LS has made me severely depressed. About ready to GTFO. Forum

[bombaysippin]

I don't even know why I came anymore. I have lost my motivation to do any work. I'm only half way through my first semester as a 1L at a T14 and I've never felt more depressed in my life. I don't even know where to start. From the first week it was slowly building until two weekends ago when I didn't leave my bed for 3 days. I skipped class that Monday in an attempt to catch up, but the rest of the week I continued to do the bare minimum just to make it to the only week-long break.

My first memo was torturous because of the strict structure and guidelines. I don't feel like I have any creativity anymore. I used to be an English major and I loved researching and writing. I used to love learning. School used to be an escape from the things that made me sad. Now the tables have turned and learning is my hell. I have no balance in my life. I have nothing to talk about to anyone besides school. I have lost my joy and excitement for learning all together. I shoved it all down telling myself that this is what I wanted, that I can definitely handle it, and it's not so bad. Now I'm almost done with my week-long break and I don't even want to go back. I've barely touched my books all break, even though I told myself I would use it to get back on track and start reviewing. Beating myself up isn't enough to make me get out of bed and do some work for the looming return of classes on Monday. I don't know what I'm doing. I feel like I'm frozen. I've never been the type to blow off assignments, but right now I simply don't care, and that's very frightening. I feel like I am already making my decision by not doing my work. I know if I don't get good grades, I'm only screwing myself over more.

I came to law school because I wanted to make a difference in the world. I am very passionate about environmental issues and I figured this was the only way to make real changes occur. Now that I've learned more about the profession, it seems like you are really just a slave to your client and the substantive law. I find the material interesting sometimes. I really like civil procedure. But clearly that's not enough to keep me going because I am currently crashing and burning and I don't know how or if I should recover. When I think about getting out of law school, it is the greatest relief I can imagine. But then I remember that I might regret it, that I might disappoint people, that I've never given up on something like this, that I've come so far to get here, and maybe I still believe that it's the only way to make real changes in the world.

I guess I'm also scared because I'm not sure what else I would do. My BA doesn't exactly guarantee a job. Either way, in hindsight, I should've taken more time to decide what I wanted to do, but I wasn't ready to be done with academia. I even had a crisis during my senior year when I questioned whether LS was right for me and I looked into some MA programs. But obviously I came back around and now I'm here. What also scares me is that the more money I put into this, the more trapped I will be doing something that I don't like. If I decide I want to get out, I want out ASAP to stop wasting my time and money. I'm wondering if I can talk to the dean about my situation, maybe get a diagnosis from a psychiatrist, so I can get out scotch free.

It is clear that I have become clinically depressed, and I can only deduce that law school has caused this because I have never felt this way before. I moved to the town my university is in 3 months before school started and I am very happy in this town, so I know it's not that. And nothing else has drastically changed in my life. Anyway, no matter what I am definitely going to get some help for my depression.

Sorry for the very long post, I just really needed to vent to people who might get where I'm coming from. Feel free to ask questions.

Hey, if you attend Cornell, please PM me. Seriously, you don't have to out yourself or anything if you don't want to, but let's talk.

[RCinDNA]

disclaimer: 1L

Law school seems (so far) to be the worst of academia and trade school. The shitty parts of academia (i.e, the intellectual fappery of BUT WHAT IF etc.) and the shitty parts of trade school (the realization that almost everything you're learning has zero correlation to what you're actually going to be doing) are both pretty depressing. The curve seems to bring out the inner striver-asshole in classmates that probably would have been decently chill in undergrad. Long story short, there are a lot of reasons to hate law school.

If you want to drop out, though, do yourself a huge favor and as of right now, stop giving fucks. Closed memo wasn't exactly bluebook? Who gives a fuck. Research project wasn't completed until the night before the due date? Don't give a fuck. Didn't have the answer to a cold call because you didn't do any of the reading? Your mistake was giving enough of a fuck to go to class in the first place.

I agree with most of this. One of my favorite classmates from 1L decided he hated LS right as 1st semester finals started; because he was already on the hook for 1L tuition, he didn't drop out until the end of December/early January and gave minimal f***s through testing. I like to think he voluntarily helped pad the bottom of the class through his complete lack of concern.

[phillywc]

I've considered dropping out on bad days. On good days I'm sure I'll be top of my class. Kinda in a weird place right now.

[jbagelboy]

I've considered dropping out on bad days. On good days I'm sure I'll be top of my class. Kinda in a weird place right now.

Don't worry this is healthy. Its exactly how we all felt as "winter is coming [sic]" in the fall of 1L.

[phillywc]

I've considered dropping out on bad days. On good days I'm sure I'll be top of my class. Kinda in a weird place right now.

Don't worry this is healthy. Its exactly how we all felt as "winter is coming [sic]" in the fall of 1L.

It seems to be bordering on depression some days but on the whole I think i'm staying ahead. IDK.

[TheSpanishMain]

I know that feel bro. Some days I feel like I'm way ahead of the curve and some days I feel too retarded to be in the building in a non-janitorial capacity

[Young Marino]

I know that feel bro. Some days I feel like I'm way ahead of the curve and some days I feel too retarded to be in the building in a non-janitorial capacity

This. I mean, for the most part, I do feel pretty ahead of the curve. Other days I feel just past median. It truly is a grind Spanish Man.

[AReasonableMan]

I know that feel bro. Some days I feel like I'm way ahead of the curve and some days I feel too retarded to be in the building in a non-janitorial capacity

This. I mean, for the most part, I do feel pretty ahead of the curve. Other days I feel just past median. It truly is a grind Spanish Man.

Wait till grades come out. It's easy to say things like keep a good perspective and relax, but I don't know how I would have reacted had I been lost at any point or have gotten below median. I can't begin to fathom what it'd feel like to move cross country, put yourself in debt, work your ass off, and get all bad grades. I also don't know how I would have been emotionally if I didn't have a study group. Although I probably would have learned more and have been more productive working alone, the knowledge that people you respect are doing things kind of like how you are at least provides evidence that you're not crazy.

[pancakes3]

I know that feel bro. Some days I feel like I'm way ahead of the curve and some days I feel too retarded to be in the building in a non-janitorial capacity

This. I mean, for the most part, I do feel pretty ahead of the curve. Other days I feel just past median. It truly is a grind Spanish Man.

I don't know if it's quite the same thing to oscillate from pretty ahead of the curve to just marginally ahead of the curve.

[AReasonableMan]

I know that feel bro. Some days I feel like I'm way ahead of the curve and some days I feel too retarded to be in the building in a non-janitorial capacity

This. I mean, for the most part, I do feel pretty ahead of the curve. Other days I feel just past median. It truly is a grind Spanish Man.

I don't know if it's quite the same thing to oscillate from pretty ahead of the curve to just marginally ahead of the curve.

This is common, but you have no idea what the curve is. How people communicate socially or in class rarely conveys how strong they are at taking a law school test. Many people speak differently than how they write, and different backgrounds lead to different levels of comfort and skill speaking in front of the class. You might be able to gauge somewhat better by the questions people ask at a review section, and what they choose to focus on.