Timing your Poops for the Bar Exam Forum

[dudeman2014]

Hi,

I normally like to sleep late, maybe til 11:30 AM or 12 noon on most days. Within 1 or 2 hours of wakeup I usually make a movement. Obviously with the bar exam next week, I have had to move my wakeup times up steadily to prepare for the 6:30 AM wake up on exam day. Well, a problem I have now been experiencing is that as I move my wakeup times earlier, my "movements" have also "moved" earlier in the day as well. Like literally it will happen at 10:30 am which is the worst possible time because that's right in the middle of the morning session.

What can I do about this? Is there enough time to poo during the AM session and still do okay on the essays? Is anyone else worried about this? I'm not worried about MBE day because I always finish with enough time there.

Thanks in advance

[truevines]

You won't have any movement during those two or three days. Trust me. Not at all.

[c3pO4]

this thread was inevitable

[DwightSchruteFarms]

this thread was inevitable

[Nightrunner]

I'm pretty sure the only answer is to take a laxative the night before so you wake up and immediately empty your entire gastrointestinal tract.

[ninereal]

Personally, I plan on shitting myself mid-exam. You fuckers better hope you're not in my testing room.

[Nightrunner]

I'm kind of surprised I haven't seen a "Depends" post yet.

[kaiser]

Lets hear from the losers who genuinely suggested wearing adult diapers for the LSAT

[09042014]

Take immodium AD the night before, the day of, the night of day 1 and the morning of day 2.

You won't shit for a week.

[Joe Quincy]

Get up an hour early and drink some coffee. Problem solved.

[dr123]

get one of the plugs they put in show dogs.

[09042014]

If you have to go that bad, just run and drop it fast.

[Reinhardt]

You can't hold it in? Unless it's liquid, I don't see a problem.

[Nightrunner]

My inner frat star is wondering whether you could take use the basic beer bong hardware (funnels and tubes) to reroute into some sort of Ghostbusters portapotty backpack.

[RodneyBoonfield]

Coffee and a filling meal will make you dump in the morning pretty quickly. I'd probably eat a substantial meal the night before as well.

[Bronte]

I would just go take a shit if it were getting bad. The essays are pretty simplistic and you can easily bank some time.

[Nightrunner]

Real barzam studs just keep outlining their answer on the wall in fecal matter.

[Excellent117]

This post reminds me of Van Wilder

[rayiner]

The bar exam is not time-crunched as much as a law school exam. You can afford five minutes to poop. Hell, I took a few minutes in the middle of each session to wash my face and relax. NBD.

[dudeman2014]

I would just go take a shit if it were getting bad. The essays are pretty simplistic and you can easily bank some time.

Would be fine except I tend to take a while on the john. I mean I'm not writing a novel in there but I tend to need a good 15-20 minutes as I'm a bigger guy. I doubt I have a full 15-20 minutes to spare, so I guess I just need to speed it up, which is going to be challenging.

However, I know I'm not the worst offender when it comes to time spent on the crapper. I used to live with this Korean d00d while in law school, he would literally take his laptop in there (we had one bathroom for a 4 bedroom house) and watch a full length feature film. We all would be like "get outta there dude I need to use the bathroom!" and he'd be on like hour two of some crazy film about martial arts, lol. I think he was paranoid we would smell his stench or something, so he'd stay in there until he felt it was safe for others to use it.

Anyway, I am leaning toward the Immodium AD idea, or just trying to force one out the morning of the exam. More suggestions would be helpful though because this is causing me a lot of anxiety.

[kaiser]

You will be so nervous the morning of, it won't be too difficult to make a pre-test bathroom run. Plus, we get a mid-test break each day, so I really don't see what the issue is.

[nyknicks]

Get your hands on two ice cubes, a wine bottle cork,a latex condom, Johnson and Johnson KY Jelly Personal Water-Based Lubricant(tm) and 3.5 ounces of Captain Morgan Spiced Rum(tm) then pm me for instructions.

You are welcome in advance.

[dudeman2014]

You will be so nervous the morning of, it won't be too difficult to make a pre-test bathroom run. Plus, we get a mid-test break each day, so I really don't see what the issue is.

As I wrote in the original post, I usually "move" about an hour or two after I wakeup. This is like clockwork. If I wake up at 10, I move at noon, wake up at 8, move at 10, etc. Therefore, if I want to make a movement before the bar exam starts in the morning, I would need to wake up at something like 4:30 or 5 am to be on the safe side. This is obviously not a responsible decision.

[cinephile]

Have you tried the mayonnaise enema? That'll settle things if you do it the morning of.

[Nightrunner]

Have you tried the mayonnaise enema? That'll settle things if you do it the morning of.

Wait I thought that was for recreational use only.