Use wedding to network? Forum

[MKC]

OP: Don't listen to the naysayers. This is an absolutely crucial time in your career, and you can't afford to be missing a single opportunity to network. The guys who really have a step on the competition are the ones who always have their eye on the prize when it comes to turning chitchat into books of business, and a social gathering like your own wedding, where you control the attendee list and should have every opportunity to mingle with the power players, is often the foundational block in your pyramid of success.

In fact, one of the biggest rainmakers in my firm did just this when he was a junior. You had all the moms, dads, and friends from 1st grade back when he was blowing milk bubbles out of his nose on one side; on the other, partners, industry bigwigs, and the freaking GC of LyondellBasell (he had really been pounding the pavement at the conferences, slyly slipped over at a Marriott bar or two, that kind of thing). He had seated all his client contacts on the aisles during the ceremony, so he could seamlessly hand out business cards while waiting for his bride-to-be. Once the reception started, though, he really caught fire. He knew this one CFO of a small stereo equipment company really liked Mariah Carey, so he called an audible on the first dance and brought her up for a moving three minutes of "We Belong Together" and told her he hopes their union would last a long time "much like the one between Gabby and myself." Before we could even un-drop our jaws there he was, having zoomed by his grandfather who had Parkinson's, already talking to two guys in semiconductors about how the one oughta acquire the other one's Taiwanese sub and how they could expect $15M in synergies alone. Four years later, the firm submitted a $2.7M bill on that one.

After that night, he was the biggest thing at a firm that included 19 Super Lawyers, 15 HLS magnas, two future SCOTUS clerks, and a movie star (doesn't matter who). I may not be able to impress on you, at such an early stage in your career, how unprecedented it is to be quarterbacking ten-figure deals as a second year, but suffice it to say even our of counsel had never heard of such a thing, except some vague, unsubstantiated rumors that one of the Kennedys was pulling it off back in the '40s. MDs from Deutsche, Citi, and all the rest that we didn't even know were calling partners and asking to be put through to this kid. Despite all that--and OP, this is the really important part--he kept his nose to the grindstone, never missed a comma, and cracked 2800 for eleven more years, never letting any anniversaries or basal-cell carcinomas stop him from achieving his dream, before he finally snagged that brass ring we all knew he was headed for. He weighs 275 pounds now and his kids call him "Jeff," but that's not the point. The point is, you need to talk to your fiancee ASAP about getting a venue that can incorporate everyone on those deal teams, because you know how quickly those venues fill up.

[Ohiobumpkin]

I invited multiple work related people to my wedding, including an appeals court judge (yes, they attended). I did it mostly out of respect and enjoying their company. Inviting supervisors and colleagues to your wedding is not a horrible idea. It will show them that you appreciate and respect them. Clients on the other hand, I'm not as convinced that would be a good idea unless your relationship could be described as a friendship as well.

BTW, one of the posters above is 100% right that you will not have time to do serious networking at your own wedding. I know it is cliche, but I seriously did not have time to eat at my own wedding. You will constantly be doing things that won't allow you to spend significant time with any one guest.

Don't take all the shade your receiving from these losers seriously. Do what you think is best for you, your family, and professional relationships.

[SmokeytheBear]

He weighs 275 pounds now and his kids call him "Jeff," but that's not the point.

Gold.

[emkay625]

Used to be a wedding coordinator and happy my two worlds are colliding today.

General rule for deciding whether you should invite coworkers and other business contacts: Have you ever hung out with this person socially in a way completely unrelated to work? If yes, invite. If no, don't invite.

Another good test: to invite these people, you will have to get their home address. Think about that conversation. Do you feel weird/anxious about asking your client for their home address to invite them? If so, probably a good sign that you're not close enough to invite them.

Another suggestion: Do you feel comfortable doing the chicken dance/macarena/electric slide in front of this person? (I recognize that not all weddings will play one of those stupid songs, and in fact, I hope yours doesn't. But the point is simply, if you're not close enough to do embarrassing wedding things in front of this person, don't invite them.)

[acr]

I invited multiple work related people to my wedding, including an appeals court judge (yes, they attended). I did it mostly out of respect and enjoying their company. Inviting supervisors and colleagues to your wedding is not a horrible idea. It will show them that you appreciate and respect them. Clients on the other hand, I'm not as convinced that would be a good idea unless your relationship could be described as a friendship as well.

BTW, one of the posters above is 100% right that you will not have time to do serious networking at your own wedding. I know it is cliche, but I seriously did not have time to eat at my own wedding. You will constantly be doing things that won't allow you to spend significant time with any one guest.

Don't take all the shade your receiving from these losers seriously. Do what you think is best for you, your family, and professional relationships.

Yeah. We're "losers" for giving OP shit for thinking of using his WEDDING DAY to further his big law career.

[cavalier1138]

I invited multiple work related people to my wedding, including an appeals court judge (yes, they attended). I did it mostly out of respect and enjoying their company. Inviting supervisors and colleagues to your wedding is not a horrible idea. It will show them that you appreciate and respect them. Clients on the other hand, I'm not as convinced that would be a good idea unless your relationship could be described as a friendship as well.

BTW, one of the posters above is 100% right that you will not have time to do serious networking at your own wedding. I know it is cliche, but I seriously did not have time to eat at my own wedding. You will constantly be doing things that won't allow you to spend significant time with any one guest.

Don't take all the shade your receiving from these losers seriously. Do what you think is best for you, your family, and professional relationships.

1. You weren't using the wedding for networking purposes.
2. Inviting people you actually have close relationships with is wildly different than inviting people you want to get to know better for power-play reasons.
3. It doesn't sound like your spouse wanted to use the party as a way to get everyone good and liquored up so none of the guests would hear you murdering the king in the night make connections.

[lawhopeful100]

This has to be a troll job. I refuse to believe people actually think like person in OP.

[mjb447]

Why not? It would probably be even more effective if at the climactic moment of the ceremony you said "well, of course I'll marry you; just know that my one true love will always be [firm name] and the top-quality, reasonably-priced legal services it provides!"

[lawdawg4]

This is my favorite post on this forum and will probably always hold that title.

[Anonymous User]

OP here. Some of you are taking this too far. It's not like I'm using the wedding to make a business pitch. It's more like have a table of 5-8 partners or IHC who can sit together and shoot the shit. At some point I stop by their table, we do some shots, talk about life, etc. and move on to the next table. I'm sure they will enjoy the food/atmosphere. It's more just to get to see them as people outside of work.

And for those of you asking how I'm doing it for $15k, I live in the suburbs. Ceremony and reception will be at different parts of the same place. We also have family in another country where clothing (suit/dress) is cheaper to obtain.

[Caesar Salad]

OP here. Some of you are taking this too far. It's not like I'm using the wedding to make a business pitch. It's more like have a table of 5-8 partners or IHC who can sit together and shoot the shit. At some point I stop by their table, we do some shots, talk about life, etc. and move on to the next table. I'm sure they will enjoy the food/atmosphere. It's more just to get to see them as people outside of work.

And for those of you asking how I'm doing it for $15k, I live in the suburbs. Ceremony and reception will be at different parts of the same place. We also have family in another country where clothing (suit/dress) is cheaper to obtain.

"And we will be doing shots of Titos."

[elendinel]

OP here. Some of you are taking this too far. It's not like I'm using the wedding to make a business pitch. It's more like have a table of 5-8 partners or IHC who can sit together and shoot the shit. At some point I stop by their table, we do some shots, talk about life, etc. and move on to the next table. I'm sure they will enjoy the food/atmosphere. It's more just to get to see them as people outside of work.

Use wedding to network?

From the angle that we kinda need to impress others.

Please tell me this isn't real.

[flashdril]

lmao

this site

I love this damn site I see something better every day.

I thought my day peaked with the 0L who was asking about "how to prepare for 1L" and then when you got in the thread he was actually asking about how to land a 1L SA gig but this takes the cake.

[Winter is Coming]

He weighs 275 pounds now and his kids call him "Jeff," but that's not the point.

Gold.

Amazing.

[cavalier1138]

It's more just to get to see them as people outside of work.

This. Is. Not. What. Weddings. Are. For.

[RaceJudicata]

OP here. Some of you are taking this too far. It's not like I'm using the wedding to make a business pitch. It's more like have a table of 5-8 partners or IHC who can sit together and shoot the shit. At some point I stop by their table, we do some shots, talk about life, etc. and move on to the next table. I'm sure they will enjoy the food/atmosphere. It's more just to get to see them as people outside of work.

And for those of you asking how I'm doing it for $15k, I live in the suburbs. Ceremony and reception will be at different parts of the same place. We also have family in another country where clothing (suit/dress) is cheaper to obtain.

Dude, set up a happy hour.

[Ohiobumpkin]

I invited multiple work related people to my wedding, including an appeals court judge (yes, they attended). I did it mostly out of respect and enjoying their company. Inviting supervisors and colleagues to your wedding is not a horrible idea. It will show them that you appreciate and respect them. Clients on the other hand, I'm not as convinced that would be a good idea unless your relationship could be described as a friendship as well.

BTW, one of the posters above is 100% right that you will not have time to do serious networking at your own wedding. I know it is cliche, but I seriously did not have time to eat at my own wedding. You will constantly be doing things that won't allow you to spend significant time with any one guest.

Don't take all the shade your receiving from these losers seriously. Do what you think is best for you, your family, and professional relationships.

1. You weren't using the wedding for networking purposes.
2. Inviting people you actually have close relationships with is wildly different than inviting people you want to get to know better for power-play reasons.
3. It doesn't sound like your spouse wanted to use the party as a way to get everyone good and liquored up so none of the guests would hear you murdering the king in the night make connections.

I think any sort of strengthening of relationships with colleagues, supervisors, and anyone who could be a source of referrals or clients themselves qualifies as networking. But maybe I just have an overly expansive view of what qualifies as networking.

[Ohiobumpkin]

I invited multiple work related people to my wedding, including an appeals court judge (yes, they attended). I did it mostly out of respect and enjoying their company. Inviting supervisors and colleagues to your wedding is not a horrible idea. It will show them that you appreciate and respect them. Clients on the other hand, I'm not as convinced that would be a good idea unless your relationship could be described as a friendship as well.

BTW, one of the posters above is 100% right that you will not have time to do serious networking at your own wedding. I know it is cliche, but I seriously did not have time to eat at my own wedding. You will constantly be doing things that won't allow you to spend significant time with any one guest.

Don't take all the shade your receiving from these losers seriously. Do what you think is best for you, your family, and professional relationships.

Yeah. We're "losers" for giving OP shit for thinking of using his WEDDING DAY to further his big law career.

Yeah, you are. If you cannot see the reasonableness of inviting people to your wedding who are or might one day be important to your career, then you don't have a realistic view of how life works.

[JenDarby]

OP here. Some of you are taking this too far. It's not like I'm using the wedding to make a business pitch. It's more like have a table of 5-8 partners or IHC who can sit together and shoot the shit. At some point I stop by their table, we do some shots, talk about life, etc. and move on to the next table. I'm sure they will enjoy the food/atmosphere. It's more just to get to see them as people outside of work.

And for those of you asking how I'm doing it for $15k, I live in the suburbs. Ceremony and reception will be at different parts of the same place. We also have family in another country where clothing (suit/dress) is cheaper to obtain.

Ive experienced this situation at quite a few weddings in NYC, including being seated at the mainly partners/MDs tables. No one ever seemed uncomfortable or unhappy, and if they didn't want to attend, they wouldn't have. I even basically pregamed one wedding with a group of partners and senior associates for a midlevel associates wedding at one of the senior associate's condo. Everyone was happy to go to the event, even though I'm sure the groom in question wasn't GREAT FRIENDS with all of them. Generally, in each occasion the newly weds treated the work table like any other table filled with guests and it wasn't a big deal.

OP hasn't exactly phrased the question/intent in the most ideal way, but it's really not that weird at a basic level. Anytime you're putting together a "work" table, it's pretty natural to think "well who should I fill it with?" Yea don't invite the CEO you've never spoken with, but partners in the office you shoot the shit with and probably have done drinks or a closing dinner or whatever with are fine. This becomes more true the bigger the wedding, of course. But at 60 people (consider not everyone has huge families so that can actually be a decent size depending on the composition of guests), having a table of work people that includes a couple senior coworkers isn't really off balance. Though, tbf, 5-8 partners that you aren't at all close with and that you've seated together to entertain each other IS a bit much.

[elendinel]

I invited multiple work related people to my wedding, including an appeals court judge (yes, they attended). I did it mostly out of respect and enjoying their company. Inviting supervisors and colleagues to your wedding is not a horrible idea. It will show them that you appreciate and respect them. Clients on the other hand, I'm not as convinced that would be a good idea unless your relationship could be described as a friendship as well.

BTW, one of the posters above is 100% right that you will not have time to do serious networking at your own wedding. I know it is cliche, but I seriously did not have time to eat at my own wedding. You will constantly be doing things that won't allow you to spend significant time with any one guest.

Don't take all the shade your receiving from these losers seriously. Do what you think is best for you, your family, and professional relationships.

1. You weren't using the wedding for networking purposes.
2. Inviting people you actually have close relationships with is wildly different than inviting people you want to get to know better for power-play reasons.
3. It doesn't sound like your spouse wanted to use the party as a way to get everyone good and liquored up so none of the guests would hear you murdering the king in the night make connections.

I think any sort of strengthening of relationships with colleagues, supervisors, and anyone who could be a source of referrals or clients themselves qualifies as networking. But maybe I just have an overly expansive view of what qualifies as networking.

Isn't the point in which you're evaluating the closeness in the relationship between you and the people you're thinking of inviting the point at which this stops being networking? I.e., networking is about developing business relationships, so once this stops becoming about business relationships and starts being about with whom you have legit friendships/etc. or whether or not you'll enjoy their company, you've stopped networking.

No one thinks its weird to have friends at work or to invite those friends to a wedding. The weird aspect of this would be to invite people for the purpose of networking/impressing others, which implies that you don't actually have strong relationships (or relationships at all) with these people and are inviting for the primary purpose of impressing them enough to get work from them down the line. For many reasons (including the fact that you just do not have time to build up a business relationship like that during a wedding, the fact that you probably need a much higher budget than $15-20k to truly impress a partner/the CEO of a company if you don't have the time to dazzle them with your personality, etc.).

[acr]

I invited multiple work related people to my wedding, including an appeals court judge (yes, they attended). I did it mostly out of respect and enjoying their company. Inviting supervisors and colleagues to your wedding is not a horrible idea. It will show them that you appreciate and respect them. Clients on the other hand, I'm not as convinced that would be a good idea unless your relationship could be described as a friendship as well.

BTW, one of the posters above is 100% right that you will not have time to do serious networking at your own wedding. I know it is cliche, but I seriously did not have time to eat at my own wedding. You will constantly be doing things that won't allow you to spend significant time with any one guest.

Don't take all the shade your receiving from these losers seriously. Do what you think is best for you, your family, and professional relationships.

Yeah. We're "losers" for giving OP shit for thinking of using his WEDDING DAY to further his big law career.

Yeah, you are. If you cannot see the reasonableness of inviting people to your wedding who are or might one day be important to your career, then you don't have a realistic view of how life works.

And if you can't see the insanity of worrying about your career on your wedding day, then you don't have a realistic view of what life is about.

[Phil Brooks]

OP here. Some of you are taking this too far. It's not like I'm using the wedding to make a business pitch. It's more like have a table of 5-8 partners or IHC who can sit together and shoot the shit. At some point I stop by their table, we do some shots, talk about life, etc. and move on to the next table. I'm sure they will enjoy the food/atmosphere. It's more just to get to see them as people outside of work.

And for those of you asking how I'm doing it for $15k, I live in the suburbs. Ceremony and reception will be at different parts of the same place. We also have family in another country where clothing (suit/dress) is cheaper to obtain.

Ugh. I'm guessing this is some frat-house of a firm.

Also, do people actually get drunk on their wedding night?

[Danger Zone]

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