Biglaw while abstaining from alcohol Forum

[Anonymous User]

During my summer associate program I drank alcohol. But I have not since.

I'm not against others drinking. I never had alcohol problems. I just don't want to do it anymore.

With biglaw firms doing holiday parties, what if it's sent to me (in which case it's been paid for already)? And what about when offices open and we're back in person? My plan was to just not drink without telling anymore/raising it as an issue. Seems impossible once there's a virtual holiday party where we're expected to drink on camera.

Anon because this post and prior posts would make it easy to identify me and which firm I'm at. If it's a big a deal that I'm anon (not assuming it is), I'd rather just have the thread deleted and not get an answer to my question.

[Anonymous User]

Just drink soda on camera -- it's much easier in any virtual event to not be singled out. In person, just don't mention it. Order a coke or something and just don't mention it and if someone asks, mention you are taking it easy tonight. If someone hands you an already paid for drink, just hold it until you can set it down. I wouldn't worry about trying to save your firm money for an unfinished drink ever (in person or at home or ever).

No one will push you on it and firms are generally moving away from the drinking culture (not really but they say they are)

[Anonymous User]

I'm a midlevel biglaw associate in CA, so this might be different somewhere else (though I doubt it), but there should be absolutely zero concern about this. No one cares or will think of you differently at all if you don't drink. Period.

ETA: The only reason I posted was to go a step further than the above anon. I don't even think you need to try to cover it up, as the post seems to imply. Just say you don't drink. Again, no one will care.

[Anonymous User]

A close friend of mine works at kind of a "Bro-y" firm where drinking is a big part of the firm culture. He gave up drinking after about a year at the firm, and it's been a total non-issue ever since. The go-to is either a club soda with lime or ginger ale with lime if he wants to blend in, but he also doesn't feels pressure to lie or hide the fact that he doesn't drink.

I know this can be a stressful issue, but I think you'll find the firm accepting of your choice OP.

[Tr3]

Agreed with the above responses. Just adding that I have plenty of friends at my firm (large office, NYC) who don't drink and it's never been an issue. If the firm takes you to a fancy place where they serve specialty cocktails, feel free to get a mocktail to still enjoy!

I suppose if the firm sends you alcohol (which is definitely a possibility), you could gift it to someone who would like it. Not really sure if the firm would send you an alternative gift. I do know that my firm, at least in a couple instances, offered us alternatives to receiving alcohol for various virtual events.

[Anonymous User]

I'm Muslim and don't drink. I don't think anyone's even noticed my drinks never have alcohol in them. That said, I still think it's important to be social and tagalong to events where most others are drinking.

[Anonymous User]

I don't drink for religious reasons but prefer to keep religion separate from work so I try to keep my non-drinking on the down low. Yes, there have been some awkward moments when folks ask why I'm not drinking, but I usually have some sort of quick explanation prepared ("I have a lot of work tonight" "I'm going to the gym" "I don't like alcohol"), and over time people figured out it was for religious reasons and stopped asking. I've been given alcohol multiple time at work as gifts, and I just say thank you and re-gift it to someone else or find another purpose for it. I will say no to summer associate events that are like, a trip to a winery for a wine-tasting because (1) I do not want to spend 5 hours being shuttled to a winery with a bunch of summers and (2) having a legit excuse to avoid a 5 hour summer associate event is the best gift that belonging to a religion that frowns on alcohol could ever give you.

Seems to me that avoiding at a virtual party is like, the easiest thing. Just have your own drink and literally no one will notice or say anything. In real life you may have people ask why you aren't drinking, but I can't imagine someone is going to call you out in a virtual happy hour. The only time when people may look carefully at you for not drinking is if you're a woman and they want to figure out if you're pregnant.

[Hutz_and_Goodman]

At my firm (NYC big law V30) this is absolutely no issue whatsoever.

[AllAboutTheBasis]

I don’t drink for religious reasons and this was a complete non-issue for me through the whole recruiting process and my SA. I’d just say that I didn’t drink for religious reasons and people were totally fine with it. Never experienced any sort of pressure or
negative social consequences. At a social event, I’d just grab a Sprite or a virgin mojito (if available) and hung out. If the event is at a bar or something, I’ve also found that other lawyers would encourage me to order an appetizer instead which was also nice. I think if you said you didn’t drink because of health reasons or whatever, people would be totally fine with it.

Some firms also seem to be moving towards limiting alcohol consumption, or promoting more varied options, because of an ABA or some group’s recommendation due to high rates of alcoholism among lawyers. I think this also lowers some of the pressure and disposes people to be more accommodating.

[Anonymous User]

I used these a lot so gonna anon.

OJ, coke, whatever.

I called them virgin screwdrivers and Virgin Jack&Coke

[nealric]

If it helps, firm social obligations will never by anything like what you experienced as a summer. It's unlikely there'd be more than one or two events a year where there'd any expectation you'd attend an event with alcohol. If you are lucky enough to be invited out with clients, it will probably be a lunch where nobody will be drinking.

Regardless, most people are way too busy to care about associate's alcohol consumption (or lack thereof).

[emc91]

Regardless, most people are way too busy to care about associate's alcohol consumption (or lack thereof).

This is a great point and applies to more than just alcohol consumption. Biglaw is demanding. The vast majority of people are too busy and exhausted to give a crap about a lot of the little things new associates stress themselves out over.

[ughbugchugplug]

Seltzer with lime is the go to, and some bars even have good non-alcoholic beer now. I did catch crap from one person once for being a non-drinking Irishman but nobody actually cares.

[Sackboy]

Nobody cares. This is 2020. Just get a glass of water. If someone asks you why you don't drink, just say that you don't like to. It's pretty cut and dried.

[Anonymous User]

OP - Thanks everyone.

Just have your own drink and literally no one will notice or say anything. In real life you may have people ask why you aren't drinking, but I can't imagine someone is going to call you out in a virtual happy hour.

If I don't skip the happy hour, I think I'm just going to do this.

It's unlikely there'd be more than one or two events a year where there'd any expectation you'd attend an event with alcohol.

This is my favorite thing about not being a summer anymore, both because I can avoid drinking alcohol without issue and because I can avoid going to events that I have zero interest in attending.

[Anonymous User]

I don't drink for religious reasons but prefer to keep religion separate from work so I try to keep my non-drinking on the down low. Yes, there have been some awkward moments when folks ask why I'm not drinking, but I usually have some sort of quick explanation prepared ("I have a lot of work tonight" "I'm going to the gym" "I don't like alcohol"), and over time people figured out it was for religious reasons and stopped asking. I've been given alcohol multiple time at work as gifts, and I just say thank you and re-gift it to someone else or find another purpose for it. I will say no to summer associate events that are like, a trip to a winery for a wine-tasting because (1) I do not want to spend 5 hours being shuttled to a winery with a bunch of summers and (2) having a legit excuse to avoid a 5 hour summer associate event is the best gift that belonging to a religion that frowns on alcohol could ever give you.

Seems to me that avoiding at a virtual party is like, the easiest thing. Just have your own drink and literally no one will notice or say anything. In real life you may have people ask why you aren't drinking, but I can't imagine someone is going to call you out in a virtual happy hour. The only time when people may look carefully at you for not drinking is if you're a woman and they want to figure out if you're pregnant.

I tend to agree with this advice for those of us who are afraid simply saying no to alcohol may cause others to read too much into our other identities. It's more a comfort thing for me though and not because I am afraid anyone actually cares at all. You may get an innocuous "what are ya drinking" question here and there by someone hoping to make conversation

[Anonymous User]

I only drank water or diet soda my entire time as a summer associate (even when we went on a wine tour) and when I came back to the firm full-time. No one has ever brought it up. You don't owe anyone an explanation, and no one cares.

[Anonymous User]

I have been at 2 firms now and am struggling to think of one instance where it would have mattered or anyone would have cared whether someone else drinks or not. But when I first started I used to be neurotic and think people cared about little things like whether they would notice i'm not green on skype during my commute home, so who am I to judge.

[kaiser]

I've worked for 2 biglaw firms and this wouldn't have been an issue at either. I knew someone who didn't drink for religious reasons, and he would just get mocktails. Doubt anyone even noticed, and even if they did, no one would have cared.

[Rooks]

i was reprimanded for not drinking at my v3 firm and subsequently terminated after I refused to drink a mojito at a st. patty's day firm get together.

c'mon. just say you don't drink. it amazes me that people who are sharp enough to get themselves into these jobs do not know how to communicate effectively with regard to the most minuscule of topics.

[Anonymous User]

Don't worry about this. More people than you realize don't drink alcohol at all (due to health, family, psychological reasons, etc.).

[aegor]

c'mon. just say you don't drink. it amazes me that people who are sharp enough to get themselves into these jobs do not know how to communicate effectively with regard to the most minuscule of topics.

I have a friend who worked at a company in non-client-facing role that wore an off-white shirt. He was forced to leave the office and purchase white shirts. Some people at firms get pissy if you do not arrange emails in CC lines the way they want. Why is obsessing over "minuscule" topics to avoid a problem in advance somehow beyond the pale?

[Sackboy]

I have a friend who worked at a company in non-client-facing role that wore an off-white shirt. He was forced to leave the office and purchase white shirts. Some people at firms get pissy if you do not arrange emails in CC lines the way they want. Why is obsessing over "minuscule" topics to avoid a problem in advance somehow beyond the pale?

This is minuscule, not "minuscule," period. I don't drink and have had probably 3-4 drinks in my entire life at weddings and other celebratory events. Nobody at my V10 cares or would ever care. If someone cares, they are on the extreme fringe of biglaw. You should not plan and live your biglaw life around the one fringe asshole partner you're going to run into who whines about it. That's why this is beyond the pale to consider. It's an unfounded fear blown out of proportion every year by non-drinkers. I've been around this site for 6 years now as a lurker and a poster, and I've never seen a post about someone who got shitcanned or no offer because they got caught drinking Sprite at an event.

[aegor]

This is minuscule, not "minuscule," period. I don't drink and have had probably 3-4 drinks in my entire life at weddings and other celebratory events. Nobody at my V10 cares or would ever care. If someone cares, they are on the extreme fringe of biglaw. You should not plan and live your biglaw life around the one fringe asshole partner you're going to run into who whines about it. That's why this is beyond the pale to consider. It's an unfounded fear blown out of proportion every year by non-drinkers. I've been around this site for 6 years now as a lurker and a poster, and I've never seen a post about someone who got shitcanned or no offer because they got caught drinking Sprite at an event.

But that is basically my point: You have experiential knowledge over what completely bullshit and arbitrary things matter and how many people they matter to.

[Anonymous User]

sounds like sweating the small stuff is something that new associates worry about too much. stuff like responding in 10 mins vs 15 mins, being "online" on skype/jabber, social events etc.