Moms in law school Forum

[angioletto]

I am wondering about the experiences of moms in law school - especially those with younger children. Mine will be 4 and 2 when I begin and while I am used to balancing motherhood with a FT job and PT classes I know LS will be completely different. We will be staying with my parents so I won't ever have to worry about childcare or anything like that, but I do worry that my kids will feel like I abandoned them or that our relationship will be strained. (I have been home with them for a few months now and will be until classes begin in August.) Some questions:

Do you feel that being a mom was a disadvantage to you as a law student?

Did being a law student seem to have a negative impact on your relationship with your kids?

Was it difficult to find a balance between school and family? If so did it get easier as time went on?

How old were your kids and do you think it would have been easier if they had bee older/younger while you were in LS?

I know there are a lot of dads out there and I would appreciate your input as well, although I am particularly interested in the ways being a law student affects the mother/child relationship.

[KMaine]

Hello. I am a dad in law school. I think that people overrate how hard law school is. IMO, if you have had a full time job, and you are a mom, you know how to be successful in LS. I drop my kids (8,6,2) off at school every morning, make them breakfast, lunch and dinner almost every day. In 1 1/2 semesters I have missed less than a handful of family dinners.

I do very little work on the weekends (6 hours total), though I do stay up pretty late at night and get up early in the morning. I do not feel like I have sacrificed my relationship with my children to go to law school.

Though I am not at the top of my class, I am above median at a T-14 and feel like my family life helps me not to be too obsessive about my schoolwork. My spouse is supportive and wonderful, and that helps.

Anyway, best of luck to you.

[tatuska]

deleted

[Mr. Pablo]

I am not a parent, I am the child of parents who worked a lot and were not always home. I did not feel abandoned as a child, but I always missed them. I did become jealous of my parents non-me activities, but I never hated them for it. It was not damaging for me, I love my parents, I get along with them, I appreciate everything that they sacrificed so that I could have a wonderful and fulfilling life. They re-affirmed their love for me all the time. They didn't spoil me and give me everything I wanted, but they did indulge/cultivate my constructive interests (when I was interested in anatomy they bought me books and things on anatomy, or when I was interested in art they bought me materials for that, or music lessons or language lessons or whatnot).
When we did have time together, they made sure that it was quality time. On Tuesdays my mom and I would have a little formal tea parties, and it was almost sacred- not to be disturbed by phone calls or anything else. It was something that made me feel that I was special and irreplaceable to my mother (and as a son, I cannot overstate the magnitude of importance of my mother to me).
Your children want your love and attention, and if you cannot give it to them all the time they will understand, but when you can give it to them make sure that it is real attention and not distracted by outside crap.
Just my .02

[Mr. Pablo]

Hello. I am a dad in law school. I think that people overrate how hard law school is. IMO, if you have had a full time job, and you are a mom, you know how to be successful in LS. I drop my kids (8,6,2) off at school every morning, make them breakfast, lunch and dinner almost every day. In 1 1/2 semesters I have missed less than a handful of family dinners.

I do very little work on the weekends (6 hours total), though I do stay up pretty late at night and get up early in the morning. I do not feel like I have sacrificed my relationship with my children to go to law school.

Though I am not at the top of my class, I am above median at a T-14 and feel like my family life helps me not to be too obsessive about my schoolwork. My spouse is supportive and wonderful, and that helps.

Anyway, best of luck to you.

Also, the above bolded is key. We had family dinner almost every night, or something approximating it. I think it was the honest, daily, and interested interaction that kept my sister and I fundamentally emotionally strong people.

[angioletto]

Thank you all for the input. It is good to hear from those who have been through it. Luckily I do have an extremely supportive family, who will support me and my kids as needed over the next 3 years. While finishing UG (and studying for the LSAT, etc) I felt that having kids was to my advantage because they motivate me. If I fail I am failing them and that is worse than failing myself.

[apper123]

I am not a parent (I still consider myself a kid haha), but I know a few parents here in LS (including some single parents) who still have great attendance and do very well.

[mbw]

I'm a 1L mom of four (at the same LS as KMaine above) and also have found it relatively doable with a supportive spouse, lots of flexibility and keeping a healthy perspective of what constitutes success. Right now I'm home with sick kids, missing a day of classes, and I while I might have stressed about it earlier in the year, now I just shrug it off, knowing that it's just a blip in the big picture. You can't get wrapped up in the dramas of your single, childless classmates -- keep a cool head, stay organized and you can do it. And quality time is important -- rather than work a traditional 1L summer job, I've chosen to do law-related projects which allow me to spend time with my kids (including two weeks of research in London with my 13 yo as my "assistant".)

Good luck!

[lawgunner75]

Hello Moms and Dads in law school - I am not a parent but I just wanted to say how great I think it is that you are going to law school and I am sure you will find a way to balance it all. Best of luck to all of you! I bet you will do great.

[martin024]

I am also not a parent, but my mom (of three, I'm the oldest) went back to get her bachelors and JD while we were growing up. I don't know how she did it, but she graduated top 2%, did law review, and still held down everything. I helped out a lot, but I'm really proud of her. Good luck to all you moms and dads.

[angioletto]

I am also not a parent, but my mom (of three, I'm the oldest) went back to get her bachelors and JD while we were growing up. I don't know how she did it, but she graduated top 2%, did law review, and still held down everything. I helped out a lot, but I'm really proud of her. Good luck to all you moms and dads.

That's great. I really hope that my kids will be proud of me one day.

Thanks to everyone for the input. I know I am not the first/only parent to go to law school but sometimes when I tell people I am starting LS in the fall their reaction is not so great. A few have flat-out told me it "will not work out." I am pretty anxious to get in there and prove them wrong.

[lostmymojo]

One of my good friends at school is a mother of two.

Just to mention something you may not have thought of. She does ocassionaly rant about how difficult it can be (especially during times when we get really overloaded like with the Appellate briefs/Finals), but mostly she talks about her kids and husband as a welcome relief from the grind. Says it helps her keep things in perspective. Perhaps you will find the same equilibrium.

[MrSoOoFLy]

I am wondering about the experiences of moms in law school - especially those with younger children. Mine will be 4 and 2 when I begin and while I am used to balancing motherhood with a FT job and PT classes I know LS will be completely different. We will be staying with my parents so I won't ever have to worry about childcare or anything like that, but I do worry that my kids will feel like I abandoned them or that our relationship will be strained. (I have been home with them for a few months now and will be until classes begin in August.) Some questions:

Do you feel that being a mom was a disadvantage to you as a law student?

Did being a law student seem to have a negative impact on your relationship with your kids?

Was it difficult to find a balance between school and family? If so did it get easier as time went on?

How old were your kids and do you think it would have been easier if they had bee older/younger while you were in LS?

I know there are a lot of dads out there and I would appreciate your input as well, although I am particularly interested in the ways being a law student affects the mother/child relationship.

your avatar freaked me out cuz i thought there was a bug on my screen lol

[raskolnikov32]

.

[angioletto]

OP: please appropriately name the post "MILFs in law school".

Sorry...poor joke in poorer taste but I couldn't resist.

Good look moms/MIAFs (moms I already...)!!!!

Haha. Some might consider me to be a MILF. On a good day.

[amandap]

I am wondering about the experiences of moms in law school - especially those with younger children. Mine will be 4 and 2 when I begin and while I am used to balancing motherhood with a FT job and PT classes I know LS will be completely different. We will be staying with my parents so I won't ever have to worry about childcare or anything like that, but I do worry that my kids will feel like I abandoned them or that our relationship will be strained. (I have been home with them for a few months now and will be until classes begin in August.) Some questions:

Do you feel that being a mom was a disadvantage to you as a law student?

Did being a law student seem to have a negative impact on your relationship with your kids?

Was it difficult to find a balance between school and family? If so did it get easier as time went on?

How old were your kids and do you think it would have been easier if they had bee older/younger while you were in LS?

I know there are a lot of dads out there and I would appreciate your input as well, although I am particularly interested in the ways being a law student affects the mother/child relationship.

Hello,

I do not really have any advice. I am a mom also a 0L, very worried about starting Law School with 2 kids (5 and 2.5). I have been searching for parents at the Law School I will attend and I met 2 of them. Their basic message was that it is very difficult, but if you are organized and self disciplined it is doable. Also from talking to regular law school students I hear 1L year is the hardest because people stress and study too much, but 2L and 3L year are less stressful.

[Cosmo Kramer]

OP: please appropriately name the post "MILFs in law school".

Sorry...poor joke in poorer taste but I couldn't resist.

Good look moms/MIAFs (moms I already...)!!!!

fellow milf hunter here, we stand united

[CanadianWolf]

The first academic year of law school is usually the most difficult & demanding for law students. The second & third years should be similiar to holding a full-time job without receiving a paycheck.
Much really depends upon your family situation such as family support & availability of spouse.

[TheBigMediocre]

I was told by a fellow UG alum that the #1 person in his current 2L class at Vanderbilt is a wife/mother. He said she doesn't socialize much with her classmates since she is so busy with her family outside of school, but when it comes to performing in school she (obviously) kicks ass.

[tww909]

maybe i can chime in with a new perspective, I was 3 when my mother started law school, and now here i am 20 years later planning on attending in my own right.

our situation was a little bit more complicated than yours as my mother and i moved about 3 hours away from my dad when she started law school. they compensated by alternating who would come to which end of the 3 hour drive each weekend, so both of them were definitely a part of my life during those years. with your parents around this might not be as big an issue, but for my mother, having an on campus day care center (as the university her law school was affiliated with did) was very important. i went to preschool and kindergarten just few blocks from the law building, and it made for an easy daily commute and meant i was in good hands while she did her work.

as far as my impressions of the experience, i can tell you that i have never felt that i was jilted by it. on the contrary, i feel really lucky that my parents made the decision that they did, and my respect for what my mother did- raising me, succeeding academically, and building a career for herself (she's now managing a hospital after a stint in private practice and in-house) - grows the closer i get to the age she was when she began law school. she graduated magna cum laude, so clearly having me around (as badly behaved as i may have been) wasn't a detriment, and i feel lucky to have been exposed to so many smart, engaged people at such a young age. i am certain that those times influenced me in a positive way.

my advice to you would be simply to let your children share as much as they're interested in the experience and not to worry too much about the rest. my mother certainly had friends in law school, and many of them (without children of their own) were glad to help her when she needed someone to take care of me, and were (from my perspective) just interesting people who were around in those days. you clearly care very much for them, and i can hardly imagine your children not knowing that now and recognizing that down the road. as long as they understand what you are going to embark on, the requirements of it, and what you want from it (in the way 4 and 2 year olds can understand those things) i say go for it.

edit: i forgot to mention that up until the point she started law school my mother stayed at home with me, so the transition from seeing her all the time to her law school schedule didn't cause any additional stress either.

[Jerzeegirl]

...