Missing weekend social event during SA Forum

[Anonymous User]

I'm supposed to go to a family event the same weekend my summer firm is doing a firm-wide retreat. Firm says it's not mandatory, but I worry I'll make a bad impression if I don't go. At the same time, some family members will be hurt if I don't go to the family event. Can anyone offer some general advice? My inclination is to go to the family event, but I really don't want to hurt my chances of getting an offer. Thanks.

[Anastasia Dee Dualla]

I'm supposed to go to a family event the same weekend my summer firm is doing a firm-wide retreat. Firm says it's not mandatory, but I worry I'll make a bad impression if I don't go. At the same time, some family members will be hurt if I don't go to the family event. Can anyone offer some general advice? My inclination is to go to the family event, but I really don't want to hurt my chances of getting an offer. Thanks.

Can't you just explain it to your family so they aren't hurt?

[Anonymous User]

I'm supposed to go to a family event the same weekend my summer firm is doing a firm-wide retreat. Firm says it's not mandatory, but I worry I'll make a bad impression if I don't go. At the same time, some family members will be hurt if I don't go to the family event. Can anyone offer some general advice? My inclination is to go to the family event, but I really don't want to hurt my chances of getting an offer. Thanks.

Can't you just explain it to your family so they aren't hurt?

I could try, but I doubt it would work.

[Actus Reus]

Family will take you back if you miss it . It's not a great look if you're the only one not there

[Anastasia Dee Dualla]

Family will take you back if you miss it . It's not a great look if you're the only one not there

This is probably the credited response. Silly as they may seem, those summer social events matter.

[KM2016]

Family will take you back if you miss it . It's not a great look if you're the only one not there

This is probably the credited response. Silly as they may seem, those summer social events matter.

TCR. I wouldn't miss a scheduled SA event, especially a weekend retreat where the firm is spending a considerable amount of time and money on the summer associates. People will notice you're not there, and needless to say that's not a good thing. Missing the impromptu happy hours is fine if you have prior commitments, but I wouldn't miss this retreat.

[Cogburn87]

Can't you just explain it to your family so they aren't hurt?

Biglaw summarized in one sentence.

[reversingentropy]

Not a big deal if you miss the event. Though if it becomes a trend (i.e. you miss 2-3 of the scheduled events) people will notice.

[Anonymous User]

I would go to the event. Two firms I summered at had firmwide events and it would have been really weird for someone to not go. I think the entire summer class went in both cases, including people who weren't working for the firm at the time of the retreat.

The whole summer is an interview. This is one thing you can do to ensure that you get a job at a really pivotal moment in your life. Do something with your family any other weekend.

[WhiskeynCoke]

I'm supposed to go to a family event the same weekend my summer firm is doing a firm-wide retreat. Firm says it's not mandatory, but I worry I'll make a bad impression if I don't go. At the same time, some family members will be hurt if I don't go to the family event. Can anyone offer some general advice? My inclination is to go to the family event, but I really don't want to hurt my chances of getting an offer. Thanks.

Go to the firm event. You might be fine not going but why even risk it? Your SA is precisely the opportunity you'll have spent 3 years of your life and hundreds of thousands of dollars for. Don't blow it.

If your family loves you, which I hope they do, they'll understand. By all means, help them to understand. They might be disappointed at first, but blood is thicker than water, etc.

Besides, I'm sure none of them is about to offer you a $160k starting salary straight out of law school. Just ask them, "how would you feel if you contributed to me losing my job offer, just for some family gathering?"

[CanadianWolf]

You need to stick with your new family--especially if you have student loan debt.

[TLSModBot]

You need to stick with your new family--especially if you have student loan debt.

CR. You need to kiss your old family goodbye at some point - Biglaw is a jealous mistress and does not take kindly to interlopers. If your family doesn't understand, it's not like you'll be seeing them again anyway.

[Cogburn87]

I'm supposed to go to a family event the same weekend my summer firm is doing a firm-wide retreat. Firm says it's not mandatory, but I worry I'll make a bad impression if I don't go. At the same time, some family members will be hurt if I don't go to the family event. Can anyone offer some general advice? My inclination is to go to the family event, but I really don't want to hurt my chances of getting an offer. Thanks.

Go to the firm event. You might be fine not going but why even risk it? Your SA is precisely the opportunity you'll have spent 3 years of your life and hundreds of thousands of dollars for. Don't blow it.

If your family loves you, which I hope they do, they'll understand. By all means, help them to understand. They might be disappointed at first, but blood is thicker than water, etc.

Besides, I'm sure none of them is about to offer you a $160k starting salary straight out of law school. Just ask them, "how would you feel if you contributed to me losing my job offer, just for some family gathering?"

Use these exact words. You have to stop letting them hold you back, OP.

[Anonymous User]

What about if firm-wide retreat conflicts with OCI? (1L SA). obviously I have to suck it up and miss the retreat right?

ETA: I'm not OP

[El Pollito]

Can't you just explain it to your family so they aren't hurt?

Biglaw summarized in one sentence.

lol

[chicagoriver]

I am surprised nobody discuss the dress code for such summer events.

[skers]

You can miss a single event, jfc. It't NBD. It'll probably be more fun than doing shit w/ the family though, so your loss.

[El Pollito]

You can miss a single event, jfc. It't NBD. It'll probably be more fun than doing shit w/ the family though, so your loss.

not a firm retreat though

[Emma.]

not a firm retreat though

[juzam_djinn]

What about if firm-wide retreat conflicts with OCI? (1L SA). obviously I have to suck it up and miss the retreat right?

ETA: I'm not OP

You'd absolutely screw it up by even mentioning OCI

[hdunlop]

If it's a funeral they'll probably understand, tho that'd be strange to plan

There's a shot at a wedding of a sibling. Extended family wedding seems needy

If it's a family reunion I'd think you're a moron to miss an unpaid internship for it, they're doing you a favor

[hdunlop]

Are the family members your young children?

[BaiAilian2013]

You absolutely cannot miss a weekend retreat for a personal event unless it's a funeral or your own wedding. Later in your career there will be more latitude, but as a summer, the firm is spending a lot of money on the stupid task of recruiting you, and consequently it is seen as churlish to miss this stuff without very good reason.

[TLSModBot]

As we've established elsewhere on TLS, even your own wedding is suspect. Your funeral is maybe OK. MAYBE.

[r6_philly]

I am not sure if everyone is trolling or not but missing a summer event is not going to cost your job in the short term. Everything has its consequences, but it is not that dire if everything is otherwise fine.

I mean, also, that's why TCR is to choose 100% offer firms.