Help - The Partner's Son and I Have a Past Forum

[Anonymous User]

Anonymous because this would out me.

I am an SA at big law firm this summer. On my second day I realized that one of the partners that sits two offices down from me had a familiar last name. He is never in his office because he works strange hours. I looked him up in the directory and I realized that he had the same last name as one of my former friends that I absolutely hate now. On Friday, I looked into his office and the family photos on his desk confirm that he is the father of my former friend.

A little background on the former friend. We were acquaintances in high school. We weren't close but we had the same group of friends and we hung out in the same places. Right after high school my girlfriend cheated on me with this friend. He ended up telling me about it several months later (and it turns out she cheated on me with several people). I have pretty much hated him ever since. He got really into drugs during his second year of undergrad and dropped out. He was in and out of rehab. I didn't like him but I kept my distance for several years. Right after I graduated from undergrad, I see him at a bar. I avoid him but at one point during the night he started hitting on my girlfriend (different from the one who cheated on me). I guess I must have still been mad at him because I grabbed him by the shirt and slammed him up against the wall and threatened him. I told him to stay away from me and anyone I was dating forever. He ran out of the bar. A month later he tried to friend that same girlfriend of mine on facebook. He sent her messages about how he wanted to sleep with her and how I was a loser.

That was several years ago and I have not seen or heard from him since.

I don't want his dad to figure out who I am. I especially don't want him to talk to his son about me. It will definitely come up once he figures out where I am from and what high school I went to. I know that this "friend" was the black sheep of his family and I have no idea how much contact he has with his dad. I am wondering if I should try to completely avoid his dad. He isn't really involved with the SA program. But I feel like it is weird to get to know everyone on your floor but specifically avoid one partner.

What should I do?

[rad lulz]

Anonymous because this would out me.

I am an SA at big law firm this summer. On my second day I realized that one of the partners that sits two offices down from me had a familiar last name. He is never in his office because he works strange hours. I looked him up in the directory and I realized that he had the same last name as one of my former friends that I absolutely hate now. On Friday, I looked into his office and the family photos on his desk confirm that he is the father of my former friend.

A little background on the former friend. We were acquaintances in high school. We weren't close but we had the same group of friends and we hung out in the same places. Right after high school my girlfriend cheated on me with this friend. He ended up telling me about it several months later (and it turns out she cheated on me with several people). I have pretty much hated him ever since. He got really into drugs during his second year of undergrad and dropped out. He was in and out of rehab. I didn't like him but I kept my distance for several years. Right after I graduated from undergrad, I see him at a bar. I avoid him but at one point during the night he started hitting on my girlfriend (different from the one who cheated on me). I guess I must have still been mad at him because I grabbed him by the shirt and slammed him up against the wall and threatened him. I told him to stay away from me and anyone I was dating forever. He ran out of the bar. A month later he tried to friend that same girlfriend of mine on facebook. He sent her messages about how he wanted to sleep with her and how I was a loser.

That was several years ago and I have not seen or heard from him since.

I don't want his dad to figure out who I am. I especially don't want him to talk to his son about me. It will definitely come up once he figures out where I am from and what high school I went to. I know that this "friend" was the black sheep of his family and I have no idea how much contact he has with his dad. I am wondering if I should try to completely avoid his dad. He isn't really involved with the SA program. But I feel like it is weird to get to know everyone on your floor but specifically avoid one partner.

What should I do?

QFP

Also just tell the partner this story. He will get it. Share a laugh together ab how crappy his son is.

[Old Gregg]

Talk to recruiting right away. They can sort this out for you.

[Anonymous User]

Find the son, and then make sure he never talks.

[CanadianWolf]

The partner probably knows his son much better than you think.

[dingbat]

Talk to him. Tell him you knew his son, but you had a falling out (if he knows his son did drugs, tell him that was the reason for the falling out)
Don't go into too much detail.

If dad knows son is a douche, he'll understand.
If not, be as mild as possible - you don't know how the son is these days or how close they are

Just make sure you get to tell your story first, so you can put a positive spin on it (do not bad mouth the son any more than absolutely necessary - even if dad knows he's a shit, doesn't mean dad wants to hear about it

[Alyosha]

Talk to him. Tell him you knew his son, but you had a falling out (if he knows his son did drugs, tell him that was the reason for the falling out)
Don't go into too much detail.

If dad knows son is a douche, he'll understand.
If not, be as mild as possible - you don't know how the son is these days or how close they are

Just make sure you get to tell your story first, so you can put a positive spin on it (do not bad mouth the son any more than absolutely necessary - even if dad knows he's a shit, doesn't mean dad wants to hear about it

Personally I would do the exact opposite of this. My 2L summer there were a number of partners I never met, especially the ones who worked odd hours. If you do run into him I would just try steer the conversation away from where you are from. Assuming he knows his son has been in and out of rehab, he probably won't ask if you know him, especially if you change the subject quickly.

I personally would not tell recruiting either but I can see that being the best option if you are really worried. Definitely don't tell recruiting you shoved the partner's son at a bar.

[Anonymous User]

Things the partner at your law firm doesn't care about:

Where a summer associate went to high school.
Who a summer associate hung out with while in high school.
Whether a summer associate knows his kids.
How a summer associate knows his kids (if for some reason it slips out that the summer associate knows their kids)

Your entire post shows how ridiculously immature your though process is (notice I'm not calling you immature here).
But this is just the kind of ridculousness that keeps people from performing well. You actually think this partner that you've actually never met really gives a crap about all of this. He's off somewhere rainmaking and you're huddled in the corner rocking back and forth contemplating what do do about this non-situation.

The law is a REALLY REALLY REALLY small world. I'm sure this partner has been around the block a few times and I'm sure he's seen his fair share of ass-clownery (his own family and friends included). Your little run-in with his son rates about a -6 on his Give-a-F$#K meter.

Relax, do your job, have a good summer. If you meet this partner during the summer introduce yourself and when he asks you about how things are going at the firm tell him things are great. If he asks you where you went to school tell him where you go to law school. If he asks where you went to undergrad tell him (chances are he may already know, as most firms send out bios about the summer associates in the office). If he asks you where you're from tell him you're from (name the state or say "here" if you're in that state). If (and I doubt this will happen) he asks if you know his son and had a run in with him several years ago over some trashy chick from your high school tell then 'fess up.

[Anonymous User]

slight disagreement with above poster. I summered in a mid-major market (top ten US city by population) and where you went to high school, if you were a local, was highly relevant and came up at almost every lunch.

[fatduck]

Things the partner at your law firm doesn't care about:

Where a summer associate went to high school.
Who a summer associate hung out with while in high school.
Whether a summer associate knows his kids.
How a summer associate knows his kids (if for some reason it slips out that the summer associate knows their kids)

Your entire post shows how ridiculously immature your though process is (notice I'm not calling you immature here).
But this is just the kind of ridculousness that keeps people from performing well. You actually think this partner that you've actually never met really gives a crap about all of this. He's off somewhere rainmaking and you're huddled in the corner rocking back and forth contemplating what do do about this non-situation.

The law is a REALLY REALLY REALLY small world. I'm sure this partner has been around the block a few times and I'm sure he's seen his fair share of ass-clownery (his own family and friends included). Your little run-in with his son rates about a -6 on his Give-a-F$#K meter.

Relax, do your job, have a good summer. If you meet this partner during the summer introduce yourself and when he asks you about how things are going at the firm tell him things are great. If he asks you where you went to school tell him where you go to law school. If he asks where you went to undergrad tell him (chances are he may already know, as most firms send out bios about the summer associates in the office). If he asks you where you're from tell him you're from (name the state or say "here" if you're in that state). If (and I doubt this will happen) he asks if you know his son and had a run in with him several years ago over some trashy chick from your high school tell then 'fess up.

why is it that "NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU SAY OR DO" advice is always posted anonymously?

[TrialLawyer16]

You're in an awkward position, but if you are certain it will come up when he figures out where you're from and what high school you went to - then tell him whenever he actually finds out. Just tell him, "Yeah I knew your son Mike. I hate to bring this up, but unfortunately we had a falling out. He tried to hook up with my two of my girlfriends years ago, knowing we were in a relationship. I know he was struggling with a bit of an addiction problem back then, but we ended up falling out because of it."

I'd tell him this directly (only if he ends up finding out what high school I went to), for the sole reason that I wouldn't want to just tell him "Oh yeah, I know Mike", then he goes to his shithead son asking him about you only for him to make up some crazy story that ruins your reputation with him and you never hear about. This situation definitely sucks, but it's what I'd do.

[Birdnals]

Find the son, and then make sure he never talks.

--ImageRemoved--

[dresden doll]

I don't at all understand why it'd be beneficial for the OP to bring up a subject as uncomfortable as this to a partner at his firm. I'd talk to recruiting.

[Anonymous User]

Things the partner at your law firm doesn't care about:

Where a summer associate went to high school.
Who a summer associate hung out with while in high school.
Whether a summer associate knows his kids.
How a summer associate knows his kids (if for some reason it slips out that the summer associate knows their kids)

Your entire post shows how ridiculously immature your though process is (notice I'm not calling you immature here).
But this is just the kind of ridculousness that keeps people from performing well. You actually think this partner that you've actually never met really gives a crap about all of this. He's off somewhere rainmaking and you're huddled in the corner rocking back and forth contemplating what do do about this non-situation.

The law is a REALLY REALLY REALLY small world. I'm sure this partner has been around the block a few times and I'm sure he's seen his fair share of ass-clownery (his own family and friends included). Your little run-in with his son rates about a -6 on his Give-a-F$#K meter.

Relax, do your job, have a good summer. If you meet this partner during the summer introduce yourself and when he asks you about how things are going at the firm tell him things are great. If he asks you where you went to school tell him where you go to law school. If he asks where you went to undergrad tell him (chances are he may already know, as most firms send out bios about the summer associates in the office). If he asks you where you're from tell him you're from (name the state or say "here" if you're in that state). If (and I doubt this will happen) he asks if you know his son and had a run in with him several years ago over some trashy chick from your high school tell then 'fess up.

why is it that "NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU SAY OR DO" advice is always posted anonymously?

Maybe so it doesn't feel like a personal attack. And it doesn't really sound like "no one cares what you say or do" advice. It's more like what you shouldn't do, is sweat something so trivial when there are larger things at stake advice. The OP has never even met this partner and has stated the partner works odd hours and is rarely in the office. So it's not like they have had a number of run-ins in the hallway. The post was a string of what-ifs. The OP seems to be worried about what would happend if this partner somehow outed him to his son because of something that happened back in high school, which he said was several years ago. And since the above poster mentioned high-school being a popular topic for his firm--if that's the case, is it really likely a partner is going to confront a summer associate about a personal event that was non-flattering for the summer or his son? I doubt it as well.

[fatduck]

Things the partner at your law firm doesn't care about:

Where a summer associate went to high school.
Who a summer associate hung out with while in high school.
Whether a summer associate knows his kids.
How a summer associate knows his kids (if for some reason it slips out that the summer associate knows their kids)

Your entire post shows how ridiculously immature your though process is (notice I'm not calling you immature here).
But this is just the kind of ridculousness that keeps people from performing well. You actually think this partner that you've actually never met really gives a crap about all of this. He's off somewhere rainmaking and you're huddled in the corner rocking back and forth contemplating what do do about this non-situation.

The law is a REALLY REALLY REALLY small world. I'm sure this partner has been around the block a few times and I'm sure he's seen his fair share of ass-clownery (his own family and friends included). Your little run-in with his son rates about a -6 on his Give-a-F$#K meter.

Relax, do your job, have a good summer. If you meet this partner during the summer introduce yourself and when he asks you about how things are going at the firm tell him things are great. If he asks you where you went to school tell him where you go to law school. If he asks where you went to undergrad tell him (chances are he may already know, as most firms send out bios about the summer associates in the office). If he asks you where you're from tell him you're from (name the state or say "here" if you're in that state). If (and I doubt this will happen) he asks if you know his son and had a run in with him several years ago over some trashy chick from your high school tell then 'fess up.

why is it that "NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU SAY OR DO" advice is always posted anonymously?

Maybe so it doesn't feel like a personal attack. And it doesn't really sound like "no one cares what you say or do" advice. It's more like what you shouldn't do, is sweat something so trivial when there are larger things at stake advice. The OP has never even met this partner and has stated the partner works odd hours and is rarely in the office. So it's not like they have had a number of run-ins in the hallway. The post was a string of what-ifs. The OP seems to be worried about what would happend if this partner somehow outed him to his son because of something that happened back in high school, which he said was several years ago. And since the above poster mentioned high-school being a popular topic for his firm--if that's the case, is it really likely a partner is going to confront a summer associate about a personal event that was non-flattering for the summer or his son? I doubt it as well.

i don't disagree with the advice at all in this case. just wondering why it always seems to be anonymous.

[TrialLawyer16]

slight disagreement with above poster. I summered in a mid-major market (top ten US city by population) and where you went to high school, if you were a local, was highly relevant and came up at almost every lunch.

Agreed. 0L here, but just based off of basic life experience - If the partner asks him where he's from, and the partner lived in the same town, where the OP went to high school will almost undoubtedly come up, and the son will come up as well. Remember he did say the partner is only two offices down from him, so it seems pretty plausible the partner will end up introducing himself and asking OP where he's from. I don't see anything wrong with the OP thinking this through a little, especially since the son is a [recovering?] addict who could tarnish his name.

[rad lulz]

Partner: Did you know Johnny Fuckstick, my son? You both went to the same high school.

You: Unfortunately, not really; we were acquaintances. [segue into something else]

[marlo45]

Partner: Did you know Johnny Fuckstick, my son? You both went to the same high school.

You: Unfortunately, not really; we were acquaintances. [segue into something else]

+1

Can't see why it would go any deeper than this, especially since daddy isn't too proud of junior.

[Experimental Section]

The correct answer is don't bring it up, don't make a big deal about it. If it ever comes up you say, "yeah I kind of remember him. Seemed like a nice guy How is he doing?" Then change the subject. I can't think of anything stupider or more awkward than proactively telling the partner, or anyone else at the firm, about the history like several people have suggested.

[tyro]

In the off chance that you get to know eachother and end up mentioning that you knew his son in high school, there's almost no chance that he will ask for the details. Seems unlikely that he would respond with something like "oh really? how well did you know him? were you close friends?" Just keep the dirty details to yourself.

[Miller32]

Cannot even believe half of the posts here advising OP to launch into detail about him and his son without being absolutely forced to.

[dresden doll]

Partner: Did you know Johnny Fuckstick, my son? You both went to the same high school.

You: Unfortunately, not really; we were acquaintances. [segue into something else]

+1

Can't see why it would go any deeper than this, especially since daddy isn't too proud of junior.

This. Why does anyone think the partner's going to want to discuss his no-good son with a random SA? For god's sakes, don't bring it up and don't get into it unless he, for whatever inconceivable reason, specifically insists on the subject.

[Anonymous User]

Partner: Did you know Johnny Fuckstick, my son? You both went to the same high school.

You: Unfortunately, not really; we were acquaintances. [segue into something else]

+1

Can't see why it would go any deeper than this, especially since daddy isn't too proud of junior.

This. Why does anyone think the partner's going to want to discuss his no-good son with a random SA? For god's sakes, don't bring it up and don't get into it unless he, for whatever inconceivable reason, specifically insists on the subject.

Agreed, coming from a family that has a member who sounds like this douchebag son, no one would ever voluntarily try to talk about this family member. If someone said they went to same high school, I would just say "oh neat" to avoid having to talk about "how's X doing these days" and saying "in and out of rehab, stealing to feed addiction, etc"

[Anonymous User]

I don't see why you would actively disclose the details. If you say anything, I would say that you haven't talked to the guy in a long time, or at most, you had a falling out.

[Anonymous User]

omg this is so ridiculous.

don't say anything. it will never come up. if it does, then talk. why would he want to have this awkward conversation? why would he care? he has much more important things to think about.