Advice / Resources for improving my social and communication skills Forum

[Anonymous User]

I'm introverted and a bit of a loner. I tend to be pretty awkward in conversations.

I'd like to work on improving in this area before I start working at a firm. Having quality social skills will likely help me in all areas of life.

Any recommendations on how to improve in this area? Books? Best practices?

[Prudent_Jurist]

I’ve always found that one of the best ways to make a positive impression on others is to let them talk about themselves. Asking questions is a lawyering skill, so try to work on applying it when you’re socializing. Asking about people’s interests, hobbies, background, travels, families, past stories, etc., is a great way to get people talking. Then you just need to listen, show you’re engaged (e.g., nodding, smiling, good posture, eye contact) and maybe add in your own commentary when something they say resonates with your experiences.

Sometimes this doesn’t work if the other person isn’t particularly forthcoming or otherwise unwilling to talk. That’s okay. In that case, depending on the context, I would try to end the interaction with a “nice to meet you” or something equivalent and move on.

Another thing re: eye contact. You don’t have to look someone in the eyes to make them believe you’re looking them in the eyes. If you find direct eye contact awkward, stare at the midpoint of their forehead just above their nose. Tangentially, this is also helpful if you’re ever in court. The judge is so far away you can basically stare at the judge’s forehead and the judge will think you’re making eye contact.

[Anonymous User]

Practice, practice, practice (outside of your law firm, ideally).

Analyze your social interactions with others objectively, and try to slightly improve each time. Being objective in this arena is *way* harder than you think, because your ego gets in the way. That’s actually the biggest secret I think, learning to tame your ego.

As an example, I used to be terrible with women due to social anxiety and shyness. Then I heard a statistic that something like 99% of interactions of men approaching women led to rejection. So I figured, hey, when I get rejected, it doesn’t mean I’m a loser and it’s not a judgement on my value as a human being. It’s just life. From that point on, I was fine because my self worth was no longer tied to whether I was popular one night or on a massive dry spell.

In terms of body language, Zoom calls are actually great for this one. Just watch yourself when you interact with others, and see if you’re doing anything weird. For me, I used to think my “smiling” face looked good, but actually it looked odd and awkward. So now I just chat to ppl with a relaxed face and it’s much better.

For voice quality, tape yourself and then analyze whether there’s anything you can do to improve it.

I’d recommend yoga for posture.

[Anonymous User]

Socially awkward introvert here who has worked a bit over 10 years in the legal profession (first BigLaw and now inhouse).

What's helped me the most is finding a remote job. Pre-planned Zoom meetings mean that there's very little (if any) small talk, we get down to the issue at hand within minutes of starting the call, and the vast majority of meetings are devoted to substance. I'm good when the question is "what is our risk with XYZ legal issue" and less so when the question is "let's go around the Zoom room and talk about our weekends!" Thankfully, the second question doesn't come up too often.