What is the meanest and the nicest thing you've heard someone say to you (or another) on the job? Forum

[Anonymous User]

Feel free to paraphrase (to avoid providing too many details) and please share the context (including type of firm/org)

[Anonymous User]

this thread has the potential to be very entertaining (and scary). 2L here waiting anxiously for stories.

[Anonymous User]

Nicest: "good job on this, I expected you to screw up"

Meanest: "why didn't this happen??"

Sorry that's all I got.

[Anonymous User]

Nicest: "I’m not exaggerating when I say this was one of the best banker-lawyer experiences I’ve had so you deserve praise for it."

Meanest: "I'm going to f***ing strangle you if you don't get this right"; "Just wait until you work with X, I'm gonna make sure he bends you over daily." But the worst goes unspoken and reveals itself through rumors, shunning, and passive-aggressive behavior (as the key ingredient in biglaw bullying is plausible deniability). I hesitate to write this, as I think it sometimes empowers bad actors to believe that others do the same, so they can get away with it.

[Anonymous User]

Not to me, to another associate in my office.

"Why can't you just do this right??" Followed by senior associate picking up a stapler from junior associates desk and throwing it at the wall. When junior brought incident up to HR, response was "well, you did do that thing incorrectly so they weren't factually wrong"

[Anonymous User]

Not to me, to another associate in my office.

"Why can't you just do this right??" Followed by senior associate picking up a stapler from junior associates desk and throwing it at the wall. When junior brought incident up to HR, response was "well, you did do that thing incorrectly so they weren't factually wrong"

Where did this apparently happen? It's not about you so you should be able to disclose hopefully.

[Anonymous User]

Not to me, to another associate in my office.

"Why can't you just do this right??" Followed by senior associate picking up a stapler from junior associates desk and throwing it at the wall. When junior brought incident up to HR, response was "well, you did do that thing incorrectly so they weren't factually wrong"

I think if someone started throwing physical objects I would just walk out the door. There's a line.

[Anonymous User]

Nicest: "we probably need to hire three more people next year, or just one if they're as good as [name]."

Meanest: "the work product you gave me is a complete disgrace."

[Anonymous User]

Not to me, to another associate in my office.

"Why can't you just do this right??" Followed by senior associate picking up a stapler from junior associates desk and throwing it at the wall. When junior brought incident up to HR, response was "well, you did do that thing incorrectly so they weren't factually wrong"

I think if someone started throwing physical objects I would just walk out the door. There's a line.

I will just say that the resolution of this was senior associate ended up being told that they would never make partner and they should look elsewhere (aka not fired and pretty sure that was going to be the result even if this incident didn't happen). Senior left for another firm after about 2 more months and I believe are still there. Junior associate (who is my friend hence why I'm not going to give more details on location, etc.) ended up leaving pretty much immediately after of their own volition for a better gig.

[Anonymous User]

Nicest: Had a client gush about me to a partner on a phone call on how indispensable I was and how lucky the firm was to have me.

Meanest: Partner slamming my office door shut (and almost breaking it) after I politely told him I would catch up with him later after he interrupted a call I was on.

[Anonymous User]

On a review, a partner put that sometimes it seems like I have no clue what is going on.

He's not wrong, lol.

[Anonymous User]

Nicest: I was at the airport with 3 partners and one went on a long explanation about what he liked about my work / work ethic. The others agreed, and I sat there red in the face with nothing to say but thanks.

Meanest (not to me): Another partner in my group wrote a memo about everything he hated about some associate, sat the associate down in his office, watched him read it, and then told him how much he enjoyed watching that.

[Anonymous User]

Never was the subject of agressive-agressive behavior in biglaw.

Nicest: various praise for work. You are smart, great work product.

Meanest: worked on a very specialized type of deal where I had no clue what was going on, was super sleep deprived and couldn't even integrate comments without adding typos. Counsel complains to partner. Walk in on them discussing my participation in the project and give them an update on what I was doing. Partner says to counsel: "look, he's at least adding SOME value." That was a month before I quit biglaw, which probably had a lot to do with my work product

[Anonymous User]

Meanest (not to me): Another partner in my group wrote a memo about everything he hated about some associate, sat the associate down in his office, watched him read it, and then told him how much he enjoyed watching that.

wut.the.fuck

[Anonymous User]

Meanest (not to me): Another partner in my group wrote a memo about everything he hated about some associate, sat the associate down in his office, watched him read it, and then told him how much he enjoyed watching that.

wut.the.fuck

Same anon. The associate wasn't innocent. He was brilliant, don't get me wrong, but he refused to work unless it was 100% on his terms. He would blow off assignments, do things his way, and just generally be rude to people who got in his way. Doesn't really make for much of a team player.

FWIW this partner is one of my favorites to work for. He's supportive, helpful, insightful, and generally likes to teach/mentor. I think that's why he got so pissed at this particular associate, who basically wanted none of that.

[Anonymous User]

The associate wasn't innocent. He was brilliant, don't get me wrong, but he refused to work unless it was 100% on his terms. He would blow off assignments, do things his way, and just generally be rude to people who got in his way. Doesn't really make for much of a team player.

FWIW this partner is one of my favorites to work for. He's supportive, helpful, insightful, and generally likes to teach/mentor. I think that's why he got so pissed at this particular associate, who basically wanted none of that.

Nope, there's no such thing as deserving that kind of treatment. Huge red flag of the partner, and you if you think it's OK. If you have an employee who sucks, fire them. Humiliating them and enjoying it is pure sadism.

[Anonymous User]

Same anon. The associate wasn't innocent. He was brilliant, don't get me wrong, but he refused to work unless it was 100% on his terms. He would blow off assignments, do things his way, and just generally be rude to people who got in his way. Doesn't really make for much of a team player.

FWIW this partner is one of my favorites to work for. He's supportive, helpful, insightful, and generally likes to teach/mentor. I think that's why he got so pissed at this particular associate, who basically wanted none of that.

How did the associate react? It sounds like he wouldn’t have been easily cow-towed but even the most arrogant of people would have trouble in that situation.

[Anonymous User]

Meanest: Probably just general vague quasi-threats from a senior partner being a grumpy old man and saying stuff like "when I was an associate if I had pulled what you just did they would have thrown me out the window." Also second whoever said "why didn't this happen?" Annoying as hell.

Nicest: When I called the (junior) partner I work for to tell him I was leaving the firm to go in house: "I know eventually I'll be sad about losing you, but right now I'm just happy for you."

[Anonymous User]

As a 2L with no insight into firm life, some of these are terrifying.

Question

Have you ever cried on the job? Because I would probably sulk in my office if anyone said some of these things to me.

I need to work on my thin skin.

[Anonymous User]

As a 2L with no insight into firm life, some of these are terrifying.

Question

Have you ever cried on the job? Because I would probably sulk in my office if anyone said some of these things to me.

I need to work on my thin skin.

FWIW I have worked in completely different sectors/industries and the "meanest" conduct described in this thread is alarming and absolutely not indicative of thin skin if it bothers you. It is not okay for bosses to be slamming doors, throwing things, threatening people with strangulation, alluding to rape, etc.

[Anonymous User]

As a 2L with no insight into firm life, some of these are terrifying.

Question

Have you ever cried on the job? Because I would probably sulk in my office if anyone said some of these things to me.

I need to work on my thin skin.

FWIW I have worked in completely different sectors/industries and the "meanest" conduct described in this thread is alarming and absolutely not indicative of thin skin if it bothers you. It is not okay for bosses to be slamming doors, throwing things, threatening people with strangulation, alluding to rape, etc.

That's exactly what I was thinking. I've worked in multiple industries before law school and have never faced anything remotely close to the 'meanest' here. I am heading into biglaw this fall and if this is what I am gonna face, I will mostly just answer back. If I do that, will I be fired immediately (serious question)? That's the only reason I can imagine why people don't push back (that's, of course, an assumption I hope is wrong) to all this.

[Anonymous User]

As a 2L with no insight into firm life, some of these are terrifying.

Question

Have you ever cried on the job? Because I would probably sulk in my office if anyone said some of these things to me.

I need to work on my thin skin.

FWIW I have worked in completely different sectors/industries and the "meanest" conduct described in this thread is alarming and absolutely not indicative of thin skin if it bothers you. It is not okay for bosses to be slamming doors, throwing things, threatening people with strangulation, alluding to rape, etc.

That's exactly what I was thinking. I've worked in multiple industries before law school and have never faced anything remotely close to the 'meanest' here. I am heading into biglaw this fall and if this is what I am gonna face, I will mostly just answer back. If I do that, will I be fired immediately (serious question)? That's the only reason I can imagine why people don't push back (that's, of course, an assumption I hope is wrong) to all this.

You won't immediately be fired but office politics in law firm settings can be pretty important. Especially if you might be interested in the potential of being a partner. There tends to be a lot of gossip and in general, you want to be careful about what partner you're upsetting. Maybe you get away with talking back with no filter to one or a couple. However, share partners have a say in who becomes partner and that is something to consider.

[Anonymous User]

As a 2L with no insight into firm life, some of these are terrifying.

Question

Have you ever cried on the job? Because I would probably sulk in my office if anyone said some of these things to me.

I need to work on my thin skin.

FWIW I have worked in completely different sectors/industries and the "meanest" conduct described in this thread is alarming and absolutely not indicative of thin skin if it bothers you. It is not okay for bosses to be slamming doors, throwing things, threatening people with strangulation, alluding to rape, etc.

That's exactly what I was thinking. I've worked in multiple industries before law school and have never faced anything remotely close to the 'meanest' here. I am heading into biglaw this fall and if this is what I am gonna face, I will mostly just answer back. If I do that, will I be fired immediately (serious question)? That's the only reason I can imagine why people don't push back (that's, of course, an assumption I hope is wrong) to all this.

You won't immediately be fired but office politics in law firm settings can be pretty important. Especially if you might be interested in the potential of being a partner. There tends to be a lot of gossip and in general, you want to be careful about what partner you're upsetting. Maybe you get away with talking back with no filter to one or a couple. However, share partners have a say in who becomes partner and that is something to consider.

Thank you, that makes sense. Is it generally acceptable to politely tell them you aren't going to take any of that going forward?

[Anonymous User]

Same anon. The associate wasn't innocent. He was brilliant, don't get me wrong, but he refused to work unless it was 100% on his terms. He would blow off assignments, do things his way, and just generally be rude to people who got in his way. Doesn't really make for much of a team player.

FWIW this partner is one of my favorites to work for. He's supportive, helpful, insightful, and generally likes to teach/mentor. I think that's why he got so pissed at this particular associate, who basically wanted none of that.

How did the associate react? It sounds like he wouldn’t have been easily cow-towed but even the most arrogant of people would have trouble in that situation.

The associate didn't care. They stuck around for another couple years, started working almost exclusively with another partner that could put up with him, didn't make partner (for obvious reasons), and have bounced around between various firms, etc. ever since. I think he sees it more as "the firm didn't understand how great I am" than "those bastards cheated me."

[Anonymous User]

As a 2L with no insight into firm life, some of these are terrifying.

Question

Have you ever cried on the job? Because I would probably sulk in my office if anyone said some of these things to me.

I need to work on my thin skin.

FWIW I have worked in completely different sectors/industries and the "meanest" conduct described in this thread is alarming and absolutely not indicative of thin skin if it bothers you. It is not okay for bosses to be slamming doors, throwing things, threatening people with strangulation, alluding to rape, etc.

That's exactly what I was thinking. I've worked in multiple industries before law school and have never faced anything remotely close to the 'meanest' here. I am heading into biglaw this fall and if this is what I am gonna face, I will mostly just answer back. If I do that, will I be fired immediately (serious question)? That's the only reason I can imagine why people don't push back (that's, of course, an assumption I hope is wrong) to all this.

You won't immediately be fired but office politics in law firm settings can be pretty important. Especially if you might be interested in the potential of being a partner. There tends to be a lot of gossip and in general, you want to be careful about what partner you're upsetting. Maybe you get away with talking back with no filter to one or a couple. However, share partners have a say in who becomes partner and that is something to consider.

Thank you, that makes sense. Is it generally acceptable to politely tell them you aren't going to take any of that going forward?

I think that you have to assess the situation on an individual basis. Some of the negative experiences in this thread are probably pretty common and should be chalked up to "I don't like what this person is saying to me and how it makes me feel about myself. Maybe they're having a bad day." In these cases I ask myself: is there anything I can learn from their feedback? If yes, make note. If no, take a few minutes to clear your head and move on. Some of the more egregious things on here, like having someone throw something at you, is unacceptable and in my opinion should be reported.

Verbally inappropriate things, I think require more discretion from you. Always sit and reflect on things a bit before you make any moves. I have only had one situation where I felt it was necessary for me to talk back to a partner but I did not do it in the same interaction. I ended up ranting to a friend, reflecting, and ultimately wrote the partner an email with a very neutral tone. Something along the lines of "Hey X, I appreciated your feedback earlier today. I understand that these are stressful times and I could have _____ differently. It's a note I have made for the future. I have much respect for you as a colleague and ask that in the future, we handle conversations surrounding matters differently as I felt uncomfortable with the remark you made to me during our conversation." . I want to stress that I don't think this move makes sense every time you are talked down to by a partner or told something that you feel uncomfortable with. This was just a very egregious situation that I can't share because I would be doxxing myself and still work at the firm.