Help Forum

[Anonymous User]

I am constantly reeling from panic attacks during the day. I can barely be productive anymore and my long-term relationship is falling apart. I wake up depressed and am unable to get up to do anything to take care of myself, and then beat myself up and feel terrible at the end of the day. I do my best to get work done at least, but I am usually slow and very late with my deliverables. The idea of getting to the office sounds impossible. I end up having anxiety attack after anxiety attack until the end of the day when I don't feel like everything is falling on top of me and I can start to get some work done at least, but then I feel like shit at the end of the day - barely get my work done, don't do anything to take care of myself (let alone have fun). I did not use to be this way. I am a second year associate, and all of this started some time last summer. It keeps getting worse and worse, and I don't know where to get help or what I can do to help myself.

[Anonymous User]

Is there a reason you need to stay at your firm?

[Anonymous User]

I am constantly reeling from panic attacks during the day. I can barely be productive anymore and my long-term relationship is falling apart. I wake up depressed and am unable to get up to do anything to take care of myself, and then beat myself up and feel terrible at the end of the day. I do my best to get work done at least, but I am usually slow and very late with my deliverables. The idea of getting to the office sounds impossible. I end up having anxiety attack after anxiety attack until the end of the day when I don't feel like everything is falling on top of me and I can start to get some work done at least, but then I feel like shit at the end of the day - barely get my work done, don't do anything to take care of myself (let alone have fun). I did not use to be this way. I am a second year associate, and all of this started some time last summer. It keeps getting worse and worse, and I don't know where to get help or what I can do to help myself.

I think standard course of action for something like this is to reach out to colleagues/mentors to discuss workload and to let them know that you are burning out. Lateral market is so hot right now that it seems like most firm management will be pretty accommodating to get people to stay. If that's not an option due to firm politics, then you might consider a lateral move.

If you want to stay in Big Law long term, probably also a wise decision to consider therapy. It really helped me to address similar feelings. I'd recommend seeking out someone who specializes in dealing with people in demanding professions (they will be able to give you better advice that isn't "work less" and will also be able to work around your schedule).

*ETA: You are not alone. Sometimes, for me at least, it helped just knowing that. Hope this helps!

[Anonymous User]

What's the cause of your anxiety? Is it not knowing how to do the work? Is it too much work, too little time? Some combination of both?

Your post hit home for me, since I felt this same exact way at one point during my tenure at an NYC V10 M&A practice. It was probably the darkest time in my life. At one point I literally was on my way down to the staffing partner's office in tears about to quit, but luckily he wasn't there. Caught another associate who I was friends with on my way back to my office and pretty much just broke down. With that said, it all turned out to be OK. I'm not there anymore, but I'm in a different firm where the workflow/culture just work better for my mental health.

I'm only saying all this because this is a completely normal feeling to be this overwhelmed and have it impact your ability to work in this job. Try to take some time off and decompress soon. And use that time to try to figure out the source of the anxiety and what you can do to remedy it. Whether that's going to a different firm with lesser demands, or just a different firm with a different culture.

Wishing you all the best and sending my prayers your way.

[Anonymous User]

I am constantly reeling from panic attacks during the day. I can barely be productive anymore and my long-term relationship is falling apart. I wake up depressed and am unable to get up to do anything to take care of myself, and then beat myself up and feel terrible at the end of the day. I do my best to get work done at least, but I am usually slow and very late with my deliverables. The idea of getting to the office sounds impossible. I end up having anxiety attack after anxiety attack until the end of the day when I don't feel like everything is falling on top of me and I can start to get some work done at least, but then I feel like shit at the end of the day - barely get my work done, don't do anything to take care of myself (let alone have fun). I did not use to be this way. I am a second year associate, and all of this started some time last summer. It keeps getting worse and worse, and I don't know where to get help or what I can do to help myself.

I know a few people that this happened to - trust me you are not alone. This job is incredibly stressful, and it doesn't let up or leave you time to work on yourself. But remember: your mental health is way more important than a job, even if it feels like people at work don't seem to act that way.

Have you considered taking a leave of absence? I know at least two people who did that for personal health reasons at my firm (and a couple others for a family members), and nobody at my firm questioned them. You could probably have a confidential talk with HR about what that would look like.

Others probably know better than I, but there are lots of lawyers helping lawyers groups where you can get some help as well.

You're going to be okay! Just take it step by step, and I'm confident you'll find a way to start feeling better just like my colleagues did.

[Anonymous User]

I’ve been there. If you’re not currently, you should go to therapy. It helped me immensely with my panic attacks.