I am an incoming associate at a big law firm. I do not know my start date yet, but I am going into bankruptcy and am not in New York, so there is a good chance I will start in the fall and be very busy right away.
One of my best friends from high school is getting married in January and asked me to be a groomsmen. I have never been part of a wedding before, but from my quick google research it seems that being a groomsmen is not in particular a huge obligation.
He lives 6 hours away but as long as I am not taking days off to be a groomsmen, do you think I will be able to do this? Or is there more to being a groomsmen than I think?
Enough time to be a groomsmen? Forum
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Wild Card
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Re: Enough time to be a groomsmen?
Take time off.
If the wedding is on a weekend, let the partners know.
I was a groomsman and couldn't take care of something because I was so busy. It screwed me over in the long run, if only because I just didn't bother letting anyone know.
If the wedding is on a weekend, let the partners know.
I was a groomsman and couldn't take care of something because I was so busy. It screwed me over in the long run, if only because I just didn't bother letting anyone know.
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joeshmo39
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Re: Enough time to be a groomsmen?
Gotta have some boundaries OP, even in Big Law.
Just tell your teams 6 or 8 weeks ahead of time that you'll be out of pocket Friday-Sunday for a wedding but you'll have your phone in case there's something they need ask a question about or they need you to direct them to some document on the system. The reality is that as a first year associate, you're the most expendable person on most teams. Shouldn't really be an issue.
Just tell your teams 6 or 8 weeks ahead of time that you'll be out of pocket Friday-Sunday for a wedding but you'll have your phone in case there's something they need ask a question about or they need you to direct them to some document on the system. The reality is that as a first year associate, you're the most expendable person on most teams. Shouldn't really be an issue.
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blair.waldorf
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hdr
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Re: Enough time to be a groomsmen?
Just give advance notice that you're unavailable that Friday-Sunday and you'll probably be fine; if any partner gives you issues about it, you should try to work for other partners/groups.
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kovdak02
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Re: Enough time to be a groomsmen?
This is a good example of an incoming first-year attitude (me included!) that looks really bad from the outside. You should not have to wonder whether your job will permit you to be a groomsman on a random weekend 5 months from now. You have to set some boundaries and this is an event that is clearly on the “OK to be unavailable” side. If you don’t set those boundaries, there are partners and senior associates who will abuse them and you will be used to juice PPP and summarily cast aside when you burn out.
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Finanigans
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Re: Enough time to be a groomsmen?
I personally got married during my first year in biglaw out of law school. You will be just fine. Just communicate proactively with anyone who is involved with work you are doing regarding dates you will be down for the count for groomsman duties.
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AllyMcBail
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Re: Enough time to be a groomsmen?
You can and should be a groomsman. It will be a pain to take time off, but it's important for your sanity. And this is a big enough life event that people should understand. Also, it sounds like you don't need all that much time off (a long weekend is much easier than a week).
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kaiser
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Re: Enough time to be a groomsmen?
Of course you can do that. It would likely just involve taking a Friday off and then blocking out the weekend. Just make sure to book that out well in advance so that the team is aware and can ensure coverage accordingly. Almost no firm is going to give you an issue about it. Thats not to say they won't email and pester you while you are away for that weekend, but so long as you are clear about expectations, you should be fine.
Its great that you are going in eager and willing to do whatever you need to do. But its important that you draw at least some boundaries in your mind upfront. Something as easy as taking a 3-day weekend a few months in is a no-brainer. While your firm will of course appreciate your willingness to do whatever is necessary, you don't want to give the sense that you have no boundaries or else they will walk all over you.
Its great that you are going in eager and willing to do whatever you need to do. But its important that you draw at least some boundaries in your mind upfront. Something as easy as taking a 3-day weekend a few months in is a no-brainer. While your firm will of course appreciate your willingness to do whatever is necessary, you don't want to give the sense that you have no boundaries or else they will walk all over you.
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papermateflair
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Re: Enough time to be a groomsmen?
Like everyone has said, this will be totally fine. Everyone knows you have a life. Honestly communicate your availability ahead of time - if you will be completely out of pocket and unable to do any work, make that clear. It's frustrating when a junior associate insists they'll have time to work on a project when they have weekend plans and then they don't do it.
The only time I've ever seen weddings be an issue is when someone who was choosing their start date insisted on starting two weeks before their own wedding, and then was out for three weeks (collecting a salary for all three weeks....) for the wedding, and then came back. It really rubbed people wrong. It would be different if the firm had insisted on them starting (say, with a first year class), but they insisted on starting before the wedding. Not sure the firm would let someone make that choice again, obviously, but just be a good team player and you should be fine.
The only time I've ever seen weddings be an issue is when someone who was choosing their start date insisted on starting two weeks before their own wedding, and then was out for three weeks (collecting a salary for all three weeks....) for the wedding, and then came back. It really rubbed people wrong. It would be different if the firm had insisted on them starting (say, with a first year class), but they insisted on starting before the wedding. Not sure the firm would let someone make that choice again, obviously, but just be a good team player and you should be fine.
