Planning a wedding as a new associate Forum

[hernani]

Recent grad, clerking next year then heading to a primary-market BL firm (so my first year at the firm will be as a second year).

My SO and I are starting to talk about wedding plans, and I'm curious if people have any thoughts about when in my "first" year would be the best time to take time off to get married. I'm assuming that it would be better to do it relatively early on, before I'm too deep in any projects, but how soon would be too soon? How much time off can I reasonably expect to get away with, and does it depend on what time of year I'm asking for? Alternatively, do I realistically need to wait until my second year at the firm to be able to take the time to throw a big wedding (which is what my SO's family will expect)?

I'll presumably be going into litigation (unless clerking turns me off from it), if that makes any difference.

Any other advice or insight that people have about wedding planning as a junior associate would be super appreciated!

[Anonymous User]

Honestly, the best time is definitely after the clerkship and before you start at the firm. That's what I did, and it worked out great: I finished the clerkship in August and started at the firm in October, so I could take the lead on the last-minute wedding planning and then take a leisurely honeymoon without stressing at all about work.

If that timing doesn't work, then you should just plan around what works for you and your SO. There's no great time, but also no terrible time. There is no reason to wait until your second year at the firm.

You may want to consider taking a delayed honeymoon - e.g., taking off the week before the wedding and a few days after, and then taking a two-week honeymoon a few months later. You might raise some eyebrows taking off three consecutive weeks, though wedding/honeymoon is really the only good excuse to do so.

[Anonymous User]

Completely agree that the best and least stressful/most fun way to do this is to do the wedding before you start. To me it would be worth all kinds of compromises in terms of date/venue to be able to be fully present for the run up to the wedding and the wedding itself and then to be able to really relax when it's over. You won't remember much about the food or the flowers or the location (within reason) in 10 years, but you will DEFINITELY remember if you were stressed out/checking your phone/feeling like you couldn't go look at places, dresses, etc., which you will be if you are working.

[Anonymous User]

I am a corporate first year who will be taking time off for my wedding late summer/early fall this year, after we started working in January. I don't think there is any such thing as "good time" vs. "bad time," as your don't have much control over your work flow, and there is definitely no reason to wait until your second year.

I asked several people in my group what their thoughts were on how I should approach asking for the time and how much time to take off - I would recommend you do the same, since so much depends on your office, your group, the teams you are working with at that time, etc. For me, the general consensus was to tell the assigning partner/head of corporate group 3 months before the planned time off, and to start telling my deal teams right away + giving them reminders more frequently as the date gets closer. I asked for 2 weeks off - the advice I got ranged from anywhere from 1-3 weeks being acceptable. When I actually told the seniors & partners I am working with about the wedding and time off, I got nothing but congratulations - seems like weddings are one of those few life events where no one will bat an eye about your taking time off. Don't sweat it too much and do what is best for you, your fiance and your family!

[papermateflair]

An associate at my firm said they were available to start early as a first year, "worked" a couple of weeks, and then took two or three weeks off for their wedding and honeymoon. It really started things off on the wrong foot and frankly they never recovered. If you're planning on taking a ton of time off for the wedding either do it before you start or don't do it immediately after.

[hernani]

Honestly, the best time is definitely after the clerkship and before you start at the firm. That's what I did, and it worked out great: I finished the clerkship in August and started at the firm in October, so I could take the lead on the last-minute wedding planning and then take a leisurely honeymoon without stressing at all about work.

That would be ideal...but I'm concerned about finding a venue given the backlog of events from COVID (plus I have a cousin who's already announced he's getting married next September on the opposite coast and I'm not sure if I can get away with asking my Midwestern extended family to travel twice in a month). I'll start working on it to see what's possible.

Thanks for the thoughts, all. Starting off on the wrong foot is definitely not my goal. And tbh I'm already expecting that the wedding and honeymoon won't be back-to-back. I'm just hoping my overlords will let me mostly ignore my email when the "honeymoon" looks more like a regular vacation!

[Anonymous User]

Congrats! I'm planning a wedding at the moment (as well as studying for the bar- #ragrets). You can fit in planning tasks here or there, but I'm now trying to figure out how to broach asking a firm for time off for our bachelor/ette party. I haven't even planned a honeymoon, mainly because I don't want to ask for the time off yet (also COVID-related travel considerations). The hardest wedding-related issues to figure out seem to be the wedding events themselves, as opposed to their planning. Honestly considering whether you can take weekends off is a big factor, as that is likely when you'll be having the lead up events, tastings, tours, etc. Tasks that can't be done on your laptop at odd hours might be challenging to schedule. These are some of the issues I've run into, although I haven't even started clerking yet, but I hope they provide insight or at least solidarity.

[Anonymous User]

People in this thread are crazy. Don't worry about "when in your first year" to do your wedding. Certainly communicate with your firm and be open in advance of starting if your wedding is going to be in your first few months at the firm. On the other hand, if you're starting in September 2021 with a wedding planned for July 2022, though, absolutely no reason to communicate it in advance - just tell staffing or whoever manages vacation scheduling when you start.

Every single firm (even a firm with Wachtell/Susman-level time devotion expectations) will respect your wedding and honeymoon and appreciates that those things are not scheduled around firm timings. I say this as a senior associate at a top-tier firm now married to another senior associate at a different top-tier firm who has gone through all of this and seen dozens of people get married while working at the firm as well, from junior associates to partners. At some firms, it may be literally the only time the firm defers to your vacation (it was for my spouse), but they will defer for wedding/honeymoon.

Three weeks off is normal for wedding/honeymoon combination. I have seen people take four weeks off but at many firms that is blowing your entire vacation for the year, which might not be desirable for you anyway. Some people also take two weeks, but I think they are fools. It is at most firms the only opportunity you will have to take 3+ weeks off, so take advantage.

[jotarokujo]

definitely worth making significant sacrifices to do it between clerkship and starting at your firm.

yes, it's true the firm will allow you to take off for wedding and honeymoon, probably with minimal bothering. but the thing is you don't want to be stressed during that time or thinking about work, which likely will happen even if you don't have to respond to emails.

the time between clerkship and firm is like some of the last truly carefree time you'll have for at least a few years. I would take advantage by having your wedding then