New associate fuck up thread (and tips for slacking) Forum

[Kronk]

my favorite part is that you guys chose to live this life

in fact, you actually competed for it

jfc

this is all i could think reading through the thread. how's the new job going?

it's great. i bill a little more than i would like to (generally between 130-140, and I imagine if I had a couple 2-day or 3-day hearings set in one month there could be an a couple 160-170 outlier months per year) but I still have time for all the shit I want to do and I really like all the people.

also you can't beat offices in vail and boulder, and it's generally my bosses that suggest we cut out early to ski or mountain bike.

[baal hadad]

Random but how would you address a possible misconception that you're drinking alcohol all day every day? I've tried to get off pop, but don't enjoy the taste of water so I have been using these drink mixes. Initially, I was using the Diet Lemon flavored Snapple ones. When mixed into a 16 oz bottle of water, it tastes like the real thing. It is a fantastic product, and I highly recommend it. However, I quickly learned it makes it look like whiskey. I switched to the Raspberry flavored ones, but the color distinction is minimal, and it still looked like whiskey. I began to notice that when I spoke with other attorneys, they would often look at my water bottle. It got increasingly awkward when my first year class would be reminded of the alcohol on the job policy. Although it may be paranoia, it seemed odd that we were never reminded of any of the 1000 other policies like drugs and sexual harassment, but were only ever reminded of the alcohol policy.

After this I decided to totally switch over, and went to a Pink Lemonade mix, which looks pink and not like whiskey. However, my water bottle still never stopped drawing attention. I'm a fairly social person, and walk around my floor a lot to get to know the other people always carrying my water bottle, but can't help but think everyone thinks I'm an alcoholic who has become so desensitized to liquor they can take swigs of it all day, and still be fine. The comedic thing about it all is that while I enjoy liquor with food, I don't drink much, and never have more than 2 beers or 2 glasses of wine. I've found myself randomly commenting in conversations at times that it's just lemonade, and not alcohol, which probably comes off incredibly awkward. Should I just forget about the drink mixes? Is there any way to explain that I'm not an alcoholic despite it never directly coming up?

Real lawfirmpros put preworkout in their water bottle mixture

I recommend bpi sports 1 mr vortex

[legends159]

I feel like an alien watching a different culture. I don't understand these corpmos but from what k gather signing pages is very important in their religion.

Yeah. Looking in from the outside, it appears to me that corporate clients are willing to pay associates $400/hr for shit that I would ask my secretary to do in litigation. I'm sure it's all really important and the associates add value in some way, but I just don't get it.

Some corp work (the non-drafting/negotiating/strategizing parts) seems simple but are very important and not always straight forward or easy. For example, putting together a signature packet is easy if there's only one agreement but if you've got 10 agreements that all need to be executed at signing with various entities, not all of whom sign each agreement you need to actually understand the mechanics of the documents otherwise the agreement becomes unenforceable and that opinion your firm just gave for the deal is defective and you're subject to malpractice.

I once had a deal almost die because the junior fucked up a signature page and the counterparty would not close the deal (as it was a condition precedent) until we got the right officer at the company to sign (the agreement was clear as to who could sign) - this person happened to be on vacation and we had to call the hotel he was staying at and wake him up (time zone difference) to have him sign a piece of paper. Guess who got reamed by the partner after the deal closed - obviously not the junior since it was my job to supervise all parts of the deal.

Now - even while I'm in-house, I always double and triple check the signature pages which outside counsel prepare for me to make sure they meet all the condition precedents.

[NotMyRealName09]

Random but how would you address a possible misconception that you're drinking alcohol all day every day? I've tried to get off pop, but don't enjoy the taste of water so I have been using these drink mixes. Initially, I was using the Diet Lemon flavored Snapple ones. When mixed into a 16 oz bottle of water, it tastes like the real thing. It is a fantastic product, and I highly recommend it. However, I quickly learned it makes it look like whiskey. I switched to the Raspberry flavored ones, but the color distinction is minimal, and it still looked like whiskey. I began to notice that when I spoke with other attorneys, they would often look at my water bottle. It got increasingly awkward when my first year class would be reminded of the alcohol on the job policy. Although it may be paranoia, it seemed odd that we were never reminded of any of the 1000 other policies like drugs and sexual harassment, but were only ever reminded of the alcohol policy.

After this I decided to totally switch over, and went to a Pink Lemonade mix, which looks pink and not like whiskey. However, my water bottle still never stopped drawing attention. I'm a fairly social person, and walk around my floor a lot to get to know the other people always carrying my water bottle, but can't help but think everyone thinks I'm an alcoholic who has become so desensitized to liquor they can take swigs of it all day, and still be fine. The comedic thing about it all is that while I enjoy liquor with food, I don't drink much, and never have more than 2 beers or 2 glasses of wine. I've found myself randomly commenting in conversations at times that it's just lemonade, and not alcohol, which probably comes off incredibly awkward. Should I just forget about the drink mixes? Is there any way to explain that I'm not an alcoholic despite it never directly coming up?

There is no way that the normal human response to seeing brown liquid in a water bottle in an office setting is to conclude it is whiskey. There are many reasons this is crazy, not least of which include that nobody will think a co-worker would be so bold as to constantly have liquor in a clear bottle at work. You're right though, commenting on it yourself may be the very triggering event that makes people wonder. This is all weird dude.

[Kronk]

I would think it was whiskey.

[hdunlop]

Also "pop" lol

[20160810]

my favorite part is that you guys chose to live this life

in fact, you actually competed for it

jfc

I mean getting a dump truck full of money backed into your checking account every 2 weeks for working 60 hours a week really isn't that much worse than spending 50 hours a week babysitting a horde of unappreciative meth addicts for 50 grand.

[20160810]

Random but how would you address a possible misconception that you're drinking alcohol all day every day? I've tried to get off pop, but don't enjoy the taste of water so I have been using these drink mixes. Initially, I was using the Diet Lemon flavored Snapple ones. When mixed into a 16 oz bottle of water, it tastes like the real thing. It is a fantastic product, and I highly recommend it. However, I quickly learned it makes it look like whiskey. I switched to the Raspberry flavored ones, but the color distinction is minimal, and it still looked like whiskey. I began to notice that when I spoke with other attorneys, they would often look at my water bottle. It got increasingly awkward when my first year class would be reminded of the alcohol on the job policy. Although it may be paranoia, it seemed odd that we were never reminded of any of the 1000 other policies like drugs and sexual harassment, but were only ever reminded of the alcohol policy.

After this I decided to totally switch over, and went to a Pink Lemonade mix, which looks pink and not like whiskey. However, my water bottle still never stopped drawing attention. I'm a fairly social person, and walk around my floor a lot to get to know the other people always carrying my water bottle, but can't help but think everyone thinks I'm an alcoholic who has become so desensitized to liquor they can take swigs of it all day, and still be fine. The comedic thing about it all is that while I enjoy liquor with food, I don't drink much, and never have more than 2 beers or 2 glasses of wine. I've found myself randomly commenting in conversations at times that it's just lemonade, and not alcohol, which probably comes off incredibly awkward. Should I just forget about the drink mixes? Is there any way to explain that I'm not an alcoholic despite it never directly coming up?

Real lawfirmpros put preworkout in their water bottle mixture

I recommend bpi sports 1 mr vortex

God I miss Craze. I used to roll 3 scoops every morning.

[TLSModBot]

spending 50 hours a week babysitting a horde of unappreciative meth addicts for 50 grand.

Is... is this a thing?

[Kronk]

my favorite part is that you guys chose to live this life

in fact, you actually competed for it

jfc

I mean getting a dump truck full of money backed into your checking account every 2 weeks for working 60 hours a week really isn't that much worse than spending 50 hours a week babysitting a horde of unappreciative meth addicts for 50 grand.

you don't have to teach in the inner city to pull in 50 Gs though.

and if people ITT are billing 60-80 I figure they're working 80-100

[El Pollito]

God I miss Craze. I used to roll 3 scoops every morning.

JFC

that explains the elizabeth warren era

[El Pollito]

my favorite part is that you guys chose to live this life

in fact, you actually competed for it

jfc

I mean getting a dump truck full of money backed into your checking account every 2 weeks for working 60 hours a week really isn't that much worse than spending 50 hours a week babysitting a horde of unappreciative meth addicts for 50 grand.

yeah i haven't reached a point where it's not worth it yet

maybe if i have a kid or something

[20160810]

God I miss Craze. I used to roll 3 scoops every morning.

JFC

that explains the elizabeth warren era

Going cold turkey when the FDA shut down driven sports was not fun. I think I lashed out at government figures generally.

[Anonymous User]

Not an associate, but relevant to thread.

I'm a d. ct. clerk. TL;DR I screwed up an order granting an MSJ. It got appealed. I read the opening brief and I would bet all of my dollars that it gets reversed. Feels real bad man for so many reasons. Even thought the judge truly does not care (a perk of lifetime tenure) and genuinely assumed "total responsibility," I can't help but feel like a total idiot. I cringe re-reading the order because it was so blatantly incorrect on one key issue.

[Anonymous User]

Transactional PE anon from previous page here.

For those that don't get transactional work, this is pretty bad. Not only is fucking up a sig page sloppy looking, but in this case it actually made it look like maybe the Company was doing a deal with another private equity firm, which would be super super sketchy in this scenario. Anyways, just imagine a very big, client-facing fuck up.

[baal hadad]

God I miss Craze. I used to roll 3 scoops every morning.

JFC

that explains the elizabeth warren era

Going cold turkey when the FDA shut down driven sports was not fun. I think I lashed out at government figures generally.

Bro I am also suspicious of the man but im thinking they did you a favor

[Desert Fox]

[Anonymous User]

and if people ITT are billing 60-80 I figure they're working 80-100

Where did this idea get started that billing a large number of hours somehow increases the amount of non-billable time you have? I spend about an hour or two each week inputting my time and that's about it for regular, non-billable shit. Some folks who have to review client bills spend a few hours each month doing that, but I can't see any way that non-billables add up to 20-30% extra time on top of billables. That Yale daily breakdown thing is a load of shit because it assumes all sorts of ridiculous things that you totally get rid of once you start working more than 50 hours a week (like one hour lunches and 15 minute coffee breaks).

I do hate having clients who won't pay for travel time though because it's damn near impossible to do steady work in a taxi on the way to the airport, or for the 30 minutes you spend from security to your gate. If you have to travel a lot the non-billable time really can add up.

[Anonymous User]

and if people ITT are billing 60-80 I figure they're working 80-100

Where did this idea get started that billing a large number of hours somehow increases the amount of non-billable time you have? I spend about an hour or two each week inputting my time and that's about it for regular, non-billable shit. Some folks who have to review client bills spend a few hours each month doing that, but I can't see any way that non-billables add up to 20-30% extra time on top of billables. That Yale daily breakdown thing is a load of shit because it assumes all sorts of ridiculous things that you totally get rid of once you start working more than 50 hours a week (like one hour lunches and 15 minute coffee breaks).

I do hate having clients who won't pay for travel time though because it's damn near impossible to do steady work in a taxi on the way to the airport, or for the 30 minutes you spend from security to your gate. If you have to travel a lot the non-billable time really can add up.

This is not true across the board. Especially in non-NYC markets, IME. I definitely spend more than an hour or two doing non-billable stuff (I work for an SV firm that deals with a lot of startup clients).

[Kronk]

the idea got started because people are humans and have to do things like go to the bathroom, eat food, deal with personal issues, interact with other humans off and on, and do work stuff that can't be billed, like answering small questions about legal or procedural shit for another attorney on a case you aren't working.

[baal hadad]

like answering small questions about legal or procedural shit for another attorney on a case you aren't working.

Unless I can answer the question without thinking at all, like in a sentence or two, I will get a matter no. so I can bill that

[Kronk]

like answering small questions about legal or procedural shit for another attorney on a case you aren't working.

Unless I can answer the question without thinking at all, like in a sentence or two, I will get a matter no. so I can bill that

if you're billing .2 for 2 minutes of question answering i think that's fucked up

[Desert Fox]

[baal hadad]

like answering small questions about legal or procedural shit for another attorney on a case you aren't working.

Unless I can answer the question without thinking at all, like in a sentence or two, I will get a matter no. so I can bill that

if you're billing .2 for 2 minutes of question answering i think that's fucked up

Naw I'll put a .1 for 2 minutes worth of attention

[bdubs]

the idea got started because people are humans and have to do things like go to the bathroom, eat food, deal with personal issues, interact with other humans off and on, and do work stuff that can't be billed, like answering small questions about legal or procedural shit for another attorney on a case you aren't working.

When you work a 60 hour billable week, do you really spend 4 hours per day doing that normal stuff? (80 hrs - 60 hrs = 4 hrs/weekday) Plus about 4-5 hours of my 60 hour "work week" are coming from home, either on the weekends or late night. Since I'm only billing about 11 hours on average in the office per day I sure as hell am not spending an extra 4 hours doing BS.