Remote Lifestyle and Relocation Remorse Forum

[Anonymous User]

Does anyone else have second thoughts after going fully remote and/or relocating when you had the option to during the pandemic?

I went in-house after 5 years, am now fully remote, and have been for about two years at this point. The work is not especially stimulating, and I hated the biglaw grind and wanted my weekends back, so the lifestyle is a big improvement in that regard, but I now have colleagues I have spoken to weekly for years and have never met in person. I miss interactions in the office. After I went remote, my partner got recruited to run a very successful and esoteric company that I won't name, but which means we now live in a small town (think 15,000) that is in the middle of nowhere (i.e. a multi-hour drive to a large city). During the pandemic, I think we got a little drunk on the idea of open spaces and beautiful country. We're doing great financially, have a large house, and we're both making only slightly less than I did as an associate, but there is literally nothing to do except drink, hike, and stare at our screens. This situation is an even mixture of humblebrag and genuine buyer's remorse.

My setup is probably more extreme than most, but is anyone else marooned in a pandemic relocation of your own making?

I also acknowledge we're fortunate and privileged to be so materially comfortable when many are not.

[jhett]

A few thoughts:

1. Is it possible to get your company to comp you to travel to a worksite regularly (e.g., once a quarter, once a month)? We do that for our remote employees so that they don't feel so isolated from the rest of the company.

2. Have you and your partner considered getting a second home (e.g., could just be a studio or small cottage) in a more interesting location?

3. Have you considered a digital nomad lifestyle?

[Anonymous User]

I did a job change during the pandemic, landing basically a career dream job in my city. They had a flexible remote policy but I actually exercised my option to go in person 90% of my time at first, later scaling it back to about 60%. I would not even consider a full remote schedule in this situation, even though I love remote working as much as anyone does. My strategy has paid off well as things are going great in the office, I've struck up some very good friendships and alliances, get very cool and interesting matters to handle from a higher up (who has a pretty good relationship with me to boot), and the benefits go on and on.

[Anonymous User]

I went in-house fully remotely in late 2021. Absolutely love it. Have been to two in person work events since I started and it’s been more than sufficient. I’ve used my newfound freedom and flexibility to spend 6 months abroad, visiting multiple countries, as well as living in LA, NY, Austin, Asheville and Maine each for at least a month (spouse is also fully remote). I was also promoted and my total comp is now 70% of biglaw equivalent (left as a fifth year, specialty finance). On a per hour worked basis, I get paid much more.

Working fully remotely is what you make of it. Pick up a hobby, travel to see friends and/or family, buy or rent a studio in a city you always wanted to check out. And if none of that interests you, go back to in person. No shortage of that (insert shrug emoji)

Anon given the number of details

[mvp99]

Op long shot here as I don’t have the details but first impression based on experience - I don’t think you have identified correctly the true issue and don’t think in office interactions will help much. It’s easy to see the grass greener on the other side than figuring out why grass isn’t growing under your feet. Try to figure out why the emptiness and make a plan to fix it some other way.

[Anonymous User]

Agree that it seems like the issue is that you are bored with where you live, not that you don't have in-office colleagues. Sounds like if your partner didn't have the job they have, you wouldn't live in that remote town, so perhaps the discussion is more about whether they have some flexibility that would allow you to move to somewhere with a little more going on so you can have social interactions that aren't work-related. If the answer is no, then maybe flying in to your company on a semi-regular basis would break up the monotony of rural life a bit, but seems more a band-aid than a real solution.

[nixy]

I think social interactions in the office *could* improve matters, but that it would depend a lot on your colleagues, how much you like them, what the culture of the office is, etc. I agree that it sounds like the issue is lack of social interaction/things to do where you live, but especially as people get older, socializing in the office isn't always the answer to that in the way that it was in college/law school (that is, where just being stuck around other people all day meant you became friends and developed a community).

I'm completely envious of your setup, but I have a million hobbies I'd happily spend my time doing in a beautiful rural space, and I get that's not the case for everyone. And that said, it is a drag to have to drive multiple hours to get to "civilization."

I can only echo others' suggestions - see if you can work on-site periodically, reconsider whether you have to be in the small town, work on finding hobbies, travel? The plus of a small town is that residents can be very open to meeting new people and if you find one or two local activities (sports, volunteering), it can happen pretty easily. The downside is that if you're an outsider with maybe less in common with the locals (depending what this business is that your partner is running), things can feel really small. (I worked in a town of about 6000 people for 4 years so I get the double-edged sword.)

[Sad248]

We're doing great financially, have a large house, and we're both making only slightly less than I did as an associate, but there is literally nothing to do except drink, hike, and stare at our screens. This situation is an even mixture of humblebrag and genuine buyer's remorse.

I think this is fully on you, to be fair. To me it just sounds like you have no hobbies. Maybe that is because your hobbies do not correspond with your physical location. In that case, I would just move. I don't think you are missing seeing your colleagues. To me it just sounds like you miss seeing friends. And using your workplace for (artificial) friends is not the way, even though that is basically the only reason any associates are returning to the office.

So my advice would be:
1. Get a hobby in your town
1a. If you don't like anything, travel more (you can work remotely, you can go wherever) or move (semi-)permanently (I had a friend who moved to Paris for a month for example).
2. Make friends in the town.

[Anonymous User]

You need to find the happy medium for you. There are plenty of places to live with nice communities and not that far from metro areas. They are called suburbs.

[Anon-non-anon]

Get like 12 dogs.

[GFox345]

Op long shot here as I don’t have the details but first impression based on experience - I don’t think you have identified correctly the true issue and don’t think in office interactions will help much. It’s easy to see the grass greener on the other side than figuring out why grass isn’t growing under your feet. Try to figure out why the emptiness and make a plan to fix it some other way.

100% TCR. What OP is describing is a classic quarter/mid-life crisis. I don't think the "rich" small-talk interactions in the office have ever cured anyone's mental ills. Strongly recommend therapy, OP. It has helped me through some of my own shit.

[Anonymous User]

Agree that it seems like the issue is that you are bored with where you live, not that you don't have in-office colleagues. Sounds like if your partner didn't have the job they have, you wouldn't live in that remote town, so perhaps the discussion is more about whether they have some flexibility that would allow you to move to somewhere with a little more going on so you can have social interactions that aren't work-related. If the answer is no, then maybe flying in to your company on a semi-regular basis would break up the monotony of rural life a bit, but seems more a band-aid than a real solution.

I'm gonna push back on this a bit based on the little we know. It could easily be both issues, and the issue of "no hobbies" may be intertwined with not having friends around. What I mean is, maybe OP is the type of person who doesn't like to do things alone, they like to do social things. The problem then is at least in part that they do not have friends around. Some people don't like making friends at the office, but some certainly do and OP may be one of those people. IMO it's convenient to make friends with people who you are forced to be around so I always have, whether that's in law school or after graduating