How many of your in the NYC or LA area are able to support stay at home spouses Forum

[Inhousefuture]

Hello,

Just wondering:

1. How difficult is it to support from either Big-Law or High end In-House a stay at home spouse in the NYC or LA area?

2. If so, what type of salary is needed to do so at a middle or upper middle class level and for those of you who are able to do so how does it feel to be able to fully support a stay at home spouse?

Thanks

[ohgoeun]

Not a stay at home spouse but I’m able to comfortably support my two children as a single parent in NYC. I’m a first year associate. I actually think it would be cheaper if I had a stay at home spouse, so I wouldn’t have to blow so much on afterschool childcare.

[Anonymous User]

Hello,

Just wondering:

1. How difficult is it to support from either Big-Law or High end In-House a stay at home spouse in the NYC or LA area?

2. If so, what type of salary is needed to do so at a middle or upper middle class level and for those of you who are able to do so how does it feel to be able to fully support a stay at home spouse?

Thanks

I support my family (spouse and three kids) in NYC biglaw. We don't want for anything but also don't want anything fancy. In terms of how it "feels" -- not sure what you're looking for here. Sometimes I think it would be nice if he also brought in a big paycheck, but I am happy he is spending so much time with the kids, so it's a wash.

[Anonymous User]

To two posters above, how old are your kids, which neighborhood do you live in, are you renting/do you own?

I don’t want this to be another theoretical debate about whether you can live “comfortably” in NYC on X salary but as a mid/senior biglaw associate with kid and stay home spouse, I think about whether we can live here comfortably in NYC long term. To be clear, we are comfortable now on biglaw salary and don’t want fancy things but I know I’m likely to move inhouse with a pay cut in the near future. And I don’t feel that we can live comfortably (which to us means 2 bd apt in a decent neighborhood with access to good public school and having enough money leftover every month to save/invest) with anything less than 300k.

[Anonymous User]

I am a biglaw partner in LA and my spouse is in an of counsel role at a high end midlaw/boutique firm. Even though we are child-free and don't have student debt, we could not sustain our current lifestyle on either of our salaries alone. (We do have a significant mortgage on a 3 bedroom house, which we bought when interest rates were at historic lows; I can't even imagine buying it where interest rates are now.)

[Anonymous User]

Hello,

Just wondering:

1. How difficult is it to support from either Big-Law or High end In-House a stay at home spouse in the NYC or LA area?

2. If so, what type of salary is needed to do so at a middle or upper middle class level and for those of you who are able to do so how does it feel to be able to fully support a stay at home spouse?

Thanks

I support my family (spouse and three kids) in NYC biglaw. We don't want for anything but also don't want anything fancy. In terms of how it "feels" -- not sure what you're looking for here. Sometimes I think it would be nice if he also brought in a big paycheck, but I am happy he is spending so much time with the kids, so it's a wash.

Good on you for normalizing stay-at-home dads.

[BigLawPartner]

I am a biglaw partner in LA and my spouse is in an of counsel role at a high end midlaw/boutique firm. Even though we are child-free and don't have student debt, we could not sustain our current lifestyle on either of our salaries alone. (We do have a significant mortgage on a 3 bedroom house, which we bought when interest rates were at historic lows; I can't even imagine buying it where interest rates are now.)

Wait, you're a biglaw PARTNER with NO KIDS and can't support a stay at home spouse? You must have crazy expensive tastes. Are you an equity partner? Ballpark how much are you making?

[Anonymous User]

I am a biglaw partner in LA and my spouse is in an of counsel role at a high end midlaw/boutique firm. Even though we are child-free and don't have student debt, we could not sustain our current lifestyle on either of our salaries alone. (We do have a significant mortgage on a 3 bedroom house, which we bought when interest rates were at historic lows; I can't even imagine buying it where interest rates are now.)

Wait, you're a biglaw PARTNER with NO KIDS and can't support a stay at home spouse? You must have crazy expensive tastes. Are you an equity partner? Ballpark how much are you making?

Also curious about your monthly/annual expenses: mortgage(s), cars, vacations, dining, etc.

For reference, I plan to support a family of four in a non NYC/LA/SF but HCOL area with $250-$300k. That's with a >$1m 4-bedroom house, two cars, saving for college/retirement, and a dog to boot. We admittedly keep things cheap (don't take big vacations, don't have fancy cars, don't eat out much, etc.), but the original quoted post baffles me. Sounds more like a flex than relevant advice.

[becodalapa]

I am a biglaw partner in LA and my spouse is in an of counsel role at a high end midlaw/boutique firm. Even though we are child-free and don't have student debt, we could not sustain our current lifestyle on either of our salaries alone. (We do have a significant mortgage on a 3 bedroom house, which we bought when interest rates were at historic lows; I can't even imagine buying it where interest rates are now.)

Must be quite a lifestyle.

[ohgoeun]

To two posters above, how old are your kids, which neighborhood do you live in, are you renting/do you own?

I don’t want this to be another theoretical debate about whether you can live “comfortably” in NYC on X salary but as a mid/senior biglaw associate with kid and stay home spouse, I think about whether we can live here comfortably in NYC long term. To be clear, we are comfortable now on biglaw salary and don’t want fancy things but I know I’m likely to move inhouse with a pay cut in the near future. And I don’t feel that we can live comfortably (which to us means 2 bd apt in a decent neighborhood with access to good public school and having enough money leftover every month to save/invest) with anything less than 300k.

I live in UES (more like east harlem), renting a studio with my kiddos. So I guess our living situation is not ideal, but we make it work and we are zoned for a great elementary school. With the childcare expenses, I'm definitely not saving anything -- but I also spend a disgusting amount of money on Doordash and went all out and put them in an expensive summer camp so I honestly think 200k-300k is doable if you sort out your priorities.

[Anonymous User]

I live in UES (more like east harlem), renting a studio with my kiddos. So I guess our living situation is not ideal, but we make it work and we are zoned for a great elementary school. With the childcare expenses, I'm definitely not saving anything -- but I also spend a disgusting amount of money on Doordash and went all out and put them in an expensive summer camp so I honestly think 200k-300k is doable if you sort out your priorities.

is this a massive studio, or are you jamming 4 people into 750 sq ft??

[Anonymous User]

I am a biglaw partner in LA and my spouse is in an of counsel role at a high end midlaw/boutique firm. Even though we are child-free and don't have student debt, we could not sustain our current lifestyle on either of our salaries alone. (We do have a significant mortgage on a 3 bedroom house, which we bought when interest rates were at historic lows; I can't even imagine buying it where interest rates are now.)

Must be quite a lifestyle.

Lifestyle creep is real. Lots of biglaw partners living paycheck to paycheck on $1 million. When you literally spend every day hating your job you need to spend a load of cash to keep yourself from ragequitting.

[Anonymous User]

6th year associate -- west village apartment -- support wife who is stay-at-home. Not saving as much as we'd like, but we're not in the red any month or anything. When we have kids though I think it'll require us to dial back lifestyle or move somewhere a little cheaper (especially when we start needing a second bedroom). Realistically should dial it back a bit now and be saving more.

[jsnow212]

I am a biglaw partner in LA and my spouse is in an of counsel role at a high end midlaw/boutique firm. Even though we are child-free and don't have student debt, we could not sustain our current lifestyle on either of our salaries alone. (We do have a significant mortgage on a 3 bedroom house, which we bought when interest rates were at historic lows; I can't even imagine buying it where interest rates are now.)

Must be quite a lifestyle.

Lifestyle creep is real. Lots of biglaw partners living paycheck to paycheck on $1 million. When you literally spend every day hating your job you need to spend a load of cash to keep yourself from ragequitting.

I bet this is the case. They spend money to distract; to get a high in between job-related lows. Over time, more money is needed to as the novelty of distraction wears off and tolerance increases. It's a vicious cycle.

[Anonymous User]

To two posters above, how old are your kids, which neighborhood do you live in, are you renting/do you own?

I don’t want this to be another theoretical debate about whether you can live “comfortably” in NYC on X salary but as a mid/senior biglaw associate with kid and stay home spouse, I think about whether we can live here comfortably in NYC long term. To be clear, we are comfortable now on biglaw salary and don’t want fancy things but I know I’m likely to move inhouse with a pay cut in the near future. And I don’t feel that we can live comfortably (which to us means 2 bd apt in a decent neighborhood with access to good public school and having enough money leftover every month to save/invest) with anything less than 300k.

Oldest is in preschool and renting in UES. Our apartment is pretty small for 5, though, so we may make the move to the burbs pretty soon. The only thing stopping us is that we have an amazing deal on rent (long and complicated story) so we are paying $3k for our 2br (but also have 5 people in a 2br, so, tradeoff). It is definitely doable on less than $300k, but you won't be able to have everything on your list. If you want a big apartment, you probably can't be in a fancy neighborhood, but if you want good public schools you need to be in that neighborhood, so you pick between big apartment or good schools, etc., etc.

[Anonymous User]

Junior associate in nice part of the Bay Area. Spouse does not work, we have two kids, and we own a home. It’s certainly possible.

[Anonymous User]

Junior associate in nice part of the Bay Area. Spouse does not work, we have two kids, and we own a home. It’s certainly possible.

When/How did you buy? Is Biglaw your second career?

[LBJ's Hair]

Junior associate in nice part of the Bay Area. Spouse does not work, we have two kids, and we own a home. It’s certainly possible.

I mean, you would need a downpayment of $100,000, absolutely minimum, to make such a purchase. so that's going to be a gating issue for any junior associate in your position who (a) doesn't have 3-5 year of professional work experience prior to law school; and/or (b) someone else to pay it

[TUwave]

Junior associate in nice part of the Bay Area. Spouse does not work, we have two kids, and we own a home. It’s certainly possible.

I mean, you would need a downpayment of $100,000, absolutely minimum, to make such a purchase. so that's going to be a gating issue for any junior associate in your position who (a) doesn't have 3-5 year of professional work experience prior to law school; and/or (b) someone else to pay it

Nah you just need to work hard, like they did.

[Anonymous User]

This really depends on "area" for NYC.

You can easily support a family and stay at home spouse living in NJ and having a 1-1.5 hour commute. You could live closer and have a smaller house, but I mean you can easily have a really nice, big house a little further out and be very comfortable on a single biglaw salary.

If you're looking to live in southern Westchester or some of the rich, close NJ towns, it would be tight on 1 biglaw salary alone. If you're looking to live in Manhattan with kids and 1 salary...I know it wouldn't be possible for our family primarily because schooling would be the prohibitive cost.

[LBJ's Hair]

Junior associate in nice part of the Bay Area. Spouse does not work, we have two kids, and we own a home. It’s certainly possible.

I mean, you would need a downpayment of $100,000, absolutely minimum, to make such a purchase. so that's going to be a gating issue for any junior associate in your position who (a) doesn't have 3-5 year of professional work experience prior to law school; and/or (b) someone else to pay it

Nah you just need to work hard, like they did.

'It's one banana, Michael. What could it cost, $10?'

[Anonymous User]

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