Significant others summering at same firm Forum

[Anonymous User]

Any thoughts on this? My significant other and I are seriously considering each taking our offers from the same firm. While we both have options otherwise, I think we both like one in particular the most. Is this a horrible idea? She and I are willing to entertain the other offers, but it's increasingly looking as though we may end up employed by the same firm.

[rpupkin]

Bad idea. Don't do it.

[DJ JD]

Bad idea. Don't do it.

+1.

[trebekismyhero]

Are your other offers at least in the same range? I mean if this is by far the best offer for both of you, then I think it is more understandable. But if you have offers from other equal firms then I think it would be a mistake to go to the same firm.

[Anonymous User]

Long term it could be a bad idea. Senior associate at my firm and his now wife were both at our firm originally, but she lateraled to another firm in the city just to avoid the possible nepotism issue. And that's just the professionalism argument, won't comment on possible personal strains which should be more obvious.

[Devlin]

I think it comes down to whether or not y'all will have to share offices with members of the opposite sex.


Honestly, like the above users said, if y'all have comparable offers I would just take one of those offers.

[legends159]

It's not a terrible idea. The terrible idea is having a SO who is a lawyer.

The fact that you're in the same building means you'll see each other a lot more than you otherwise would working apart. You could have seamless dinners together and work in each other's office late night. There will be times when you're just sitting around at night waiting for stuff and it's nice to have someone who you can chill with. Plus, going to work and leaving together is nice.

Don't worry about nepotism issues - it's unlikely you're both going to come up for partnership. If that's the case then one of your can always lateral.

[Trippel]

Sounds like a great idea. Don't you guys watch Suits?

[kartelite]

Sounds like a great idea. Don't you guys watch Suits?

I thought the same thing lol. Seriously, why is it such a bad idea? And how is there "nepotism" if you're both just summer associates? And why would the office sharing with opposite sex be an issue?!? IME dating a coworker isn't usually so bad, especially if you have long hours.

[Anonymous User]

OP here. Just for reference, the firm is a V5 and is strong in what both of us want to do. The other options for both of us are not V5, but they're good in their own right and nothing to scoff at. And I don't know if it makes a difference that at least some people at the firm already know we're dating. It's a tough call to make for both of us and I appreciate your thoughts.

Out of curiosity, is there any specific reason (beyond the nepotism mentioned above) that might speak to why it would be problematic?

[L’Étranger]

How would nepotism even be an issue? -You'd both be 1st years.

I'd verify that the firm doesn't have a no-dating policy. If not, I don't see a problem.

Plus if one of you turns the firm down over this, they will likely resent it.

[rpupkin]

It's not a terrible idea. The terrible idea is having a SO who is a lawyer.

Strongly disagree. When your SO is a lawyer, he or she actually understands why you're so busy. Good luck explaining to your 40-hour-a-week-job SO why you had to cancel dinner plans for the third time this month. Also, the decent joint income doesn't hurt.

[legends159]

It's not a terrible idea. The terrible idea is having a SO who is a lawyer.

Strongly disagree. When your SO is a lawyer, he or she actually understands why you're so busy. Good luck explaining to your 40-hour-a-week-job SO why you had to cancel dinner plans for the third time this month. Also, the decent joint income doesn't hurt.

Obviously a personal preference but it's more straining on a relationship if both parties are always working and cannot connect schedules. Yes, it's lonely for the non-lawyer at times but it becomes lonely for both parties if they're both lawyers.

Just imagine - you have a tough week but get out early on a Friday at 6 but your SO is busy and can't get out until midnight. Next week your roles are reversed. It was much easier for me that my spouse was in the 40 hour a week job; at least one of us had consistency so they would take care of personal stuff for the both of us. With kids...forget about it. Even having a SO do 40hrs/wk is tough - which is why at a biglaw firm you either have full time nannies or stay at home spouses for families with children.

I speak from personal experience only; married with two kids. Not sure where you're coming from.

[rpupkin]

I speak from personal experience only; married with two kids. Not sure where you're coming from.

Like you said, it's a personal preference; there's no way to have an objective argument about this kind of thing. My experience is based on having two LTRs while working in big law. One was with another big law lawyer; the other was an administrative assistant at a software company. When dating the non-lawyer, I got a lot of "Just tell the partner (or client) that you already have plans this evening. You've already worked at least 40 hours this week!" My lawyer SO was a lot more understanding about the fact that I didn't work a 9-5, M-F job. She understood the unpredictable nature of an associate's workflow.

But I can definitely see how it would be nice to have a spouse with more free time if I had kids. I understand your perspective.

[Byakuya769]

How large is the summer class? If it's large and you and your SO aren't yelling and screaming at each other on a semi-regular basis, you both should select the place you most want to work at. Just be prepared to be mature adults if it doesn't work out.

[Hutz_and_Goodman]

I wouldn't do this.

[cookiejar1]

If you were going to a firm with a small summer class maybe it'd be weird but if your v5 is not WLRK then it shouldn't be a big deal at all.

[zot1]

Don't see why it would be a problem. Go crazy.

[Glasseyes]

The painfully obvious downside no one is mentioning: it's not a terrible idea while you're dating, but it is once you break up. Seriously.

Everything falls apart sometime.

[Johann]

Yeah it's doable. Do what you want to do. I wouldn't sacrifice fit at a firm just to avoid a potential problem.

[El Pollito]

hopefully you're at least interested in different practice groups

[Minnietron]

Out of curiosity, is there any specific reason (beyond the nepotism mentioned above) that might speak to why it would be problematic?

You both need to be sure you can turn off the protective instinct while at work. Standing up for your SO to the boss looks great on Suits, but it doesn't turn out so well in the real world.

[Emma.]

I wouldn't do this.

[hdunlop]

Only if you're over 25 and ready to get married.

[El Pollito]

how are you guys going to choose who gets the firm you both want? will it inevitably lead to your break up?

ah gunner love