Sustaining a Relationship while in law school... Forum

[como]

The fact that he doesn't call you every day doesn't mean that he's cheating or that he doesn't care. If he used to and now he doesn't, that's one thing; if he's the type of guy who doesn't require constant reaffirmation of your relationship, then he's doing just fine. I don't mean this to sound offensive, but I think it's a good thing, generally, when people don't feel compelled to talk every day. That comes off as a bit clingy or high-maintenance to me, but again, everyone is different. I'm just trying to chime in with a particular male's perspective.

[Leeroy Jenkins]

I'll drown my beliefs
To let you be in peace
I'll dress like your niece
And wash your swollen feet
Just don't leave, don't leave

I'm not living
I'm just killing time
Your tiny hands
Your crazy kitten smile
Just don't leave, don't leave

And true love waits
In haunted attics
And true love lives
On lollipops and crisps
Just don't leave, don't leave

[ezpar]

great song

All I know is that sustaining a relationship in law school is going to be difficult.

[paratactical]

.

[Engender]

Actually, I have a lot of time to talk... between drives, etc. And I don't feel like my schedule is THAT busy that I don't have 5 mins. to talk with him, that's if he calls me that is. He's like "call me if you want" and I'm like, of course I want to, but then it makes it seem like I'm the only one working in the relationship and that he's just well, careless. That's what bothers me. I am coming to a point where I feel like I have to choose school or him (and with tuition increasing AGAIN, I feel like the latter is a more attractive option). I can't spend time with him AND go to school at the same time. I think he's fairly understanding and gives me the time and space I need to study... but I feel the need to be needed if that makes any sense? girls help me out! LOL. I think it comes down to him wanting to talk to me and seeing how I'm doing rather than just blatantly drop off the face of the earth unless I call him, you know?

Practically, moving in together would solve a lot of the "make time for me" issues. I had a long distance relationship with my current GF which ended with neither of us being happy. When she was ready (after finishing her undergrad), she moved up to be with me and it eliminated the need for the "You were supposed to call me." "I know, I'm calling you." "No, you were supposed to call me at 8." "Well, I'm calling you now!" conversations.

Living together, you get a lot of the emotional support you need just being around each other, making dinner, before bed, etc. Both my GF and I are incredibly busy and I am certain that if we did not live together our relationship would be suffering.

Sounds like you two are at a cross roads: time to shack up or break up!

[Leeroy Jenkins]

This reminds me of a book I'd like to write one day...I'm going to title it "Woman, What The Hell?"...

If you do, please include this story:

I had a friend go crazy once because her bf didn't call her after his last final. Some four hours later she was going absolutely nuts and saying things like she was ready to break up with him (for context, this was last semester of senior year). A couple of us were going out to dinner and on the way out of the dorm, we run into her bf who is getting ready to go out with his friend and she literally flipped out--it started with "Why didn't you call me?!?!"

And it ended with "I did, your phone was off, what did you want me to do?"

[como]

This reminds me of a book I'd like to write one day...I'm going to title it "Woman, What The Hell?"...

If you do, please include this story:

I had a friend go crazy once because her bf didn't call her after his last final. Some four hours later she was going absolutely nuts and saying things like she was ready to break up with him (for context, this was last semester of senior year). A couple of us were going out to dinner and on the way out of the dorm, we run into her bf who is getting ready to go out with his friend and she literally flipped out--it started with "Why didn't you call me?!?!"

And it ended with "I did, your phone was off, what did you want me to do?"

Sounds familiar to me...

[Leeroy Jenkins]

Sounds familiar to me...

Well, a woman is a woman is a woman.

[paratactical]

.

[como]

Sounds familiar to me...

Well, a woman is a woman is a woman.

ARGH. I hate that stupid girls doing that crap (and yes, people that insecure and crazy are not women, they're girls) ruin it for the few of us that are relatively sane and not neurotically demanding of our SOs.

In all fairness, I've seen some pretty pathetic guys do the same. It's usually more indicative of immaturity than any sex organs.

[kurla88]

Just to clarify, I'm not saying he's for sure cheating on you or doesn't care. Only he (and maybe you) know the truth on that front. But it doesn't sound too good from what you've described.

[TonyDigital]

Sounds familiar to me...

Well, a woman is a woman is a woman.

ARGH. I hate that stupid girls doing that crap (and yes, people that insecure and crazy are not women, they're girls) ruin it for the few of us that are relatively sane and not neurotically demanding of our SOs.

Ahhh paratactical...you give us hope

And Lxw...that's a funny story. But what's not funny is it's not unbelievable at all...it's almost expected to a certain extent...

[paratactical]

.

[youpiiz]

.

[TonyDigital]

In all fairness, I've seen some pretty pathetic guys do the same. It's usually more indicative of immaturity than any sex organs.

Yea I don't want to come off as some bitter woman-hater. I do love me some women hehe... And I've seen plenty of guys smother and control and flip out like little biatches too. So I agree como, definitely immaturity is to blame.

So are we saying OP needs to grow up some and get a grip on life and quit sweating the small stuff??

[paratactical]

.

[neskerdoo]

I think OP may be somewhat confused... as far as i know there are no law schools in the U.S. which admit students directly from 8th grade...

[como]

http://peopleslaw.pbwiki.com/PCL-News

[TonyDigital]

I think OP may be somewhat confused... as far as i know there are no law schools in the U.S. which admit students directly from 8th grade...

haha...good one...

[SoxyPirate]

He's cheating on you with someone much hotter and less needy.

The only thing you can do now is move on and get rich to make him see what he missed.

[rbgrocio]

Actually, I have a lot of time to talk... between drives, etc. And I don't feel like my schedule is THAT busy that I don't have 5 mins. to talk with him, that's if he calls me that is. He's like "call me if you want" and I'm like, of course I want to, but then it makes it seem like I'm the only one working in the relationship and that he's just well, careless. That's what bothers me. I am coming to a point where I feel like I have to choose school or him (and with tuition increasing AGAIN, I feel like the latter is a more attractive option). I can't spend time with him AND go to school at the same time. I think he's fairly understanding and gives me the time and space I need to study... but I feel the need to be needed if that makes any sense? girls help me out! LOL. I think it comes down to him wanting to talk to me and seeing how I'm doing rather than just blatantly drop off the face of the earth unless I call him, you know?

Ouch. You haven't had sense to dump him yet? This seems like a nightmare to juggle with law school.

If he doesn't care enough about you to call you once a day now, he won't do it when you drop off school!

If you drop off, all you will have is a careless bf and no degree.

I wouldn't leave my career behind for a guy who doesn't seem to be investing much in the relationship. Maybe you guys don't need to talk everyday, but if when you do, he doesn't seem to give a crap, then maybe he is not the guy for you.

[TonyDigital]

Actually, I have a lot of time to talk... between drives, etc. And I don't feel like my schedule is THAT busy that I don't have 5 mins. to talk with him, that's if he calls me that is. He's like "call me if you want" and I'm like, of course I want to, but then it makes it seem like I'm the only one working in the relationship and that he's just well, careless. That's what bothers me. I am coming to a point where I feel like I have to choose school or him (and with tuition increasing AGAIN, I feel like the latter is a more attractive option). I can't spend time with him AND go to school at the same time. I think he's fairly understanding and gives me the time and space I need to study... but I feel the need to be needed if that makes any sense? girls help me out! LOL. I think it comes down to him wanting to talk to me and seeing how I'm doing rather than just blatantly drop off the face of the earth unless I call him, you know?

Ouch. You haven't had sense to dump him yet? This seems like a nightmare to juggle with law school.

If he doesn't care enough about you to call you once a day now, he won't do it when you drop off school!

Good point and that could very well be the case, that he doesn't care that much. This might lead into this scenario:

OP quits school to concentrate on the relationship. Every little time OP gets annoyed that her bf still doesn't call she throws the fact that she quit F'n law school for him in his face. He gets tired of that happening and the pressure and the guilt, he leaves. OP has no bf...no law degree... Yea?

[the rural juror]

He's really the laid-back, relaxed, don't care-type.. and I'm the type who needs to talk at least every night

Is this a description of pretty much every boyfriend and girlfriend, or is it just me?

haha definitely

[Leeroy Jenkins]

Good point and that could very well be the case, that he doesn't care that much. This might lead into this scenario:

OP quits school to concentrate on the relationship. Every little time OP gets annoyed that her bf still doesn't call she throws the fact that she quit F'n law school for him in his face. He gets tired of that happening and the pressure and the guilt, he leaves. OP has no bf...no law degree... Yea?

I don't think there's any 'might' about it. It's inevitable.

[let/them/eat/cake]

Practically, moving in together would be a bat-shit insane move. I had a long distance relationship with my current GF which ended with neither of us being happy. When she was ready (after finishing her undergrad), she moved up to be with me and it eliminated the need for the "You were supposed to call me." "I know, I'm calling you." "No, you were supposed to call me at 8." "Well, I'm calling you now!" conversations.

fixed. the relationship described is not one at the move-in stage.

as to the second part: two bullets, in case I screw it up the first time.