Venting Forum

[Anonymous User]

Just want to vent here and perhaps see whether others in my position feel similar.

I'm currently a first-year associate at a lit boutique (not elite, but we still do elite-level work occasionally along with complex lit matters).

I am so stressed out and I think it is partially b/c of the climate we are in (although I am grateful to even be working). I am so stressed by partners monitoring my billable hours right now and also by the anxiety-induced unrelenting and unforgiving high expectations of partners. I would be asked to draft things for complex lit matters, and I would be expected to do a decent job at them when, in fact, I have never done them before. They are not easy assignments where I can just semi-copy ones we did before. I would spend hours on something only to be met by the passive aggressive "are you okay? is something wrong? what's going on with you recently?" Nothing is "wrong with me" "recently," it's just that I don't know shit and so much is expected of me. I find that I am now judged by what I can't/fail to do, whereas in the beginning (in the honeymoon phase), I was judged by how much I could do despite being only a recent grad.

I don't know whether I am on the cutting board, or whether this is a common experience. I am so sick of moody attitudes of partners and long-time paralegals who seem to think they can treat people like shit b/c they've been around a long time. I am so sick and tired of writing sections of briefs to be entirely crossed out by a senior associate/partner even though I am told I am a good researcher and writer. I feel utterly useless and it is exhausting.

[jarofsoup]

It is a pro and con of a boutique. Sometimes they don’t get that you don’t know what you are doing. Suggest trying to go to big law when you can.

[HarrisonK]

It is a pro and con of a boutique. Sometimes they don’t get that you don’t know what you are doing. Suggest trying to go to big law when you can.

Why would biglaw make this better? I would think the expectations in biglaw are even more unrealistic. (I'm not in biglaw so I apologize if this is a dumb question).

OP: Is there a senior associate or partner that you're particularly close with at the firm? If so, I would ask that person for an informal chat (over coffee or after work drinks) and discuss your performance. I might bring up the fact that you've been told you're a good researcher/writer but substantial portions of your work have been cut entirely from briefs which is making you question things. Additionally, you could say that some of the things you're being asked to do are brand new to you and you want to confirm that you're doing a good job. I would assume you're going to be told that you're fine and you do good work, but as a new associate there are things you need to learn that just takes time. From my experience, informal performance reviews can only be a net gain. If you're meeting the firm's expectations and everything is good, you'll feel way better. If on the other hand you're unknowingly doing something wrong, this is a great time for that issue to be brought to light in order for you to fix it before a formal performance review where there might be consequences.

[jarofsoup]

It is a pro and con of a boutique. Sometimes they don’t get that you don’t know what you are doing. Suggest trying to go to big law when you can.

Why would biglaw make this better? I would think the expectations in biglaw are even more unrealistic. (I'm not in biglaw so I apologize if this is a dumb question).

OP: Is there a senior associate or partner that you're particularly close with at the firm? If so, I would ask that person for an informal chat (over coffee or after work drinks) and discuss your performance. I might bring up the fact that you've been told you're a good researcher/writer but substantial portions of your work have been cut entirely from briefs which is making you question things. Additionally, you could say that some of the things you're being asked to do are brand new to you and you want to confirm that you're doing a good job. I would assume you're going to be told that you're fine and you do good work, but as a new associate there are things you need to learn that just takes time. From my experience, informal performance reviews can only be a net gain. If you're meeting the firm's expectations and everything is good, you'll feel way better. If on the other hand you're unknowingly doing something wrong, this is a great time for that issue to be brought to light in order for you to fix it before a formal performance review where there might be consequences.

Because at a boutique you may be one of the few juniors and the expectations may not be realistic. At a big law firm it’s more
structured. When I was at a boutique there was an expectation that it be partner level work with no experience. So a law clerk that couldn’t do a perfect brief was a moron that should be fired. Only experienced laterals did well.

[Anonymous User]

It is a pro and con of a boutique. Sometimes they don’t get that you don’t know what you are doing. Suggest trying to go to big law when you can.

Why would biglaw make this better? I would think the expectations in biglaw are even more unrealistic. (I'm not in biglaw so I apologize if this is a dumb question).

OP: Is there a senior associate or partner that you're particularly close with at the firm? If so, I would ask that person for an informal chat (over coffee or after work drinks) and discuss your performance. I might bring up the fact that you've been told you're a good researcher/writer but substantial portions of your work have been cut entirely from briefs which is making you question things. Additionally, you could say that some of the things you're being asked to do are brand new to you and you want to confirm that you're doing a good job. I would assume you're going to be told that you're fine and you do good work, but as a new associate there are things you need to learn that just takes time. From my experience, informal performance reviews can only be a net gain. If you're meeting the firm's expectations and everything is good, you'll feel way better. If on the other hand you're unknowingly doing something wrong, this is a great time for that issue to be brought to light in order for you to fix it before a formal performance review where there might be consequences.

Because at a boutique you may be one of the few juniors and the expectations may not be realistic. At a big law firm it’s more
structured. When I was at a boutique there was an expectation that it be partner level work with no experience. So a law clerk that couldn’t do a perfect brief was a moron that should be fired. Only experienced laterals did well.

I have had the opposite experience. At my biglaw firm as a junior, I had an identical experience as op. It was unbearable. Moved to a high end lit boutique with significantly less associates and I am treated much better, get significantly more training, and people recognize that as a junior/midlevel, a lot of what I am doing is for the first time.

Op- it just sounds like you have shitty bosses. Biglaw versus another boutique isn’t the correct calculus. The correct one is finding the right culture for you. Right now it may be super difficult to move firms, so here would be my two step plan:

1- give less of a shit. Recognize your partners are assholes and that you will be lateraling eventually. This recognition alone should help reduce stress. That means do your best and work hard, but don’t go above and beyond for people who won’t do that for you. My partners at my current boutique would go above and beyond at a drop of the hat if I asked. So those places exist. Do the minimum you need to survive but who cares if you get a bad review in 2 years from now, you will be gone. The only thing is doing enough to survive now.

2- start networking, even remotely. I recognize you might not be able to lateral for a year or more, but start getting solid, consistent networking in, especially for the boutique firms. Openings are rarer, as you probably know, so it’s a matter of consistency and lucky timing. When you are feeling overwhelmed due to partner responses/attitude, refer back to #1.

[Wild Card]

It is a pro and con of a boutique. Sometimes they don’t get that you don’t know what you are doing. Suggest trying to go to big law when you can.

Yes, at a biglaw firm (i.e., major office of a biglaw firm in NY), there are levels of accountability and you rarely interact with the partners, who are sociopath boomers. In other words, you are reporting to a midlevel, who understands the position you're in, but also perfects your work as needed, such that even though there may be substantial edits, you won't suffer--or, just your ego will.

[Anonymous User]

OP, I know how you feel. Boutique life is... challenging. I’m a 3rd/4th year and every time my work isn’t completely client-ready, I get criticized. My practice at my current firm is split up into 3-4 practices at my prior firm, so it is unrealistic for me to understand ALL of that stuff. I don’t even have the knowledge to draft something coherent never mind client-ready when it comes to some of the work I do, but I’m expected to be an expert on the issue. I’m one of very few associates (all around the same level), so there’s no one to even really ask for guidance after receiving the assignment.

My advice to you would be to go to either biglaw or to a firm with more levels of accountability.

[person237]

I feel similar rn and I’m a first-year in big law but satellite office. Feels bad!!! But at least I have a job (that’s what I’m telling myself lol). I think the two-step advice above sounds good and makes me feel a bit better.