going into 1L year w/relationship Forum

[mintypineapple]

How does a relationship work anyways? near or far? it all depends on the level of maturity. If you guys wanna be together then be together. I dont think distance should be a factor. If you love that person then you love them and thats it. I think your SO should respect your education and know that being away is for a good reason. its just something you gotta do. And if you are near your SO during LS, then I would think they would be as mature as you and be a grown up about it. Just explain you are gonna be busy or that you might snap but its not personal. Besides, LS is temporary. if you SO can stay with you during LS---winner.

[Bumi]

Broke up with GF pre-school and it was awesome.

Doing this, thanks.

[stratocophic]

Broke up with GF pre-school and it was awesome.

Doing this, thanks.

less awesome when it happens after the first year because then it's like WTF did I have to put up with your crap for during the most important year of school evar?

Good choice.

[Icculus]

I think people here put too much stress on if relationships can survive law school. If you are in a relationship and it cannot survive 1L then it would not survive the real world. I am an 0L, but I have spent about ten years out of school and have some perspective on this. I have seen marriages fail because a spouse lost a job, because of a child born w/ a disability, because people just get tired of each other. I have also seen relationships continue on in spite of job loss, debilitating illness, bankruptcy, etc. If your relationship cannot survive school I very much doubt it will survive the types of problems that life can really throw at you.

[rocon7383]

been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 4+ years and heading to LS about an hour away. Not too worried, but do have these fears creep up now and again that we won't make it.

[BarbellDreams]

I went into 1L with a girlfriend who was also going to the same law school. I will say it was a hell of a lot easier to do this since she was going through all the same stuff I was going through and thus didn't mind me staying in the library late to study or pulling 12 hour study days weeks before finals. She was doing it too so there were no disagreements.

If the girlfriend is just hanging out while you're going to law school it will be a lot tougher, and I have seen a lot of these relationships fail and a lot succeed. In this market school really has to come first, both of you need to understand that.

[dresden doll]

I got almost all the way through 1L in my relationship.

My story is kind of unique though. First semester, I was able to do fine seeing him on the weekends and keeping up with my work. Over the winter break, my chronic illness caused me to go from functioning to disabled. This put a lot of stress on both of us because we were thinking about getting married beforehand and after I lost so much of my ability to function, my bf started reconsidering whether he wanted a disabled spouse. You can also imagine how stressful it was for me, juggling a dying relationship, 1L year, and my illness. He eventually decided to break up with me because he didn't want to "deal with [my] illness for the rest of [his] life."

I ended up with terrible grades second semester and no bf. It kind of sucked, but like I said, it was a really unique situation.

You can't see the future. There are always obstacles that might get in your way. That said, I know a lot of people who survived 1L with their relationships intact.

I realize it's not my place, but I'm judging your bf right now for walking away from you. Hope you get better and improve your grades, too.

[jeeptiger09]

Ended relationship right before going to law school (but not by my choice haha), but I will say this (and it's only one opinion): you need to think about long-term career goals, etc. If your goal is biglaw and you make it, you're going to be slaving away 60-75+ hours per week. I don't know how serious you and your SO are but you could use 1L as a test run to see how well the two of you handle adversity, because it will be challenging.

[random5483]

what is everyone's take on this? im currently a spoken for 0L entering into law school this fall. i am well aware of the immense amount of work you have to put in to be successful as a 1L. obviously, this takes away time from other things. it seems only other law students appreciate and understand the dedication and time law school demands. can anyone speak to their experience either meeting someone at law school or going into law school in a relationship?

Law school is a full-time job. If you can't maintain a relationship while in law school, you definitely will be unable to maintain a relationship as an attorney who will likely work 50+ (more likely 60+) hours a week. You can definitely maintain a relationship during your 1L year. However:

1. Generally better not to start a relationship right before your 1L year because new relationships can cause problems.
2. If you have never worked (ie. only been to undergrad where 99% of us spend 5-10 hours a week on school - including class time, - you might not be prepared to deal with law school and a relationship.


With that said, if you have a mature relationship and have balanced a relationship and a 40+ hour a week commitment in the past, you will be fine. A few students in law school spend all day studying but most have a semi balanced life. More studying does not equate to top grades, however. Basically, there is no perfect yes or no answer to your question.

[Bumi]

Law school is a full-time job. If you can't maintain a relationship while in law school, you definitely will be unable to maintain a relationship as an attorney who will likely work 50+ (more likely 60+) hours a week. You can definitely maintain a relationship during your 1L year.

To be clear, it's the distance that's the problem for me and for most people I've seen complaining about this on TLS. You can definitely maintain a relationship during your 1L year, but it's a pain in the butt if the person lives 800 miles away. Some relationships are fun when you're in the same zip code but not worth it when you're in a different time zone.

[Moxie]

Law school is a full-time job. If you can't maintain a relationship while in law school, you definitely will be unable to maintain a relationship as an attorney who will likely work 50+ (more likely 60+) hours a week. You can definitely maintain a relationship during your 1L year.

There's a big difference in relationships when you're living hundreds of miles away from your significant other, or to when you live near each other, which you're not accounting for in your post. It'd be much easier to work 60 hours a week and live with my SO, than do LS work and have my SO be in another region or state.

And I absolutely agree with Cupidity - LS is not as demanding as the hype, and if you care enough to keep the relationship going, then it's definitely worth the effort. Just have an honest discussion with your SO about how your time will be more scarce, and they should understand and be willing to sacrifice a bit for you. Of course, that sacrifice will eventually cut both ways.

[reasonable_man]

what is everyone's take on this? im currently a spoken for 0L entering into law school this fall. i am well aware of the immense amount of work you have to put in to be successful as a 1L. obviously, this takes away time from other things. it seems only other law students appreciate and understand the dedication and time law school demands. can anyone speak to their experience either meeting someone at law school or going into law school in a relationship?

No. But I give it 3 weeks before you're caught banging another law student who "understands" in the library stacks next to the Touro Law Review (I mean who would be walking down that aisle anyway).

[BunkMoreland]

BIGLAW is way way way WAYYYY more time intensive than law school. Law school is a total joke except for about a month out of each semester.

[YourCaptain]

Broke up with GF pre-school and it was awesome.

Doing this, thanks.

less awesome when it happens after the first year because then it's like WTF did I have to put up with your crap for during the most important year of school evar?

Good choice.

[BarbellDreams]

BIGLAW is way way way WAYYYY more time intensive than law school. Law school is a total joke except for about a month out of each semester.

This. Seriously.

[Grizz]

BIGLAW is way way way WAYYYY more time intensive than law school. Law school is a total joke except for about a month out of each semester.

Subtle brag

[fingersxd]

BIGLAW is way way way WAYYYY more time intensive than law school. Law school is a total joke except for about a month out of each semester.

This. Seriously.

Not so sure this is entirely true. If you want to be a top student and get BigLaw in the first place, you will need to work hard. Maybe not as hard as Xeoh or others who were aiming for #1 on this site, but unless you are naturally gifted and have a real talent for the law, you can't slack off for 3 months and then decide come mid-November that you are going to turn it on and sail through with flying colors.

Also, having worked with biglaw for several years now (don't want to out myself w/too many details), even though your hours tend to be crazy in the sense of some really late nights, half the time you are just waiting for something to come back from the client and aren't doing any "real" work. It just so happens that you are always "on call" and will often have to give up weekends, change vacation plans, etc. Admittedly, this is changing somewhat, but I think is still true for many associates. [Feel free to let the bashing begin, but this is just my opinion based on my own experiences and conversations w/others].

[lolol10]

what is everyone's take on this? im currently a spoken for 0L entering into law school this fall. i am well aware of the immense amount of work you have to put in to be successful as a 1L. obviously, this takes away time from other things. it seems only other law students appreciate and understand the dedication and time law school demands. can anyone speak to their experience either meeting someone at law school or going into law school in a relationship?

Law school is a full-time job. If you can't maintain a relationship while in law school, you definitely will be unable to maintain a relationship as an attorney who will likely work 50+ (more likely 60+) hours a week. You can definitely maintain a relationship during your 1L year. However:

1. Generally better not to start a relationship right before your 1L year because new relationships can cause problems.
2. If you have never worked (ie. only been to undergrad where 99% of us spend 5-10 hours a week on school - including class time, - you might not be prepared to deal with law school and a relationship.


With that said, if you have a mature relationship and have balanced a relationship and a 40+ hour a week commitment in the past, you will be fine. A few students in law school spend all day studying but most have a semi balanced life. More studying does not equate to top grades, however. Basically, there is no perfect yes or no answer to your question.

thanks for this. we haev been dating for a year or so and for half of our relationship i lived an hour and a half awayworking full time while she was still UG. illa ctually be closer to her at law school but i think were going to try to do the weekend routine. hopefully it dosent get old. i am optimistic but you raise good points

[lolol10]

BIGLAW is way way way WAYYYY more time intensive than law school. Law school is a total joke except for about a month out of each semester.

This. Seriously.

Not so sure this is entirely true. If you want to be a top student and get BigLaw in the first place, you will need to work hard. Maybe not as hard as Xeoh or others who were aiming for #1 on this site, but unless you are naturally gifted and have a real talent for the law, you can't slack off for 3 months and then decide come mid-November that you are going to turn it on and sail through with flying colors.

Also, having worked with biglaw for several years now (don't want to out myself w/too many details), even though your hours tend to be crazy in the sense of some really late nights, half the time you are just waiting for something to come back from the client and aren't doing any "real" work. It just so happens that you are always "on call" and will often have to give up weekends, change vacation plans, etc. Admittedly, this is changing somewhat, but I think is still true for many associates. [Feel free to let the bashing begin, but this is just my opinion based on my own experiences and conversations w/others].

big law has you by the balls. id black snake moan that b.

[shepdawg]

I think it's great to have a partner during law school, because you don't have to spend extra time trying to hook up at bars or date classmates. I went into 1L as a married man with kids, and having my wife as an anchor really helped.

[Shammis]

I dont know about you guys but my g/f is an amazing cook and will do almost all the cooking - not having to worry about food will be a god send. It also helps that we have a long history and are past all that puppy love bull shit that will affect your time commitment to studying. We both know what's coming and know the sacrafice. Did I mention she cooks?

[worldtraveler]

It seemed like most relationships lasted through 1L okay and then suddenly before/during/after OCI there were tons of break-ups. I knew more than a few people who made a decision on where to bid or where to SA at least partially based on a significant other, only to get dumped shortly thereafter. My guess it that OCI makes people really evaluate their futures.

[jlxbos]

almost all of my friends (myself included) had significant others throughout 1L year and it was no big deal, but most of us started a couple years out of undergrad and our relationships were longterm. at some point you're going to have to learn to handle more than one thing at a time in life. i really believe that if you budget your time wisely, you'll have time for most things you want to do while in law school...i had a relationship, went to the gym regularly, made time for hobbies like playing guitar, and i'm happy with my grades (and trust me, i'm no law whiz).

[crossarmant]

I'll be about 4 hours away from my girl. We've been dating for 3 years. I have no real interest in meeting someone else, she's about perfect for me. Plus, it will definitely help me keep my focus knowing that if I'm gonna be apart from her I better kick some ass.

This is the exact same situation for me, except it's been 7 years and we're engaged. We've done distance before, two separate occasions of a year each. She works full-time and is working on her Master's at night and I'll be in school FT so we should both be pretty busy. I'm not really worried about it, but I imagine if you are unsure about the potential of your relationship and are moving away with concrete plan of reunion then it'd probably be best to end it.

I could see how for some people it'd be a hassle. One of my good friends has a gf who lives like 12 hours away and they're constantly in each others business and distracting and fighting, yet have no real plan of when they'll ever be living together or a future for their relationship. You really just need to weight the costs.

[typ3]

broke up with my gf of 3 years for 1L. I don't regret it. Sometimes you have to put yourself and your goals ahead of another person. Unless they are willing to sit in the dark for 3 years and be happy as a bug in a rug about it, don't drag them along on your law school journey. Plus there are plenty of skanks from the other sections you can always bang to relieve stress.