Things you wish you could say or the partners knew Forum

[Anonymous User]

What are some things you wish you could tell your partners/ bosses or that they knew? Or things you tell other associates during happy hour?

Our firm isn’t great about sharing, so associates mostly gripe to each other. I just had a junior associate tell me that about half the people in his class are planning to lateral, him included. Apparently this one $$$ partner has been driving them crazy, and since the more senior people won’t work with this partner, the juniors are stuck with them. This isn’t the first time associates are leaving because of this partner, and ironically, a managing partner was just talking last week about retention.

[Anonymous User]

I regularly wish I could tell a partner/senior associate to ask their secretary. Today I was asked by a senior associate to change the version number of each file in a closing set to version 1.

[Anonymous User]

^ In response to person above, usually I would say "Well, then, why don't you just ask your secretary to do it?" Like, senior asks junior, junior asks secretary. Makes sense right?

Then yesterday I heard partners and seniors complaining about a second year who "uses her secretary too much -- even just for simple tasks, out of sheer laziness."

This industry is so dumb.

[deference]

^ In response to person above, usually I would say "Well, then, why don't you just ask your secretary to do it?" Like, senior asks junior, junior asks secretary. Makes sense right?

Then yesterday I heard partners and seniors complaining about a second year who "uses her secretary too much -- even just for simple tasks, out of sheer laziness."

This industry is so dumb.

lol...as a government attorney I wish we had secretaries. I get the stink eye even if I asked a paralegal to do something administrative that is remotely out of the job description. OTOH i find the administrative stuff, like making binders, rather therapeutic when I'm not super busy.

[Anonymous User]

Similar vein as the OP. There's one partner in my small group that has driven off 3/3 juniors/laterals that entered the group. I'm about to join them. At some point, you'd think that they would put 2 + 2 together and realize who the problem is, but nope. I guess it's easier to assume that everyone is terrible than to assume that you are the problem.

[strawberrieee]

Then yesterday I heard partners and seniors complaining about a second year who "uses her secretary too much -- even just for simple tasks, out of sheer laziness."

Why do they care who did those tasks? Because they want to bill their clients at the second-year associate's rate and not at the secretary's rate?

[LaLiLuLeLo]

Yours is not the only matter I’m working on and I know this task isn’t urgent so kindly stop crawling up my ass.

[wwwcol]

This version of the motion isn’t any better / more persuasive than the version we discussed three weeks and 50 hours of editing ago.

[thatlawlkid]

Its 2019, you should know how microsoft office works.

[SFSpartan]

Yours is not the only matter I’m working on and I know this task isn’t urgent so kindly stop crawling up my ass.

In a similar vein, but for things that actually are urgent: as I acknowledged in my email, I'm working on your urgent project. I'll be able to get it done faster if you stop emailing/calling me every 5 minutes to check in.

[Anonymous User]

“Are you conscious of the fact that almost every time you shoot down a suggestion of mine, you end up with the same idea after a call with the client a few weeks later?”

[dabigchina]

Yours is not the only matter I’m working on and I know this task isn’t urgent so kindly stop crawling up my ass.

In a similar vein, but for things that actually are urgent: as I acknowledged in my email, I'm working on your urgent project. I'll be able to get it done faster if you stop emailing/calling me every 5 minutes to check in.

are you at least able to use the bathroom without asking for permission?

[2013]

Giving me your handwritten comments to put into this URGENT document takes longer than you just typing it in yourself.

[JHP]

Yours is not the only matter I’m working on and I know this task isn’t urgent so kindly stop crawling up my ass.

In a similar vein, but for things that actually are urgent: as I acknowledged in my email, I'm working on your urgent project. I'll be able to get it done faster if you stop emailing/calling me every 5 minutes to check in.

are you at least able to use the bathroom without asking for permission?

See also FND, I Told an Associate He Wasn't Allowed to Go to the Bathroom, TLS (April 13, 2019) http://www.top-law-schools.com/forums/v ... 3&t=300824

[JHP]

Dear Partner,

I have no idea what you're talking about, but I'm going to smile and nod since you yelled the last time I asked a question for clarification.

Sincerely,

Not Your Punching Bag

[yost]

"Sending me a three paragraph email asking me to send a one sentence email is not an efficient use of your time or mine."

[LaLiLuLeLo]

Being a sniveling bootlicker is not efficient and a waste of everybody’s time because 75% of the time the client changes their mind or goes a different route than you were trying to anticipate.

[Anonymous User]

“If you only looked after yourself, please do not be surprised that your former associate does not respond to your marketing pitches. You must know they left in part because of you. Most of the senior associates know and told the rest of the practice group.”

plus

“Please don’t make us pitch to someone you pissed off half a decade ago. ”

[QContinuum]

"Sending me a three paragraph email asking me to send a one sentence email is not an efficient use of your time or mine."

To be fair, I've had several partners do this as a way of familiarizing the client with me/easing me into communicating with the client. It's more "this is how you should write emails to this client." So it's not always down to mindboggling stupidity - there may be a method to the apparent madness.

Yours is not the only matter I’m working on and I know this task isn’t urgent so kindly stop crawling up my ass.

In a similar vein, but for things that actually are urgent: as I acknowledged in my email, I'm working on your urgent project. I'll be able to get it done faster if you stop emailing/calling me every 5 minutes to check in.

are you at least able to use the bathroom without asking for permission?

See also FND, I Told an Associate He Wasn't Allowed to Go to the Bathroom, TLS (April 13, 2019) http://www.top-law-schools.com/forums/v ... 3&t=300824

But but but, he said it nicely!

[SFSpartan]

Yours is not the only matter I’m working on and I know this task isn’t urgent so kindly stop crawling up my ass.

In a similar vein, but for things that actually are urgent: as I acknowledged in my email, I'm working on your urgent project. I'll be able to get it done faster if you stop emailing/calling me every 5 minutes to check in.

are you at least able to use the bathroom without asking for permission?

Haha - yeah. Despite his/her delusions to the contrary, that banker is a fucking psycho...

[MaxMcMann]

Yours is not the only matter I’m working on and I know this task isn’t urgent so kindly stop crawling up my ass.

In a similar vein, but for things that actually are urgent: as I acknowledged in my email, I'm working on your urgent project. I'll be able to get it done faster if you stop emailing/calling me every 5 minutes to check in.

are you at least able to use the bathroom without asking for permission?

See also FND, I Told an Associate He Wasn't Allowed to Go to the Bathroom, TLS (April 13, 2019) http://www.top-law-schools.com/forums/v ... 3&t=300824

Assertion not supported by cited source.

The guy was a client, not a partner.

[shock259]

If your client needs something ASAP and I have a material question or issue, you'll need to make yourself available to help resolve it. Alternatively, I'm happy to make the judgment call myself. But if I have to make the call because it needs to be made and you've been unexpectedly entirely MIA for 8 hours, you can't get mad if you don't like my decision.

[JHP]

Yours is not the only matter I’m working on and I know this task isn’t urgent so kindly stop crawling up my ass.

In a similar vein, but for things that actually are urgent: as I acknowledged in my email, I'm working on your urgent project. I'll be able to get it done faster if you stop emailing/calling me every 5 minutes to check in.

are you at least able to use the bathroom without asking for permission?

See also FND, I Told an Associate He Wasn't Allowed to Go to the Bathroom, TLS (April 13, 2019) http://www.top-law-schools.com/forums/v ... 3&t=300824

Assertion not supported by cited source.

The guy was a client, not a partner.

Whilst true, I don't imagine their transition into the legal field removed the characteristic that causes one to demand bladder control.

[dabigchina]

"Sending me a three paragraph email asking me to send a one sentence email is not an efficient use of your time or mine."

To be fair, I've had several partners do this as a way of familiarizing the client with me/easing me into communicating with the client. It's more "this is how you should write emails to this client." So it's not always down to mindboggling stupidity - there may be a method to the apparent madness.

Yours is not the only matter I’m working on and I know this task isn’t urgent so kindly stop crawling up my ass.

In a similar vein, but for things that actually are urgent: as I acknowledged in my email, I'm working on your urgent project. I'll be able to get it done faster if you stop emailing/calling me every 5 minutes to check in.

are you at least able to use the bathroom without asking for permission?

See also FND, I Told an Associate He Wasn't Allowed to Go to the Bathroom, TLS (April 13, 2019) http://www.top-law-schools.com/forums/v ... 3&t=300824

But but but, he said it nicely!

In all seriousness, I really want to know how you can say "no, you cannot go use the bathroom" nicely. Like, how does that even come up?