Better for Career: Baby as 3L OR After Establish in Firm Forum

[Anonymous User]

Hi, I am Summer Associate in NYC biglaw firm. When do you think its the best time for a woman to have a baby in regards to her career?

My husband thinks we should get pregnant now and have a baby at 27 when I'm a 3L. His reasons are I will have 8 months post birth to spend with our child before working and won't have to take a maternity leave. He doesn't think a baby will impact bar studying since I will be home during the day and he can take over after work.

Any perspectives/experience on bar studying with an infant?

I think its best to wait until I have established myself in the firm and build up a reputation as opposed to joining as a 1st year with a baby at home and being written off as not serious associate and risk losing out on quality work and mentors. By establishing myself in the firm first I could be granted more flexibility in working from home that won't be available to me as a 1st year and control my schedule better than I could as a junior. Also I'm missing out on paid maternity leave.

How do people in biglaw view an associate on maternity leave? Overall, what do you think is the best option?

[Anonymous User]

I faced the same decision a few years ago. I decided not to have a baby during law school. Now, a few years into the practice, I deeply regretted my decision. The truth is there is never a good time to have a baby. Once you are in the law firm, having a baby and maternity leave will inevitably interrupt the matters you are working on. Senior associates and partners you are working with will have to find substitutes while you are away. Once you are back from the maternity leave, it will also take time to get up to speed and regain the pevious matters. Given the schedule of biglaw, it is just hard to find time to spend with kids and you will get busier and busier as you gain seniority. If your husband has time and is willing to help out, especially in the first few years, I think having a baby early will be less disruptive to the career.

[Anonymous User]

Caveat: I don't have kids, so actual parents' advice obviously weighs more than mine. That said, based on knowing LOTS of people who have kids - there is NO ideal time, so you have to decide which tradeoffs are more important to you.

Personally, I tend to think either people are going to consider you less serious for having kids, or they're not, pretty much regardless of what you actually do, so it's not worth weighing others' opinions over your own interest (you can't control what other people think). If someone isn't going to take you seriously as a first year b/c you have an infant at home, they're pretty likely to stop taking you seriously when you have an infant as a 4th year.

A flip side to waiting till you're established is that you will be playing a much bigger role on the matters you're staffed on, so taking time off/replacing you will be more difficult/people may resent it more. Also statistically speaking, pregnancy/conceiving tends to get harder the older you get - which isn't to say that you'll be remotely old on the timeline you're talking about, but it's something to keep in mind.

Also, having a kid during 3L might mean being able to avoid day care for more of early infancy than later in your career (and I say "avoid" only for the financial aspect, since child care for infants costs a lot, not because I'm offering any opinion on whether day care is good for kids). The argument about working from home doesn't, to me, weigh very heavily, because my friends' experience is that with an infant/small child/toddler is that much of the time you can't really work from home without actual child care anyway (you won't actually be working if you're home alone with the child). Of course this also cuts against the idea that you can study at home for the bar with an infant easily (I don't have any first hand anecdotes about this part of it but I think you'd need to shift a lot of studying to the evening - not entirely, you might have a great baby who sleeps a lot and bar study doesn't have to be that intense, but again, being home with an infant is not the same as being able to study at home).

If you, personally, don't want to have a kid at this point and think you, personally, will be readier/feel more comfortable doing it a little later in your career, then that's totally legit and a great decision for you. If your only concern about having a kid now as opposed to later is what your firm will think and otherwise you'd be raring to go to have the child during 3L, then don't worry about what the firm thinks. (It sounds a little like the former, but I could be wrong.)

(Also hope none of this ends up sounding condescending - totally don't mean it that way, I know these kinds of decisions are really hard precisely because there isn't one simple answer.)

[Anonymous User]

3l baby. I did it and only wish I had had kid a little earlier in the year. You are never so unimportant on matters as when you are a first year and you can do things like delay your start date. But you have to evaluate your family.

[Anonymous User]

I got pregnant toward the end of my first year in big law and went on maternity leave during my second year. I agree that this is an incredibly personal decision and it’s hard to find “the right time,” however, for what it’s worth, that timing worked really well for me. I worked my ass off the first year and a half and had a reputation as a team player when I went out on leave, so I was staffed on things pretty quickly when I came back. Also, because I was junior, it was easy to replace me when I went out on leave, so I think people were less put out by my absence.

My baby didn’t sleep through the night until one year old, and I think that might have been extremely difficult if I was trying to study for the bar. It was still hard when I went back to work, but I think the stress was more manageable because I wasn’t working towards a professional license that I needed to actually have a legal career. I was also incredibly broke in law school, and being able to pay for whatever random baby stuff we needed without worrying about it was nice.

It’s such a hard decision, and whatever choice you make will be the right one. But don’t feel like, if you aren’t quite ready now, you’ll have to put it off for years. Having a baby as a junior associate has its upsides, too.

Hope that helps and good luck!

[Anonymous User]

I had a baby very shortly after taking the bar exam, so started at the firm with a 5 month old. That worked well for me and I had stellar reviews my first year. But my husband stayed home and I didn’t use having a baby as an excuse to slack off or get special treatment. I had my second baby as a third year and got staffed on a really big/important matter within 2 months of returning from leave. So, I don’t think having a baby before my first year was detrimental and I don’t think having a baby as a junior/mid-level was detrimental either. That being said, your priorities might be impacted by the presence of a child and that could make it hard to do your best work. I struggle immensely with this because I want nothing more than to spend my time with my kiddos and I can’t do that without giving a bit less to the firm and dealing with the consequences of that.

[oblig.lawl.ref]

Sad that this has to be a question. Not a parent but personally glad that's the case. I've been putting it off and feel like that was the right choice. We have a few first year parents and junior parents and unless the SO is the "primary caregiver" (and even then) it gets mentioned and people get spooked. Super fucked up but I've heard people mention that juniors are parents as a warning. At my firm it feels like people give people they know and who can run deals a lot more leeway than juniors. I would disagree with the sentiment that you are never more replaceable than as a junior. At my firm, at least, people tend to view a first year or second years' primary value add as being available. I have heard that from people at other firms too.

This is why biglaw sucks and personally I think it's best to be established, respected and have real value add before adding "needs" on top of it. I'm sure people will think this is harsh but it's not me it's biglaw and the clients. It sucks.

[Mobster1983]

. He doesn't think a baby will impact bar studying since I will be home during the day and he can take over after work.

Any perspectives/experience on bar studying with an infant?

HA HA HA HA HA!!

Sorry, couldnt resist. One year ago i thought the same thing. Our son (I'm a guy) was born June 1st, during second week of bar prep. I essentially did zero studying the next four weeks. Babies always always always need attention. And when they are sleep, you are prepping their next meal, eating yourself, or sleeping. Came as a shock to me. I thought, “no problem, i will just hold the baby and study with him. Easy.” Just doesnt work that way. My mom came to help in July, which is the only time i was finally able to study. Also went to a hotel for one week prior to catch up on sleep. Only got through 25% of Barbri (but still managed to pass).

I would recommend to have one now. If you want a family, the best time is now. You never know what will happen later on. Third year of law school is generally a cakewalk. The bar isnt as hard as most people make it out to be. Just have to study smart. Good Luck with your decision.

[Anonymous User]

Go with whatever makes sense for your family. I'll be a first-year associate in the fall and am currently pregnant (due in August). My husband and I decided to try during 3L because I didn't want to take off time from work, I figured dealing with morning sickness would be better in school than when I'm on the job, I would generally have more time to take care of myself as a pregnant lady in law school, and we could afford it. Once baby arrives, my husband will be staying at home with the baby and possibly working (he's a software engineer).

As far as studying for the bar with a baby, I'd imagine it would be difficult but it really depends on your baby. I studied for the LSAT with a baby and that was a nightmare. That said, due to morning sickness, I only managed to study for the bar for about 3-4 weeks and passed (I was a NY Pro Bono scholar).