When can I call him my fiance? Forum

[Anonymous User]

We picked the ring out and he bought it (less than traditional, but it's how we chose to do this). He decides he doesn't want all the romance gone, so he wants to hold on to the ring, postpone any announcement, and find a time that he's comfortable making a real proposal. It's really super sweet of him, even though I was fine with us just getting engaged in the practical way that we had planned.

I'm having to explain market ties in my job search. I have none, except that he is from the state originally and will be working for a fairly prominent firm in the city that we will be living in eventually.

(Edit: I feel that it is stronger to say "fiance" than "boyfriend" or "SO," and so I would prefer to do that.)

Can I say that my fiance works at a firm locally? It doesn't feel like a lie, but it's also a really not traditional situation. Would I get asked about why I don't have the ring, or why the announcement hasn't been made yet? If I told the truth, would I look like a liar or an oddball?

[Anonymous User]

I'm also in a non-traditional relationship. I said fiance because these are, for the most part, traditional people. I wanted to demonstrate a strong interest in being in a certain city because my SO is starting a business there, so fiance seemed the way to go. Husband would be outright lying because we're not legally married, but boyfriend seems too casual and fleeting.

[Anonymous User]

Thank you for the response. Did you ever have to explain your unique situation, or did employers generally accept it when you said "fiance"?

[rayiner]

I used fiancé long before that stage. She didn't mind. "Boyfriend" makes you sound like a twatwaffle. "Oh, um, I want to work here because, um, my boyfriend will be working here..."

[Anonymous User]

Thanks for the reassurance. I thought it can't hurt, and to say "boyfriend" really takes the solidity out of the tie. I think, if someone does go out of their way to ask, I can just tell the story, and maybe I sound weird, but it is what it is. As has been said, people use the term even sooner than I will be using it now!

[Myself]

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[Bildungsroman]

It doesn't worry you that he suddenly delayed the proposal to some unspecified time in the future after purchasing the ring?

[Anonymous User]

Thanks for the reminder about the distinction. I need to also figure out how to get the "e" to carry the accent in e-mail...

I did think for some time that maybe he pawned the ring off for drugs or gifted it to an escort... But after the PI I had following him around for the past week gave me the double negative on both, I stopped doubting him! (Kidding!)

[ajaxconstructions]

I plan on calling my current gf fiance during interviews to establish ties...so I hope it's ok.

[renorunningirl]

People in the city where I am living tend to use the term "partner" for any kind of committed relationship (living together, engaged, ect). I had never really heard it used before and it kind of bugged me at first... It has actually grown on me now, I think that it sounds a little more professional that boyfriend/girlfriend.

[Bildungsroman]

People in the city where I am living tend to use the term "partner" for any kind of committed relationship (living together, engaged, ect). I had never really heard it used before and it kind of bugged me at first... It has actually grown on me now, I think that it sounds a little more professional that boyfriend/girlfriend.

If you use the term "partner," everyone will think you're talking about a gay relationship. That's not bad in itself; just know that everyone will be making that assumption.

[IAFG]

People in the city where I am living tend to use the term "partner" for any kind of committed relationship (living together, engaged, ect). I had never really heard it used before and it kind of bugged me at first... It has actually grown on me now, I think that it sounds a little more professional that boyfriend/girlfriend.

If you use the term "partner," everyone will think you're talking about a gay relationship. That's not bad in itself; just know that everyone will be making that assumption.

That's not true. Where I grew up, people would think you might be gay or might just be one of those annoying liberal pricks who refuses to get married until everyone can.

[Bildungsroman]

People in the city where I am living tend to use the term "partner" for any kind of committed relationship (living together, engaged, ect). I had never really heard it used before and it kind of bugged me at first... It has actually grown on me now, I think that it sounds a little more professional that boyfriend/girlfriend.

If you use the term "partner," everyone will think you're talking about a gay relationship. That's not bad in itself; just know that everyone will be making that assumption.

That's not true. Where I grew up, people would think you might be gay or might just be one of those annoying liberal pricks who refuses to get married until everyone can.

Yeah, I was going to say, the only straight people I know who use the term "partner" for their gf/bf/etc. are unbearable liberal douchebags employed by higher education institutions who use the term deliberately to create confusion and make some sort of statement.

[IAFG]

If you use the term "partner," everyone will think you're talking about a gay relationship. That's not bad in itself; just know that everyone will be making that assumption.

That's not true. Where I grew up, people would think you might be gay or might just be one of those annoying liberal pricks who refuses to get married until everyone can.

Yeah, I was going to say, the only straight people I know who use the term "partner" for their gf/bf/etc. are unbearable liberal douchebags employed by higher education institutions who use the term deliberately to create confusion and make some sort of statement.

There are enough people like that in Eugene, OR that unbearable liberal douchebag is the convention.

[jess]

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[Anonymous User]

You cannot call him your fiance in an interview unless you're wearing the ring. Or at least, if said market is Southern.

[CanadianWolf]

I think that it would be an untrue statement. Why not just state that you're in a serious long-term relationship ?

[IAFG]

I think that it would be an untrue statement. Why not just state that you're in a serious long-term relationship ?

"So, why are you interested in Atlanta?"
"It's really the only market I'm interested in. Great food, great culture and the person with whom I am in a serious long-term relationship has a job there."

[CanadianWolf]

Shouldn't lie about the food either.

[sundance95]

People in the city where I am living tend to use the term "partner" for any kind of committed relationship (living together, engaged, ect). I had never really heard it used before and it kind of bugged me at first... It has actually grown on me now, I think that it sounds a little more professional that boyfriend/girlfriend.

If you use the term "partner," everyone will think you're talking about a gay relationship. That's not bad in itself; just know that everyone will be making that assumption.

That's not true. Where I grew up, people would think you might be gay or might just be one of those annoying liberal pricks who refuses to get married until everyone can.

Yeah, I was going to say, the only straight people I know who use the term "partner" for their gf/bf/etc. are unbearable liberal douchebags employed by higher education institutions who use the term deliberately to create confusion and make some sort of statement.

I used "partner" for this exact reason when I was applying to jobs in the Bay Area after graduating from an East Coast college. I think it helped.

[Anonymous User]

OP here. Said market IS Southern. That is also the reason I did not think "significant other" or "partner" would simply not establish the tie strongly enough. But I have already said "fiance" to attorneys with whom I am meeting soon.

Oy. This is getting so confusing. I personally wouldn't think twice if I were 20 years older, meeting with a young law student/attorney, and did not see a ring - but I am originally from an extremely liberal part of the U.S. where no one really cares what you are - partner, fiance, gay lovers, polyamorous. Here, the generational gap and the conservative culture might lend the attorneys that I am meeting an entirely different perspective. Will they really wonder where the ring is?

If so, is there a way to correct this? Admit the truth? Just keep going with it? Just wear the ring?

[run26.2]

One thing you need to do is not stress about this too much. They probably aren't going to be reading that much into it. But if you're worried about it, there's a good chance you won't be comfortable enough to have a good interview.

There could be any number of reasons you don't have your ring on at that particular time. Just say fiancee and be done with it. If you're really worried about it, go get a gold band and just wear that.

[IAFG]

I used "partner" for this exact reason when I was applying to jobs in the Bay Area after graduating from an East Coast college. I think it helped.

Gross.

I think it probably did help.

[cantaboot]

will interviews get picky on this? should we even worried about such matters?
no wonder I read somewhere that there are people in texas who wear a gold band to interviews even though they are single.

[IAFG]

will interviews get picky on this? should we even worried about such matters?
no wonder I read somewhere that there are people in texas who wear a gold band to interviews even though they are single.

If you're trying to trade on someone else's ties? Wouldn't you care?