Awkward Situation Forum

[Anonymous User]

A few months ago I met a 3L at my school at a networking event who said he will be working at a specific firm in LA. After I mentioned that this firm/location is one that I would really be interested in working at, he offered to give me advice on OCI/how to get a job there etc. We became Facebook friends and since then he has been constantly messaging me asking me if I want to get coffee, how classes are going, how am I handling 1L. The conversations are always pretty casual but it has become a bit stalker-ish and has made me feel uncomfortable. I've tried to be less responsive but that hasn't worked. My friends have told me to just ignore him completely/block him but I am worried that this will affect my chances at that office negatively if he gets upset and tells his coworkers about what happened.

Any advice would be appreciated.

[RaceJudicata]

Creepy. Just ignore him. He won't have any say as a 3L or even as a young associate in hiring decisions. In fact, him trying to give input on hiring decisions would make him look bad within the firm.

[jrass]

Obviously offering to help you was just a passive aggressive way of asking you out. Badmouthing you would make him look bad as well unless he's asked if he knew you later on, but that is what it is. Unless you're willing to sleep with him, there's nothing you can do about it. You should also bare in mind he has no power whatsoever, and he'd surely be on the street if the firm knew he was using their good name to solicit quid pro quo sexual relations. Assuming this firm goes off the Cravath scale, he needs to be there for at least 2 years before sexually harassing you unless he has a clerkship in which case you should agree.

[Anonymous User]

Yeah, OP, so sorry this happened. Guys are tools. As a new associate who started in the fall, I can confirm that we have no say whatsoever in hiring, even within our department. Just ignore it. There's nothing he could do that would hurt your chances and if he tried, he would look like the crazy one, as someone above said. 3Ls probably tend to have a really over-inflated sense of self importance because they're riding high off the SA/offer but haven't started working yet.

[Anonymous User]

If you are a female, you should just ghost de-friend him and block him on facebook now.

[kaiser]

I agree that the best approach is to essentially ignore him. By the time you go through OCI, he won't have even started at the firm. And the word of a 1st year (let alone one who hasn't even started working), means essentially nothing in the hiring context. A first year can't get someone hired, and almost certainly couldn't get someone fired without some pretty strong support from those above him. The same likely applies in the hiring context, where the word of a first year doesn't mean a thing and will have no effect. I wouldn't worry about him torpedoing you because he doesn't have the power to do that (and likely won't even attempt to do so anyway).

[SFSpartan]

What a creepy dude. Also, so sorry you had to go through this. Just block the creeper and move on.

[jrass]

Reply back to his next message with:

"This is really hard for me, because I haven't felt this way in a long time. I know we've known each other for only a short time, but I fell in love with you the moment I saw you. I've always believed in abstinence until marriage so I hope after you think you'll agree to marry me. It's hard for me to express how strongly I feel, which is why I didn't respond before. The last time I felt this way was in my only relationship, but he cheated on me, not physically, but I caught him looking at pictures of other women in a Vogue magazine, which is cheating in my book. I was so shocked about it, I wanted to hurt him but he was bigger than me so I just gave his dog a little pinch, and the next thing I knew his neck snapped and my boyfriend got angry, which was crazy because I didn't mean to kill his dog. Anyway I was upstate for a while and I got my meds all worked out, and did Teach for America, but these kids are just so disrespectful these days. Long story short, one of my students kept pushing me and pushing, she was a 7 year old brat who wouldn't so I straightened her out, and everyone always said I would wind up in a home, but I'll show them. I now have a husband and a great job. Babe, are you there? Why haven't you accepted my relationship status invitation? ARE YOU LOOKING AT PORN YOU SICK SOB?"

I promise you'll never hear from him again. I've used it all the time, and with the exception of always having to keep a 500 foot distance from a playground, it's been a pure positive.

[Anonymous User]

Thank you everyone! Blocking/defriending now.
- OP

[jrass]

I was hoping I could convince you to do something funny, but the mature move would be to simply tell him you're not interested. It's much likelier he's misinterpreting the cues you're giving him than that he's stalking you. Stupidity is much more common than stalking.

[PeanutsNJam]

If it's a bigger firm he has 0 clout so I wouldn't be worried at all. Make sure not to mention him in any interviews or anything and pretend like you don't know him at all though, because if you bring up that you know him, recruiting attorneys may casually ask him about you.

[Anonymous User]

.

[BizBro]

OP I dont understand what's creepy about this? If he keeps asking you out to get coffee and you said no outright, and he continues to ask you, I can understand. But if he keeps messaging you about 1L or in general trying to talk to you on there, what's wrong with that? I would just respond less or not at all. Blocking seems over the top unless there is more to the story of why you feel he is stalkerish.

[Actus Reus]

OP I dont understand what's creepy about this? If he keeps asking you out to get coffee and you said no outright, and he continues to ask you, I can understand. But if he keeps messaging you about 1L or in general trying to talk to you on there, what's wrong with that? I would just respond less or not at all. Blocking seems over the top unless there is more to the story of why you feel he is stalkerish.

It's odd because she asked about career stuff, not 1L

[BizBro]

OP I dont understand what's creepy about this? If he keeps asking you out to get coffee and you said no outright, and he continues to ask you, I can understand. But if he keeps messaging you about 1L or in general trying to talk to you on there, what's wrong with that? I would just respond less or not at all. Blocking seems over the top unless there is more to the story of why you feel he is stalkerish.

It's odd because she asked about career stuff, not 1L

Not really. He's a 3L, meaning they are peers at the same school. They became friends on facebook. You can chat about whatever, and casual conversation about how 1L is going doesn't seem aggressive or odd to me, especially enough to warrant a block. I mean clearly he is interested in her, but she could just friendzone him as is the norm.

[Nekrowizard]

OP I dont understand what's creepy about this? If he keeps asking you out to get coffee and you said no outright, and he continues to ask you, I can understand. But if he keeps messaging you about 1L or in general trying to talk to you on there, what's wrong with that? I would just respond less or not at all. Blocking seems over the top unless there is more to the story of why you feel he is stalkerish.

It's odd because she asked about career stuff, not 1L

Not really. He's a 3L, meaning they are peers at the same school. They became friends on facebook. You can chat about whatever, and casual conversation about how 1L is going doesn't seem aggressive or odd to me, especially enough to warrant a block. I mean clearly he is interested in her, but she could just friendzone him as is the norm.

I think it's pretty easy to tell when someone's piling on the attention a little too thick, though it may not be so obvious from a quick online description of the interaction. If she feels uncomfortable, I bet the guy's being a creeper or at least too autistic to read social cues. I'm personally not a fan of the blocking solution myself. I would just completely ignore him until he gets the message. That way, if there's in the future any sort of conversation about it, it at least looks like she didn't consciously make a decision about ignoring him. She just forgot/didn't care to respond.