Maintaining Relationships Forum

[nodummy]

I'm wondering how difficult it is to maintain a romantic relationship while in law school? I know this probably depends on the people within the particular relationship, however I'm sure everyone has an opinion on the matter. Is it possible to do the long distance thing? How about being married or at least living with your sig other? Any comments on the subject would be great...

[andreea7]

Like you said, everyone has a different opinion. I can only speak to my experience in undergrad -- long distance relationship carried on different continents for three years. We now have been married for four years.

I think it depends on your personality. It happened to work well for both of us at the time because when I study I like to be focused on that and I enjoy doing a bunch of extracurricular activities, and my husband enjoyed travelling the world. We are both pretty independent. So we both got our respective things out of the way. But it doesn't work for people who are jealous or have trust issues. And you need to always understand that sometimes arguments are exarcebated by the strain of being away -- we have both overstated certain things at different times and dramatized little arguments.

If you both are sure you want it to work, then you will stick through it.

[bigcheetah69]

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[sumus romani]

I think that it is easier to maintain a long distance relationship when you have both time and money to travel to see each other, neither of which typical students have in law school. Of the successful long distance relationships I've seen, only those couples who've had both time and money have been able to maintain a healthy relationship. Perhaps I've got a bad sample, but that's what I've got.

[jks289]

I'm a 0L but I do work long stressful hours and he is in school. We knew when we got married there would need to be compromises, but I can't imagine law school significantly upsetting the balance we have created. In some ways I think being married in school will be easier, because you essentially have a teammate. When you are swamped there is someone who can wait for the cable guy, file taxes, fix the dishwasher, whatever. This is a smug thing to say, but a good marriage makes everything in life easier and I'd imagine a bad one would do the opposite.

That said, my siblings are in a house with two BigLaw attorneys and two kids under 3. It is... insanity. Very, very hard on their relationship. Law school was a piece of cake in comparison.

[eudaimondaimon]

Relationships are about as diverse as a thing can be. There is no single answer to this question.

[patrickd139]

Please, please, please use the 'Search' function at the top of the page before creating a new thread.

TYIA.

[RVP11]

IDK what's wrong with people who start threads like this. Have you ever been busy with your life before? Ever? It will be like that; you will be busy.

You will not be off in a warzone or completely out of touch or working on a M&A deal that requires 24/7 dedication to the point where you neglect your SO/family/friends.

You are going to a place where you have to *gasp* read a few hours a day, sit in a classroom a few hours a day, and occasionally write a memo or brief. If your relationship can't survive this, it was never going to survive the "real world."

[dresden doll]

IDK what's wrong with people who start threads like this. Have you ever been busy with your life before? Ever? It will be like that; you will be busy.

You will not be off in a warzone or completely out of touch or working on a M&A deal that requires 24/7 dedication to the point where you neglect your SO/family/friends.

You are going to a place where you have to *gasp* read a few hours a day, sit in a classroom a few hours a day, and occasionally write a memo or brief. If your relationship can't survive this, it was never going to survive the "real world."

It still isn't quite as awesome as people who can't maintain a relationship while studying for the LSAT.

[A'nold]

+1 to the above poster that said it depends on the relationship. Now that I have my wife, I couldn't imagine what it would be like to even worry about stuff like this. I used to "settle" and would have worried about things like this. If you have to worry, you probably aren't that good of a fit together.

Not like this will matter for anyone listening. People will always try to "make it work" instead of calling a duck a duck. I would have been and was the same way but I got lucky and blessed and now see things from a whole new perspective.

[Jameela]

long distance is actually easier than living in the same city during your first year.

this isthe general consensus of my friends. i also speak from personal experience.

[RVP11]

long distance is actually easier than living in the same city during your first year.

this isthe general consensus of my friends. i also speak from personal experience.

Definitely. It's been great for me/us.

Helps if you've already done LDR before.

[js87]

long distance is actually easier than living in the same city during your first year.

this isthe general consensus of my friends. i also speak from personal experience.

To those that have maintained a long distance relationship, how often were you able to visit?

My girlfriend and I will probably be a short 2 1/2 hour plane ride from each other during my first year, both in major cities with plenty of fairly cheap direct flights between them. I'm a 0L, so my only experience comes from what I've read and heard, but I'm hoping that I'll be able to fly home once a month or so for a weekend. She'll also try to fly in to see me for a weekend once a month or so. Sounds perfectly reasonable to ME, but I have lots of friends already in law school who complain that they have not a moment of free time.

I know law school is all consuming, but I couldn't imagine a scenario where you couldn't fly home for a weekend every few weeks. It's not too difficult to bring your books on the plane... Any insight in to how often it's reasonable to expect to visit each other?

[charlesjd]

long distance is actually easier than living in the same city during your first year.

this isthe general consensus of my friends. i also speak from personal experience.

Definitely. It's been great for me/us.

Helps if you've already done LDR before.

Just don't skype in the corner of the library!!!!!!

[Aeroplane]

long distance is actually easier than living in the same city during your first year.

this isthe general consensus of my friends. i also speak from personal experience.

To those that have maintained a long distance relationship, how often were you able to visit?

My girlfriend and I will probably be a short 2 1/2 hour plane ride from each other during my first year, both in major cities with plenty of fairly cheap direct flights between them. I'm a 0L, so my only experience comes from what I've read and heard, but I'm hoping that I'll be able to fly home once a month or so for a weekend. She'll also try to fly in to see me for a weekend once a month or so. Sounds perfectly reasonable to ME, but I have lots of friends already in law school who complain that they have not a moment of free time.

I know law school is all consuming, but I couldn't imagine a scenario where you couldn't fly home for a weekend every few weeks. It's not too difficult to bring your books on the plane... Any insight in to how often it's reasonable to expect to visit each other?

My BF and I are about a half-day drive apart and we saw each other every 1-2 weeks throughout fall semester, until the last 3-4 weeks (last 1-2 wks of class & 2 wks of finals) when visits stopped. He did most of the visiting. It worked well.

Also, YMMV but I almost never got any work done during visits, regardless of which one of us was visiting.

[atlantalaw]

it is definitely possible to maintain a relationship during law school. obviously, depends on the relationship. 1 of my friends got a separation from his wife before the first semester of law school was over. a few of my friends are still very happily married because their spouses support them. another friend is in a successful ldr. i think the key is both spouses need to be busy, or at least independent.

[tome]

I'm married and I think it works out great. I set up a nice study in our apartment and so I do a lot of work at home and we get to see each other a lot. Also, you have someone to take care of all the little things that get in the way of studying--like cooking and cleaning.

I think this works for us so well because we have both been on both sides of this arrangement, as I took her role when she was working at a hedge fund. However, I do have to say I don't think it would be working out so great if she still had a super-stressed job like that; you need at least one person who is not stressed out of their gourd.