Dinner with SO as part of callback? Forum

Anonymous User · Post by **Anonymous User** » Mon Sep 12, 2016 2:58 pm

I'm doing a callback on Friday, and the firm asked that my SO and I have dinner with an associate Thursday night. My SO is now really nervous, and wondering if she needs to get OCI appropriate clothes and stuff.

It's at a casual restaurant, so my instinct is that biz casual clothes would be fine. I think the main thing is that I'm using my SO as the reason to be in the market, and maybe the firm wants to confirm that they are real.

Thoughts? Is this a normal thing?

Anonymous User · Post by **Anonymous User** » Mon Sep 12, 2016 3:09 pm

Anonymous User wrote:I'm doing a callback on Friday, and the firm asked that my SO and I have dinner with an associate Thursday night. My SO is now really nervous, and wondering if she needs to get OCI appropriate clothes and stuff.

It's at a casual restaurant, so my instinct is that biz casual clothes would be fine. I think the main thing is that I'm using my SO as the reason to be in the market, and maybe the firm wants to confirm that they are real.

Thoughts? Is this a normal thing?

I don't think it's unheard of. I had a slightly similar experience.

I got an offer from a firm from a secondary market in the midwest, and they offered to fly me and my SO back out there, to show us around and take us to dinner (she had never been to that city before). I ended up declining the offer, but it sounds like some firms make a genuine effort to accommodate associates and their families. I kinda doubt they are doing it as a way to see if your SO is real, but I could be very wrong.

rpupkin · Post by **rpupkin** » Mon Sep 12, 2016 3:16 pm

Interesting. Where I live, an employer asking an applicant to bring a SO along--while the employer is still deciding whether to extend an offer to the applicant--is a violation of state law. I think it's unusual.

Anonymous User · Post by **Anonymous User** » Mon Sep 12, 2016 3:40 pm

As a side question, how should I dress for this? It seems like it might be good to dress up a but more than my SO, but I'm thinking that a full suit and tie to a casual restaurant might be the wrong play. I emailed recruiting about attire, and was just told to contact the restaurant, which said that it's casual.

Dr. Nefario · Post by **Dr. Nefario** » Mon Sep 12, 2016 3:44 pm

Go business casual IMO

JenDarby · Post by **JenDarby** » Mon Sep 12, 2016 3:49 pm

Dr. Nefario wrote:Go business casual IMO

You generally can't go wrong with business casual.

Don't wear a full suit.

rpupkin · Post by **rpupkin** » Mon Sep 12, 2016 3:49 pm

Does the dinner follow your callback interviews? If so, I don't see why you wouldn't just wear whatever you wore to the interviews. Take off your tie if you want.

Edit: Just saw that your dinner is the night before the interviews. I agree with others: business casual is fine.

bk1 · Post by **bk1** » Mon Sep 12, 2016 3:51 pm

I agree that you and your SO are fine in business casual. I also agree with rpupkin that this is unusual and, imo, kind of sketchy. Are you sure they asked that your SO be there rather than merely offered?

patentlitigatrix · Post by **patentlitigatrix** » Mon Sep 12, 2016 4:02 pm

bk1 wrote:Are you sure they asked that your SO be there rather than merely offered?

This.

I am not an employment lawyer, but how on earth can you require someone's SO to come to a pre-interview event in order for that person to get the job? If she is nervous and uncomfortable, I think you should decline to bring her and just go yourself. If it were my husband and me, that is what we'd do.

Anonymous User · Post by **Anonymous User** » Mon Sep 12, 2016 4:14 pm

Can this thread be deleted? Since this is evidently abnormal, I don't want to out myself.

rpupkin · Post by **rpupkin** » Mon Sep 12, 2016 4:16 pm

OP's law firm:

Anonymous User · Post by **Anonymous User** » Mon Sep 12, 2016 4:21 pm

I was asked if I wanted to bring my SO for a callback and agreed. It appeared to be typical for this firm in a secondary midwest market. I had to cancel the callback though so I have no better advice for you unfortunately other than that I wouldn't overthink it.

Anonymous User · Post by **Anonymous User** » Mon Sep 12, 2016 5:06 pm

I did a callback in a secondary midwest market where SO's were invited to a dinner following the cb. It was very nice and reflected favorably on the firm.

foregetaboutdre · Post by **foregetaboutdre** » Mon Sep 12, 2016 6:25 pm

I'd like/welcome this (though my SO would probably not want to tag along). Shows the firm cares about you OUTSIDE work (sort of).

Minnietron · Post by **Minnietron** » Mon Sep 12, 2016 6:59 pm

I did multiple CBs in a secondary market where a pre-CB dinner is pretty standard. Roughly half of the firms asked if my SO wanted to join. Unless otherwise stated, business casual should be more than fine.

Anonymous User · Post by **Anonymous User** » Mon Sep 12, 2016 9:35 pm

Can anyone here elaborate on what exactly they mean by business casual in this situation? I hate the idea of wearing a tie without a suit for some reason. Would a nice button down and standard khakis (i.e., not dress slacks) fit the bill?

runinthefront · Post by **runinthefront** » Mon Sep 12, 2016 9:38 pm

Anonymous User wrote:Can anyone here elaborate on what exactly they mean by business casual in this situation? I hate the idea of wearing a tie without a suit for some reason. Would a nice button down and standard khakis (i.e., not dress slacks) fit the bill?

Why not blazer/slacks and no tie? Take the blazer off once you get there if you're overdressed

sublime · Post by **sublime** » Mon Sep 12, 2016 9:38 pm

Anonymous User wrote:Can anyone here elaborate on what exactly they mean by business casual in this situation? I hate the idea of wearing a tie without a suit for some reason. Would a nice button down and standard khakis (i.e., not dress slacks) fit the bill?

Yea, although I would probably go slacks with a button down dress shirt.

Agree w you about tie, no jacket fwiw.

Minnietron · Post by **Minnietron** » Mon Sep 12, 2016 9:43 pm

Err on the side of "overdressed" and go dress shirt, slacks, and blazer.

Anonymous User · Post by **Anonymous User** » Mon Sep 12, 2016 9:55 pm

I had a pre-OCI dinner (no SO) and opted to wear a suit. One guy partner and one female partner--the guy said he had just taken off his tie and I should feel free to do the same, so I did (It was a biz formal firm). I'd say that you should wear whatever attorneys typically wear at that firm, since your dinner companion is going to have come straight from work and will likely be wearing whatever he/she wore that day. If it is a biz cas firm, wear that.

Edit: pre-callback dinner, not pre-OCI dinner

Anonymous User · Post by **Anonymous User** » Mon Sep 12, 2016 10:17 pm

I had one of these in Milwaukee. It was business formal and had 4-5 attorneys (and other SA candidates). Very awkward and old fashioned IMO.

sublime · Post by **sublime** » Mon Sep 12, 2016 10:34 pm

Minnietron wrote:Err on the side of "overdressed" and go dress shirt, slacks, and blazer.

Yea, on second thought I think this is right

delusional · Post by **delusional** » Tue Sep 13, 2016 9:25 am

Anonymous User wrote:Can anyone here elaborate on what exactly they mean by business casual in this situation? I hate the idea of wearing a tie without a suit for some reason. Would a nice button down and standard khakis (i.e., not dress slacks) fit the bill?

I agree with your instinct. Never wear a tie without a jacket.

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