The Ultimate Law School Gunner Forum

[babazina]

Came across this thread of someone asking for advice on how to become the ultimate law school gunner. I had to stop reading several times to save myself from dying of laughter.

--LinkRemoved--

[goosey]

really? ou found this funny?

i read it for about 5 minutes...and yeah...its so not funny.

but then you also only have one post and so you just want to send people to autoadmit or something weird like that

[071816]

really? ou found this funny?

i read it for about 5 minutes...and yeah...its so not funny.

but then you also only have one post and so you just want to send people to autoadmit or something weird like that

wtf? I thought that shit was pretty funny. There was actually a thread sort of based on that thread here a while back. I think it got moved to the lounge though.

[Transferthrowaway]

really? ou found this funny?

i read it for about 5 minutes...and yeah...its so not funny.

but then you also only have one post and so you just want to send people to autoadmit or something weird like that

[FeelTheHeat]

...You caught me, I am a spy from a rival website whose sole goal is to steal you away from TLS. I apologize for being a registered user on TLS longer than you have and can't match your 1700+ posts so that you can consider me credible.

[Extension_Cord]

really? ou found this funny?

i read it for about 5 minutes...and yeah...its so not funny.

but then you also only have one post and so you just want to send people to autoadmit or something weird like that

I thought it was hilarious.

"bring a tiny podium to class everyday"

[downstream]

xoxo >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> TLS

there is some genuine comedy on that board, this place is filled with SPS TTTs

[biglaw$]

Disagree with the Prof, that's a good one.

[shepdawg]

That thread gets necromancered at least a few times a year. I think it's hilarious.

[tyro]

really? ou found this funny?

i read it for about 5 minutes...and yeah...its so not funny.

but then you also only have one post and so you just want to send people to autoadmit or something weird like that

That thread is funny as hell! Either you are in a bad mood or sarcasm gives you an angry.

Kid wearing a suit to class and starting a "group"? If that doesn't make you just die you need to chill dude.

[ephemeral.bete.noire]

"I think I know what to do - one day, while gunning, I'll get into such a heated and passionate argument with the prof that at the end of my speech, I just puke all over my desk.

But what will make it legendary is when I wipe off my mouth and continue gunning like nothing happened."

LOL I just spit wine all over my laptop reading this

[Bildungsroman]

That thread always cheers me up no matter how many times it gets linked.

"Refer to yourself in the 3rd person, but call yourself "learned hand"."

"Get a personal note taker. Make him/her answer only when you speak. The note taker should be a little smaller than you, but dressed exactly the same."

[Total Litigator]

Some lame stuff, but lot's of gems; my favs:

stand up to talk

"randomly approach people during lunch and ask them if they have any questions for you regarding contracts etc."

Bring in TOTALLY irrelevant subject matter from other academic disciplines as well as life experiences. And I mean purely and totally not even remotely relevant. In grad school, in a literature seminar, we had a gunner who, quite literally, prefaced just a few of his comments/questions towards the professor (who was like a faculty emeritus or some crazy influential thing to boot) with the following:
"Now I assume you know little about particle physics, so please allow me to explain the rudiments of it prior to providing my answer..."
"I often asked myself that very question while preparing to sit for my finals at Oxford"
"As a (some name i don't recall) Scholar, I've clearly given this thought..."
"Having minored in physics, I think i can bring forth an interesting perspective to this issue, as the hard sciences are often ignored in literature" (this one caused me to almost shit myself).

At the end of class, before the prof leaves, turn on the speaker system and offer to tutor you classmates on the lecture they just sat through.

Take one of those 2-week summer classes at Oxford or Cambridge the summer before you begin, and buy a school ring. You need to have a wide variety of "When I was at______" or "I learned while visiting ______" phrases.

Distribute your own legal newsletter on campus beginning two weeks before 1L. Bing enough copies to class for everyone. Do not stop the presses until finals. Make sure that the logo looks prestigious.

the ultimate gunner should always have a cordless mic system on hand. When everyone is sitting around, discussing how they "feel" about the law, you can quickly and authoritatively make your opinions known.

each day wear a three piece suit and equip a pocket watch. When the professor begins to tell a war story about his days clerking or practicing (i.e. you don't have an opportunity to talk), be sure to take out the pocket watch and CLICK it open, shut it, and put it back in your vest

Outside of class, mention to your classmates that the Professor is "nice, but not particularly bright and a little too focused on black letter law instead of theory

First and foremost, DO NOT RAISE YOUR HAND. Raising your hand is for an inferior waiting timidly to be called upon. A Legendary Gunner is second to NO man, including the professor. When the professor offers a statement you take exception to (which should be approximately 60-80% of all statements offered) you must IMMEDIATELY slam your fist onto the table and exclaim "I will not have you making a mockery of this classroom!" Following this outburst you must offer an extended explaination as to why the objectionable statement was/is wrong.

[Total Litigator]

Wow. Here are two epic posts:

When I was at UCB, I was the ultimate gunner. I wore a 3-piece gray pinstripe suit with a white silk dess shirt and a green silk tie everyday. Not to mention a fake rolex which I tried to mention as often as possible - "you just cannot find good timepieces anymore" - and cufflinks.


Never once did I take notes in class. I never bothered to raise my hand, and just spat out my comments, which I tried to do in a longwinded manner. I kept myself to a maximum of 2 5-minute speeches per class, though, as not to piss off the teacher too much and hurt my grades.


I aced every one of my classes, and graduated with a 4.0.


I used to rip on my professors and fellow students in a really meanspirited way, then end with "I kid, of course."


When I got a perfect GRE Q score, I mentioned it in every math and econ class. Once my trig 2 prof said to me "you're very proud of that, aern't you." To which I replied, "Frankly, I felt cheated. But, you must remember, the proctor was an a-rab, so I know what goes on."


It takes balls to say that at UCB.


In one class with no students or profs that I'd met before, I faked a british accent for an entire semester. It did wonders for me. I actually got the prof to write me a LOR in which he said how lucky he was to have such a great overseas student in his class, and that it took someone with "tremendous courage" to leave oxford because he found it too conservative.


When I was in class with a member of the campus republicans, I accused him of being a racist who wanted to "keep blacks and women in their place."


I always finished my exams before anyone. Once, I handed the prof an apple on the way into the test, on which I had written "35 minutes" with a sharpie. When I finished the test, I pointed to my watch and said, "Ohh, I was off by three minutes - it only took 32."


I am the ultimate gunner. I am legend. Now that I am at cornell, I tell people in the program that I am there only to bring up their USNWR rankings. I tell them that I cannot wait to transfer to Princeton or Harvard, where I will write a seperate dissertation for a second Ph.D in abnormal psychology dissecting the "ape-brains" at Cornell.


I also wear a yarmukle to class which I had handmade with stiching on the top reading "Perfect GRE."


I am also 6'5 and 230lb.


The ultimate gunning session was during a course on gender studies when we discussed religious people converting lesbians and gays. I stood up - got out of my fucking chair - and said "Let us suppose that we have a room full of lesbians," I began. Next, I snapped my fingers loudly and said "you throw me in there, problem solved."


I then bowed and sat down.


Prestigious?
And


Also, find a gunner friend and engage in this classic gunner team work:


Gunner 1: "Professor, I know we are in a rush to get through the material, but before we go on, I need to ask you this really specific, esoteric, obviously useless detailed question about the difference between S-Corps and LLCs and how they effect tax consequences." Then ask the question in a way that makes no sense.


The prof then avoids the question in an attempt not to embarass the gunner, sending subtle hints like "we need to move on" that he isn't interested in continuing the discussion.


Gunner 1 (without raising his hand, just talking): "But professor, that didn't really answer my question." Ask it again, but this time change it a little so it isn't even the same question, but again it doesn't make any sense.


By now the Prof is annoyed, but he tries again, again not answering the question because the question makes no sense.


Gunner 2: "But professor, what I think Gunner 1 was asking was..." (again, ask a slightly different question which also makes no sense).


If you do this well, it will become an episode that none of your classmates ever forget, you will hear loud signs around the room, and you will ruin about 30 minutes worth of class time. If you try to calculate how many thousands of dollars of tuition money you wasted, especially in a big class, no gunner could feel more proud.

[071816]

This was probably my favorite post:

The Gunner Bible

1) Wear earned/stolen/borrowed military medals all around campus, no matter what you are wearing (e.g., pin them to your swimming trunks when in the pool).

2) Wear shirts with obscure legal passages printed on them.

3) Never leave home without your roly-bag.

4) At the beginning of every class, just before the prof arrives, remind the class how much you rock. You could do this by yelling out your LSAT/GPA combo, in addition to ranting about your prestige, fact or fiction (ala 174, but increase the douchbaggery. It sounds difficult, I know, but you are shooting for legend)

5) At the end of class, before the prof leaves, turn on the speaker system and offer to tutor you classmates on the lecture they just sat through.

6) Refer to yourself in the 3rd person, but call yourself "learned hand".

7) Take one of those 2-week summer classes at Oxford or Cambridge the summer before you begin, and buy a school ring. You need to have a wide variety of "When I was at______" or "I learned while visiting ______" phrases.

8 Get a personal note taker. Make him/her answer only when you speak. The note take should be a little smaller than you, but dressed exactly the same. Even though you will be taking your own notes, you need to have a backup for any syllables missed while thinking up your brilliant gunner hypos.

9) Distribute your own legal newsletter on campus beginning two weeks before 1L. Bing enough copies to class for everyone. Do not stop the presses until finals. Make sure that the logo looks prestigious.

10) Get your segway souped up. It should sound like a Harley if you are going 12 mph or 2. Be sure to ride it into the classroom, right up to your seat if possible. Let your roly-bag drag from the back, hitting the ankles of those who would stand in your way.

[tyro]

I think the story about the dartmouth dude who had petitions signed against him for being too much of a gunner was my fav

[babazina]

really? ou found this funny?

i read it for about 5 minutes...and yeah...its so not funny.

but then you also only have one post and so you just want to send people to autoadmit or something weird like that

I found it hilarious. Did someone piss in your cherrios this morning?

[smokyroom26]

Know what's funny?

Cherrios.

[dabomb75]

180

[mrloblaw]

First thing I've ever seen on autoadmit worth reading. How can you not find this funny?

[bruss]

Some lame stuff, but lot's of gems; my favs:

stand up to talk

"randomly approach people during lunch and ask them if they have any questions for you regarding contracts etc."

Bring in TOTALLY irrelevant subject matter from other academic disciplines as well as life experiences. And I mean purely and totally not even remotely relevant. In grad school, in a literature seminar, we had a gunner who, quite literally, prefaced just a few of his comments/questions towards the professor (who was like a faculty emeritus or some crazy influential thing to boot) with the following:
"Now I assume you know little about particle physics, so please allow me to explain the rudiments of it prior to providing my answer..."
"I often asked myself that very question while preparing to sit for my finals at Oxford"
"As a (some name i don't recall) Scholar, I've clearly given this thought..."
"Having minored in physics, I think i can bring forth an interesting perspective to this issue, as the hard sciences are often ignored in literature" (this one caused me to almost shit myself).

At the end of class, before the prof leaves, turn on the speaker system and offer to tutor you classmates on the lecture they just sat through.

Take one of those 2-week summer classes at Oxford or Cambridge the summer before you begin, and buy a school ring. You need to have a wide variety of "When I was at______" or "I learned while visiting ______" phrases.

Distribute your own legal newsletter on campus beginning two weeks before 1L. Bing enough copies to class for everyone. Do not stop the presses until finals. Make sure that the logo looks prestigious.

the ultimate gunner should always have a cordless mic system on hand. When everyone is sitting around, discussing how they "feel" about the law, you can quickly and authoritatively make your opinions known.

each day wear a three piece suit and equip a pocket watch. When the professor begins to tell a war story about his days clerking or practicing (i.e. you don't have an opportunity to talk), be sure to take out the pocket watch and CLICK it open, shut it, and put it back in your vest

Outside of class, mention to your classmates that the Professor is "nice, but not particularly bright and a little too focused on black letter law instead of theory

First and foremost, DO NOT RAISE YOUR HAND. Raising your hand is for an inferior waiting timidly to be called upon. A Legendary Gunner is second to NO man, including the professor. When the professor offers a statement you take exception to (which should be approximately 60-80% of all statements offered) you must IMMEDIATELY slam your fist onto the table and exclaim "I will not have you making a mockery of this classroom!" Following this outburst you must offer an extended explaination as to why the objectionable statement was/is wrong.

This 180. That site is a shithole but that threading is by far the funniest and best guide to being a gunner.

[tyro]

That site is a shithole but that threading is by far the funniest and best guide to being a gunner.

I heard that site was the shit in 1986 though.