Best SA Bloopers / Epic SA Fails to Avoid and Laugh At Forum

[Anonymous User]

Give me your stories! If we happen to learn thing to avoid, that's cool too. Bring it.

[imchuckbass58]

Some classics:

http://abovethelaw.com/2006/11/a-furthe ... ll-afloat/

http://www.newyorker.com/archive/2003/0 ... lk_mcgrath

http://abovethelaw.com/2009/06/a-stripp ... adwalader/

http://abovethelaw.com/2009/06/we-know- ... ven-july-/

http://abovethelaw.com/2007/09/the-brui ... e-account/

http://abovethelaw.com/2007/06/summer-a ... istal-boy/

[Anonymous User]

This story was passed down generation to generation (so the details aren't clear), but after a long day of drinking at events, a female summer associate was put into a cab. Before being put in there, she yelled how badly she wanted to fuck a male midlevel associate. This was in front of 15-20 associates and partners.

Hope that helps.

[Anonymous User]

A few years ago, and also handed down, a SA passed out drunk in the bathroom of the firm dinner and woke up in the home of the hiring partner, wrapped in a blanket on the couch with a note informing her of where she was and what the dog was named. Miraculously, she got an offer and started as an associate the following year. I have to assume this was pre ITE.

HTH

[IAFG]

I hope these wont all be drunk fails. Love SA stories.

[Anonymous User]

We had a SA email the SA email list about gaming the free lunch system before realizing that the hiring committee (including the hiring partner) were also on this. The hiring partner was kind enough reply and to let us know they were there and there were plenty of lunches to go around. SA got an offer. Good times.

[Bronte]

I was on a deal that involved dialing into conference calls a couple times a week. During the calls, the client's CFO and a partner at a big bank would negotiate the terms of a major financing transaction. Also in attendence were probably two dozen professionals, including multiple partners and associates at my firm.

For the second or third call I was on, I was about five minutes late. I was greeted by an automated message that asked me to state my name and affiliation. So I said, "Bronte Smith with Clark & Goldberg." The system then connected me to the call.

I heard the head banker on the line, "So, if we can put an extra five basis points on the spread, we can waive the--"

"BEEEEEEEEEEEEP. Bronte Smith with Clark & Goldberg."

Dead silence on the line.

Banker: "Yeah... Anyway, if we put five basis points..."

Morals of the story: Don't be late to meetings. Do not give your name when prompted on conference calls.

[KD35]

I was on a deal that involved dialing into conference calls a couple times a week. During the calls, the client's CFO and a partner at a big bank would negotiate the terms of a major financing transaction. Also in attendence were probably two dozen professionals, including multiple partners and associates at my firm.

For the second or third call I was on, I was about five minutes late. I was greeted by an automated message that asked me to state my name and affiliation. So I said, "Bronte Smith with Clark & Goldberg." The system then connected me to the call.

I heard the head banker on the line, "So, if we can put an extra five basis points on the spread, we can waive the--"

"BEEEEEEEEEEEEP. Bronte Smith with Clark & Goldberg."

Dead silence on the line.

Banker: "Yeah... Anyway, if we put five basis points..."

Morals of the story: Don't be late to meetings. Do not give your name when prompted on conference calls.

How'd that go over with the superiors after the conference call?

[Bronte]

No one ever mentioned it to me.

[thesealocust]

That's hilarious. I've literally never heard a call where people used the announcing feature, but on your first call, there's no way you could know that other than by guessing...

[Ruxin1]

That's hilarious. I've literally never heard a call where people used the announcing feature, but on your first call, there's no way you could know that other than by guessing...

Please tell me you have read the xoxo thread about work conference calls.

[Anonymous User]

Summer before mine:

SA was supposed to participate in a conference call with a couple associates and two partners, one male and one female. The female partner is a very attractive woman, and had not arrived yet. One of the associates asked whether they were going to get started with the conference call, and the male partner said they were going to wait for the female partner. The SA then said to the male partner, "Well if we're waiting for [female partner] I hope it's a video conference call, if you know what I mean." While saying this she cupped her own breasts and nodded suggestively at the male partner. Did not get an offer. (There were apparently other mostly drinking related incidents with her as well.)

My summer:

Drunk story. End of summer party at the bar across the street. One of the SA's basically got trashed at every event, and his girlfriend would always come and try to get him to go home. So it was the usual thing and she was trying to get him to leave. The SA says," Okay, okay I'll go in a little bit. I just want to see if I can get a handjob from this one," motioning to a woman at the bar with whom he'd been flirting (one-sidedly). He didn't realize the woman was a first year associate who hadn't come to any of the events because she'd been busy all summer.

[thesealocust]

That's hilarious. I've literally never heard a call where people used the announcing feature, but on your first call, there's no way you could know that other than by guessing...

Please tell me you have read the xoxo thread about work conference calls.

Nope -- link?

[Bronte]

That's hilarious. I've literally never heard a call where people used the announcing feature, but on your first call, there's no way you could know that other than by guessing...

Even on that same call people signed in later without using the feature. Learned my lesson.

[Anonymous User]

If this doesn't embody the neuroticism of a SA, I don't know what does:

(This happened the summer before mine and was told as a cautionary tale at orientation)
After a night out with the partners, a SA was "inspired" to do some work. $26k worth of Westlaw charges later, his inspiration turned into a no-offer

Edit: Sorry, meant 26k, not 260k. Apparently he kept looking up company reports and all of the "premium litigation" stuff. (The firm is on a transactional plan)

[Stinson]

Damn what do you have to do with Westlaw to rack up that kind of bill? Non-stop 50 state surveys all night?

[Bronte]

Damn what do you have to do with Westlaw to rack up that kind of bill? Non-stop 50 state surveys all night?

I would venture that it would be impossible to rack up a six figure charge in one night. If I remember correctly, the most expensive thing is law review articles and other secondary sources, and they're around $30 a pop. You would have to download over 8000 of them to break $260,000. You could probably do it over the whole summer, but it would have to be on purpose. Maybe you could do it by accident on hourly billing if you left it on all summer, but even then...

[84651846190]

Damn what do you have to do with Westlaw to rack up that kind of bill? Non-stop 50 state surveys all night?

I would venture that it would be impossible to rack up a six figure charge in one night. If I remember correctly, the most expensive thing is law review articles and other secondary sources, and they're around $30 a pop. You would have to download over 8000 of them to break $260,000. You could probably do it over the whole summer, but it would have to be on purpose. Maybe you could do it by accident on hourly billing if you left it on all summer, but even then...

LOL, no. There are things on Westlaw that are much more expensive than $30.

[84651846190]

That's hilarious. I've literally never heard a call where people used the announcing feature, but on your first call, there's no way you could know that other than by guessing...

Please tell me you have read the xoxo thread about work conference calls.

Nope -- link?

--LinkRemoved--

[Anonymous User]

This happened last summer. I am not sure about all of the aftermath but I can tell you exactly what I witnessed.

The firm had a retreat at a major resort outside of the city one weekend. A bunch of different levels of attorney (associate, senior associate, partner, etc.) were invited to speak during some planned events but they were also invited to stay the night and generally hang out with the SA class. One of the younger associates (regular not summer) was a good looking guy that met every definition of a bro you could think of. He got drunk Saturday night and started to hit on some of the female summer associates. He was sort of rebuffed by most of the people there but one SA starts chatting with him. They leave the bar area of the resort together with her helping him walk (he was really wasted). That looked suggestive but no one really said anything. At about 2 am a group of about ten of us including Summers and regular attorneys are heading back to our rooms from the bar. We have to take an elevator to get to the area where the rooms are so all of us cram on it together and we are generally chatting. When the elevator doors open on the 2nd floor we all see the Bro Associate and that summer are making out in hallway and his hand is up her shirt. One of the partners jumps off the elevator to go break them up but the damage was done. I am pretty sure she got no offered and I have no idea what happened to him.

On the bright side, the next morning at breakfast he looked like hell but had no recollection of any of the embarrassment from the previous night.

[Anonymous User]

This was at a firm I worked at before law school. It was with a semester law clerk, so not a SA, but still applicable.

Winter party. Law clerk is very, very wasted and stuffing his face with appetizers, finishes, and tries to hand his plate to a woman to take away.

She looks at him confused and says, "What do you want me to do with this?"

He says, "Take it for me. Thanks."

She replies, "Why would I do that?"

Law clerk angrily says something like, "Because that's what you're here to do, aren't you?"

She pauses and then says, "Why would you think that?"

Law clerk says, kind of laughing, "I don't know, because you're Mexican?" and looks around at a bunch of blank faces.

And she replies, "You're right, I am Mexican. I'm also a partner here. What's your name?"

Needless to say, the guy left and did not show up on Monday.

[Anonymous User]

Several years ago-- a summer kept using the office's "send to all attorneys" feature to send out weird email chain stuff. He also told black people jokes. No offered.

[Anonymous User]

This happened last summer. I am not sure about all of the aftermath but I can tell you exactly what I witnessed.

The firm had a retreat at a major resort outside of the city one weekend. A bunch of different levels of attorney (associate, senior associate, partner, etc.) were invited to speak during some planned events but they were also invited to stay the night and generally hang out with the SA class. One of the younger associates (regular not summer) was a good looking guy that met every definition of a bro you could think of. He got drunk Saturday night and started to hit on some of the female summer associates. He was sort of rebuffed by most of the people there but one SA starts chatting with him. They leave the bar area of the resort together with her helping him walk (he was really wasted). That looked suggestive but no one really said anything. At about 2 am a group of about ten of us including Summers and regular attorneys are heading back to our rooms from the bar. We have to take an elevator to get to the area where the rooms are so all of us cram on it together and we are generally chatting. When the elevator doors open on the 2nd floor we all see the Bro Associate and that summer are making out in hallway and his hand is up her shirt. One of the partners jumps off the elevator to go break them up but the damage was done. I am pretty sure she got no offered and I have no idea what happened to him.

On the bright side, the next morning at breakfast he looked like hell but had no recollection of any of the embarrassment from the previous night.

How bad is it for associate to date a summer associate?

[Bronte]

Damn what do you have to do with Westlaw to rack up that kind of bill? Non-stop 50 state surveys all night?

I would venture that it would be impossible to rack up a six figure charge in one night. If I remember correctly, the most expensive thing is law review articles and other secondary sources, and they're around $30 a pop. You would have to download over 8000 of them to break $260,000. You could probably do it over the whole summer, but it would have to be on purpose. Maybe you could do it by accident on hourly billing if you left it on all summer, but even then...

LOL, no. There are things on Westlaw that are much more expensive than $30.

I don't doubt it, but like what? And are you saying it's feasible that you could accidentally spend a quarter million in one night due to feverish research?

[Old Gregg]

Damn what do you have to do with Westlaw to rack up that kind of bill? Non-stop 50 state surveys all night?

I would venture that it would be impossible to rack up a six figure charge in one night. If I remember correctly, the most expensive thing is law review articles and other secondary sources, and they're around $30 a pop. You would have to download over 8000 of them to break $260,000. You could probably do it over the whole summer, but it would have to be on purpose. Maybe you could do it by accident on hourly billing if you left it on all summer, but even then...

LOL, no. There are things on Westlaw that are much more expensive than $30.

I don't doubt it, but like what? And are you saying it's feasible that you could accidentally spend a quarter million in one night due to feverish research?

This is now officially a pointless debate, since OP edited his original post with respect to the dollar amount.