Supporting a 1L Forum

[CleverGirl]

Hello!

My husband is in his 1L year at a school two hours from home. He has an apartment at school and comes home on the weekends.

I would very much like to send him something small every week, not only to let him know I'm thinking of him and support him, but also to make his life a little easier while away.

I have a couple of ideas for things to send - the usual cookies, gift certificates to local restaurants (and bars!), etc, but am looking for other ideas from those currently in the trenches.

Your suggestions are greatly appreciated!

-CG

[sky7]

Your husband should be very thankful to have such an understanding and caring wife.

I think the biggest thing you can do is to truly be interested in this new experience of his. If you involve yourself early, he'll keep you involved, and he'll have a great outlet that he can vent to, without being too close to the issue.

Best of luck!

[Veyron]

Hello!

My husband is in his 1L year at a school two hours from home. He has an apartment at school and comes home on the weekends.

I would very much like to send him something small every week, not only to let him know I'm thinking of him and support him, but also to make his life a little easier while away.

I have a couple of ideas for things to send - the usual cookies, gift certificates to local restaurants (and bars!), etc, but am looking for other ideas from those currently in the trenches.

Your suggestions are greatly appreciated!

-CG

Hi-lighters. Not joking. Girl sent me these once with a cute note. OMG, awesome.

[kalvano]

Naked pictures.

Also, beer.

[blink]

[target]

Naked pictures.

Also, beer.

Echo on this with your "love coupons" every weekend, and ditto on what sky7 said.

[UML]

I'm a 1L with a wife. We live together. But when my father was in law school he and my mother lived about two hours apart (they were married) and had a shared apartment for the weekend. So perhaps I can give some legitimate advice.

Here's what I would do if I were you:

Read the first half of 1L by Scott Turow and watch the movie The Paper Chase. Both are about the first year of law school. Also, read this: http://www.top-law-schools.com/biglaw-r ... ships.html

Talk to your husband on the phone or write him a letter saying: "I wanted to know what your first year of law school would be like so I did some research. I read and watched X, so I would have an idea of what it will be like for you. I just want you to know that I realize you won't be able to give me much attention for the next year and I understand. I completely support you. I won't be spiteful or hurt if you're stressed, tired, or unavailable. My schedule will revolve around your studies. I love you and I want you to do well. I'm proud to be your wife."

Saying (and truly meaning) the above is the best gift a law-wife can give her husband. It will mean much more than cookies, or a poem, or a box of highlighters.

[Kilpatrick]

I'm a 1L with a wife. We live together. But when my father was in law school he and my mother lived about two hours apart (they were married) and had a shared apartment for the weekend. So perhaps I can give some legitimate advice.

Here's what I would do if I were you:

Read the first half of 1L by Scott Turow and watch the movie The Paper Chase. Both are about the first year of law school. Also, read this: http://www.top-law-schools.com/biglaw-r ... ships.html

Talk to your husband on the phone or write him a letter saying: "I wanted to know what your first year of law school would be like so I did some research. I read and watched X, so I would have an idea of what it will be like. I just want you to know that I realize you won't be able to give me much attention for the next year and I understand. I completely support you. I won't be spiteful or hurt if you're stressed, tired, or unavailable. My schedule will revolve around your studies. I love you and I want you to do well."

Saying (and truly meaning) the above is the best gift a law-wife can give her husband. It will mean much more than cookies, or a poem, or a box of highlighters.

If you do read One L I would also say something like "You know that part where the author was such a pussy that he stopped having sex with his wife? You better not let that happen."

[Grizz]

UML is not a love coupons man.

[MrPapagiorgio]

Send him your reassurance and don't make him call you everyday. Be understanding that he is going to be busy. If my ex followed those three simple rules, we would still be together.

[shepdawg]

PM sent with my advice. Good luck.

[typ3]

Send him a message in the morning around when he wakes up and around when he goes to bed. Other than that leave him alone. Let him contact you.

Apart from that, cookies / snacks are always a plus. Maybe something like packaged peanuts / dried fruit / granola bars / whatever that he could take with him to class/library to eat during the day.

Also do his laundry and give him lots of "personal/intimate attention" when he is home... just don't expect it to be anything deep or emotional because he probably has fifty other things on his mind.

[naia81]

I have a boyfriend back home, and one of the ways he really came through was he ordered us pizza (enough for the entire study group) delivered to the law school during memo week. It was a nice way of taking care of me, but also recognizing that I was too busy to even figure out my own dinner plans.

[shepdawg]

Send him a message in the morning around when he wakes up and around when he goes to bed. Other than that leave him alone. Let him contact you.

Apart from that, cookies / snacks are always a plus. Maybe something like packaged peanuts / dried fruit / granola bars / whatever that he could take with him to class/library to eat during the day.

Also do his laundry and give him lots of "personal/intimate attention" when he is home... just don't expect it to be anything deep or emotional because he probably has fifty other things on his mind.

I disagree. She's his wife, not some maid or mistress. If he wants to still have her as his wife after law school, he's going to have to man up and put effort into the relationship.

[kalvano]

My wife told me she loved me, and to do the damn dishes.

[npe]

Send him a message in the morning around when he wakes up and around when he goes to bed. Other than that leave him alone. Let him contact you.

Apart from that, cookies / snacks are always a plus. Maybe something like packaged peanuts / dried fruit / granola bars / whatever that he could take with him to class/library to eat during the day.

Also do his laundry and give him lots of "personal/intimate attention" when he is home... just don't expect it to be anything deep or emotional because he probably has fifty other things on his mind.

I disagree. She's his wife, not some maid or mistress. If he wants to still have her as his wife after law school, he's going to have to man up and put effort into the relationship.

+1000

[spleenworship]

Only a few weeks in, but:

Food that requires very little cooking, and laundry. Seriously, not having to worry about those would be awesome. Also, and this is vital, be willing to listen to obsessive rants about law school, professors, classmates, and cases. Also listen to the occasional moment of abject fear without judging.

ETA: Offering sex is never a bad idea. He may be so busy he actually forgets about this. Last night, for the first time in years, I was actually so exhausted (mentally) that I didn't feel like having sex. So if the wife had offered, I would've taken her up on it... and then I would probably feel way better than I do right now . Instead I considered asking her... and went to bed instead.

ETAx2: Also, I agree with the above posters, he should man up and be emotionally engaged in the relationship. It will be less often, obviously, but he should make the effort often enough you know he is making the effort.

[MrPapagiorgio]

My wife told me she loved me, and to do the damn dishes.

Beta

[npe]

If he does start bitching incessantly about law school, tell him to stop being such a beta whiner. What you've always loved about him is how much different and stronger than he is from his peers, and you don't expect that to change now. You know that he's smart, talented, and hardworking, and he's going to do great in law school.

Seriously, supporting a spouse in law school shouldn't be the same as raising a kindergardener. Yes, recognize that he may be much busier than he was in the past. Yes, understand that he's getting a lot thrown at him. But the best thing you can do for him as a person is not to let him fall into the trap of self-pity that has turned so many good men into sniveling, blubbering manchildren. The greatest thing my fiancee did was realize that while things were tough, I was man enough to handle it.

/3L rant.

[random5483]

Law school is like a full-time job. Anyone who things a law student needs to be coddled knows nothing about the real work.

Law school is stressful at times and involves a lot of work right around finals. Outside of that, law school is like a full-time job. Unlike undergrad, a law student cannot skip a lot of classes, not study, and still get good grades. If you treat law school like a full-time job, however, you should do fine.

In some ways, a law student needs a bit more understanding than say a person working a 40-50 hour week. This is largely because law school work can be erratic (more some days and less on others). But the work in law school is not anything close to what many of us will be doing as attorneys. If anything, our schedules now give us plenty of free time.


To put it simply, law school is a lot of work, but it is not significantly more work than a full-time job. Moreover, law school is less work than most "legal" jobs, especially the much wanted "big law" jobs. A law student should get some consideration from his spouse, girlfriend, or fiance. However, some of the posts in this thread ask for too much.

Disclaimer: I am a 2L student who was not in a relationship during my 1L year.

[romothesavior]

My girlfriend sent me a great finals care package last year with a note explaining what it was all for. It included:

-Smarties to make me smart
-Highlighters so I would get all the important information
-A 5 hour energy for energy
-Almonds for brain power (I love almonds)
-Hersheys kisses

I think there may have been a few other things in there. It was all little stuff like this but it meant a lot to me.

[shoeshine]

Naked Pictures
Five Hour Energy

[IAFG]

Eh, why throw good money after bad? Just side-step the suffering and part amicably now.

[littlepiggie818]

My husband was extremely supportive of me during my 1L year, but I think it was easier because we lived together. He cooked, cleaned, and did laundry. I couldn't ask for more than that. So I really do not think it's a big deal if you could help him do the laundry during the weekend or just send give him food to last him a few days. Not having to think about cooking, cleaning or doing laundry really cleared up so much time for me.

[NYC Law]

I hate you all


(Forever alone)