks again for all your advice!

There will be nothing left of her tuition. With her #s, she will get a full ride to one of those schools. Instead, buy her something nice.

She should go to Vandy with a full ride.

[romothesavior]

Thank you for all your thoughtful replies.

I don't want to publicly post my location because it would make me pretty easy to identify to any of the locals who happened by this board.

I'll say this much though: going by the rankings that you've got on this website (not sure how authoritative they are), we've got schools within the following proximity: within 1 hour drive, there's a top 35 school--this is the "local university" she'd been planning to attend. within a 3 hours drive, there's a top 25 school; within 3.5 hours there's a top 20 school; and within 8 hours there's a top 15 school. We've pretty much decided between ourselves that the best thing for her to do would be to go to the op 25 or top 20 school. I think she can get pretty good scholarships there, and I can pay what's left of her tuition.

I agree with the poster who said marriage is all about growing together--we did get married young, but we're very committed to each other.

Thanks again for all your advice!

There will be nothing left of her tuition. With her #s, she will get a full ride to one of those schools. Instead, buy her something nice.

She should go to Vandy with a full ride.

Looks like we're on the same page.

[kalvano]

Thank you for all your thoughtful replies.

I don't want to publicly post my location because it would make me pretty easy to identify to any of the locals who happened by this board.

I'll say this much though: going by the rankings that you've got on this website (not sure how authoritative they are), we've got schools within the following proximity: within 1 hour drive, there's a top 35 school--this is the "local university" she'd been planning to attend. within a 3 hours drive, there's a top 25 school; within 3.5 hours there's a top 20 school; and within 8 hours there's a top 15 school. We've pretty much decided between ourselves that the best thing for her to do would be to go to the op 25 or top 20 school. I think she can get pretty good scholarships there, and I can pay what's left of her tuition.

I agree with the poster who said marriage is all about growing together--we did get married young, but we're very committed to each other.

Thanks again for all your advice!

There will be nothing left of her tuition. With her #s, she will get a full ride to one of those schools. Instead, buy her something nice.

She should go to Vandy with a full ride.

I would agree with this tentatively, not knowing her goals. Yes, Harvard is Harvard and Yale is Yale, but there is a lot to be said for being able to attend a very good school like Vandy or UT or whatever is close for nothing.

[09042014]

I'd go to the top 35 for free, since they probably plan on staying in region forever.

[joeshmo39]

Hey guys, there are a reasons this guys doesn't want to be outted in a public forum. So, perhaps, we should stop (perhaps pretty accurately) guessing where he lives in that same public forum. Just sayin'

[Sauer Grapes]

....

[februaryftw]

Thank you for all your thoughtful replies.

I don't want to publicly post my location because it would make me pretty easy to identify to any of the locals who happened by this board.

I'll say this much though: going by the rankings that you've got on this website (not sure how authoritative they are), we've got schools within the following proximity: within 1 hour drive, there's a top 35 school--this is the "local university" she'd been planning to attend. within a 3 hours drive, there's a top 25 school; within 3.5 hours there's a top 20 school; and within 8 hours there's a top 15 school. We've pretty much decided between ourselves that the best thing for her to do would be to go to the op 25 or top 20 school. I think she can get pretty good scholarships there, and I can pay what's left of her tuition.

I agree with the poster who said marriage is all about growing together--we did get married young, but we're very committed to each other.

Thanks again for all your advice!

As others have noted, this sounds like a good plan -- the top 20/25 schools are regional powerhouses (oftentimes outperforming schools slightly above them in the rankings in their home region), so if you and your wife are committed to your region of the country she'll be in a good position to succeed in her career.

[anonymousquestion]

I've been selling cars for over 10 years--since I was 17--and have gotten pretty successful at it in my local community. For the past 3 years I've been running my dad's old car lot, and I make over $200k per year doing it, even with the downturn. Thing is, it kind of ties me down to this particular location, which isn't close to any law school that would qualify as a "top law school" like you folks here go to. Because I basically inherited a thriving business, I'm not sure I could just pick up shop somewhere else and make anything close to what I'm making here.

Other thing is, I married a smartie, who just graduated with highest honors at the local college. We'd always planned on her going to law school around here afterward. She still insists that she'd be okay with that, but I know that she could go somewhere like Harvard, and I'd feel extremely guilty if she gave something like that up for me.

So I guess my question is basically whether in the long run it'd be better financially for me to sell my business and go with her to some fancy school, or have her stay around here and go to law school at a local law school?

hmmmm, 200k is 200k, but 177 indicates your wife is very gifted. if you love her, it'd be a pity to keep that brain doing anything but making a difference in the legal profession. do you have any kids? if not, is it possible for her to go away to a top 5 school and you guys will visit each other on weekends if she did get into harvard (which isn't a guarantee with a 177).

she could also likely get a full scholarship to a regional school. the fact is if she got a 177 on the LSAT, odds are she's going to place very highly at a local school as the LSAT is meant to be a measure of first year success so she'd get a sweet job anyway, but would not have as promising a political career.

[Scallywaggums]

Am I the only one who's so overjoyed that OP made a second post that I really don't care what happens next?

Note to self: if you ever attempt an epic troll, make sure it involves marital tensions involving two extremely ideal career paths that the vast majority of responders have only dreamed of. Wait a long time until they doubt you'll post again, then do so with gratitude for their help. The long wait will decrease their suspicion of trolling, because it seems like you're too busy making money to check the internets.

[GATORTIM]

Hey guys, there are a reasons this guys doesn't want to be outted in a public forum. So, perhaps, we should stop (perhaps pretty accurately) guessing where he lives in that same public forum. Just sayin'

I don't think OP is too worried about being "outed" if he posted what is essentially geographical treasure hunt as to his region on a site dedicated to logical/analytical thinkers. There are a lot of car dealerships and to pinpoint even the city in which his particular dealership is located would be nearly impossible.

[lsat_fear]

Am I the only one who's so overjoyed that OP made a second post that I really don't care what happens next?

Note to self: if you ever attempt an epic troll, make sure it involves marital tensions involving two extremely ideal career paths that the vast majority of responders have only dreamed of. Wait a long time until they doubt you'll post again, then do so with gratitude for their help. The long wait will decrease their suspicion of trolling, because it seems like you're too busy making money to check the internets.

Is being a car dealer really an extremely ideal career path that most people only dream of?

[pugalicious]

Am I the only one who's so overjoyed that OP made a second post that I really don't care what happens next?

Note to self: if you ever attempt an epic troll, make sure it involves marital tensions involving two extremely ideal career paths that the vast majority of responders have only dreamed of. Wait a long time until they doubt you'll post again, then do so with gratitude for their help. The long wait will decrease their suspicion of trolling, because it seems like you're too busy making money to check the internets.

Is being a car dealer really an extremely ideal career path that most people only dream of?

Marginal local celebrity status, possibility of radio jingle, and don't even get me started on the saturday afternoon car lot shows on the spanish channels...so YES.

[TheBigMediocre]

Is being a car dealer really an extremely ideal career path that most people only dream of?

Having a 200k/year job fall into your lap that seems to bring you an acceptable level of personal satisfaction is an extremely ideal career path that most people only dream of.

[GermX]

Why don't you be intelligent.

HIRE SOMEONE TO RUN THE BUSINESS FOR YOU. PERHAPS LEAVE A BROTHER OR SISTER IN CHARGE. MOVE WITH YOUR WIFE AND KEEP IN TOP OF EVERYTHING HAPPENING IN YOUR COMPANY VIA E-MAIL, RANDOM CHECK-IN FLIGHTS, ETC....

[hiromoto45]

This is why I wouldn't get married young or before I have a career. If I had to give up YHS because my husband doesn't want to move or can't, I'd be miserable. I could tell myself all day it's best for "us" but I'd be resentful. With divorce rates at 50%, if I was the wife I'd reconsider my options.

[Southernlaw57]

UGA is a decent school. Emory used to be T20, but it's still very good. Vandy is your best bet. Duke is probably too far away.

I'm totally guessing the schools you are thinking of. How'd I do?

I'm thinking its Bama instead of UGA. In which case, I would advise either Bama or Vandy. Emory is probably not worth it over Bama if you are planning on being in Alabama.

Also, lots of people seemed to commute from Birmingham to Tuscaloosa, especially after the first year. Just saying.