How to deal with the stress/ anxiety Forum

[Anonymous User]

Hey all-

I’ve only been practicing for about 5 years now but I feel the stress/ anxiety of practicing law is getting to me. The partners/clients who blatantly disrespect you, the pressure of making sure all deadlines are met, etc..... it’s just overwhelming for me at times.

I try going to the gym.... and trying hard not to drink too much.

But sometimes the stress is unbearable for me. I have a wife who supports me but not sure if I can continue like this....

Sorry for the rant... but any help or advice as to how you deal with the stress of the legal profession is appreciated.

Thanks.

[LawAndBehold]

Hey all-

I’ve only been practicing for about 5 years now but I feel the stress/ anxiety of practicing law is getting to me. The partners/clients who blatantly disrespect you, the pressure of making sure all deadlines are met, etc..... it’s just overwhelming for me at times.

I try going to the gym.... and trying hard not to drink too much.

But sometimes the stress is unbearable for me. I have a wife who supports me but not sure if I can continue like this....

Sorry for the rant... but any help or advice as to how you deal with the stress of the legal profession is appreciated.

Thanks.

Same here...

[papermateflair]

Do you have enough money to fall back on if the worst happens? I've found that knowing I could walk out and be fine for 6 months/a year/longer helps bring down the stress levels, because ultimately if The Worst happens, you're not going to immediately be out on the street. If you're not there yet, then focus on the small things you can do to get to that point (three months of a emergency fund, then 4, then 5, until you're at the level you need to feel some anxiety ease).

I would also think about trying to learn to compartmentalize - are you going home and still thinking about work, even when you're going to bed? Are you thinking about deadlines while you're at the gym? Think about carving out small bits of time where you aren't feeling crushed by this. I try to do little/no work at least one day a week, to put the phone/email away for a couple of hours every night, and not feeling like I have to respond ASAP to everything that comes up. For a while I was compulsively checking my phone while I was on the treadmill at the gym, and I had to learn to just put it in my locker and forget about it. If someone really needs me, they can call me. YMMV with this depending on your practice area and the tolerance levels of the people you work with. Consider a respected hobby that requires you to unplug (sports are great for this, also probably water activities like boating, maybe going to the theater?).

Can you learn to care less? For example, if a partner or client disrespects you - can you just say to yourself "this person is a jerk, and I am choosing not to care about their opinion" and then try and move on? That's hard to do (I desperately care what other people think about me!), but sometimes I just remind myself that someone being a jerk isn't something I can control. I try to care just enough not to get fired and to feel satisfied with my level of effort, but not so much that I internalize everything that someone doesn't like about me/my work. Look around at your group and see if there's anyone who seems to be still employed yet not stressed - how often do they respond to things? Do they say no to nonbillable work? Remember that this is just a job for money. That's it. It doesn't need to be your identity, and it doesn't need to be your whole life (unless, of course, you want it to be and that makes you happy, but it sounds like it doesn't).

Also, consider taking a vacation - when was your last vacation? Are you afraid of taking vacation because partners will be upset? Just book a vacation a month and a half from now, tell them you're going camping or to Antarctica or something and won't have phone service, and go do whatever you want (stay home, go to the beach, whatever). The partners were making do before you got there, and they'll be fine without you for a week. Sure, maybe they'll complain because you took vacation, but see above re: caring less.

Have you tried therapy? I've found that I'm feeling more anxious about things generally in my 30s than I ever did in my 20s, and so don't assume it only has to do with the job - maybe you're also stressed because of the eventual heat death of the universe, or climate change, or modern politics, or whatever.

Finally - maybe it's time for a change. Lateral to a new firm, and try and swing a month or so off in the middle to regroup. The market's hot right now for midlevels, and if you haven't made a move yet, consider it.

[Anonymous User]

I've been dealing with lots of anxiety (both work and otherwise).

Things I've started to do that I've found help:

Slack some when you can. For example, I had a brief due for a team I never work for and just needed some help. The draft went to a slightly more senior associate. I did a good job, but I did not bust my ass like I would normally for my main partners. Good enough was plenty fine.

Put the phone down at night for a half hour or more. Just don't look at it. No email needs to be replied to within 5 minutes of receipt (unless something is already going on that you know about).

Recognize that firms are not in the firing associates business, they are in the money making business. Your firm does not have an incentive to can you. Firing you costs them money.

[johndhi]

hey friend -- sorry to hear you're feeling that way. many of us -- probably almost all of us -- feel that same way, or have for periods during our life. I recommend trying to keep your perspective. You're just a speck in a big office building full of other folks, in a world full of many billions of folks for whom whether a brief is filed on time makes a difference, let alone who ultimately wins the case you work on. not to mention we're in this galaxy and our planet has little significance.

I recommend trying to just take a deep breath when you can remember to, and be in the moment for a second. the brief will or won't get filed, and you can work to try to ensure it does, but remember that you don't have ultimate control or impact, even if it feels like you do sometimes. it's not the world up there on your shoulders, and it's not only your shoulders bearing it.

[Anonymous User]

Substance abuse. Drinking and smoking weed helps, until the next day.

[Anonymous User]

Substance abuse. Drinking and smoking weed helps, until the next day.

Counter to this: if you do find yourself relying on alcohol, it might be time to get out of biglaw. No job is going to be worth your health, your relationships, and your self-esteem. Careers are long and a lot of people leave to go in-house or to gov and come back. Give yourself permission to leave and go find something, in the law or outside of it, that makes you happier.

For coping methods: unless you are in criminal defense, just remember that all this stuff is not a big deal. They will act like it is, but it's really just making money (or keeping money) for companies that already have a lot of money. The stakes are not high for you personally. Someone you work with might get mad at you, but getting fired is really, really hard. This will be a blip in your memory five years from now. I think we have a tendency to make everything seem like it's the end of the world but if you look at the big picture, it's not all that important.

Not sure what year you are either, but maybe consider switching groups. It may be there are some anxious or toxic personalities you work with that are making things worse.

[ronaldo09]

It's a process of self-care you need to gradually implement which may include:

-Therapy
-Antidepressants like Zoloft/Prozac if anxiety is affecting your day to day life which it looks like it is
-Meditation
-Daily exercise
-Place limits on hours worked per week (i.e. 40-50)
-Place limit on hours in office
-Get a hobby
-Join a group that has nothing to do with law
-Avoid as much as possible partners or senior associates that give you the most stress
-Focus on day by day, rather than trying to make partner or do excellent work and make everyone happy
-Don't come in early and leave late
-Go to gym and classes to get out the law firm environment
-Set boundaries with partners, do not have to be spoken - sometimes with your actions you can set boundaries
-Hire a life coach and/or nutritionist to have professionals help you set a healthy and more balanced life. We can't do it by ourselves
-Read about mental health in the legal profession and learn about how to reduce such stress from others that have gone through it

It's really about taking care of yourself over the needs and demands of others. It's a process that takes time to implement but it does work.

[Anonymous User]

My go-tos:

(1) Put things into perspective. This is just a job -- there are so many more important things in life than a job.
(2) Accept that you are a human being and you are not perfect. You will mess things up. You will get snapped at. Life will go on.
(3) As someone said in an earlier comment, keep an emergency fund. If it ever gets unbearable (or you royally mess something up and get fired), you can walk away and be OK.
(4) If at all possible, avoid unreasonable partners and senior associates.
(5) Understand that the vast majority of attorneys (especially biglaw attorneys) feel this way. You are not alone.
(6) If you keep feeling horrible for an extended period of time, start working towards an exit. Just taking the initiative to leave is therapeutic in and of itself, and life is too short to be miserable.

Good luck and keep your head up.

[Clytemnestra3]

I second the advice given above. A few additions:

1. Be clear about what your goal is. If you are unhappy, your goal probably isn’t becoming partner or being in biglaw until you are 60. So if your goal is saving X amount, track your progress and that will encourage you. If your goal is to gain enough experience to do a specific job, be clear about how much time you really need to be there. Knowing exactly when your time in biglaw will end is a huge help.

2. In some cases, doing a little work on Sunday or early on a weekday can be helpful for stress. If you are stressed about not being able to get to work you know you need to do because people keep calling/requesting you, being able to work quietly and get shit done without interruption can make the rest of the week a lot less stressful.

3. At the end of each day, plan what you think you need to do the next day. I find that to be helpful because I’m more stressed by surprises.

4. I’ve taken valium twice while in biglaw, both times when I was a junior and so stressed I nearly quit on the spot. That was helpful. But more helpful was just knowing I could take those pills anytime.

5. As you become more senior, you have more control over your schedule and have more visibility on upcoming work. That is one small thing to look forward to.

6. The work really doesn’t matter. And even if you get fired, all firms will say to prospective employers is that you worked from this date to that date. The consequences of getting fired just aren’t that bad as long as you have some savings.