Just put in two weeks, really upset. Tell me I'm crazy. Forum

[Anonymous User]

I am a 6th year and I just put in my 2 weeks notice at my biglaw firm. I did my SA here forever ago and have been here for years. I know it's just a job but I'm really upset.

Since I started my SA in 2015 I've spent basically every waking moment giving absolutely everything to this job. My whole plan in going to law school was to get this job, and if I was lucky enough to get it to give everything to it. I've done that -- it's been almost a decade of work and goals and dreams to be here. I've worked with the same partners and seniors the whole time. I like them, I know their families. They like me and say they think I've got a great shot at partner (which I know is what all partners say). But my work life balance has been terrible and I know if I keep doing this I'll end up as one of those divorced sad lawyers. So I got an in house job. Have been sure it was the right decision until the significance of it all hit me after I told the partners. They were so disappointed. Spent hours trying to talk me out of it.

But I just gave it all up. All that hard work is now worth nothing. I don't know. I'm really upset.

Am I crazy?

[Anonymous User]

Dog, they just want you to bill and don't want to find a great replacement. Depends on what you what out of life. If family is more important, good decision.

[Anonymous User]

Please see a therapist to help you through this. I know this sounds flippant and circular, but in this case it's true: the fact that you made the decision to leave almost certainly means it was the right decision. When you decided to leave, all those other considerations you identify still existed... and yet you made the decision to leave. On some level, you know it was the right decision.

[axiomaticapiary]

The hard work doesn't seem like it was worth nothing to me. You had the goal of getting a certain job, worked hard, and achieved your goal. Once you had it, you gave it your all, kicked some ass, made some big money, and set up yourself and your family in a great position. You pushed yourself to develop as a professional, learned a lot, and gained some great experience. Now you're walking out into a way easier lifestyle with your family intact. You achieved what 90% of people going into biglaw are hoping to achieve and you should be proud of it - and also proud to have had the guts to walk away when you knew it was time.

[nixy]

I mean the hard work and experience you got is what put you in the position to get the in-house job, and also paid you a big law salary for 6 years. That doesn’t seem like nothing.

You’re not required to commit to a job plan you made like 8 years ago. People change their minds all the time. You get to do that even if the partners you work for you wanted you to stay.

The significance of your decision is that you will get paid somewhat less (I’m assuming) to have more time for things that aren’t law. That’s a completely reasonable trade off. I’d argue it’s a much healthier one and it sounds like that’s what you think, too, or you’d stay where you are.

[jake768]

I was in pretty much this same situation 5 years ago. I honestly still miss many of them as people, and the open door to go back has never closed. Sometimes I still wish I stayed to make partner. But trust me, in house is so different. I leave by 5:30 and no one expects to hear from me until 9:30 the next morning. I don't bill my time, I don't care about networking. I spend time with my family and cash checks. Work is still interesting and I've made new work friends. Admittedly it's different when you're not in the trenches, but work just holds a different, smaller space in my life now. Leave gracefully and keep in touch, but don't look back. Enjoy and congrats!

[Anonymous User]

It's not worth nothing, it got you the job you presumably want. There's a reason you were even looking for the in-house job. I was in similar shoes, though I knew I never wanted the partner life so that made it easier to leave when I found a good in-house job. I'm about six months in and would never turn back. Family life, social life and mental well-being has never been better. Those same partners who were "disappointed" have asked me to drinks, lunches and sporting events now to try to keep/expand business. Their "disappointment" is more because they have to figure out how to replace you and/or take on more work themselves, but that's why they get paid the partner bucks.

[attorney589753]

I don't think you're crazy.

It sounds like you invested a lot of hard work and pride into your firm job, found good mentors, did good work. You've already spent a lot of time at the law firm and you could probably do a lot more if you wanted. It's natural for this to be a very difficult and emotional day.

The fact they spent hours trying to talk you out of it is because they know you're a talented and bright attorney, who is going to do great work. That doesn't mean they can address your burnout, and it doesn't mean this law firm is the right work for you. If you were that well-liked at the law firm then you'll probably be well-liked in your new job too, and you can probably go back to your law firm if you decide you made a mistake.

[Anonymous User]

Thank you so much everyone. I've read every post multiple times. I really really appreciate it. Just a way, way harder day than I thought it would be.

[Anonymous User]

I am a 6th year and I just put in my 2 weeks notice at my biglaw firm. I did my SA here forever ago and have been here for years. I know it's just a job but I'm really upset.

Since I started my SA in 2015 I've spent basically every waking moment giving absolutely everything to this job. My whole plan in going to law school was to get this job, and if I was lucky enough to get it to give everything to it. I've done that -- it's been almost a decade of work and goals and dreams to be here. I've worked with the same partners and seniors the whole time. I like them, I know their families. They like me and say they think I've got a great shot at partner (which I know is what all partners say). But my work life balance has been terrible and I know if I keep doing this I'll end up as one of those divorced sad lawyers. So I got an in house job. Have been sure it was the right decision until the significance of it all hit me after I told the partners. They were so disappointed. Spent hours trying to talk me out of it.

But I just gave it all up. All that hard work is now worth nothing. I don't know. I'm really upset.

Am I crazy?

Second the advice to see a therapist asap. Technology allows virtual visits and you can probably speak to someone competent soon

[Anonymous User]

I also spent 6 years in biglaw and just went in house. I don’t have any regrets and the distance gives me perspective. Biglaw is an incredibly unhealthy lifestyle that sucks the joy out of your life, makes it almost impossible to live in the moment, and creates a level of stress that shortens many people’s lives. You made the right decision and as others have said your outcome is what many strive for when going to law school. Considering your level I’m guessing you’re making at least $300k in your new role which is a ton of money to almost anyone except big firm lawyers. It is enough that the incremental income you would earn in BigLaw is not going to increase your happiness.

Hopefully enough well-regarded people leave big law firms to eventually create a shift in expectations of big firm lawyers. I’m not holding my breath though.

[Anonymous User]

I am a few class years above you, but had a very similar story. Spent the first few years of my 20s (I am young for my year) grinding out top grades at a good school, then devoted countless hours to firms in the hopes of building up equity chances. Became a senior associate, worked for a while, and then quit when COVID hit.

I decided it wasn't worth it anymore. Even now, over two years into the pandemic, I still question whether I made the right choice. I'd guess you will, too. The reality is that life rarely presents you with an easy choice, and you'll always look back on your last big choice and say "what if?", while looking back at what you thought was a big choice 3 or 4 "big choices" ago and chuckle at how immature you were thinking so much about the decision you made. I have the following thoughts:

First, only you know what is right for you. Everyone else can help, but ultimately only you can be the one to make the decision. Maybe a therapist can help, maybe friends can, but you are the one who has to make the decision right for you.

Second, all of the pressure and persuasion in the world means nothing unless the firm is willing to give you a piece of the pie. I've been around long enough to see plenty of people be strung along for years with the promise of "next year," only to eventually get the boot. There are even more who only got one bite at the apple before being told to look somewhere else. I'm not saying partnership is a realistic ask (although depending on the firm and group it may be), but if the best they can do is "we really like you," then you aren't missing too much. If they really want you, they'd be willing to offer you some actionable milestones that you can use to see if you're really on track.

Third, law firms devour your life. You will likely discover, or rediscover, things that you forgot about over the past half decade once you transition. There is a certain safety to being at a firm if you're an associate. You do great work, you are available all the time, and you'll get paid. But that's a short term arrangement - the firm doesn't need unlimited associates like that, and you can't live like that forever. It is no doubt a massive decision to leave law firm life, but once you learn what it is like to have your nights and weekends free again, I don't think you'll be wishing for the extra cash.

[Anonymous User]

Was in a similar position not that long ago making the same move that you are currently contemplating. When I thought about the decision, three primary considerations came into play 1) would my significant other leave me if this nonsense continued indefinitely (along with a big chunk of the money from the years of toiling away), 2) would the constant stress of the job lead to health issues down the line, and 3) did I really want to spend the majority of the finite time I have left on this planet to doing the types of transactions that our team was grinding away at. Looking around the room, divorce and health issues were rampant so I checked those boxes and I decided that there were more interesting areas of law and than the constant fire drills of our specific transactional practice. There is also an interesting infographic floating around that breaks down the average American’s entire life week-by-week with each phase of life color coded. Seeing that graphic really put things into perspective that our time is finite and we are the only ones responsible for ultimately determining how we allocate it. As Gordon Gekko once said, “If there's one thing I learned in prison it's that money is not the prime commodity in our lives... time is.”

[Hutz_and_Goodman]

You’re not crazy. I’m your class year and lateraled this year under similar circumstances. It’s been a great decision even though there are some people I miss from my former firm and things I miss about the culture. I started seeing a therapist before starting my new job and I agree with the above poster that at least for me I realized that my attachment to my prior job was a little bit delusional bc it’s only a job and I felt guilty about leaving cases understaffed etc but in reality your colleagues would and should leave whenever it suits their interests.

[Anonymous User]

Are you crazy for realizing there’s more to life than billing insane hours just so an ungrateful client will pay the firm a bunch of money, most of which will go to partners who did little to no work for that client? No. The rest of us are crazy.

[Anonymous User]

I am a 6th year and I just put in my 2 weeks notice at my biglaw firm. I did my SA here forever ago and have been here for years. I know it's just a job but I'm really upset.

Since I started my SA in 2015 I've spent basically every waking moment giving absolutely everything to this job. My whole plan in going to law school was to get this job, and if I was lucky enough to get it to give everything to it. I've done that -- it's been almost a decade of work and goals and dreams to be here. I've worked with the same partners and seniors the whole time. I like them, I know their families. They like me and say they think I've got a great shot at partner (which I know is what all partners say). But my work life balance has been terrible and I know if I keep doing this I'll end up as one of those divorced sad lawyers. So I got an in house job. Have been sure it was the right decision until the significance of it all hit me after I told the partners. They were so disappointed. Spent hours trying to talk me out of it.

But I just gave it all up. All that hard work is now worth nothing. I don't know. I'm really upset.

Am I crazy?

Keep in mind that if in 6 or 12 months you regret the decision, you can likely go back to the firm.

[Anonymous User]

I'm currently in the EXACT same position... I found this thread because someone I confided in about my feelings asked if I was the original poster. Just chiming in to say that (i) you're not alone in how you're feeling and (ii) reading these responses has been incredibly comforting.

[Anonymous User]

I’m also in a similar position (just left after 5 years) and wondering if it was the right move, so you are certainty not alone. Leaving big law was always the plan for me from the start, so I keep reminding myself of that, but it was still hard to go. To early for me to comment on my new gig definitively, but the first week I was there we got a merger agreement dropped on us at 5pm, and it was nice waking up to the issues list in the morning, not having stayed up until midnight to review the turn…

[Anonymous User]

I’m also in a similar position (just left after 5 years) and wondering if it was the right move, so you are certainty not alone. Leaving big law was always the plan for me from the start, so I keep reminding myself of that, but it was still hard to go. To early for me to comment on my new gig definitively, but the first week I was there we got a merger agreement dropped on us at 5pm, and it was nice waking up to the issues list in the morning, not having stayed up until midnight to review the turn…

That sounds like the dream….

[Anonymous User]

I jumped around firms, each time with a good reason, but built enough goodwill they’ll all likely be ok with boomerang-ing me back if needs align (I still keep in touch with the partners/associates at each firm). Sounds like you are in the same shoes from the perspective of goodwill. If you move and hate it, you can go back and the firm will welcome you back with arms wide open especially in this competent-mid-level-shortage-environment.

I’ve had relationship issues and health issues (surgeries and some chronic issues now) as a result of this job, and at a certain point realized if I really want to keep at it, I need to set my priorities straight. So I started blocking my calendars for (1) family time and (2) workouts, and started treating them like work. If I get an urgent email or a call, I don’t answer immediately during those times. This may mean I’m not the #1 associate on the list, but I still get quality job done on time which is really all that’s needed (granted, there are times when shit hits the fan and none of the calendar blocking matters, but I think you get the point).

All this to say, I think you like the firm, work and people enough so that you are torn from leaving aside from the crazy hours, demands, stress and 24/7 availability mentality. I totally get that because I’m like that too and that’s why I’m still here. If I were in your shoes (i.e., “can’t deal with this shit anymore”), I’d take a leap of faith, go in-house, take a year or so to see if you like it, and if not, jump back to the gravy train (which would be a plausible option, perhaps with a class year haircut).