dilemma - advice needed Forum

[qwertypie]

Hi all,

After hearing about my dilemma, a friend who's a current law student recommended i post my question on top-law-schools...i don't really know anything about this site, so apologies if I'm not following proper protocol here (and please enlighten me if that's the case!).

Anyway, I'm entering law school this fall, and a very close friend of mine is getting married in early December. I checked the academic calendar, and it looks like her wedding is the Sunday right before finals begin. The ceremony is not a plane ride away, but it's not a train ride either...it's at least a two or three hour car ride away. Complicating matters is that this friend recently asked me to be a bridesmaid, which would entail hair, makeup, picture-taking, etc., which will span that entire day -- thus I would be losing an entire day of studying likely less than 24 hours before finals begin, and it would probably mess with my sleep schedule since I would have to wake up very early that morning and likely be arriving home late that evening. While I can certainly plan ahead and frontload studying as much as possible in the months/weeks leading up to finals, I'm still concerned about the potential ramifications of attending an all-day event on the eve of finals.

Put simply, I am absolutely honored to have been invited to this wedding and to have been asked to be a bridesmaid, but at the same time I'm highly concerned because I have heard, time and again, about the sheer importance of 1L grades, which all boil down to a single exam at the end of the semester. I value my friendship with this person immensely, but at the same time, I care a great, great deal about performing well on exams (as does everyone, obviously). I am wondering if anyone has ever had a similar situation before, where they had an important event right before 1L finals, and if so, how did you handle it? Does it simply come down to choosing one over the other, or is it possible to find some sort of happy medium?

Thank you in advance!

[superbloom]

I missed my girlfriend's undergrad graduation to study for finals. However, her graduation was on a Saturday and my exam was on a Monday, and it was a 6 hour drive away. Here, I would say that it depends upon your finals schedule. If you dont have a final until, say, Wednesday and the Wedding is on Sunday, then maybe it'll work, as long as you're home by Monday morning. Contact your school and see if there is any way they could give you the finals schedule in advance. I know at my school sometimes arrangements are made, but I dont know if a school will accommodate a bridesmaid.

[NotMyRealName09]

First semester 1L grades are the single most important set of grades you will earn up to that point in your life (unless you somehow have some other graduate degree already). It's not an over statement to say your entire career trajectory can depend on acing that first semester.

I'm of the opinion that when entering law school, especially that first year, you need to prep friends and family for the reality that your law school schedule is going to take over your life. Have no shame in telling people you can't make it out because you have to study.

Can you succeed and attend the wedding too? Maybe. But you're going to be so stressed about your upcoming exams, you won't enjoy the wedding as much as you should and you'll be missing prime study time while your peers are studying, jeopardizing your chances of success. So I say don't do it.

[jdx2014]

Most people are pretty cool about that kind of stuff, just be honest and send a nice card with some flowers.
Don't over think it. That is time you could have spent studying for those finals you are so worried about.

[jchiles]

I don't really think that, over the course of an entire semester, missing out on one day of studying (even right before finals) will be the reason you don't do as well as someone else. But the above poster is right about it being very hard to enjoy the wedding, I know how difficult it was for me to even spend a few hours out to dinner or at a party the week before/during finals week because of that persistent feeling that I should be at least making an effort to study.

[kingjones59]

I skipped on a similar situation for a wedding that was in late October for December finals. Couldn't imagine risking the day before. You can front load all you want, the matter of fact is you don't want other stuff clouding your mind right before a final. For the three or four days before a final or whatever I would live and breath ConLaw.

Also, the big thing about 1L for me was the attitude of "no regrets". The last thing I would want hanging over my head is getting a B in a class that I went to a wedding the night before. I would always think that I could have done better if I spent that time studying. Whereas if you skip the wedding and still get a B, you don't have to deal with that. (since your an 0L --> B'S are bad)

[jdx2014]

I don't really think that, over the course of an entire semester, missing out on one day of studying (even right before finals) will be the reason you don't do as well as someone else.

I am assuming you have taken law school finals right?
Not true

[beepboopbeep]

I don't really think that, over the course of an entire semester, missing out on one day of studying (even right before finals) will be the reason you don't do as well as someone else.

I am assuming you have taken law school finals right?
Not true

I've missed out on a ton of days of studying this past year for the sake of clearing my mind and getting some R&R in the midst of all the craziness. If anything I think it's helped my grades. No regrets is one thing, but going balls to the wall every single day is not healthy.

The Sunday right before finals is another story. That is crunch time and I agree with the posters above that you should prioritize studying in that period. You can explain how important 1L grades are to your future and hopefully they'll understand, and support your decision.

[Huluba]

Don't do it. You won't have a good time by the wedding with finals on your mind and its not worth the regret.

[Hufflepuffer]

I don't think this is that big of a deal. If you really want to go, then go. It's only 3 hrs away. You can study/outline plenty of time before finals begin, especially if you have good motivation to do so. Odds are you won't even have a final that Monday anyway. And if you do have a final the day after the wedding just... don't get smashed.

[suzige]

No way. Especially not for first semester finals. There will be many events/holidays/fun times w/ friends and family that you will have to miss during 1L in order to do your best on the exams. Every spare hour counts leading up to finals. You are sleep deprived, cranky, pissed off, stressed, and bloated and/or constipated from eating like shit since you have little time to care otherwise. Your brain will literally hurt sometimes leading up to finals. You have no idea what to do or what to expect so you are trying to study everything in every way. You will not be in the best state of mind to be a "good" bridesmaid for your friend that day (sure, brides promise they won't be a bit crazy leading up to the wedding but I have yet to see that ever... ) Having a wedding breathing down your neck when you are trying to get thru torts isn't going to be pretty.

I get the whole "wedding is a once in a lifetime thing" thing but your 1L finals are going to be huge in determining the rest of your life. Just do yourself a huge favor by telling your friend thanks for the honor but you don't want to commit to something so demanding around a very stressful time in your life. In fairness to her, if she wants a bridal party who is all in for the day and leading up to it, you won't be so available. Use the money you'll be saving on bridesmaid apparel and such to send a nice gift and a thoughtful card.

As others have said, your friends and family will be taking a back seat to your 1L. I cannot stress enough that 0Ls grasp this reality early on to be psychologically prepared for it. You will miss a lot of parties and major events in pple's lives. You may feel left out of your family and friends' lives. This happens and it REALLY sucks. But that's what you signed up for unfortunately

[BVest]

I don't think this is that big of a deal. If you really want to go, then go. It's only 3 hrs away. You can study/outline plenty of time before finals begin, especially if you have good motivation to do so. Odds are you won't even have a final that Monday anyway. And if you do have a final the day after the wedding just... don't get smashed.

I generally agree with this. I disagree with the "odds are you won't have a final that Monday" part. The schools with whose final schedules I'm familiar tend to have the first 1L final on the first day of finals and the last one on the last day with the rest fairly evenly spaced in between.

ETA, but don't discount the caveat of "if you have good motivation to do so." Some people require the deadline, and if you're that type of person, maybe you should beg off.

BTW, This is where being a part of a good study group that's well organized and lays out a timeline for outline and study sessions in advance would be helpful. I was part of such a group and we had two scheduled meetings a week from October onward and then met just about every day starting at Thanksgiving (including online meetings). I can sometimes be deadline-reliant, but found the study group was its own sort of deadline and that I didn't want to fail to pull my weight. In the end, we were all 4 top 1/3, with two of us top 5% and three of us making LR.

[beepboopbeep]

No way. Especially not for first semester finals. There will be many events/holidays/fun times w/ friends and family that you will have to miss during 1L in order to do your best on the exams. Every spare hour counts leading up to finals. You are sleep deprived, cranky, pissed off, stressed, and bloated and/or constipated from eating like shit since you have little time to care otherwise. Your brain will literally hurt sometimes leading up to finals. You have no idea what to do or what to expect so you are trying to study everything in every way. You will not be in the best state of mind to be a "good" bridesmaid for your friend that day (sure, brides promise they won't be a bit crazy leading up to the wedding but I have yet to see that ever... ) Having a wedding breathing down your neck when you are trying to get thru torts isn't going to be pretty.

I still agree with the outcome - don't make this commitment for the day before your first final - but it's really not THAT bad. If you are literally in pain because you're studying so hard for finals, take a break. Watch some TV, play some games, go out to eat. Your brain will thank you for it when you're in the exam room and haven't fried all your neurons.

Travelling a few hours each way and being in a wedding probably leads to more stress than just doing nothing that day.

[horriblegb]

Agreeing with others above, my second semester 1L year i had almost the same situation (except the wedding was across the country) and i chose to skip it. I was very sad that i missed it, but i did not pay all of that money to screw up in the finals

[jchiles]

I am assuming you have taken law school finals right?
Not true

I've gone through finals twice now, but obviously what works for me may not be the same for other people. If you have final on Monday I can definitely see not wanting to take off the entire day beforehand. OP, finals information may be located somewhere on your law school website, I know at my school this is not password-protected, and if it is I'm sure a 2L or 3L at your school would give you the info on when finals are scheduled. Of course, this won't be too helpful if you don't have your class schedule and professor names yet.

[jdx2014]

I am assuming you have taken law school finals right?
Not true

I've gone through finals twice now, but obviously what works for me may not be the same for other people. If you have final on Monday I can definitely see not wanting to take off the entire day beforehand. OP, finals information may be located somewhere on your law school website, I know at my school this is not password-protected, and if it is I'm sure a 2L or 3L at your school would give you the info on when finals are scheduled. Of course, this won't be too helpful if you don't have your class schedule and professor names yet.

1L is a lot of cramming, and maybe you are extra gifted or something but last minute cramming is essential to most to get a decent grade. Will they "pass" without it? Sure. Will they get the same grade? No.

2L is a little bit like that, but you at least have a "lay of the land" so it isn't as bad.

3L has no finals anyways. (not real ones anyways)

And I agree that it varies by Prof. I picked a lot of classes BECAUSE of who the Prof was (not that you get that option always)

[Hufflepuffer]

I generally agree with this. I disagree with the "odds are you won't have a final that Monday" part. The schools with whose final schedules I'm familiar tend to have the first 1L final on the first day of finals and the last one on the last day with the rest fairly evenly spaced in between.

ETA, but don't discount the caveat of "if you have good motivation to do so." Some people require the deadline, and if you're that type of person, maybe you should beg off.

Fair enough, I can only speak from personal experience.

The OP said she really wanted to go to the wedding, so if that's the case, then I think she should just go and not stress out so much about it. There's enough time to study beforehand that you don't *have* to cram Sunday night, though I understand some ppl work best under that kind of pressure.

Btw, asking TLS for advice was a terrible decision. Now she'll be having panic attacks on top of feeling guilty

[qwertypie]

Wow, I had no idea people on this forum were so responsive..thank you so much for all of the incredibly informative and thoughtful responses! It seems like the near-unanimous sentiment here is for me to skip out on the wedding. Obviously this isn't ideal, but it seems that there's not really an alternative in this situation. The last thing I want to do, as others had cautioned, is look back after I've received my 1L grades and wonder if I could have performed better had I not gone to the wedding.

Full disclosure -- I'm headed to Penn (hopefully I'm not breaking any forum rules re: revealing info about myself!). According to Penn's website, finals are from December 9th to 19th. I can't seem to find anything more specific than that, though if there are any Penn students around here who could speak to when exactly finals typically take place during first semester of 1L year, that would be wonderful.

You have all been hugely helpful in informing my decision. Thank you again!

[jumpin munkey]

Penn's 1L finals begin on Tuesday (likely with Contracts) and end the next Thursday or Friday. Penn also only has 3 finals first semester. That said, losing an entire day is pretty risky. Plus most people are pretty nervous before their first final, so you probably won't enjoy the wedding as much as you otherwise would.

[jdx2014]

Penn's 1L finals begin on Tuesday (likely with Contracts) and end the next Thursday or Friday. Penn also only has 3 finals first semester. That said, losing an entire day is pretty risky. Plus most people are pretty nervous before their first final, so you probably won't enjoy the wedding as much as you otherwise would.

I must be too tired.........Penn's at first glance looked like something inappropriate...........

[NoChainz]

Penn's 1L finals begin on Tuesday (likely with Contracts) and end the next Thursday or Friday. Penn also only has 3 finals first semester. That said, losing an entire day is pretty risky. Plus most people are pretty nervous before their first final, so you probably won't enjoy the wedding as much as you otherwise would.

Yep that's how it was this year, so theoretically you would have all of Monday. Is it possible for you to go to the wedding but not as a bridesmaid? That way you don't have to lose so much study time and can still attend?

[sparty99]

I would probably not go. You need to be in the library every day starting from Thanksgiving.

If you do go, don't be in the wedding. She will also want you to attend her wedding shower/bridesmaid get a way. These are law school finals and you must be selfish with your time.

[CourCour]

You should not go if you're too type A to actually enjoy yourself, going to the wedding will add to your stress, or if there's an open bar (who needs the temptation). Also if you're a slacker/ procrastinator and won't be able to actually get stuff done in advance, then you probably shouldn't go.

If you can go and enjoy yourself, its a great idea. But remember to skip the bar. Really though, if missing one day of studying is enough to tank you than you're screwed anyways. I'm of the opinion cramming during finals is counterproductive.

Middle ground: decline being in the wedding party but agree to go. That way if you get super stressed as the day approaches you can back out.

Edit: this is assuming its actually a good friend of yours and not an acquaintance.

[qwertypie]

thanks again, everyone, for the helpful responses, and thank you especially to the penn people for chiming in with info re: the finals schedule for 1L's. you've all given me a lot to think about, and i really appreciate your advice!

[BigRob]

I saw my time leading up to exams as increasingly valuable -- by this I mean, five hours of study early in the semester might equal an hour of study a week before the final. Maybe ten hours as compared to an hour the day before the exam.

There's no way I'd skip out on an entire day of study in the last week; it's like throwing away so many weighted-hours of study potential.