Biglaw and First Trimester Forum

[Anonymous User]

Any advice on being a mid-level in a busy practice group while 8 weeks pregnant? I’m really struggling with the first trimester symptoms - not only am I nauseous all the time, but I’m completely exhausted. It feels like I took an ambien every morning before heading off to work.

The main problem is that I don’t want to ask for accommodations this early in the pregnancy just in case I miscarry. What else can I do? Do I just have to power through and hope for a 2nd trimester second wind?

[Anonymous User]

I have heard cringe stories about female partners taking client calls / turning drafts while IN LABOR. These stories are almost always told by partners as examples that juniors should immitate. To be honest big law (especially the upper echelons) is just not institutionally structured to handle anything pregnancy related. You need to prioritize your needs and set boundaries accordingly. If some partners give you a hard time for it, just ignore them.

[Anonymous User]

I have heard cringe stories about female partners taking client calls / turning drafts while IN LABOR. These stories are almost always told by partners as examples that juniors should immitate. To be honest big law (especially the upper echelons) is just not institutionally structured to handle anything pregnancy related. You need to prioritize your needs and set boundaries accordingly. If some partners give you a hard time for it, just ignore them.

I was hoping for some actual advice from the thousands of women who have been successfully pregnant during biglaw - not a sexist justification for discriminating against reproductive age women.

[Anonymous User]

Been there twice. Unfortunately, I don't have great advice. The first time, I told the partner I worked with most very early on because I was working with him all day on hearing prep and was feeling like garbage and kept getting nauseous. And I'd been his go-to for several years at that point, so I felt okay telling him. The second time, I was a relatively recent lateral, so I held out until a little after I got the NIPT results at about 12 weeks. Luckily, that second time was during COVID lockdowns, so I was able to use that to my advantage to be more flexible with my hours and give myself breaks when I needed them. Hopefully you can do that, too.

It's your choice on who you tell what, and ultimately, even if the tone of the last post wasn't ideal, the advice to set boundaries and do what you need to to take care of yourself isn't terrible. You can also tell people that you're not feeling well without sharing the reason.

Hopefully you'll start feeling better soon. I know those first few months feel like an eternity, but it's unbelievable how much better it gets around 12-14 weeks for most people.

[Anonymous User]

I've gone through two pregnancies while in biglaw (two different firms). In my experience, the first trimester is the hardest because, as you point out, if you haven't shared your pregnancy you aren't in a position to explain or ask for accommodations at the time when you feel the worst. My best advice is to focus on the fact that it's a short term problem. Another 1-2 months seems like forever when you're feeling exhausted, but it isn't much time in the scheme of things. Once you're able to share, there is a huge weight lifted. I will say that you don't have to abide by the "wait until 12 weeks to share" philosophy. There are lots of reasons to share earlier, and if you did miscarry, you might end up sharing that anyway. In the meantime, I'd take advantage of working from home as much as possible and assuming this is your first, just try to set boundaries and take care of yourself.

FWIW, I've had positive experiences a both firms with my pregnancies and raising kids. I went out on leave both times a few weeks early, and took almost 6 months both times. My firms have been completely respectful of the boundaries I've set around time with my kids. It's obviously firm/practice dependent, but it's entirely possible to succeed in biglaw without sending emails from the delivery room. That's not to say it's easy to have kids and do this job--it's really hard.

[Anonymous User]

I don't have specific advice about who to tell or when because it's so dependent on your relationships with them, your comfort in having shared something if something goes wrong with the pregnancy, etc. I can say from my experience with two pregnancies in big law that the first trimester is by far the worst so there is (hopefully) an end in sight. I did not tell anyone with my first because I was so worried about a bad outcome, but told people right away with my second because it was right around when Covid was getting started but before the lockdown so I wanted to avoid crowded settings. Both times it worked out fine.

[pkeller]

I have heard cringe stories about female partners taking client calls / turning drafts while IN LABOR. These stories are almost always told by partners as examples that juniors should immitate. To be honest big law (especially the upper echelons) is just not institutionally structured to handle anything pregnancy related. You need to prioritize your needs and set boundaries accordingly. If some partners give you a hard time for it, just ignore them.

I was hoping for some actual advice from the thousands of women who have been successfully pregnant during biglaw - not a sexist justification for discriminating against reproductive age women.

I read that as the poster just stating things are, not trying to justify the terrible policies. I agree that change is needed in big law to make it more accommodating for women/minorities/those with disabilities or health issues.