1L stress or something more? Forum

[12b6ed]

How is everyone dealing with the stress of 1L? My life has changed 180 degrees - I used to be extremely active, now I'm always exhausted and have no drive to do anything -- not even cook (I typically buy food, let it spoil, and throw it out) or fold my laundry. I have been through some very traumatic events in my life and have always prided myself on my strength, getting through everything, and "white-knuckling" it to achieve my goals.

I am now on fairly thin ice with my law school and have been referred to the dean/assistant deans a few times... I have held meetings between the student support dean, academic affairs dean, and dean of the LS probably 5-7 times already.

2 of the assistant deans are pretty certain that I have PTSD, from something that happened 10 years ago, that has gone under the radar and is being repeatedly triggered by my criminal law class (and thus mindf**king me even when it comes to reading for my other classes).

I am currently on a full-tuition ship at a T1 law school. The one dean has more-than hinted at wanting me to take a leave until next fall, getting this PTSD down better, and my scholarship would be there waiting for me upon my return next fall.

Honestly, beyond being exhausted all of the time, and this currently being at the forefront of my mind, I don't feel "unwell" or like a person who "has to get well."

Does anyone else here have PTSD? I'm wondering how a leave during 1L would look for employers (not interested in Biglaw)?

I've never really believed that PTSD was much of a thing, short of military vets.

[4LTsPointingNorth]

Get help. Especially since your scholarship will be waiting for you. Much better to take a year to reset than to white-knuckle 1L and shoot yourself in the foot with lower grades than you could otherwise achieve.

No shame in taking a step back. Good on your school for working with you.

[A. Nony Mouse]

You don't have to go into detail about anything, but there seems to be a big gap between "exhausted and no drive to do anything" and "on thin ice/referred to deans" - like something reasonably significant has happened in between those two. Like I said, I'm not asking you to describe that, just it seems like your post minimizes something that might go to why people think you need to get well, that you might want to consider more?

In any case, I don't think taking leave will screw you with employers at all, and that the benefits of getting yourself in a position to succeed/be healthy, at everything, far outweigh any possible disadvantages of taking leave. Especially if they'll keep your scholarship. If you're not interested in biglaw grades may not be as crucial for jobs, but you don't want to lose your scholarship.

(I don't have PTSD, but it's totally thing outside military vets - crime victims, particularly, but anyone who's gone through a traumatic event; I know someone who gave birth at 24 weeks and her baby was in NICU for weeks and weeks and went through some ridiculous number of surgeries. She definitely had some PTSD around hospitals/health care to work through. That said, your deans probably aren't trained psychologists/therapists, so don't feel you have to take their diagnosis as gospel - you might think about seeing an actual trained professional to figure out what's going on.)

[12b6ed]

You don't have to go into detail about anything, but there seems to be a big gap between "exhausted and no drive to do anything" and "on thin ice/referred to deans" - like something reasonably significant has happened in between those two. Like I said, I'm not asking you to describe that, just it seems like your post minimizes something that might go to why people think you need to get well, that you might want to consider more?

I made a bone-headed, completely joking comment about a prof. under my breath the other week, after questioning a teacher during class for suddenly dropping on us 2 unscheduled, not on the syllabus, assignments due two days later. Someone sitting around me who heard the comment, reported it to the dean (I'll say that the very stupid joke involved violence, when unknown to me at the time, that was the same day as the Vegas massacre, so people where extra sensitive/on-edge). I then left the class soon after to de-stress and take a walk, and my abruptness of leaving concerned some students and reported that as well, because I guess that I was visibly upset.

[4LTsPointingNorth]

You don't have to go into detail about anything, but there seems to be a big gap between "exhausted and no drive to do anything" and "on thin ice/referred to deans" - like something reasonably significant has happened in between those two. Like I said, I'm not asking you to describe that, just it seems like your post minimizes something that might go to why people think you need to get well, that you might want to consider more?

I made a bone-headed, completely joking comment about a prof. under my breath the other week, after questioning a teacher during class for suddenly dropping on us 2 unscheduled, not on the syllabus, assignments due two days later. Someone sitting around me who heard the comment, reported it to the dean (I'll say that the very stupid joke involved violence, when unknown to me at the time, that was the same day as the Vegas massacre, so people where extra sensitive/on-edge). I then left the class soon after to de-stress and take a walk, and my abruptness of leaving concerned some students and reported that as well, because I guess that I was visibly upset.

Whatever the backstory, it's not often that you get offered a "do-over" with as good an outcome as a guaranteed scholarship. Take the next year, talk to a professional, and determine whether you have anything to work through. If you do, take the time to work through it. If you don't, be glad that you get a do-over for a 1L year that doesn't sound like is going well for you so far.