Pregnancy immediately after lateraling Forum

[Anonymous User]

Hello, my wife lateraled to a different biglaw firm in a major market 2 months ago. We both want to have a second kid but she is very concerned about optics. If we start trying now and she immediately gets pregnant, will that be perceived very badly/possibly negatively impact her career? The firm has standard maternity leave benefits that don't kick in until 12 months of employment. She is a mid level associate if that matters, and doesn't think she has much chance at partnership to begin with, so she isn't super concerned about that aspect of the calculation. She didn't have a good experience taking her last maternity leave at the end of her second year (part of the reason why she left her old firm, partners treated her like shit for taking the full leave and completely buried her when she came back), which is why she is so apprehensive. My female friends at my firm who have had kids have had zero complaints about my firm's maternity leave or coming back from leave, so I'm hoping my wife's experience was a one off at her old firm. Curious to hear what others think, thanks.

[QContinuum]

Unless your wife's physician has advised that it's now or never, I don't see why you wouldn't want to wait four months before trying for the second kid. Maternity leave benefits are a pretty significant chunk of money to leave on the table.

[lawfan2012]

Unless your wife's physician has advised that it's now or never, I don't see why you wouldn't want to wait four months before trying for the second kid. Maternity leave benefits are a pretty significant chunk of money to leave on the table.

I agree. It’s already been 2 months. If you wait another few months it will be more than 6 months before anyone at the firm knows she is pregnant and over a year of her working there before she takes leave. That seems totally reasonable.

[papermateflair]

Unfortunately when you're a new lateral it's all about building up your credibility. I think if your wife is able to work through most of her pregnancy and be a great employee, the partners will get over the fact that she goes out on leave fairly soon after joining the firm (unless, of course, she's just ended up working for people who aren't sympathetic/don't support parental leave), because she'll have almost a year to show that she's a great person to have on the team. I assume she had a fairly healthy pregnancy last time, but if she had any particular health issues you're concerned about cropping up again, I would wait a bit longer so she can build up her reputation around the firm. Nothing is predictable when it comes to pregnancy, of course, but if you know she was super sick last time, or had to go on bed rest early, then things may work more smoothly if she has a chance to really establish herself at the firm first. To the extent she has relationships with anyone at the firm that she can talk to about how their leaves were treated, that might be a good idea, but if she's only been there two months it may not be clear who she can trust yet.

Also, not reading anything into your relationship, but if she's "very concerned about optics" keep in mind that that may be a way for her to tell you she doesn't want to have another kid right now, without actually saying "I'm still getting the hang of the new job and our plans need to go on hold" - nothing wrong with saying "sure, let's wait 6 months and then discuss" (absent other medical advice).

And obviously it sucks that this is the type of conversation we have to have in the US about having kids - worrying about whether it's the right timing for your boss or law firm, instead of what's best for your family. Ugh.

[Anonymous User]

Just a word of encouragement: my spouse lateraled while pregnant. It's been a few years now, and she is well regarded and on partner track. I think the key is to hit the ground running when you start and build up relationships as much as possible.

[QContinuum]

Also, not reading anything into your relationship, but if she's "very concerned about optics" keep in mind that that may be a way for her to tell you she doesn't want to have another kid right now, without actually saying "I'm still getting the hang of the new job and our plans need to go on hold" - nothing wrong with saying "sure, let's wait 6 months and then discuss" (absent other medical advice).

While I'm hesitant for us to branch out into relationship advising, I agree that the above is a good point to raise. It sounds like OP's wife herself isn't thrilled about the prospect of starting a second pregnancy immediately. That's a threshold issue OP and his wife should resolve first before even thinking about professional considerations.