Law school with a spouse Forum

[Nagster5]

I agree with everyone else. Probably the most important thing is for you guys to be on the same page about is that finals will be particularly stressful and so you should probably be cut some slack at that time (especially 1L), but I don't think that's too hard for most people to deal with (without kids - I'm sure it's tougher when child care is involved). But otherwise it's no more difficult on your spouse than you having a regular job. The stress is very much overblown.

Agree. It is particularly helpful to have an honest conversation with your spouse/partner/SO about 1L and how things will look for you personally (study schedule, staying late at the library, reading assignments on the weekends, etc.-- whatever works for you), but also generally (grades = job, etc.). Some friends' spouses and SOs who were unfamiliar with how things work (like legal hiring) were less generous in understanding the stakes of doing well/finals black hole, etc.

It sounds like you guys have the kind of backgrounds that make this a non-issue.

Yeah, I'm not really worried about that kind of stuff, but it's still really good avice to post for other users clicking on this thread whose relationships might not have been tested in that way before, so thank you.

Looking for any insights into top-law-schools.com with a spouse. I'm a military officer now, so 12 hour days and not seeing each other many nights will be no change. I'm looking more for things like schools that have particularly good or bad options for married housing or other things that might not have been obvious before choosing the school or go unmentioned in the K-JD/single person focused law school admission world. I'm an extereme splitter, so im basically blanketing the T15 and crossing my fingers, but if there's any T25 schools I should consider applying to based on exceptional accomidations or other factors I'd like to know. She's a teacher, so the hope is that she'll be able to find a job before I start school, as it's pretty slim hiring after Julyish. Thanks in advance!

Again, this is great info and exactly the type of school-specific stuff I'm lookiong for, but my wife and I already agreed that West Coast is too far from family for anything less than a full ride at UCLA and a lack of better options. Hopefully someone considering UCI will find this helpful in the future, thanks.

[A. Nony Mouse]

For the school-specific stuff, I agree with Zuck that you need to pick schools based on other factors and then maybe use the married factors to narrow down if all else is equal. I don't know of any school that's going to discriminate against married students or not let spouses attend events; the biggest thing I think could make a difference is the percentage of non-trads generally. The more non-trads, the more common spouses will be and the more attuned the faculty/admin will be to any married-specific concerns. (I know I visited one school that was overwhelming K-JD and I didn't like the vibe. But it won't be on your list anyway. )

[patentlitigatrix]

The OMG LAW SCHOOL IS SO HARD AND TIME CONSUMING thing is largely flame, IMO. Law students are just the type of people who naturally get stressed out and complain about everything so that's why that myth gets perpetuated.

This should be posted on the registration page.

+1000. Law school is not that stressful. Come on guys.

I was married all throughout law school, and am still married (to the same person).

We never lived in campus married housing. Just rented a normal apartment and commuted to school about 15 miles from where we were living. I know a lot of people would say this is a bad idea, but it was completely fine. My husband works long hours and it was much more important for him to be close to work, and we already had a place. I went to law school in the same area we were living in prior to school.

[zot1]

For the school-specific stuff, I agree with Zuck that you need to pick schools based on other factors and then maybe use the married factors to narrow down if all else is equal. I don't know of any school that's going to discriminate against married students or not let spouses attend events; the biggest thing I think could make a difference is the percentage of non-trads generally. The more non-trads, the more common spouses will be and the more attuned the faculty/admin will be to any married-specific concerns. (I know I visited one school that was overwhelming K-JD and I didn't like the vibe. But it won't be on your list anyway. )

Y'all make me feel so misunderstood.

[A. Nony Mouse]

For the school-specific stuff, I agree with Zuck that you need to pick schools based on other factors and then maybe use the married factors to narrow down if all else is equal. I don't know of any school that's going to discriminate against married students or not let spouses attend events; the biggest thing I think could make a difference is the percentage of non-trads generally. The more non-trads, the more common spouses will be and the more attuned the faculty/admin will be to any married-specific concerns. (I know I visited one school that was overwhelming K-JD and I didn't like the vibe. But it won't be on your list anyway. )

Y'all make me feel so misunderstood.

No, no, your info was fine! This was more directed at the OP, who seems to be putting the cart before the horse a little. He shouldn't really be worrying about the kind of info you provided at this point - it will be much more helpful once he has acceptances/scholarship offers in hand.

[whats an updog]

I agree with everyone else. Probably the most important thing is for you guys to be on the same page about is that finals will be particularly stressful and so you should probably be cut some slack at that time (especially 1L), but I don't think that's too hard for most people to deal with (without kids - I'm sure it's tougher when child care is involved). But otherwise it's no more difficult on your spouse than you having a regular job. The stress is very much overblown.

Agree. It is particularly helpful to have an honest conversation with your spouse/partner/SO about 1L and how things will look for you personally (study schedule, staying late at the library, reading assignments on the weekends, etc.-- whatever works for you), but also generally (grades = job, etc.). Some friends' spouses and SOs who were unfamiliar with how things work (like legal hiring) were less generous in understanding the stakes of doing well/finals black hole, etc.

It sounds like you guys have the kind of backgrounds that make this a non-issue.

it seems literally crazy to me that someone's spouse would get upset or be "ungenerous" during finals. like how did the student get so far without ever explaining what it was going to be like? also, did the spouse not have the internet to check for themselves? it just seems wacky and terrible and makes me very thankful for my own marriage

[xRON MEXiCOx]

Should prolly just get a divorce

[zot1]

For the school-specific stuff, I agree with Zuck that you need to pick schools based on other factors and then maybe use the married factors to narrow down if all else is equal. I don't know of any school that's going to discriminate against married students or not let spouses attend events; the biggest thing I think could make a difference is the percentage of non-trads generally. The more non-trads, the more common spouses will be and the more attuned the faculty/admin will be to any married-specific concerns. (I know I visited one school that was overwhelming K-JD and I didn't like the vibe. But it won't be on your list anyway. )

Y'all make me feel so misunderstood.

No, no, your info was fine! This was more directed at the OP, who seems to be putting the cart before the horse a little. He shouldn't really be worrying about the kind of info you provided at this point - it will be much more helpful once he has acceptances/scholarship offers in hand.

That's fair. Thanks for explaining, Nony.

[landshoes]

UChicago has good, very affordable grad housing for married couples/families. It could really lower your COL. But that's something to think about once you have $$$ info and acceptances.

People here know and are friendly with the spouses and SOs of classmates. It seems like most people have serious SOs. There are a decent number of non-trad students and they are well-liked, have friends, etc. That said, non-traditional students who are in their 30s do stand out. And Chicago (the city) might not be your cup of tea.

[SemperLegal]

Don't get so cocky. Of the three married Marines at law school, two got divorced and one is separated.

Deployment and law school are completely different challenges. At law school you'll be there, but not really; you'll be surrounded by slightly desperate attractive single women, rather that 30k dudes; and you'll undergo some personality change.


Buddy care is important

[84651846190]

Just remember that everyone in law school and practicing law is a complete piece of shit (including yourself) and any non-lawyer spouse will be that much more attractive and your relationship will survive intact. Yes, there are attractive pieces of shit in law school, but they are still pieces of shit. Never forget that.

The only exception to the above would be people who are genuinely committed to PI work; these folks are definitely marriage material but will be poor for their entire lives (a deal breaker for most of the other (shitty) law students).

[NihilistLaw]

Just remember that everyone in law school and practicing law is a complete piece of shit (including yourself) and any non-lawyer spouse will be that much more attractive and your relationship will survive intact. Yes, there are attractive pieces of shit in law school, but they are still pieces of shit. Never forget that.

The only exception to the above would be people who are genuinely committed to PI work; these folks are definitely marriage material but will be poor for their entire lives (a deal breaker for most of the other (shitty) law students).

Above is most accurate statement on this forum.

[deepseapartners]

Just remember that everyone in law school and practicing law is a complete piece of shit (including yourself) and any non-lawyer spouse will be that much more attractive and your relationship will survive intact. Yes, there are attractive pieces of shit in law school, but they are still pieces of shit. Never forget that.

The only exception to the above would be people who are genuinely committed to PI work; these folks are definitely marriage material but will be poor for their entire lives (a deal breaker for most of the other (shitty) law students).

Not that there isn't some truth to this statement, but wouldn't this indict basically all corporate career-oriented professionals as un-marriageable?

I would say it's more accurate that law school will change you, but OP also went through the fucking military, so I bet you [OP] and your spouse are going to be solid as long as you are solid now. If not, well, that's a different story.

EDIT: wording

[84651846190]

Just remember that everyone in law school and practicing law is a complete piece of shit (including yourself) and any non-lawyer spouse will be that much more attractive and your relationship will survive intact. Yes, there are attractive pieces of shit in law school, but they are still pieces of shit. Never forget that.

The only exception to the above would be people who are genuinely committed to PI work; these folks are definitely marriage material but will be poor for their entire lives (a deal breaker for most of the other (shitty) law students).

Not that there isn't some truth to this statement, but wouldn't this indict basically all corporate career-oriented professionals as un-marriageable?

I would say it's more accurate that law school will change you, but OP also went through the fucking military, so I bet you [OP] and your spouse are going to be solid as long as you are solid now. If not, well, that's a different story.

EDIT: wording

Yes, corporate career-oriented professionals are generally scum. Ostensibly, they may be very polite and even enjoyable to be around, but they have no souls and would defend their corporation to the death in the face of TOSCA lawsuits or the like. Deep down, I believe they are all inordinately selfish. Marriage for them is more of a business decision. They are mindless strivers with no greater purpose, no greater goal. They have bought into the Boomer mentality of GIMMIE THAT, IT'S MINE, and the country is worse off for having them around. If ISIS wins, I hope they are the first to go.

[NoBladesNoBows]

[TLSModBot]

Sometimes I forget that Biglaw is a complete troll. Thanks for the reminder!

[84651846190]

Sometimes I forget that Biglaw is a complete troll. Thanks for the reminder!

(mass tort biglaw litigator)

[TLSModBot]

Sometimes I forget that Biglaw is a complete troll. Thanks for the reminder!

(mass tort biglaw litigator)

I am no such thing you take that back

[84651846190]

Sometimes I forget that Biglaw is a complete troll. Thanks for the reminder!

(mass tort biglaw litigator)

I am no such thing you take that back

TBH, I have no idea who you are.

And I don't think it's fair to brush me off as a troll. There are nuggets of truth surrounded by trolling in most of my posts.

[JGMotorsport]

I guess it depends. I spent a fair amount of time prepping for class, my spouse works from the early morning to the early afternoon and I'm in my schools evening section. So I get up at 545 every morning and work all the way until I have to leave for school (around 145) every day then I'm home by 630 and I'll work for an hour or so and have the evening to ourselves.

She's a nurse so she gets weekend shifts which in a big fan of. I'll get up at 545 and work straight til 5. I almost never do HW at night.

[A. Nony Mouse]

TBF, BiglawAssociate, who has married rich and trolls everyone else for being poor, is different from Biglaw_Associate_V20, who appears just to be bitter but not so much a troll?

[SemperLegal]

I would say it's more accurate that law school will change you, but OP also went through the fucking military, so I bet you [OP] and your spouse are going to be solid as long as you are solid now. If not, well, that's a different story.

EDIT: wording

That's like saying that my helmet is definitely going to survive my next accident because it survived the last five collisions. Marriages get stress fractures. You can't always see them, but they are there.

Like stress fractures, when you change the environment drastically, marriages can get more fragile. OP is going from an environment when you're rarely home physically but mentally always are, where he is another cog and she is chum for 100k swinging dicks, and where conservatism is fashionable. Last school, on the other hand, rarely provides a concrete excuse to be absent (although you always are), he'll be more tempted and pursued, and liberalism is fashionable. Most importantly, now that you are out, you think you earned yourself a break from the constant pushing and pulling that is marriage, but turns out It's still fucking hard.

On the other hand, my service era spouse and I are still together on the other side, but only because we were both willing to swallow our pride a few hundred times.

[A. Nony Mouse]

I really do not get at all why people think law school is a stress in a marriage, any more than just life is stress on a marriage. And wtf is the idea that he'll be more "tempted and pursued" because he's in law school?

[NoBladesNoBows]

[SemperLegal]

I really do not get at all why people think law school is a stress in a marriage, any more than just life is stress on a marriage. And wtf is the idea that he'll be more "tempted and pursued" because he's in law school?

In the military(or, at least in the infantry) we spend 90% of our time around 175k, 18-22 year old males in peak physical condition. The only exposure to females are spouses, strippers, tag chasers, and the daughter of officers. That makes it easier for our spouses to cope with our absence (one less stressor), and makes us much, much less likely to take our spouse for granted. My wife was literally the smartest, most put together woman I knew.

Come law school, at least where I went, about half the class was women, all very intelligent, two-thirds single, most attractive, and many all of the above. That leads even a healthy relationship to have two problems. 1. Now when I'm spending 8 plus hours with, and sharing stressful experiences with, both men and women. That's stressful for her because now all those discrete friendships laced with shop talk she doesn't understand and events she'll never be a part of become suspicious. Meanwhile, for the first time in more than four years, I'm interacting with multiple women my age who I admire intellectually and personally. It's easy to catch a mutual crush or two, and even if it's never consummated, after a few semesters of studying together, relying on each other, having fun together, and subconsciously comparing my wife to her the damage is already done