How much say would your parents have if they paid tuition? Forum

Anonymous User · Post by **Anonymous User** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 9:25 am

How much say would your parents have if they paid your law school tuition in what job you take?

My parents do not want me to move to a different city. How much weight would you put on that? They keep holding the tuition issue over my head. They didn't put these stipulations in the beginning.

Is it reasonable for your parents to put limits as to where you can work if they paid tuition?

gaddockteeg · Post by **gaddockteeg** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 10:08 am

are you kidding me? this is the most basic contract question of all time.

they give you X (money), you do Y.

if you dont like the contract, you don't take it. otherwise, stfu.

Old Gregg · Post by **Old Gregg** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 10:10 am

TLS isn't the place for your parental issues, even though mommy and daddy issues frequently manifest themselves in the forums.

Anonymous User · Post by **Anonymous User** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 10:13 am

Are you an adult? This isn't really the place for it, but tell your parents they are terrible parents.

A. Nony Mouse · Post by **A. Nony Mouse** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 10:36 am

gaddockteeg wrote:are you kidding me? this is the most basic contract question of all time.

they give you X (money), you do Y.

if you dont like the contract, you don't take it. otherwise, stfu.

If you want to get all contracts-douche-y, you missed the part where the parents are trying to change the terms.

MKC · Post by **MKC** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 10:40 am

A. Nony Mouse wrote:
gaddockteeg wrote:are you kidding me? this is the most basic contract question of all time.

they give you X (money), you do Y.

if you dont like the contract, you don't take it. otherwise, stfu.
If you want to get all contracts-douche-y, you missed the part where the parents are trying to change the terms.

Since the parents receive no consideration though, there was no contract, and they are free to institute conditions of any kind.

I can't really see finding reliance damages or promissory estoppel here, unless there's some shit going on we don't know about.

A. Nony Mouse · Post by **A. Nony Mouse** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 10:45 am

Ugh, I meant more to highlight how making contracts analogies at all was douchey, but that clearly didn't work.

MKC · Post by **MKC** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 10:47 am

A. Nony Mouse wrote:Ugh, I meant more to highlight how making contracts analogies at all was douchey, but that clearly didn't work.

People who pay your bills get to tell you what to do. That's the number one rule of life, from kids to CEOs.

BigZuck · Post by **BigZuck** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 10:47 am

Do your parents live in New Haven at least?

A. Nony Mouse · Post by **A. Nony Mouse** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 10:50 am

MarkinKansasCity wrote:
A. Nony Mouse wrote:Ugh, I meant more to highlight how making contracts analogies at all was douchey, but that clearly didn't work.
People who pay your bills get to tell you what to do. That's the number one rule of life, from kids to CEOs.

Holding money over your child's head is an excellent way to handle conflict.

Anonymous User · Post by **Anonymous User** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 10:51 am

i mean, my parents totally covered my tuition, but would never get in the way of what I thought the best legal job for me is. I mean, theyre older and a little out of touch with how hard it is to find a good job, so they say things like "oh, you don't need to be so desperate to take *insert really shitty shitlaw job here*, network for a better one", but thats about it.

Of course they'd prefer that I stay in the region (i assume parents that pay for their kids, if they arent just filthy rich, do it because there is an aspect of family closeness) but if my dream job popped up a few hours away....its all for your legal career, and we're all lucky if we can start it well.

What are your stats? What did your parents think they were paying for?

I mean, there are always issues of power between children and parents that can always be in the background, but, unless your dad is a huge partner and really knows what he's talking about, letting your parents decide your legal career is insane.

ON THE OTHER HAND-if your parents did bust their asses to put you through school because they depended on you somehow using your law degree to help keep them afloat, help the family business, or whatever, and you did go to a good school and have decent grades, but dream of doing legal aid, while you could be making some more money, then, I dont know. You might have to take a good hard look at whats "right" in that situation.

MKC · Post by **MKC** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 10:53 am

A. Nony Mouse wrote:
MarkinKansasCity wrote:
A. Nony Mouse wrote:Ugh, I meant more to highlight how making contracts analogies at all was douchey, but that clearly didn't work.
People who pay your bills get to tell you what to do. That's the number one rule of life, from kids to CEOs.
Holding money over your child's head is an excellent way to handle conflict.

I didn't say it was a good way to do things, just that that is a power that dependence grants. People have exactly the degree of control over you that you are dependent on them, which is why I refused to ask my parents for anything, ever, after the age of 19. You wanna be an adult, you need to be self-reliant, because otherwise someone's got you by the balls.

Anonymous User · Post by **Anonymous User** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 10:58 am

Anonymous User wrote:i mean, my parents totally covered my tuition, but would never get in the way of what I thought the best legal job for me is. I mean, theyre older and a little out of touch with how hard it is to find a good job, so they say things like "oh, you don't need to be so desperate to take *insert really shitty shitlaw job here*, network for a better one", but thats about it.

Of course they'd prefer that I stay in the region (i assume parents that pay for their kids, if they arent just filthy rich, do it because there is an aspect of family closeness) but if my dream job popped up a few hours away....its all for your legal career, and we're all lucky if we can start it well.

What are your stats? What did your parents think they were paying for?

I mean, there are always issues of power between children and parents that can always be in the background, but, unless your dad is a huge partner and really knows what he's talking about, letting your parents decide your legal career is insane.

ON THE OTHER HAND-if your parents did bust their asses to put you through school because they depended on you somehow using your law degree to help keep them afloat, help the family business, or whatever, and you did go to a good school and have decent grades, but dream of doing legal aid, while you could be making some more money, then, I dont know. You might have to take a good hard look at whats "right" in that situation.

They aren't wealthy but they are not exactly poor either. Obviously they had to make some sacrifices. Both jobs are pretty similar in terms of future career prospects except one of them is in a region that my parents do not want me to go. That job out of region also pays 30-50% more with same cost of living and I would rather be in that region than where I live.

My dad is not a equity partner but he has an equity partner friend that I reached out to. The partner first told me that either job would be great. Then a week later, the partner told me it is best to stay in my region..... lol

Anonymous User · Post by **Anonymous User** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 11:02 am

well, when you work, are they still going to be supporting you? I can see it making some sense if moving means they also need to hook you up with a car and apartment, as opposed to living with them or whatever now....

Anonymous User · Post by **Anonymous User** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 11:07 am

Anonymous User wrote:well, when you work, are they still going to be supporting you? I can see it making some sense if moving means they also need to hook you up with a car and apartment, as opposed to living with them or whatever now....

No. I've been independent since graduation 3 years ago and I have been working in "biglaw." This is my second job.

Anonymous User · Post by **Anonymous User** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 11:18 am

Wow. Then i dont know what to tell you. Again, I ask-what did they think they were paying for? Did they not want you to be the best lawyer you could be? Serious question.

Tiago Splitter · Post by **Tiago Splitter** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 11:19 am

Anonymous User wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:well, when you work, are they still going to be supporting you? I can see it making some sense if moving means they also need to hook you up with a car and apartment, as opposed to living with them or whatever now....

No. I've been independent since graduation 3 years ago and I have been working in "biglaw." This is my second job.

You're kidding. If you don't cut the cord now, when would you?

Anonymous User · Post by **Anonymous User** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 11:21 am

Anonymous User wrote:Wow. Then i dont know what to tell you. Again, I ask-what did they think they were paying for? Did they not want you to be the best lawyer you could be? Serious question.

Yes, they think that my ultimate goal is to make "partner." My firm is "regional biglaw." The other job is exiting that path....

MKC · Post by **MKC** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 11:23 am

Yeah none of what I said applies in this situation. This isn't dependence, it's a guilt trip. Go do you.

You should probably visit them regularly, since they shelled out a couple hundred thousand dollars for your education though.

utahraptor · Post by **utahraptor** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 11:29 am

Leave the nest, biglaw bro.

Kratos · Post by **Kratos** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 11:51 am

MarkinKansasCity wrote:Yeah none of what I said applies in this situation. This isn't dependence, it's a guilt trip. Go do you.

You should probably visit them regularly, since they shelled out a couple hundred thousand dollars for your education though.

Are you sure you don't want to chastise everyone who got help from their parents after the age of 18? I mean, you're man for not asking your parents for anything past age 19, since obviously they were only offering to maintain control over you. Or maybe you want to discuss some contract principles some more, cause you're obviously already an expert as a 2L.

victortsoi · Post by **victortsoi** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 12:34 pm

*anon here whose parents also helped. For what its worth, my parents are immigrants and we/I have some different concepts/values than a lot of "american" people I know...
The "deal" is you get help, but you keep the wealth in the family, help support them when they're older, and then also do the same for your kids, so the "collective" unit prospers. I guess this life-view requires less value on the individual, which you're either comfortable with or not.

Just putting that out there to put the whole parents/tuition thing into perspective. But in the case of OP, i feel like there is missing information.

Are they pissed that you dont want to do biglaw? Is it that they feel you wont make back on their investment?

Kind of reminds me of the whole, "would you pay to put your kid through art/film school" discussion

Anonymous User · Post by **Anonymous User** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 12:58 pm

victortsoi wrote:*anon here whose parents also helped. For what its worth, my parents are immigrants and we/I have some different concepts/values than a lot of "american" people I know...
The "deal" is you get help, but you keep the wealth in the family, help support them when they're older, and then also do the same for your kids, so the "collective" unit prospers. I guess this life-view requires less value on the individual, which you're either comfortable with or not.

Just putting that out there to put the whole parents/tuition thing into perspective. But in the case of OP, i feel like there is missing information.

Are they pissed that you dont want to do biglaw? Is it that they feel you wont make back on their investment?

Kind of reminds me of the whole, "would you pay to put your kid through art/film school" discussion

Op here. I agree we are an immigrant family as well. Leaving the region doesn't mean that I wouldn't help them when I get older. There isn't any missing information. They simply do not want me to live in the region that I want to live in.

They just tell me that I don't know what I want in life and what makes me happy. They also claim I am lazy if I don't want to work in biglaw anymore.

I am 30 years old and they still want to make decisions for me to what they assume is the "best" for me.

I always thought it was a pass it forward type of deal where you give your kids all your resources and your kids do the same with their kids.

UnicornHunter · Post by **UnicornHunter** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 1:04 pm

Offer to pay them back, at least partially, if they're going to hold it over your head.

Mal Reynolds · Post by **Mal Reynolds** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 1:09 pm

MarkinKansasCity wrote:
A. Nony Mouse wrote:
gaddockteeg wrote:are you kidding me? this is the most basic contract question of all time.

they give you X (money), you do Y.

if you dont like the contract, you don't take it. otherwise, stfu.
If you want to get all contracts-douche-y, you missed the part where the parents are trying to change the terms.
Since the parents receive no consideration though, there was no contract, and they are free to institute conditions of any kind.

I can't really see finding reliance damages or promissory estoppel here, unless there's some shit going on we don't know about.

C+

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