comprehensive guide on dining etiquette for summer associates Forum

[MergerQueen]

Did people really have to learn to not burp at the table or eat off of someone else’s plate?

I knew lawyers were socially inept but JFC.

Hey, boo.

[Anonymous User]

Several people on this thread said that it is totally normal to place one's phone on the table.

I very much disagree with this. Others may do it but I, and some more old school people like me, will find it rude, especially for a summer associate. Certainly there is not a message or call that person could receive that is more important than what others at the table could receive. Having the phone there signals that your attention is split and that something could come up that is more important than those around you. It also will encourage you to look at it more because it is right there.

Keep the phone in your jacket pocket or bag. If you truly need to check it, do so when you head to the restroom or, discretely pick it up to look once every 45 minutes or so. Nothing can be so pressing that it won't accommodate that timing.

Sure this might be overkill but given that many lawyers have trouble socializing to begin with, why entertain yet another distraction that is keeping you from connecting with those taking time out of their evening or day to be with you?

For summers, yeah none of their work will be important/urgent enough for the phone to be necessary. But in all other BigLaw scenarios it’s commonplace to have phones on the table (except with clients, where you should be a lot more circumspect about it). At my V10, it’s normal for everyone to briefly check emails on their phone as needed, from stubs up to partners. It’s even common for juniors to bring their laptop in a bag under the table, in case they need to jump on something (though they will generally step away to another location to do so, unless it’s all juniors).

Perhaps it’s because I’m in M&A, where extremely urgent things can pop up out of nowhere regardless of seniority. Pretty sure I’ve seen the same behavior from other practices, though that could be because M&A is dominant in my office and sets the tone.

[Anonymous User]

All of this has me thinking: how much does being of that specific social class help you in biglaw (even post-hiring)? At my T6 there was a definite social divide between some of the Acela-corridor UMC people (who all went to ivies for UG) and much of the rest of the class, and they seemed to outperform in hiring.

I think being upper middle class (or above) does help in biglaw. Most associates in my group at my NYC v20 would fit that description for sure. Most went to private high schools and colleges. Plus, I could just tell by the type of clothes, watches, bags, etc. that they showed up with on day 1 of stub year.

A handful grew up in less fortunate circumstances, and it's extremely obvious to me who those people are. But that has nothing to do with work, and I genuinely do not care about it. It's only an issue when people make it an issue by, e.g., acting extremely insecure about their status, or affecting weird faux-fancy behaviors like complaining the service and food at free dinners isn't good enough.

First Gen kid here that started poor and ended up middle class by the time I graduated (public) high school. I never studied etiquette and wasn’t familiar with the more obscure rules here, but quickly adapted to a “just act fucking normal” mentality through meals in college and beyond. Got the basics of how to not be a weirdo at $$$$ restaurants just by absorbing them through observation and self-awareness over time.

Now, in BigLaw, I’ve had zero issues connecting with the ultra wealthy despite not knowing which way to tilt my soup. In fact, on several occasions the prep-school Ivy-league children of millionaires and (literally) billionaires have expressed surprise when they find out I’m a public school kid with humble beginnings.

My point being, obsessing over tiny details isn’t necessary to fit in, as long as you get the biggest and most obvious items, maintain basic politeness, stay chill, and act like you’re comfortable and belong there. It’s worth paying attention to, but not stressing over.

[ExpOriental]

What are the rules on sexily rubbing your stocking-ed foot against someone's crotch under the table line you see in the movies?

Asking for a friend

[Anonymous User]

What are the rules on sexily rubbing your stocking-ed foot against someone's crotch under the table line you see in the movies?

Asking for a friend

At my firm, probably totally fine as long as it’s a woman doing it. We might make the guy do a sensitivity training for putting his dick too close to a strong, beautiful, independent woman’s foot.

[Anonymous User]

IMHO obsessing over the tiny details will make you look weird. If you were raised to tilt your soup bowl a certain way, fine. But if you're normal like the rest of us and you go out of your way to eat in a way you aren't used, it's just going to look awkward and try hard. So I disagree with all the ppl saying "maybe you don't have to but it can't hurt". It can hurt. Just relax and enjoy yourself.