LS has made me severely depressed. About ready to GTFO. Forum

[1Lmisery]

Thanks for the feedback everyone. Removing for anonymity purposes.
Also Update: Attempting to stick it out for the semester since the $$ has already been spent. Taking the advice to give less fucks. Thanks.

[darth lulz]

didn't read that but feel you bro on the title

this sucks major asshole (not that theres anything wrong with that)

[twenty]

disclaimer: 1L

It's probably too late to drop out this semester and get your money back, so you may as well hold out through December if nothing else.

Law school seems (so far) to be the worst of academia and trade school. The shitty parts of academia (i.e, the intellectual fappery of BUT WHAT IF etc.) and the shitty parts of trade school (the realization that almost everything you're learning has zero correlation to what you're actually going to be doing) are both pretty depressing. The curve seems to bring out the inner striver-asshole in classmates that probably would have been decently chill in undergrad. Long story short, there are a lot of reasons to hate law school.

If you want to drop out, though, do yourself a huge favor and as of right now, stop giving fucks. Closed memo wasn't exactly bluebook? Who gives a fuck. Research project wasn't completed until the night before the due date? Don't give a fuck. Didn't have the answer to a cold call because you didn't do any of the reading? Your mistake was giving enough of a fuck to go to class in the first place.

[butlerraider1]

If it makes you feel any better, know that you're not alone. I used to be a confident, laid back kid. Not anymore. I know exactly how you feel.

[Young Marino]

disclaimer: 1L

It's probably too late to drop out this semester and get your money back, so you may as well hold out through December if nothing else.

Law school seems (so far) to be the worst of academia and trade school. The shitty parts of academia (i.e, the intellectual fappery of BUT WHAT IF etc.) and the shitty parts of trade school (the realization that almost everything you're learning has zero correlation to what you're actually going to be doing) are both pretty depressing. The curve seems to bring out the inner striver-asshole in classmates that probably would have been decently chill in undergrad. Long story short, there are a lot of reasons to hate law school.

If you want to drop out, though, do yourself a huge favor and as of right now, stop giving fucks. Closed memo wasn't exactly bluebook? Who gives a fuck. Research project wasn't completed until the night before the due date? Don't give a fuck. Didn't have the answer to a cold call because you didn't do any of the reading? Your mistake was giving enough of a fuck to go to class in the first place.

Lol. I agree with most of this hang in there OP. I'm not depressed but I am on edge like all the time now and have random outbursts of frustration when I get home lately. Outside of the 5 bros in my group, I've grown to loathe the rest of my classmates. Can't bear to hear the gunners speak in class anymore. Don't get me wrong, I love learning the law (except for contracts) but it just gets to be too much sometimes. It's probably just stress but whatever. Winter break is coming soon enough.

[banjo]

OP, I was in your shoes in a different degree and I dropped out. There's nothing wrong with learning about yourself and making a change, especially in your early twenties. It happens all the time. If law school is so demoralizing that you can't get out of bed for three days, I'd drop out and never look back.

[pancakes3]

This probably does not have anything to do with law school. Depression is a real, chemically induced and chemically manageable disease.

[darth lulz]

disclaimer: 1L

It's probably too late to drop out this semester and get your money back, so you may as well hold out through December if nothing else.

Law school seems (so far) to be the worst of academia and trade school. The shitty parts of academia (i.e, the intellectual fappery of BUT WHAT IF etc.) and the shitty parts of trade school (the realization that almost everything you're learning has zero correlation to what you're actually going to be doing) are both pretty depressing. The curve seems to bring out the inner striver-asshole in classmates that probably would have been decently chill in undergrad. Long story short, there are a lot of reasons to hate law school.

If you want to drop out, though, do yourself a huge favor and as of right now, stop giving fucks. Closed memo wasn't exactly bluebook? Who gives a fuck. Research project wasn't completed until the night before the due date? Don't give a fuck. Didn't have the answer to a cold call because you didn't do any of the reading? Your mistake was giving enough of a fuck to go to class in the first place.

Lol. I agree with most of this hang in there OP. I'm not depressed but I am on edge like all the time now and have random outbursts of frustration when I get home lately. Outside of the 5 bros in my group, I've grown to loathe the rest of my classmates. Can't bear to hear the gunners speak in class anymore. Don't get me wrong, I love learning the law (except for contracts) but it just gets to be too much sometimes. It's probably just stress but whatever. Winter break is coming soon enough.

well when you go to a tttt w/ stips you're gonna have a bad time

[A. Nony Mouse]

This probably does not have anything to do with law school. Depression is a real, chemically induced and chemically manageable disease.

Depression can also be the result of external factors, and the more your brain responds to a particular external situation with depression, the more entrenched those neural pathways* become, and the more likely you are to have further depressive episodes that aren't the result of external factors. So while there are plenty of people whose depression has nothing at all to do with what's going on in their life, people can also develop depression from going through difficult times in their life.

I mean, it's true that depression is a disease, and that therefore not everyone who hates law school will end up getting depressed (clinically), and there may well be internal predispositions to depression going on here. But I think saying law school has nothing to do do with it is a bit simplistic, when the OP hates law school and the depression has developed only once they got to law school. Saying that law school is a trigger (I know, TLS loves that word) doesn't mean the depression isn't a real disease. Sure, it can be managed with medication, but another way to manage depression is to address various factors in your life that trigger it.

*excuse my attempts at sounding scientific, this is how I understand it to work, but I might have the mechanisms wrong

[1Lmisery]

This probably does not have anything to do with law school. Depression is a real, chemically induced and chemically manageable disease.

The thing is my depression can be directly correlated to law school. I've never felt this way until I started law school, and it pretty much started within the first week. The thought of leaving law school and being free to explore other options that I'm truly excited about is the biggest relief I could think of right now. I know that I am clinically depressed at this point, and I am going to see someone about it, however if I require medication that I've never needed before to make it through law school, there's something seriously wrong there.

[pancakes3]

This probably does not have anything to do with law school. Depression is a real, chemically induced and chemically manageable disease.

Depression can also be the result of external factors, and the more your brain responds to a particular external situation with depression, the more entrenched those neural pathways* become, and the more likely you are to have further depressive episodes that aren't the result of external factors. So while there are plenty of people whose depression has nothing at all to do with what's going on in their life, people can also develop depression from going through difficult times in their life.

I mean, it's true that depression is a disease, and that therefore not everyone who hates law school will end up getting depressed (clinically), and there may well be internal predispositions to depression going on here. But I think saying law school has nothing to do do with it is a bit simplistic, when the OP hates law school and the depression has developed only once they got to law school. Saying that law school is a trigger (I know, TLS loves that word) doesn't mean the depression isn't a real disease. Sure, it can be managed with medication, but another way to manage depression is to address various factors in your life that trigger it.

*excuse my attempts at sounding scientific, this is how I understand it to work, but I might have the mechanisms wrong

No, your answer is probably more in line with what I was trying to convey. I didn't mean to say that LS has *nothing* to do with it but rather a) it's the depression that's keeping the OP in bed for days on end rather than a stifling of creativity and b) don't assume that dropping out will cure it. Seek help for the depression first (preferably before finals) and weigh the options of dropping out after.

This probably does not have anything to do with law school. Depression is a real, chemically induced and chemically manageable disease.

The thing is my depression can be directly correlated to law school. I've never felt this way until I started law school, and it pretty much started within the first week. The thought of leaving law school and being free to explore other options that I'm truly excited about is the biggest relief I could think of right now. I know that I am clinically depressed at this point, and I am going to see someone about it, however if I require medication that I've never needed before to make it through law school, there's something seriously wrong there.

Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe the depression is just how your body responds to stress in general and there's no guarantee that stopping law school will have your brain return to secreting the right amounts of the right chemicals to return you to a depression-free state of mind. Maybe it will, only to return when you try some other grad school, or get a job. Lots of maybes. As stated above, I think you should get the depression checked out first and see if it changes your outlook on law school rather than seeing if you can self-medicate by eliminating LS.

[A. Nony Mouse]

No, your answer is probably more in line with what I was trying to convey. I didn't mean to say that LS has *nothing* to do with it but rather a) it's the depression that's keeping the OP in bed for days on end rather than a stifling of creativity and b) don't assume that dropping out will cure it. Seek help for the depression first (preferably before finals) and weigh the options of dropping out after.

Oh, I get what you mean. Yeah, I agree with this (and the second part of your comment).

[sfoglia]

This probably does not have anything to do with law school. Depression is a real, chemically induced and chemically manageable disease.

0L so I can't speak to any of this besides saying telling you that I suffered from major depressive episode during my first year of graduate school, so much so that I considered dropping out around November. It wasn't what I expected, I wasn't sure I had made the right decision, but more than anything, I was just depressed and school seemed the only reason I would have to be so miserable. I stayed. I'm still disappointed in my performance that year, but I'm glad I stayed. I really did want the degree. And my work in the second year did a lot to negate the failures of the previous.

Try to get some sun. Try to work out a few times a week, eat well, refrain from drinking. Try not to sleep too much. Try to keep your home tidy, so as not to feel further overwhelmed. Depression is insidious until it becomes all-consuming, so if you are feeling the effects so strongly now, it's likely going to be a bit before you feel well again. Take care of yourself as best as you can.

And you really should see a doctor immediately. If you are in your twenties, this really isn't an odd time for mental illness to manifest. Don't get prideful, don't be skeptical, just go. If you had a persistent cough that was interfering with your ability to function daily - to climb stairs, or carry your heavy books, or get a full night's sleep - you'd see a doctor. This isn't any different.

Feel free to PM me if you need to chat. I really hope that you feel better soon.

[sfoglia]

Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe the depression is just how your body responds to stress in general and there's no guarantee that stopping law school will have your brain return to secreting the right amounts of the right chemicals to return you to a depression-free state of mind. Maybe it will, only to return when you try some other grad school, or get a job. Lots of maybes. As stated above, I think you should get the depression checked out first and see if it changes your outlook on law school rather than seeing if you can self-medicate by eliminating LS.

I would add that making a major life decision when you aren't in the proper frame of mind is rarely a good decision. If you still hate law school in a few months, after seeking treatment, then you can still drop out. So, better to wait to be sure.

[twenty]

Can't bear to hear the gunners speak in class anymore.

bro take the attitude that letting gunners mouth off in class means less opportunity for the prof to grill you later on some arcane case because some piece of shit already wasted all his time in class talking about I HAD A FRIEND WHO WAS A PARALEGAL.

A couple of gunners have already clocked out in my class. I'm disappointed.

[runinthefront]

.

[Johann]

stick out the rest of the semester, but take some pressure off of yourself. if you dont like you can leave at that point and things will be just fine. worst case scenario is you went a little outta your way to end up in a good spot. but for now take a deep breath. everything is okay. do what you feel like doing. download some outlines. you arent behind at all.

[banjo]

OP shouldn't have been in law school in the first place. He came for all the wrong reasons and is staying for all the wrong reasons too. He openly admits that he should have taken more time to decide if law school was the right move. I know that depression can warp perceptions, but we shouldn't just dismiss the multiple valid arguments he's made against being in law school. Even if he wasn't depressed, I would recommend a leave of absence to figure things out.

My first memo was torturous because of the strict structure and guidelines. I don't feel like I have any creativity anymore. I used to be an English major and I loved researching and writing.

I came to law school because I wanted to make a difference in the world. I am very passionate about environmental issues and I figured this was the only way to make real changes occur. Now that I've learned more about the profession, it seems like you are really just a slave to your client and the substantive law.

When I think about getting out of law school, it is the greatest relief I can imagine.

But then I remember that I might regret it, that I might disappoint people, that I've never given up on something like this, that I've come so far to get here, and maybe I still believe that it's the only way to make real changes in the world.

I guess I'm also scared because I'm not sure what else I would do. My BA doesn't exactly guarantee a job. Either way, in hindsight, I should've taken more time to decide what I wanted to do, but I wasn't ready to be done with academia.

I even had a crisis during my senior year when I questioned whether LS was right for me and I looked into some MA programs.

[Paul Campos]

OP: Whether you should stay in law school, take a leave of absence, or drop out completely is something that you should decide in the context of a treatment plan for the serious and dangerous illness you've encountered. That plan needs to be devised by medical professionals who specialize in the treatment of depression, not by your family, friends, or internet advisers. Please get help immediately.

[jbagelboy]

OP -- sorry for your troubles. Many of us have been there and we empathize. I'll second Prof Campos that you should be looking beyond the internet for answers, if you haven't done so already, before this tailspins out of your control.

Just to play devil's advocate and push on some of the opinions here, OP definitely seems "little d" depressed right now, but he/she and we might be jumping to unwarranted conclusions in assuming they are truly a Clinical Depressive. Let's qualify "severely depressed." We throw around these armchair psychology diagnoses all the time when someone exhibits a few classic symptoms, i.e. lethargy, poor sleep patterns, inability to feel happy about normal activities. Situated in the context of major life decisions (dropping out of graduate school), however, we should take extra care. Simply brushing off OP's struggle as depression also conveniently avoids addressing the more substantive problem of whether they want to be an attorney/whether law school is the right path.

Most of us would be lying if we said we hadn't exhibited some similar symptoms and sentiments during our 1L. I had days/weeks when I strongly considered bailing and taking my old job back; my first memo sucked and I couldn't have cared less; I had periods where the thought of attending class made me want to vomit. Many friends felt the same way at times. I'm tempted to say this is almost part of the "1L" experience (although the longevity of your suffering and your true practical misgivings about the degree definitely present an extreme). By contrast, many years earlier in my life I actually was diagnosed with depression and anxiety orders, placed on xanax and lexapro, and spent several nights heavily medicated in a psychiatric ward. [Please don't quote this sentence]. My lack of functionality vastly surpassed OP's current description. Also, OP said they did not exhibit depressive symptoms prior to starting law school. This all leads me to believe that OP is not a clinically depressive person, but more just a struggling law student who should seriously question their pursuit of a JD.

Which brings me closer to banjo's conclusion that this is someone who should re-evaluate whether they should be in law school, given their goals and appreciation of subject matter. Maybe they should speak with some professors or neutral professionals who can provide honest feedback, rather than making the decision on a gut-impulse to flee when the going gets rough. A friend of mine dropped out at the end of last year (she just didn't show to her spring finals and left after) after a life crisis, a depressive period and a realization that even a JD from the very best schools wasn't going to give her the skills or employability in her chosen field. Of course, it was probably a more complex mix of factors.

Right now, I would recommend getting away for the weekend and seeing some college friends, going to the gym several times a week, seeing the law school psychologist on-call (I did this last year once and believe it or not, it did help), joining one non-academic activity where you are still engaging with the law school community per week -- for example, a poker club, a trivia night, an environmental law interest society, ect. -- give fewer shits about cold calls and blue booking, and reach out to the people who inspired you to attend law school in the first place or who might be knowledgeable about the trajectory you need to take to address the environmental law issues that concern you. I think you should probably drop out because it will only get worse, but thats after reading one post on the internet so I'm not fully comfortable with that conclusion.

If you do drop out, I'll just venture to say it won't be easy -- leaving graduate school without a job lined up and a relatively useless BA is no panacea. There will be a stigma of sorts attached to you leaving the program in the immediate, but that will pass once you have some other lines on your resume. You are k-jd right? so a lot of your college classmates probably aren't even employed yet in this market since they've only been out of school 5 months. Regardless, if you do drop out and things don't improve me as far as the depression is concerned, definitely seek psychological help and medication if necessary.

[AReasonableMan]

You have to do things you enjoy to reward yourself for doing things you don't, or you're going to get depressed.

[MarkfromWI]

If you want to know my two cents, I say get out now. Even if it's too late to get a refund on this semester's tuition, you won't be on the hook for next semester's yet. Also, if you get out now before the end of the semester, you won't have poor grades on your transcript should you decide a few years down the line that you want to give LS another shot. I know it might be tough not necessarily having a backup plan outside of the law right now, but at this point it sounds like anything is better than where you're at. Best of luck to you

[AReasonableMan]

Taking a week off is fine. If you are good at taking law school tests you won't do poorly, and if you are not then you will. It's a marathon. Grades are critically important but the presumption that work equals grades is wrong. You should never beat yourself up for taking time to get your brain right.

It sounds like you have depression, which is common given your situation (big life change and realization your hopes don't match reality). There's nothing necessarily wrong with you chemically. You should speak to a therapist, especially if you have thoughts of harming yourself or others in which case you should do so immediately. Aside from that you are correct about what your likely future as a lawyer is, though slave is a little histrionic. Most professions require you to either make something, trade something, or provide something for others. If you are interested in law as a vocation over other attainable vocations you should buckle down by November 1 with your shit in order.

[patogordo]

not to freak you out op but you might just be depressed because of life. i would def see someone and not expect dropping out to make things better.

[AReasonableMan]

Wanted to follow up that I was pretty bummed about first semester LRW for similar reasons (but not depressed). What you will ultimately learn are that the rules and limiting creativity do not mean that you do not have a voice. To the contrary, you have a stronger voice. By restricting your subjectiveness, your work will be more trusted, which means you have a stronger voice. Creativity is also very valuable to being better at what your purpose is in writing them: helping the partner help the client. "Due to the reasons listed above, xxx claim is unlikely to survive summary judgment. However, yyy claim may be more effective, because..."