Dealing with small minded relatives Forum

[Young Marino]

Hi. I wanted to pose this question on an anonymous forum for fear of looking/feeling like a dick in front of real colleagues so here it goes: How do you as a future lawyer/practicing lawyer deal with small minded relatives? Specifically, cousins and sibling?

My story goes as such: I come from a family in which the predominant mindset is, to put it nicely, very blue collar. At family reunions I almost feel uncomfortable talking about my law school experience because many relatives (cousins and my sister specifically) don't understand what it is to pursue a professional degree or feel the need to bring negativity into the conversation. I usually feel a vibe of skepticism and envy although I really try not to be specific when discussing my goals/dreams and I really try not boast about being an up and coming lawyer so it's gotten to the point where I try to keep the topic of convo on their mundane lives or ignore them. My younger brother is like me in this regard and wants to study law as well as he just finished up his sophomore year of college. The other day we were talking about this and he said to me that he feels above my cousins and sister and therefore does not keep a close relationship with them because he feels they just bring him down. I guess I kind of feel the same way but I feel bad that I do. It just seems like they always have something negative to say about the path I chose perhaps because they aren't happy with theirs or something but after all, they are family. If someone out there has had a similar experience please lend your advice on how to navigate these waters. It'd be much appreciated.

[rpupkin]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-WPlvZguZ4

[smile0751]

I get it and understand where you're coming from. No advice though. Family, ya know?

[Young Marino]

I get it and understand where you're coming from. No advice though. Family, ya know?

What do you do when you see them though? Just listen to how pathetic you see their life setting up and smile through it while they think they have it all figured out? I've been trying this for a while now and I'm amazed that I haven't just snapped on one of them yet.

[felinafelina]

You're mad that they're judging you for trying to pursue a professional degree and be an "up and coming lawyer" - but you're judging them right back. You say they're small minded, have mundane lives, you feel above them, and you see their lives as pathetic.

Yeah it sucks if you feel they're judging you for trying to improve your own life, but do you really need to stoop to their level and judge them right back? Why can't they be happy with what you consider a mundane, blue collar life? What gives you the right to say they have mundane and pathetic lives? You're being just as judgmental as them. Rise above it.

[sublime]

..

[mvp99]

You're mad that they're judging you for trying to pursue a professional degree and be an "up and coming lawyer" - but you're judging them right back. You say they're small minded, have mundane lives, you feel above them, and you see their lives as pathetic.

Yeah it sucks if you feel they're judging you for trying to improve your own life, but do you really need to stoop to their level and judge them right back? Why can't they be happy with what you consider a mundane, blue collar life? What gives you the right to say they have mundane and pathetic lives? You're being just as judgmental as them. Rise above it.

yea.. it seems you came here for some sort of revenge/venting. rise above it and be glad you have a family you can sit down with and have dinner. really.

[Steak n Potatoes]

Yeah, you're the one who seems narrow-minded, calling their lives mundane and pathetic as if the choice not to strive to be a lawyer is inherently inferior. Maybe you're projecting.

[HonestAdvice]

Kind of weird to hold yourself above family members just for going/wanting to go to law school. Aren't you at Miami or something? Who knows if you'll be more successful.

Regardless, unnecessarily harming ties with relatives is dumb. You can trust these people more than most people you'll be friends with, they probably love you and very few hours like discussing work outside of work so these are people you'll probably enjoy talking to even if you were a big hotshot.

[clshopeful]

I get it and understand where you're coming from. No advice though. Family, ya know?

What do you do when you see them though? Just listen to how pathetic you see their life setting up and smile through it while they think they have it all figured out? I've been trying this for a while now and I'm amazed that I haven't just snapped on one of them yet.

I've experienced exactly what you've expressed, though many people in my family have professional degrees. One guy I know in the family is kind of an outcast,and is a firefighter. Total blue collar guy; he views college as overly expensive and a waste of time, and that males should graduate HS and then begin a manual labor job, like a real man. I was talking to his son about going to college, since his son is like 18 and wondering if he should go. The dad was just looking at me like ''what a privileged kid, thinking he's better than manual labor.'' And then once he found out I was in law school, I could just tell he was thinking "oh he thinks he's better than us regular, blue collar people" and that going to law school/pursuing a better career to him seemed pointless and like a snobby rich-kid thing to do.

Fuckin hate it -- anytime something like this happens, I try to avoid questions re: law school; short answers, try to act like I'm really uninterested in answering them. "What type of law?" I'll say "ah, idk."

[Phil Brooks]

I get it and understand where you're coming from. No advice though. Family, ya know?

What do you do when you see them though? Just listen to how pathetic you see their life setting up and smile through it while they think they have it all figured out? I've been trying this for a while now and I'm amazed that I haven't just snapped on one of them yet.

I've experienced exactly what you've expressed, though many people in my family have professional degrees. One guy I know in the family is kind of an outcast,and is a firefighter. Total blue collar guy; he views college as overly expensive and a waste of time, and that males should graduate HS and then begin a manual labor job, like a real man. I was talking to his son about going to college, since his son is like 18 and wondering if he should go. The dad was just looking at me like ''what a privileged kid, thinking he's better than manual labor.'' And then once he found out I was in law school, I could just tell he was thinking "oh he thinks he's better than us regular, blue collar people" and that going to law school/pursuing a better career to him seemed pointless and like a snobby rich-kid thing to do.

Fuckin hate it -- anytime something like this happens, I try to avoid questions re: law school; short answers, try to act like I'm really uninterested in answering them. "What type of law?" I'll say "ah, idk."

"Better career" according to whom or what metric?

And regarding college, it would definitely be better if fewer people went to college. The cost would come down.

You're seriously looking down on somebody who is a firefighter. Let that sink in.

[DELG]

Have you considered just being an adult? Either you know better than them, or you don't.

[clshopeful]

I get it and understand where you're coming from. No advice though. Family, ya know?

What do you do when you see them though? Just listen to how pathetic you see their life setting up and smile through it while they think they have it all figured out? I've been trying this for a while now and I'm amazed that I haven't just snapped on one of them yet.

I've experienced exactly what you've expressed, though many people in my family have professional degrees. One guy I know in the family is kind of an outcast,and is a firefighter. Total blue collar guy; he views college as overly expensive and a waste of time, and that males should graduate HS and then begin a manual labor job, like a real man. I was talking to his son about going to college, since his son is like 18 and wondering if he should go. The dad was just looking at me like ''what a privileged kid, thinking he's better than manual labor.'' And then once he found out I was in law school, I could just tell he was thinking "oh he thinks he's better than us regular, blue collar people" and that going to law school/pursuing a better career to him seemed pointless and like a snobby rich-kid thing to do.

Fuckin hate it -- anytime something like this happens, I try to avoid questions re: law school; short answers, try to act like I'm really uninterested in answering them. "What type of law?" I'll say "ah, idk."

"Better career" according to whom or what metric?

And regarding college, it would definitely be better if fewer people went to college. The cost would come down.

You're seriously looking down on somebody who is a firefighter. Let that sink in.

1.) Don't act like firefighers are all selfless gods who sacrifice their lives for the communities in which they serve... I know 5 firefighters, all good guys, but all who did terrible in high school and became a FF just because it has pay/benefits.

Also, being a FF doesnt grant immunity to criticism, does it? Yeah he's a FF, but he also looks down on people who pursue college

2.) You want me to dissuade my nephew from going to college, so that it will bring the cost down for others? Really? Let THAT sink in.

3.) Better career, as in: a) Law has better lateral opportunities; b) higher pay on average; c) more ability to influence social change; d) better upward mobility

[DELG]

Firefighters are surely the last happy middle class white guys.

[Young Marino]

clshopeful, my cousin sounds exactly like your firefighter relative. Though he is a disgruntled used car salesman who graduated with a useless English degree, he looks at it like "oh, I had to work all throughout my eight years of undergrad as a commuter student and ended up here so anyone who dares to do different is just high maintenance." And seems to project that on me especially. So I know how it is to deal with someone like that.

I guess some of you guys are right. Maybe I should just focus on the fact that they are family after all and hey, I only have to see them once every few months so just limit the interaction

[psu2016]

clshopeful, my cousin sounds exactly like your firefighter relative. Though he is a disgruntled used car salesman who graduated with a useless English degree, he looks at it like "oh, I had to work all throughout my eight years of undergrad as a commuter student and ended up here so anyone who dares to do different is just high maintenance." And seems to project that on me especially. So I know how it is to deal with someone like that.

I guess some of you guys are right. Maybe I should just focus on the fact that they are family after all and hey, I only have to see them once every few months so just limit the interaction

You might want to check yourself here. You created a post about being judged by your relatives but you can't make a single post where you don't judge them (e.g. "small-minded," "pathetic," "useless English degree"). Are you sure you're not just getting thrown back at you what you're throwing out towards them?

[kellyfrost]

Buy an expensive watch and only wear expensive suits and shoes.

[pancakes3]

my cousin has phd in a hard science and is tenured-track prof at an ivy so i'm sure either consciously or subconsciously she thinks she's better than me but we eat turkey at thanksgiving with genuine smiles on all the same.

in fact all of my cousins are hypersuccessful and for the most part so are all of my UG friends. out of my UG friends, the only people who went back for grad degrees are those who couldn't hack it [pull 6 figures] with a bachelors or the absolute geniuses who are getting PhDs and hoping for academia. Then there there's the group of the hopelessly lost who are in law school. doesn't bother me none. we all have to make a living.

there's about a million things for friends and family to talk about and get pissed about at gatherings. what we do for a living ranks fairly low on that list.

[Winter is Coming]

I have never understood shit like this, but I guess I'm just lucky. My family at Thanksgiving literally consists of two uncles who work for McKinsey, a bunch of cops and firefighters and teachers, and then two cousins who are in and out of jail. We drink beers and talk about football. Two of my cousins were on opposite sides of a picket line (cop and carpenter's union) and we're able to laugh about that. The "blue collar" folks ask questions about law school and I ask questions about there jobs, cause it's genuinely interesting to me.

The fact that people think becoming a lawyer is somehow inherently more valuable than other jobs is bizarre. People who go to jail for non-violent offensives are less of a dredge on society that the thousands of Saul Goodman, ambulance chasing "lawyers" who the ABA and government allow to take out $300,000 to go to law school are.

[star fox]

I get it and understand where you're coming from. No advice though. Family, ya know?

What do you do when you see them though? Just listen to how pathetic you see their life setting up and smile through it while they think they have it all figured out? I've been trying this for a while now and I'm amazed that I haven't just snapped on one of them yet.

I've experienced exactly what you've expressed, though many people in my family have professional degrees. One guy I know in the family is kind of an outcast,and is a firefighter. Total blue collar guy; he views college as overly expensive and a waste of time, and that males should graduate HS and then begin a manual labor job, like a real man. I was talking to his son about going to college, since his son is like 18 and wondering if he should go. The dad was just looking at me like ''what a privileged kid, thinking he's better than manual labor.'' And then once he found out I was in law school, I could just tell he was thinking "oh he thinks he's better than us regular, blue collar people" and that going to law school/pursuing a better career to him seemed pointless and like a snobby rich-kid thing to do.

Fuckin hate it -- anytime something like this happens, I try to avoid questions re: law school; short answers, try to act like I'm really uninterested in answering them. "What type of law?" I'll say "ah, idk."

"Better career" according to whom or what metric?

And regarding college, it would definitely be better if fewer people went to college. The cost would come down.

You're seriously looking down on somebody who is a firefighter. Let that sink in.

1.) Don't act like firefighers are all selfless gods who sacrifice their lives for the communities in which they serve... I know 5 firefighters, all good guys, but all who did terrible in high school and became a FF just because it has pay/benefits.

Also, being a FF doesnt grant immunity to criticism, does it? Yeah he's a FF, but he also looks down on people who pursue college

2.) You want me to dissuade my nephew from going to college, so that it will bring the cost down for others? Really? Let THAT sink in.

3.) Better career, as in: a) Law has better lateral opportunities; b) higher pay on average; c) more ability to influence social change; d) better upward mobility

Gee I wonder why people look down on law students.

[felinafelina]

I get it and understand where you're coming from. No advice though. Family, ya know?

What do you do when you see them though? Just listen to how pathetic you see their life setting up and smile through it while they think they have it all figured out? I've been trying this for a while now and I'm amazed that I haven't just snapped on one of them yet.

I've experienced exactly what you've expressed, though many people in my family have professional degrees. One guy I know in the family is kind of an outcast,and is a firefighter. Total blue collar guy; he views college as overly expensive and a waste of time, and that males should graduate HS and then begin a manual labor job, like a real man. I was talking to his son about going to college, since his son is like 18 and wondering if he should go. The dad was just looking at me like ''what a privileged kid, thinking he's better than manual labor.'' And then once he found out I was in law school, I could just tell he was thinking "oh he thinks he's better than us regular, blue collar people" and that going to law school/pursuing a better career to him seemed pointless and like a snobby rich-kid thing to do.

Fuckin hate it -- anytime something like this happens, I try to avoid questions re: law school; short answers, try to act like I'm really uninterested in answering them. "What type of law?" I'll say "ah, idk."

"Better career" according to whom or what metric?

And regarding college, it would definitely be better if fewer people went to college. The cost would come down.

You're seriously looking down on somebody who is a firefighter. Let that sink in.

1.) Don't act like firefighers are all selfless gods who sacrifice their lives for the communities in which they serve... I know 5 firefighters, all good guys, but all who did terrible in high school and became a FF just because it has pay/benefits.

Also, being a FF doesnt grant immunity to criticism, does it? Yeah he's a FF, but he also looks down on people who pursue college

2.) You want me to dissuade my nephew from going to college, so that it will bring the cost down for others? Really? Let THAT sink in.

3.) Better career, as in: a) Law has better lateral opportunities; b) higher pay on average; c) more ability to influence social change; d) better upward mobility

Gee I wonder why people look down on law students.

Seriously. There is so much projecting in this post it's insane.
Also a nice note that neither clshopeful nor OP have actually stated "they told me that college is a waste of time and that I'm below them". It's all just smirks and looks. Yet they come on here to talk shit.

And seriously? "useless english degree"? Jfc do you realize how entitled you sound? And really - I wouldn't normally judge someone based on their law school choice - but you go to fucking Miami or some shit. You're barely one step above a "useless english degree". How does it feel to be judged by someone who goes to a "better" law school than you? Not too good, huh? Then stop fucking judging your relatives, you sound like an asshole. Get a hobby.

It's really pathetic and you need a reality check.

[jbagelboy]

I get it and understand where you're coming from. No advice though. Family, ya know?

What do you do when you see them though? Just listen to how pathetic you see their life setting up and smile through it while they think they have it all figured out? I've been trying this for a while now and I'm amazed that I haven't just snapped on one of them yet.

I've experienced exactly what you've expressed, though many people in my family have professional degrees. One guy I know in the family is kind of an outcast,and is a firefighter. Total blue collar guy; he views college as overly expensive and a waste of time, and that males should graduate HS and then begin a manual labor job, like a real man. I was talking to his son about going to college, since his son is like 18 and wondering if he should go. The dad was just looking at me like ''what a privileged kid, thinking he's better than manual labor.'' And then once he found out I was in law school, I could just tell he was thinking "oh he thinks he's better than us regular, blue collar people" and that going to law school/pursuing a better career to him seemed pointless and like a snobby rich-kid thing to do.

Fuckin hate it -- anytime something like this happens, I try to avoid questions re: law school; short answers, try to act like I'm really uninterested in answering them. "What type of law?" I'll say "ah, idk."

"Better career" according to whom or what metric?

And regarding college, it would definitely be better if fewer people went to college. The cost would come down.

You're seriously looking down on somebody who is a firefighter. Let that sink in.

1.) Don't act like firefighers are all selfless gods who sacrifice their lives for the communities in which they serve... I know 5 firefighters, all good guys, but all who did terrible in high school and became a FF just because it has pay/benefits.

Also, being a FF doesnt grant immunity to criticism, does it? Yeah he's a FF, but he also looks down on people who pursue college

2.) You want me to dissuade my nephew from going to college, so that it will bring the cost down for others? Really? Let THAT sink in.

3.) Better career, as in: a) Law has better lateral opportunities; b) higher pay on average; c) more ability to influence social change; d) better upward mobility

Gee I wonder why people look down on law students.

Seriously. There is so much projecting in this post it's insane.
Also a nice note that neither clshopeful nor OP have actually stated "they told me that college is a waste of time and that I'm below them". It's all just smirks and looks. Yet they come on here to talk shit.

And seriously? "useless english degree"? Jfc do you realize how entitled you sound? And really - I wouldn't normally judge someone based on their law school choice - but you go to fucking Miami or some shit. You're barely one step above a "useless english degree". How does it feel to be judged by someone who goes to a "better" law school than you? Not too good, huh? Then stop fucking judging your relatives, you sound like an asshole. Get a hobby.

It's really pathetic and you need a reality check.

I think you're mixing responses here b/t clshopeful and young marino.

marino does go to a TTTT law school though so it's interesting that he feels such an overwhelming sense of academic and intellectual superiority, but I guess a lawyer's a lawyer to people outside of the field

[Phil Brooks]

clshopeful, my cousin sounds exactly like your firefighter relative. Though he is a disgruntled used car salesman who graduated with a useless English degree, he looks at it like "oh, I had to work all throughout my eight years of undergrad as a commuter student and ended up here so anyone who dares to do different is just high maintenance." And seems to project that on me especially. So I know how it is to deal with someone like that.

I guess some of you guys are right. Maybe I should just focus on the fact that they are family after all and hey, I only have to see them once every few months so just limit the interaction

Did you ever consider the possibility that maybe if someone else were bankrolling him, so he could live at school and dedicate all the time he wanted to his studies, then he would've been able to do a more "useful" major?

My friend's father is a salesperson at a car dealership and put his son through undergraduate school with that job.

My guess is your cousin sees that others (you) are benefiting from privilege he didn't have and, far from being grateful for it, look down on others who weren't so lucky. And that is what is leading to his "smirks" and "looks."

Also, sorry to burst your bubble, but your cousin (who worked his way through college) will probably have a higher net worth than you for several years to come.

[Avian]

I can sort of relate. In my case it's less people looking down on me for being a lawyer and more that it can feel uncomfortable to talk about your job when you're much more successful than some of your family members or friends. If the mere fact that you're in law school is enough for them to start making negative comments then there's probably not much you can do, but otherwise I think going out of your way to be as self-deprecating as possible helps a lot. If you want to talk about law school, try to present the negatives equally with the good so you don't sound like you're just boasting. Talking about smaller picture stuff like what the day-to-day of law school is like or what things you worked on for your summer job is generally better than listing your accomplishments. For some people it may be best to just avoid the subject altogether.

[CassiusX]

I get it and understand where you're coming from. No advice though. Family, ya know?

What do you do when you see them though? Just listen to how pathetic you see their life setting up and smile through it while they think they have it all figured out? I've been trying this for a while now and I'm amazed that I haven't just snapped on one of them yet.

I've experienced exactly what you've expressed, though many people in my family have professional degrees. One guy I know in the family is kind of an outcast,and is a firefighter. Total blue collar guy; he views college as overly expensive and a waste of time, and that males should graduate HS and then begin a manual labor job, like a real man. I was talking to his son about going to college, since his son is like 18 and wondering if he should go. The dad was just looking at me like ''what a privileged kid, thinking he's better than manual labor.'' And then once he found out I was in law school, I could just tell he was thinking "oh he thinks he's better than us regular, blue collar people" and that going to law school/pursuing a better career to him seemed pointless and like a snobby rich-kid thing to do.

Fuckin hate it -- anytime something like this happens, I try to avoid questions re: law school; short answers, try to act like I'm really uninterested in answering them. "What type of law?" I'll say "ah, idk."

Let me get this straight. This "blue collar guy" literally said nothing to you as you were telling his son about going to college, but you could just "tell" how inferior he must have felt as you were talking because, after all, your career is so much "better" than his.

A few things. Number one, you sound absolutely insufferable. If he was looking at you some sort of way, it's probably because you're a total prick and it doesn't take long for people around you to realize that and want you to stfu.

Number two, where is this inflated ego coming from? The law school you attend isn't impressive. Your career choice isn't impressive. You're not superior to anyone. Just stop.