Just wanted some feedback--please and thank you.
In the United States, we, as a nation, define ourselves by what we do. When it came time to choose where I wanted to take my legal career, I decided upon the United States Navy JAG Corps because the values of the Navy--courage, equality, and fairness--are principles that I strive to uphold, and because my strengths will make me a highly effective JAG Officer.
As my resume shows, I have an affinity for foreign languages. I am not only able to understand and converse in French, Mandarin, Spanish, and English to varying degrees, I am also a quick study, hard worker, and am confident in my ability to learn new languages and skills as the mission requires.
I graduated with honors from the ************* with a double major in English Literature and Philosophy. My studies in these fields have made me into both a gifted communicator and problem solver. Through the course of my education and my time abroad, I have learned how to adapt quickly to new situations and bloom wherever I am planted. These experiences have prepared me well for the high level of responsibility given to JAG Officers early in their careers. As an undergraduate, graduate, and law student, I have always taken on leadership positions and added responsibilities. I know how to work well both independently and with a team, and my diverse work and leadership history has made me into a well-rounded and resourceful individual.
Fitness is also a fundamental part of my life. I have always been involved in sports. Recently, I have taken up competitive running and competed in my first Triathlon and Spartan Race this past summer.
My decision to join the Navy JAG Corps is not one I have come to lightly. I know that it will involve hard work, deployments overseas, and always putting the mission and my duty to this country first. These are sacrifices I am willing to make. I chose to attend law school because I wanted my life’s work to be something that helped uphold the principles I stand for. As a global force for good, the United States Navy embodies this goal, and I know that my drive, intelligence, and resourcefulness will make me an strong leader, advocate, and officer in the United States Navy, both at home and abroad.
JAG Motivational Statement Review and Critique Forum
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Jarndyce&Jarndyce
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shock259
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Re: JAG Motivational Statement Review and Critique
Skimmed. But few things:
1) Talk about leadership first. Leading with foreign languages is not a very strong start.
2) JAGs can and do deploy overseas, but it is pretty rare. And doesn't really happen until later in your career usually. I wouldn't put such an emphasis on that, and all the international stuff in general. Most JAGs just work at bases stateside.
3) Specifics specifics. Parts of it kinda read like a brochure. You say you've taken on leadership roles: what roles? What did you do? How did you lead? Don't just say you're a good leader. Show you're a good leader.
4) I'd put a little more time into researching what JAGs actually do so you can be more specific. Sorta going along with the previous point, there is a void of specific things that JAG/USN does that you want to be a part of. Do you want to be a prosecutor at a court martial? Do you want to be a Staff Judge Advocate and advise commanders? Do you want to defend the accused at different administrative hearings? You don't have to know that specifically, but it would be nice to convey that you have some sense of what you are getting into.
5) I'd replace the fitness level with something else. Legal experience perhaps. Fitness is a very small part of being a JAG.
Hope this helps.
1) Talk about leadership first. Leading with foreign languages is not a very strong start.
2) JAGs can and do deploy overseas, but it is pretty rare. And doesn't really happen until later in your career usually. I wouldn't put such an emphasis on that, and all the international stuff in general. Most JAGs just work at bases stateside.
3) Specifics specifics. Parts of it kinda read like a brochure. You say you've taken on leadership roles: what roles? What did you do? How did you lead? Don't just say you're a good leader. Show you're a good leader.
4) I'd put a little more time into researching what JAGs actually do so you can be more specific. Sorta going along with the previous point, there is a void of specific things that JAG/USN does that you want to be a part of. Do you want to be a prosecutor at a court martial? Do you want to be a Staff Judge Advocate and advise commanders? Do you want to defend the accused at different administrative hearings? You don't have to know that specifically, but it would be nice to convey that you have some sense of what you are getting into.
5) I'd replace the fitness level with something else. Legal experience perhaps. Fitness is a very small part of being a JAG.
Hope this helps.
