Is this cover letter I commissioned to help my lateral search as bad as I think it is? Forum

[Anonymous User]

I have been struggling to find employment since an amicable departure from my old employer, and a relocation. After about a year with no luck (despite interviews, t14 degree, calling in local favors) I finally caved and payed to have a professionally written cover letter tailored specifically for attorneys (covers are always the part I struggle with most).

I was sort of shocked by the quality of the product given the samples I had seen. Am I just crazy, or is this really poor even for a first draft? :

I would like to be considered for the associate position that was recently listed by your [FIRM]. I am particularly interested in your firm because of its extensive [] practice. Attached please find a copy of my resume for your review.

I’ve have been serving as [position, city] however , due to a recent unavoidable move I am looking to transfer the invaluable knowledge and experience I have gained into the area of [LAW PRACTICE]

In reviewing your requirements I find my educational background and practical experience aligns very favorably with what you are looking for as I bring over three years’ of real world experience with complex cases to the table.

Several highlights that have been very rewarding include successfully arbitrating over 20 lawsuits, achieving 5 dismissals of lawsuits with prejudice and a 95% case resolution rate within or below settlement authority. [Ed: I did not do these things]. I am fortunate to have gained extensive courtroom experience and have attained a vital understanding of [practice area] and government investigations and compliance through my dealings with physicians, recruiting and conducting the examination of expert witnesses and litigating extensive medical records as an [practice area] attorney. A side note, as a former actor I enjoy participation in the theatre and was writer and performer [Law School's] musical comedy revue. I consider the theatre a challenging hobby, and am currently writing script and lyrics for unofficial musical adaptation of [adaptation's IP]

I can provide your firm great communication skills which allow me to argue motions independently and carry out interviews while gathering materials needed for all cases. It is also enjoyable for me to represent the firm in a courtroom environment with numerous people as there is no problem with me speaking to large crowds. This ability is also valuable when coordinating, collaborating and supporting other attorneys in the firm.

I am very organized and prioritize matters effectively while working independently and seek to obtain answers and resolve problems efficiently and effectively no matter how ambiguous. I am confident, flexible and easy to get along with and feel competent working independently or in a team environment.

With my background in providing encompassing legal assistance to a wide variety of clients, I am ready to provide exceptional service within your firm as your next [Litigation] Associate. I look forward to hearing from you soon and discussing the position in further detail.

Thoughts? Worth working with the writer on revisions before taking any next steps. Or go straight to "very dissatisfied customer mode?" Or am I just so bad at covers I can't recognize the quality?

[2013]

I don’t think it’s the worst cover letter, but it is definitely not good. However, if you’re getting interviews, then I don’t think the cover letter is the problem.

Have you considered working with a recruiter? Then you won’t have to worry about drafting your own cover letter.

[Anonymous User]

I don’t think it’s the worst cover letter, but it is definitely not good. However, if you’re getting interviews, then I don’t think the cover letter is the problem.

Have you considered working with a recruiter? Then you won’t have to worry about drafting your own cover letter.

Thanks for the input. For what it's worth, the interviews have come when I have some "in" with the firm to flag my resume to the hiring attorney, and when I haven't been able to leverage similar connections I haven't received interviews, so that's why I figured improving my resume and cover couldn't hurt.

Tried some recruiters before without much luck, but yes, it may be time to start attacking the job search from that angle again as well.

[ughbugchugplug]

My big edit is it’s way too long. Nobody is going to take the time to read this and it doesn’t contribute anything which would make me especially want hire you. Do one short (2-4 sentence) paragraph about your experience, one short paragraph about what you like about them/work, and then end it

[ninthcircuitattorney]

I think you that should never say that you are interested "due to an unavoidable change." This phrase certainly doesn't convey that you've always wanted to work at this firm. Others than that, the letter is too long.

[M.Zaccone]

My big edit is it’s way too long. Nobody is going to take the time to read this and it doesn’t contribute anything which would make me especially want hire you. Do one short (2-4 sentence) paragraph about your experience, one short paragraph about what you like about them/work, and then end it

Absolutely agree. Seems like "professional writers" would not make these very simple mistakes. I tend to agree that less is more when it comes to cover letters.

[Anonymous User]

I think you that should never say that you are interested "due to an unavoidable change." This phrase certainly doesn't convey that you've always wanted to work at this firm. Others than that, the letter is too long.

Yeah, this was the first phrasing that set off huge alarm bells for me. A cover letter, as I understand it, is supposed to get out in front of any potential concerns an employer would have. When there is a sudden relocation, and a long unemployment gap phrases like "due to an unavoidable change" just seems like adding extra red flags in addition to conveying no genuine interest in the target firm.

[dedede]

I agree that this is trash. As others have already noted, it's way too long. It's also very clunky and contains a number of self-aggrandizing statements ("I am looking to transfer the invaluable knowledge and experience...") that would immediately turn me off if it were sent to me.

I suggest going with a very short intro, then sticking to your experience (one paragraph at most), why you're interested in the firm (one paragraph at most), and why you think your experience makes you a good fit (one paragraph at most).