Changing market for relationship Forum

[SLQ23902]

My girlfriend and I will be 3Ls this year. We both have offers, but in different markets. She will be in a smaller secondary market (where she is from), and I will be in a major market (NYC/DC/LA/etc).

Recently we have been talking about one of us switching markets to be together. My firm (V10) has an office in her city, and I have been told transferring is a possibility.

Could use advice anyone has to offer. I’m afraid I’ll lose her if we are both at firms across the country, but also afraid of losing out on a biglaw career in a major market/not sure how much market matters at the end of the day.

[BrainsyK]

Pick the location then pick the firm. V10 in NYC is great, but a) biglaw exists in the small market and will probably offer you similar if not better exits into said market and b) starting your career by allowing it to tear you from (possibly permanently) someone who is clearly extremely valuable to you will leave you resentful of what is already a high-attrition sector of the profession.

[york1614]

Pick the location then pick the firm. V10 in NYC is great, but a) biglaw exists in the small market and will probably offer you similar if not better exits into said market and b) starting your career by allowing it to tear you from (possibly permanently) someone who is clearly extremely valuable to you will leave you resentful of what is already a high-attrition sector of the profession.

I'll echo these thoughts. I was in the same situation as you with my then-girlfriend, now-wife. Given that your firm has an office in her market, I really can't see the downside of going there (i.e. not being in major market) outweighing the upside (i.e. giving your relationship a better shot, developing stronger exit opps in the secondary market, becoming a bigger fish in your firm's smaller office--although that might depend on which V10 it is). I hope your relationship works out because, like BrainsyK said, it sounds like you really value it. If it doesn't though, then I still like your chances of making your way back to a major market in two or three years, either at your firm or another V10 (ish).

[wishywashy]

If the relationship went bust would you be okay in that smaller market for a year or two (quality of work, practice area, stability of that office, personalities there)? How possible would it be to lateral back to NYC - maybe a contact at the NYC office could tell you how often associates at satellites of the firm move to NYC? How does that biglaw satellite look on Chambers for that market?

Think about your life outside of work in that smaller market too - if the relationship went bust could you be happy in that city/area?

Also try to get a feel for real hours worked in that satellite office. Would be a bummer to go to her town and end up never at home enough.

Best of luck, tough decision. Whatever decision you make just avoid second guessing it down the road. Just make the best choice you can with the info you can find in the time you have to make the choice.

[AVBucks4239]

Don't want to get too semantic, but if you think she is the one, then prioritize location and being together.

I never thought I would move back home, but I met my now-wife during my 3L year. At the time I had some strong leads in San Francisco (you can check my post history to confirm). She was already back in our hometown working, so I shifted my job search to back home. I ended up taking an externship that paid me $2,000 over three months (!!!) at a mid-size firm in our hometown.

Wham bam five years later, we are married and have a little son. My career is going well.

I obviously have some bias because my relationship worked out, but if you feel very strongly about your partner, you should go for it.

Good partners are a lot harder to find than a good job.

[Anonymous User]

I made a similar move at a my firm.

Summered in one market but my then girlfriend now wife was going to school in a different market where my firm had an office. In August after my SA and after I received a full-time offer, I approached the firm about it and it was an easy process. Turns out they needed another associate in that office and they were happy to avoid the 3L hiring process. I had to switch practice groups (but that was actually a positive for me).

Now a few years later, even though I don't have any reason to move, I get the sense that my firm would accommodate a transfer to any office where my practice group has a presence. Our main office (NY) has a particularly high attrition rate, so I don't think it would be harder to transfer there. I think the firm would much rather shuffle associates among offices than lose an associate and have to spend the time and take the risk on a lateral hire.

[shock259]

Good advice here, and it's refreshing to see on the internet. Usually everyone just spouts off in these threads about how you need to be independent/no career is worth a SO/etc.

As far as situations go, this is a really good one due to the fact that your firm has an office in her location. What might you lose if you go to the secondary market? I think the biggest one is closer personal relationships with colleagues in the primary office. And some level of mentoring, if most of your work comes from the primary office (it's just a little harder for teaching moments when your partner has to call you and you aren't sitting in the same room for conference calls).

I worked in a secondary location of my firm for years, and it was a great setup. No regrets whatsoever. COL was way less, work was just as challenging/interesting as the primary office work, and I got to keep a better schedule due to the time differences. Not sure if I would have made partner, but whatever.

[SLQ23902]

Thank you for these responses. My only hang-up is the “prestige” of being in a major market over another one. Does this really matter all that much? Am I over-thinking it?

[The Lsat Airbender]

Thank you for these responses. My only hang-up is the “prestige” of being in a major market over another one. Does this really matter all that much? Am I over-thinking it?

Caring about prestige is stupid generally and LJL at caring about the prestige gap between HQ and a satellite office of a top-flight firm. Depending on practice area you might get "less sophisticated work" in, say, Dallas but you can just plug up your ears with $100s if anyone talks down to you about it. Exit options aren't obviously better in NYC either save a few specific niches.

[BrainsyK]

Thank you for these responses. My only hang-up is the “prestige” of being in a major market over another one. Does this really matter all that much? Am I over-thinking it?

It matters if you're the kind of person that thinks working at a location is inherently prestigious. How much it's worth is an entirely subjective calculus. Most other people don't care.

[texas1100]

If the relationship went bust would you be okay in that smaller market for a year or two (quality of work, practice area, stability of that office, personalities there)?

Important and overlooked question ^^